The Vernal Equinox (standard:humor, 521 words)
Author: timster	Added: Sep 27 2004	Views/Reads: 3451/0	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Herth is at it again...

The F.I.N.N brings you the Nightly News featuring Herth Gilmore 

Herth here with today's top story, jeez, I hope it's only one. 

Today was the Vernal Equinox here in The Falklands; well I guess
everywhere. It marks the beginning of fall here and a busy time for our 
sheepherders. 

You know, my dad was a sheepherder and this was not his favorite time of
the year.  Shave the sheep, so you folks in the Mother Country can have 
your Kashmir.  Don't you bloody fools know it's just scratchy sheep 
hair.  Some even have scabies; just ask ranchers Perry and Laurie.  My 
dad would come in from a long day of shaving sheep and would go right 
for the antiseptic.  To hear him yell from the bathroom in pain was 
quite enough for this young tot.  It really must have burned.  Of 
course you know scabies love hairy places, all hairy places. Daddy 
would come out of the bathroom quite red and pissed off.  God, I hate 
sheep. 

Now, where was I?  Oh yes, my oh my, my mind must be feeling the effects
of sheep in heat.  The Vernal Equinox was today and all the sheep are 
ready to mate.  That's makes it hard to shave the sheep, well because 
sheep will, err, umm, get you in some strange positions.  While your 
shaving one, the others will gather round and try to mate with the 
shaver. 

One day Daddy brought some mace with him to the field.  What he found
out was mace doesn't work the same way on sheep as it does on people.  
It seems it acts as more of a love potion.  I will never forget that 
day.  The sheep chased him to the house, broke down the door, chased 
him up the stairs, and all I heard was screaming.  Later after Mom 
chased the sheep out with a butcher knife.  I heard her tell dad she 
would never touch him again. 

Seems I've gotten a bit off track, sorry.  Yes, here on The Falklands it
is a busy time of the year.  The ranchers will sell their wool and make 
plenty of money.  The newborn sheep that will soon be upon us will be 
the envy of the rest of the world. 

Daddy always was the beneficiary of several newborn sheep.  I remember
him telling us he was going to the field to make sure the youngsters 
were fine.  Sometimes he would talk about them like they were one of 
the family.  He would take a baby bottle with him full of sheep milk 
and proceed to feed them.  Daddy was a bit strange and the baby sheep 
called him Da.  Maybe that's why Mom didn't want him to touch her 
anymore.  Come to think of it, we didn't have any male sheep. 

Yes, it was the Vernal Equinox here on the planet earth and life is
grand on The Falklands.  The money will soon make its way to the 
Islands and plenty of goodies will arrive from mainlands throughout he 
world.  We here on The Falklands love this time of year. 

This has been Herth Gilmore 


Tweet