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Senior Reunion Part V (standard:humor, 6605 words) [5/5] show all parts | |||
Author: Hugh | Added: Oct 04 2004 | Views/Reads: 2405/1818 | Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes) |
More antics by the senior citizens | |||
Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story We came upon a town and entered it. I looked at the church clock and its clock hands were indicating 8-30, but I was not sure, as it wasn't in English. We went further into the town till I noticed a café open, come on everyone lets eat. They looked surprised, and said micky we haven't got any money lets just go and report to the police and tell them we were shipwrecked. O yes I replied, and do you know how many people land in Europe and say the same thing, excuse me officer we were shipwrecked or washed ashore can we claim asylum. Thinking to myself, that's the last thing I need bloody coppers, French or English. If we did that we would be sent to Calais with all the other immigrants. That's what the French do to get rid of them. Ok its fine getting to the euro-star terminal, but we would all get our throats cut by the rest of the immigrants if they find out we are infidels. I said with clear intent of not doing it. Fear works wonders, and they all agreed, let's help our-selves. Good move from my side. I told them all to order what they wanted to eat, and I would go and find a post office to change my social security benefit cheque, asking Liz to look after my sack. I wandered for a while tearing up my cheque and sticking it in a drain. As I had no intention of returning to the UK anymore, Hugh was killed at sea, the trail ended there, no cashed cheque no trace, was what I thought was best. Never again would I have to queue in the dole queue's of Britain mixing with the workers and pensioners that had given all their working lives for a country, rebuilding it after world war two, that many now called them ponces on the tax payer. Sitting with single mothers and immigrants, living of the taxpayer's money as the captain used to say. Now I can raise my head with pride and live off my booty instead, as our betters have done for centuries. I had some of the captain's cash as well, he didn't need it now, and he was gone forever in a blaze of glory to his home in Davie Jones locker complete with Mrs Norman Bates for company, into eternity. What a way to go, I chuckled. I passed a chemist and went in, with sign language, and my fingers withdrawn from the V sign, and no mention of Waterloo and longbows. I pointed to a large bottle of Chanel no 5, still unbeatable to my mind I think. I offered him sterling, and he worked out the exchange rate difference, adding fifty percent over the top, as the French do in their honesty. But it mattered not. Cash wasn't my problem anymore. He wrapped it and I left putting it in my pocket for my girl. I returned and joined the others, ordering a breakfast for myself, and a good cup of coffee, Liz smiled, filled to the brim with the food she badly needed. Miss Sheely by know was getting used to not bashing Kevin, and Kevin refrained from correcting her every mistake. They looked a fine couple now I thought, amazing what a shipwreck could do to a relationship. Teddy muttered away in Gaelic to himself, he needs a good woman I thought to myself; maybe I could find him a good colleen in time. Scots like the Irish, and a colleen is a good woman for any man. I gave Liz my gift of No 5, and after a dab, she not only looked divine she smelt divine. Is this French perfume micky she asked, the best I replied, adding a gentle kiss to her divine little head, remembering my ex wife Doris with a shudder that made me feel ill. Forget the past I told myself, you was very drunk then. And all men marry the wrong woman at least once when they drink the right drink. Women tend to take advantage, when we men are helpless. Especially the desperate ones. And wasn't Doris desperate. And still desperate from what I hear, she even picks up vagrants and takes them home. Men get a bad press much of the time, but women should remember if they married another female, they would understand the pressure we men have to live with. Plus I remembered my friend victor arranging the marriage while I was drunk, and that was unforgivable for a mate, but that's history now, but I will pay him back one day I thought, with a smile, nice if I could get him married of to her dragon sister, now that would be revenge. But I am not that mad at him really, it was a joke after all. Like blokes do on a pub-crawl. Nothing was too good for my girl; I would rob the bank of England for my lady, seven days a week, if she was pretty and I loved her, but I wouldn't even get a job if she were ugly and I didn't love her. So what's odd about that I mused? To do anything else is to sell out your soul and perish in eternal