The Crazy Man in the Black Hat (standard:humor, 727 words)
Author: bodhisattva	Added: Feb 03 2002	Views/Reads: 3755/1	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A man in a black hat has a question for a man in a green hat.

An old man in a green derby hat was walking by the river one day. He was
watching the ducks and enjoying the beautiful April day. A shout from 
the other side of the river caught his attention, and it was then he 
noticed the old man on the other side of the river. He was wearing a 
black top hat, and apparently very upset about something. 

“I say, how did you get to the other side of the river?” The man in the
black hat yelled. 

“I’m not on the other side of the river, sir; you are on the other side”
The man in the green hat kindly replied. 

“No, I am on this side of the river and I want to know how to get to the
other side” The man with the black hat retorted. 

“There’s your problem my friend, you’re looking at this the wrong way,
if you were in my shoes, then you’d already be on the other side of the 
river” Countered the man in the green hat. 

“If I were in your shoes, I’d kick my own ass” Replied the quickly
angering man in the black hat. 

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you if you don’t have something nice to say,
don’t say anything at all?” Rebuffed the man in the green hat. 

“Can you tell me how to get to your side of the river or not?” Asked the
man in the black hat, with a pleading look in his eye. 

“Didn’t anyone ever tell you not to answer a question with a question?”
The man in green hat kindly asked, with a grin and a wink. 

“All I want to know is if there is a bridge around here, or maybe a
ferry, or a log to crawl over?” Pleaded the man in the black hat, who 
was suddenly starting to believe he was dealing with a lunatic. 

“Sure there’s a bridge. Why didn’t you ask me that before?” answered the
man in the green hat, wondering if he was indeed dealing with a maniac 
in a black top hat. 

Trying his best to contain his growing anger at the man in the silly
looking green derby, he asked “Could you please tell me where the 
bridge is?” 

“I could, but what’s to stop you from coming over here?” retorted the
man in the green hat, who was quite sure he was dealing with an escaped 
convict. 

“That’s what I asked you in the first place!” Screamed the man in the
black hat, figuring he’d need to start drinking bourbon again, just to 
forget this entire conversation. 

“Well, we used to have a bridge about half mile up stream, but seems the
flood took it, nearest bridge is about ten miles south of here.” The 
man in the green hat kindly supplied the crazy man in the black hat. 

“How deep is this river?” The man in the black hat inquired of the
maniac in the silliest looking green derby he’d ever seen. 

“Oh, I don’t really know, maybe four or five feet in the middle.” The
man in the green hat responded. 

The man in the black hat took off his shoes and held them above his head
as he began to wade into the river. 

“Here, I’ll give you a hand.” The man in the green hat offered as he
took off his shoes and waded into the river. 

Upon meeting in the river, the man in the black hat balled up his fist
and swung at the man in the green hat’s head, hoping to knock that 
damned derby off his head. The man in the green hat slipped trying to 
dodge the blow, and lost his footing. Trying to regain his footing, the 
man in the green hat latched onto the man in the black hat and forced 
him under water. The water was quite cold, and the current quite strong 
with the spring thaw, and neither man made it back above the water 
again. 

I was walking along the river one day, and happened to notice a green
derby floating in a small jetty near the shore. Upon further 
investigation of the hat, I noticed a black top hat, caught on a rock 
on the opposite shore, and I thought to myself that there had to be 
some kind of story behind this. 


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