Carly (standard:other, 632 words)
Author: Siobhan McHenry	Added: Oct 10 2003	Views/Reads: 3234/1	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Carly

There is a drug so I've been told, that makes you see the world upside
down. The sky is your floor and you'd have a dizzy time of it trying to 
walk on clouds while cars overhead threaten to fall on top of you... 

Imagine a bright light shining over a toilet cubicle, making faces show
every line and scar, the outcomes of a heavily lived life...Carly and I 
were sitting in this cubicle about to share an ecstasy tablet or two... 
"I only want half", I said. She eyed me with disdain, broke one in half 
for me, then got out two more little patterned sweeties, slipped them 
onto her tongue and abruptly washed them down with a swig of vodka. 
Carly never did things by half... 

I go silent, and she sits on the edge of the loo, we just stare at each
other and I can't get the words out because I've sunk into her dark 
green eyes again and I want to kiss her but I daren't...I umm and argh 
and say, so cliched.."I need to talk to you", she suddenly looks as 
scared as I do. I can't say the end. She does it for me, with all her 
quick wit and articleness that I hate suddemly for making me feel so 
nothing-like. "Our relationship isn't working," she said, "Maybe we can 
cool things down for a bit?" "Yeah, yeah," I said. Too overcome by her 
beauty to say anything more. "It's just, that we live so far from each 
other, and i dunno, us being both girls it wouldn't quite work, do you 
understand?" "Yes, yes." It was like she'd read into my muddled mind 
and clarified feelings into words. 

" You don't know where we're going and this is making you wonder about
whether you want a relationship or not. ("Yes, yes." I reply.) " This 
is basically because I don't know how to convey my feelings, we're both 
the same, we're both fucked-up," Yes, I keep saying, "Therefore... and 
so on..." I see myself as a lonely old woman, with just a cat for 
company", "Me too!, I cried. I'm like that now, I thought... 

"We're still friends, aren't we?", she finished. God, so damned cliched.
I knew we'd never be again. I felt like a worm. "Yes, yes," I replied. 

So, that was the end of me and Carly, opening up whole realisations of
my uselessness and our selfish similarities. 

Carly, dancing a dervish, dilated green eyes lined with kohl, unhappy
but high, round and round she spins, how do her feet move so fast? So 
intricately? All her bracelets jingling jangling as she throws her 
white slender body through the air, arms up and criss-crossing, 
cigarette in one hand, bottle of water in the other. She dances in 
front of us, we all sit mesmerised. Round and round, my joy dances with 
her. I want this image to come back just before I die. She stops and 
I'm so moved, that I cheer and clap my hands. We laugh . 

She is a fairy, a nymph, a flower-child in tree-green, with long flowing
red hair. She is the dionystic dream, an angel, a ghost... I watch her 
and see flowers and garlands adorning her body, spinning through tall 
grass, kissed by sunlight, golden white skin... 

In reality, we're in a smoky club, but she spins and I don't want her to
stop, under blue and red neon lights. I am the smoke, the vapour 
flowing around her and melody, lips that kiss her. I wish right there 
that I could be invisible and follow her everywhere without myself to 
worry her. I want to be silent atmosphere, I want to die right there. 

And that was the last time I saw her.... 


Tweet