torture. There is nothing worse than waking up with a woman in your bed and saying, Hi what's your name, ask any fellow we have all done that, far to often. I remembered once the Captain ST Bligh saying look in the mirror if you want to see a criminal, because he saw one every day in his, and he knew it was true. I never used a mirror after his advice, that way I never saw a criminal. Even to this day I still don't know what a criminal looks like. I just know you have to take what's on offer, in case you never get another chance, it's a working class thing, that we copied from the upper classes. We all strolled down the town looking for a garage; we found one with cars for sale. I tended the captains credit card as he didn't need it anymore, and bought a nice little Fiat, I like Italian cars, and French cars are a no no, after Waterloo, and them deserting us during world war two choosing collaboration instead of fighting. Like the French do from time to time. I don't have a downer on the French; I just hate them in an English sort of way. Those longbows were very good. Knowing that I needed to get to Doreen in Switzerland, I bought a map and plotted a course thinking lets pop into Paris first on the way and I could fit out Liz with some swish clothes from Paris. With Liz beside me, Kevin and Miss sheeley in the back seats and Teddy in the boot as it was a small Italian fiat; we headed out of town with a full tank, and full bellies. We headed inland towards Morlaix, then over to Le Mans heading for Versailles, and then onto to Paris. When we arrived I arranged rooms for Kevin Miss Sheeley and Teddy at the Athena hotel on the Rue Papillon, it was just a two star hotel, as I didn't want to seem wealthy for obvious reasons. I gave the reception manager the captain credit card, and told him to charge it and to see that my guests were taken care of. I might as well strip the captain's account I thought, as he wont need any more cash himself. Mrs Norman Bates is taking care of him, into eternity. Liz and I headed to the Acadiac Opera hotel on Rue Geoffroy Marie, a three star hotel; the porter took my sack to my room. I would have booked the Ritz, but they are sharper there with credit cards, some Arab from Egypt who owns it, with Harrods in London is no fool when it comes to cash and credit cards. She loved it anyway, and we both jumped on the bed happy and excited. We played football for a while, then had a meal sent up to us, as we were legless at the time. Lets go shopping I said to her later, what with micky I have no money I lost it all on the ferry she said. Worry not I replied I cashed my unemployment cheque and I am loaded. Do they pay you a lot in England if you're a bum on the dole she asked, yes Liz I once again replied, they look after us in the UK, as we are the hero's of the second world war, and I am an old soldier, I am what is called a Chelsea pensioner I lied. They give you thousands of pounds so that you don't go hungry. Oh how wonderful she said, in America only democrats do that, republicans shoot us. Well it was the same under Margaret Thatcher I told her, But Tony Blair looks after us workers, I replied. We strolled towards the Champs Elysees and then we ran across the road between the masses of cars whishing by, dodging the traffic and laughing our heads off till we reached the Arc De Triomphe, we kissed with passion as we gazed at it, and I then knew how Adolf Hitler felt in 1940. Love was blossoming in Paris, and life was looking good. But will it last I thought, remembering that my marriage to Doris, which only lasted one hour after seeing her in my bed, then I sobered up bloody quick. But relaxed once again when I remembered that after her, I never touched another drop. Yes I was sober and clear in my thoughts and my mind, love was blooming in my heart, and with the luck of the gods on my side, she was also very beautiful, and I knew I was not going to marry her for her golden leg alone, but for just plain love, alone. We went into Cartier and I bought her a diamond ring that was on display, which Elizabeth Taylor had pawned for enough money for a face-lift. And with a diamond watch to match, I paid for it with the captain's credit card. We then walked down the Champs Ely sees, in and out of shops buying her and myself clothes and new shoes. I bought myself a Rolex for £15,000, and thanked the captain as I dumped his credit card down the drain, never over do credit cards I knew from experience, hit and run, and you never get caught. Wise up micky, was what my sister used to say, and she is rich now. I left Liz having a coffee on that pavement coffee bar near the end of the champs, looking after our goods and saying to her I have to make a phone call sweetheart I wont be long. In the booth I dialled Doreen's shed. Hi Dorr I said as she picked up the phone with her usual response hello Swiss here. What