The Last Year of My Life (standard:non fiction, 1879 words)
Author: Lori	Added: Feb 24 2004	Views/Reads: 3419/2409	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The title says it all. It's about the last year of my life in a nut-shell;-)! Feedback is always appreciated.

The Last Year Of My Life 

I've been off the internet for over a year and a half. I had to get off
because I had lost the fine line between reality and fiction. I had 
myself believing that the things happening on here were real life. I 
thought I had found all the answers to my life on here. Little did I 
know that this was the biggest problem in my life. 

I did what a bunch of people do on here. I “fell” in love. But mainly it
was one side, I think. He told me what I wanted to hear and I believed 
it. I was so wrapped up in him, that I could figure out why people 
weren't happy for me. I had found the man of my dreams. I found the 
solution to all my problems. I found a man that loved me for ME. Little 
did I know that he was a master at this game. 

We met in a chat room. Can you believe that? Who would think that you
could met someone in a chat room? The man of every woman's dreams is in 
a chat room. Every man has his ideal woman in a chat room. All you have 
to do is believe what people tell you about themselves. And if you 
believe that, then come on down to my little land-lock part of the 
world. I'll sell you some ocean front property. 

He preyed on all my weakness. He told me how beautiful I was. He never
got to see me in the morning before I got the sleep out of my eyes. Or 
when I was having a bad hair day. He told me that I was a great lover. 
Even though we never did meet. We only had phone sex. He told me that I 
was the best lover that he had. Funny, his hand was doing all the work. 
He told me that my husband was the luckiest man on earth. Funny, he was 
the one that I was cheating on. Don't we all love it when our spouse 
cheat on us? Don't we feel so damn lucky to have them in our lives? He 
told me that he loved my children and was ready to take care of them. 

That's what hurts the most I think. How could I have put my children in
the middle of all this bull? Am I the worst mother in the world or 
what? I had myself believing that I was doing the best thing for them. 
Yeah, ok, sure. Take them from a safe and loving environment. And put 
them in the middle of the up heave of fights in the home. Not to 
mention, letting them see their mother in the throws of a full blown 
depression because she can't have what she wants most in the world. A 
lying-cheating-rotten-low-down-dog of a human being. What in the hell 
was I thinking to do that to them? 

How could a mother think that it was the best thing for her children to
sit and wait for someone who was never going to show up? And if he did 
show up, what would it have been like then? I would have packed all our 
bags and followed that man to the ends of the world. God, how stupid 
could I be? 

I would have thrown away my family for that man. I even told him that I
would give my children to their daddy if he would just carry me off 
into the sunset. My youngest son hates his father. He doesn't even like 
to go visit him. And I was just going to give him to his dad so I could 
get a man. 

I tried to commit suicide to stop all the pain I was feeling. To just
stop life from happening. My youngest son saw it all too. He saw me 
when I was out of my head, on the pills that I took. He remembers what 
happened that night, even though I don't. He woke up to see me hitting 
my husband, because he wouldn't let me go. He saw me when they were 
trying to take me away, to save my sorry life. He had to stay at home 
while they took me to the hospital. ( I will tell you that the day 
after charcoal isn't nice!) He had to stay at home for two days before 
he could see me again. He didn't know what was going on. God, that 
hurts!!!!!!! That I can NEVER take back. I can't even make up for it. I 
just have to make him forget it, if he can. He thought it was his 
fault. He thought he had done something wrong. My wonderful little boy, 
thought that he had done something to me that made me want to leave 
him. Like that would ever happen!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

My other son, luckily didn't see anything that horrible night. But he
too had to stay at home until the doctors said they could visit. He 
doesn't have the scars of my other son. But for two days, he didn't 
know if he would have a mother. He doesn't talk about that time of his 
life. He just wants to forget it ever happened. He brings it up every 
once in a while. He'll ask me why I did it. And we'll all have to 


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