Say Goodbye (standard:romance, 529 words)
Author: A.M. Snead	Added: Sep 24 2002	Views/Reads: 3807/1	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
When one woman is forced to face the loss of the man she has always loved, she wonders if she can hold up under the weight of her grief.

For Amanda Carrington, the structure before her loomed like an ominous
creature, crouched and ready to steal away her life.  But in all 
reality, hadn't it already? 

Her hands trembled as she gripped the handles of the double doors.  How
could she go in here?  How- when doing so would only confirm her worst 
fear? 

"You have to."  She whispered shakily.  "You know you have to." 

Breathing deep, she pushed her way quietly inside.  Soft murmuring from
the room that spread out in front of her, filled her head and made it 
ache.  She couldn't bring herself to look to the front of the room.  
Instead, she crept to the large archway and leaned weakly against the 
archway frame.  Her stomach hurt, but not nearly as bad as her heart.  
She wondered if she would throw up, or simply just die right where she 
stood.  She felt dead already.  Empty of every emotion, every feeling, 
except such intense loss. 

A sudden touch to her shoulder made her flinch.  She turned to meet a
pair of warm brown eyes.  "Would you like to take a seat."  He said 
quietly. 

Amanda shook her head.  "No...I-I'll stand." 

When he realized he couldn't budge her from the archway, he moved away. 
Though her feet wanted to turn and run, Amanda forced them to stand 
still.  It would kill her, she knew, but she had to see him, she had to 
say goodbye. 

Amanda stood unmoving as the occupants of the room slowly rose one by
one and flowed down the isle, each paying their respects to a well 
loved man.  Only when the room was nearly empty did she finally move 
forward.  Her feet dropped like lead bricks with each step and she felt 
she was walking through tar.  She could feel eyes on her.  Of course 
they were watching her, for everyone had known how desperately she had 
loved him.  A tightness squeezed her chest harder and harder as she 
approached the front. 

God, please help me do this. 

Tears burned in her eyes but she forced them back.  A part of her died
when she got the news she'd lost him, and it seemed more and more began 
dying as she came closer to him.  Oh God, how can I look at him, 
knowing I'll never hold him?  How do I say goodbye?  Her greatest fear 
had always been this very day, when she had to face loss as she'd never 
known it before. 

She stopped a foot away, unable to go any closer.  The sight of his face
weakened her knees until she was sure she would fall.  His lips were 
twisted up in a slight smile, barely visible.  It was his trademark and 
to see it now crushed her heart.  For so long she had hungered for one 
kiss of those lips, and now the hope she had harbored for so long was 
dead. 

Her hands trembling violently, she reached out uncertainly and gripped
his hand, squeezing lightly.  Her heart breaking, she blinked back her 
tears once again. 

"Congratulations."  She whispered as her fingertips slid painfully
across his golden wedding band.  "I wish you both the best of luck." 


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