happened Hugh she said I thought you was drowned. The coast guard has said they cannot find Hugh in the wreckage. Dorr I am AXA 2 how can they find me, Hugh doesn't exist. But from now on call me micky, I want Hugh to remain dead, just like Reggie Perrin. Why Hugh, sorry micky, why would you want that, Doris will not get any maintenance off you if you are dead. I had not thought of Doris and her continuing draining of my unemployment money. Stuff the bitch Dorr I replied, let the lazy cow get a job for once, and pay her own drinks bills for her snobby friends. But listen Dorr I said, I have had a bit of good fortune and I need you to get me a good banker with blind eyes, I will see you ok, and buy you the best shed in Switzerland if you help me. Say no more micky I will fix it, my shed needs replacing, she said. How long will it be before you get here, she went on? Listen Dorr, I want to show Liz a little of Paris first like the Eiffel tower, Sacre Coeur, and the Musee Du Louver, and a boat trip down the Seine, and a night at the Opera, among other things, then I want to pop over to Lourdes before I hit the Swiss border. I understand Paris micky she said but why Lourdes. We Doreen I remember the story from my reading of history as a boy, and the tale of Marie Bernadette Soubirous, and I have faith in the story. I will tell you it one day. I know many laugh at it, but I am not so sure. Nobody knows everything. Your odd Hugh, sorry micky, I think the forum was right, you need banning again, are you mad. Yes Doreen I always have been mad, but don't worry its normal in my family and we can handle lunacy. Ok Micky, said Doreen, just ring when you cross the Swiss border and I will meet you by mount Sinai near the Alps in Cairo, that was our secret code, and I noted the equation in my diary. Thinking, I am not the only nutter in Europe. Chapter 10. Returning to Liz and having a coffee myself, we chatted and spent some delightful moments watching the world go by and the sheer beauty of the Champs Ely sees, it was always my favourite place in Paris, one of my daughters was a bluebell at the lido and many a night I would go and see her dance, then walk home with all the beauty that is Paris by night, hookers as well are somehow different in Paris. I have never been anywhere except the USA and England said Liz, Well sweetheart the world is full of beauty, I hope we can go to Rome soon and Venice, Budapest Vienna, Moscow, and all the places full of history that litter old Europe. The greatest classical composers and artists all lived here. Then there is Asia. India is another place that is full of history, there is so much to see sweetheart, and so little time to see it, I said, time is the most precious of all life's gifts without time we have nothing. She drifted into herself thinking. Ok girl lets go, and with those words; I awakened her from her thoughts, fears and dreams. We walked back towards our hotel hand in hand, stopping for the occasional kiss when the mood took us, and looking at the beauty of the buildings and murals that adorn so many buildings in Paris. I took her into a graveyard to show her Oscar Wilde's tomb. And many others. She was fascinated at this history of people that she had only read about, but never thought about. I gave her all the information that my tiny mind held. Letting her know that even in London's Highgate cemetery; history abounds. Micky there is so much I want to see she said; putting her arm through mine and pulling me close, then me, gripping her arm inside my arm we continued a lovers walk back to our hotel. That evening we ate in the hotel restaurant and talked about our future. What about the others she asked, with me forgetting them, with the love in my heart for her. Once again my mind opened, and I got back to the reality of our fate. Tomorrow I will sort it out ok Princess, and that's a promise. With that, and the softness of lovers without a care in the world, we went to bed and played football. This time with me doing all the scoring, and she letting the goals in without a thought as to retaliation. Football is a great game, if you play the right team. There is a special someone in the world for everyone, but few find them, settling for what they think is that special one, but you will never know who is that special one, till you have played out all the games that come your way, then and only then, can you compare the truth and fact of true love, I thought to my self, as she drifted contentedly to sleep, with me beside her protecting her from harm. For her I would lay down my life without a second thought. God had been good to me. Liz awoke at the sound of the knock on our door, breakfast princess I said with a big smile. We took our time eating our food and drinking our coffee. After that we had a shower together, me washing her, and she washing me as the water cascaded over our bodies. I had come a long way from my smelly pants that the captain had died in. Sylvie would not believe how much cleaner I was now. Its funny how boys are always dirty and scruffy, yet girls always clean and smart. Why this is, only god knows. The Fiat sparked into life, as we headed towards the others, stopping off at a travel agents for an air ticket back to Scotland for Teddy, I was tempted to use his credit card to pay for it, but if I did, later he would know that it was me that nicked his card, so I used Ronnie's card, one of the twins. Kevin and Miss Sheeley were a different case, as they were both married with partners back home, and I wasn't sure if they wanted to go back or not, so I left the option open. That's the trouble with old peoples forums, some want a new life, and some prefer to dwell in a long gone one. I think time cures all. If not, it the grave and its to late then. Teddy was over the moon with his ticket; soon he would be home in Scotland and winding up Microsoft like he has always done since his college days, and sorting out the warring seniority members that plagued him. Sometimes people find their niche in life early, teddy was one of those. It was his life, and was never happy, unless he was there in the middle, passing judgement and axing people, he was in effect the Judge Roy Bean, the hanging judge of Scotland. And a pain in the backside of other forums he invaded under assumed names. Hugh was an admirer of Teddy, Teddy taught Hugh, all he ever knew. I left the girls and Kevin chatting and making plans for the day, and drove teddy to Charles de Gaulle airport. As we waited to check in and sort out things out, we had a coffee and chatted. I slipped a hundred pounds into his hand for food and a cab home when he landed in Scotland, Thanks AXA 2 he said in English, and I will pay you back if I ever get a real job. Forget it teddy I replied. You earned every penny trust me. It's a brave man that runs a forum for old people; they make hooligans look like choirboys and girls. You aren't wrong there he replied. I don't know why I bother, except a real job is hard to find in Scotland, and I need my benefits to live. Don't we all Teddy was my parting word as he headed to the boarding tunnel. I waved, he stuck up his index finger in Scottish fashion to a superior football nation, I smiled back and shouted, do you remember the six nil game at Wembley. They were all off side, as I do with humour, when that game ever comes up in conversation. And with a friendly smile to myself, for the nation that would die for a Scottish victory. I understood them. When I returned all were happy that Teddy would be back soon at the forum, if any of the seniority members ever survived the ferry wreck that is. One thing is for sure with the captain gone; the word Pratt would surely die a death. Yes there are others, but isn't there always. That's the nature of the beast, likewise is there a forum anywhere in the world where this is not so. Kevin and Miss sheeley wanted to look around Paris together, as did Liz with me. I gave Kevin the last five hundred I had in cash so that they could buy a roll of tickets on the metro and tour till their hearts were content, eating and buying what ever they wanted into the bargain. Paris has some great markets and some real good clothes, I just hoped Miss Sheeley never bought a new handbag as Kevin was for once in years, was completely bruise free. Liz and I returned to our hotel, where I retrieved another £ 2000 in cash from my sack. We left the Fiat in the hotel garage and took to the metro, buying a roll of tickets. One ticket will take you anywhere in Paris I informed Liz, and you can change trains at will, but when you leave the metro, you need another ticket that's why I got a roll of them. Liz had been on underground trains back home, but the metro is probably the best in the world to my mind I told her. Is it old micky she asked looking at the art nouveau entrance, yes liz it is, it was built about 1900, and six million people use it every working day. But it's not as old as London's tube lines. But just look and wonder at this system, it will surprise you. I thought to myself, why are the nasty French so good at things like this, there is no justice in the world. A train pulled into the station with rubber wheels cutting the noise to negligible sound levels. We got on and headed towards the Louvre. A North African probably Algerian, got on the next station and started talking out aloud near the entrance to the carriage doors, he mumbled on and on. What is he saying she asked me, well I said he is asking if anyone can lend him some money as he has a job to start tomorrow and needs to buy some tools, he has been unemployed for a year and his family are hungry. I didn't know you could speak French micky said Liz, Well princess its like this, I learned a long time ago to never say you have money, even if you have, and never appear clever, because others dislike you for it, so listen to me now, and remember, a fool is never a threat to others, and your opportunities increase with that belief. I don't understand that she replied, you would in time if you stick with me long enough, I replied. Can you speak French then micky she repeated, no Liz I reassured her, I just guessed right? The North African got a few francs and departed to the next train, and the next mug. Paris is full of pick pockets and handbag cutters, and beggars, just like London and New York I informed her, you don't have to see what goes on, to know what goes on. This was confusing for Liz as she was a very honest girl, and trusted people far too much, but she had me now, and she was safe from harm. As the train pulled into Louvre station, Liz said Oh, we are in the Museum already, no Liz I said this is just the station. All around she could see walls of marble, lined with exhibits and replicas of arts of work, glass cases with sculptures in them. I have never seen a station like this she said, with her eyes wide open taking in the splendour on show. It's not unusual I told her, at Varenne there is similar but not as grand as here, they display exhibits from the Rodin Museum, its much the same at Liege which is panelled with beautiful tiles, you never see dirt for long on the metro, they employ 15,000 people to look after the system. Most of the art nouveau was designed by Hector Guimard, and the main engineer was Fulgenc Bienvenue, which is odd as Bienvenue means welcome in English I said. You know so much Micky she told me, no not really Liz I replied, I just guessed. Remembering a quote I had read as a boy I said to Liz, Ernest Hemingway, an American like you, once said, if you are lucky enough to have lived in Paris as a young man, then wherever you go for the rest of your life, it stays with you, for Paris is a moveable feat. You will not forget Paris I said, its just a pity its full of French people. We spent two hours in there, looking at the Mona Lisa, and so much more. It's a place for people with open minds and the wonder of those that were so artistic in long gone days and their works immortalised for eternity. Just like London with the National and Tate Galleries. Even though I have no talent at all Liz, I just look in wonder at all those things that are our history of mankind. I love it micky she said, tell me more. Well there isn't much to say, the art speaks for itself, but this museum was the first to be wired with pyrotanix a kind of copper mineral sheaved electric cable filled with mineral material inside that was fireproof, no insurance company would insure the art works in the Louvre without that being installed. That's boring she said, yes I agree, I replied and we left that delightful place, hand in hand. We did Sacre Coeur and shopping in-between. Then over to the Eiffel Tower. As we walked past the fountains rain fell on us, love and rain adds something to the carefree feelings of lovers. We ran to the tower laughing all the way our legs feeling like real ones, and joined the queue for the lift. Down came a rambling old lift, Liz said how old is the lift micky feeling unsure that she now wanted to go up in it, don't worry I said its not as old as us. I lie a lot. The lift ascended till we reached the last point of the lifts terminal, and we walked the rest of the way to the top by stairs; there on wooden boards at the summit that made you hope there was no woodworm or dry rot, holding onto the rail for dear life itself, we gazed out over Paris and the river Seine. She holding me tight for the fear of heights, with me trembling even more trying to appear macho like men do when they sense fear of the unknown, but they have a female with them, and cant show fear for shaming themselves. But its always an error not to get to the top of that tower when you have the chance, it shows you the real dimension and size of such a structure that is famous all over the world. And you may never get the chance again in your life. That's why I never refuse the chance of anything. We lunched in a French café that the French themselves use, leaving out the tourist café's for a change. This one I knew had an old French toilet that looked like a large shower cubicle with nothing but a hole in the middle of the room, with sloping sides all around. The first time e I ever saw it, I dreaded slipping down the hole in the middle. It was funny for an English man to see that type of French toilet. I never told Liz about it, but hoped she would need to go to the ladies, and I would just point out the way for her. We had Escargot a La Bourguignonne for an appetizer, to be followed by Fricassee de Veau Girolles, bread and some French house white wine. Soon I told Elizabeth, we must head for Switzerland, but I want to see the Pyrenean foothills before we leave France. Ok micky, I will go where you go she replied. Can I go to the ladies finally she asked, yes princess its over there pointing to the French toilet. She came back and said there is no toilet in there just an empty shower room, Liz I said, welcome to France, stand in the middle of the room and just go. No thanks she said I will wait till we get back to the hotel; I might fall down that hole. So its not just am English thing I smiled to myself. The French are an odd nation, so much art and design, but no sensible toilets. Kevin and Miss Sheeley phoned our hotel and wanted us to go over and see them. This we did an hour later, and we had a drink in the hotel bar with them. Kevin was now missing his lovely wife, as was Miss Sheeley, her adoring husband. Shipwrecks and adventure are one thing, but soon the heart returns to those left at home. And both were missing the aggravation and war on seniority, both had that addiction that inflicts the elderly members of the forum, both needed another fix of Hand-bagging and ducking. Liz was surprised at their needs, but as I explained later, habits are hard to break for many people, and impossible for senior citizens, and they had a life back home in the cold wet land of England. Don't you miss London micky she asked, of course I do sweetheart I replied, but I can go home anytime as I have a rent free home there, and it will always be there no matter what. Plus I never like missing England beating Scotland at Wembley, and the new stadium the worlds biggest will not be completed for another couple of years, till then, lets have fun. Ok Kevin leave it to me, both of you will soon be home and back to normality. I left the hotel alone to book them air tickets back to the UK. When I returned with the tickets they sighed. With a thought, I think, should we stay a while longer. Both gathered up the bits and pieces that they had bought, and returned to the foyer. Well let's go I said and we all headed for Charles de Gaulle. I did the same as with Teddy, slipping a ton a piece into their hands for food and cab fare, saying pay me back when we meet again, yet in my heart knowing that two people that had shared so much with me and Elizabeth would be gone forever, but I knew we all would remember the past two weeks as long as we lived. Just maybe AXA 1 would not ban AXA 2. Then we may post once again to each other. But meeting again, was not likely. Liz and I waved them up the escalating stairs at Charles de Gaulle, to see them disappear. That was a sad moment for us both, now we were alone, with a long journey ahead of us to the Pyrenees. On the way back to our hotel I noticed English newspapers on sale in one of those French type newsstands. I stopped for a paper, with the concern for my sister, and if she had got safely home to England. Before reading the paper, I stopped at a French mobile phone shop and bought myself a mobile phone. I rang home and Sylvie answered, relief came over me, she was safe at home. Yes she asked with a voice that always warmed my heart, its micky I answered, where the bloody hell have you been, like she does when she is mad at me. I'm in France I said. Well get home now you berk she said with kindness. I cant Sylvie I said, Liz is with me, bloody hell micky cant you leave the skirts alone for once in your life she scolded me. It's not like that Sylvie, I have business here, I replied. Micky she said I hope you are not thieving again. No Sister I replied, I have given that all up honest. Good she said, you are always getting me into trouble. Sister I replied, every thing I have with me is salvage rights, and that's legal, if I had not saved it, it would be at the bottom of the sea now. How I thought of that I do not know, but in fact this was right to my way of thinking. I felt honest for once. They are still looking for you and Elizabeth, Sheeley, Kevin, the filing clerk and her minder, Merriam and Captain ST Bligh. Teddy came home yesterday. Well Miss Sheeley and Kevin will be at Heathrow tonight I told her, but don't mention Elizabeth and I ok, we don't want to be found yet. But the other two won't be coming home, they did a titanic together. I may make a film of them one day. Called the Mrs Norman Bates city under the sea. What are you talking about now she said, just a joke Sylvie, you know me I replied. Listen Princess here is my mobile number and I will be in touch, but don't let anyone else know it ok, or I will just dump the chip and get another one. With that I gave her my number. Liz sends her love, I signed off with, just as she said micky take care, if you need bail any time just call ok. Bye for now she said, bye princess I said giving a kiss sound over the phone to her, my best sister in the world no matter what I did, she was always there for me. And I cut the phone off, happy she was safe. Tweet
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