Mike and Alphonse Meet A Leprechaun. (standard:humor, 2563 words)
Author: Oscar A Rat	Added: Jun 30 2020	Views/Reads: 1199/911	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The two barely-functional idiots grab a hiding leprechaun. They use his powers in a robbery.

Mike and Alphonse hid in an alley, toy plastic baseball bats in hand
while hoping a drunk would pass by to be mugged. They were broke and 
sober with rent way overdue for a cheap apartment. 

"Hey, man. Why don't we go out an mug us a rich drunk?" Alphonse had
mentioned several days earlier, between bites of boiled shoe leather. 
"And couldn't you have at least scraped the polish off before cooking 
this thing?" 

"Man, you're always complaining. I'm the one what took it off that kid.
You should be the one to peel and clean it," Mike answered. 

At the time, they had been sitting in a one-room basement apartment
furnished with only an old couch, a broken kitchen chair, and a hot 
plate. 

The landlord had moved the two there when they had finally paid a
month's back rent; they had been six months behind at the time. He'd 
caught them sneaking in and out through a window. Their present room 
had no window, only brick walls and a large furnace. 

In any case, they were presently in an alley next to the New Island
Elementary School, having waited for the last three nights for a drunk 
to rob. The nearest bar was miles away, but the alley was convenient -- 
only a block from home. They figured their victims should come to them, 
rather than the other way around. 

"Man, I'm gonna walk around awhile." Mike stood from a wooden crate he
had been sitting on. "See what's up around here. Ain't nobody coming 
anyways." 

He walked out in the direction of the school, thinking he might be able
to break in or something. Didn't hurt none to look. He had to be 
careful, though, since all the cops in town knew him by sight. The 
bastards. 

After his roommate left, Alphonse went over to the crate, wanting to try
out his bat. 

"Wham! Wham! Wha-thunk! Yeeeeeeh." Both bat and crate splintered.
Bending down, Alphonse looked inside to see where the "Yeeeeeeh" had 
come from. He saw a green-clothed arm draw back in alarm. Reaching 
inside, Alphonse drew a small man, dressed all in green, out of the 
crate. 

"So, ye caught me, did ye?" The little guy struggled, causing Alphonse
to hold on tighter, "Lemme go, let me'self go I say, t'won't be a doing 
ye no good." He tried to kick his captor, "Gimme me hat, now." Reaching 
back in the box for a bright green top-hat and a corncob pipe, the 
small man stopped struggling. "Ye kin let me go now. I won't be'a 
strugglin' no more." 

The man slapped hat on head and calmly lit his pipe, staring at Alphonse
who promptly released his grip. With that, the man laughed and headed 
for the mouth of the alley, leaving his captor behind. "Got ya, Got ya. 
Ye can'na hold me," he yelled. 

Unfortunately for him, he ran straight into Mike,who had forgotten to
get a cigarette butt off his friend. 

"Ooof!" And the man was again caught. 

"Man, like hold him, Mike. Let's check his pockets," Alphonse said. 

"Ye be a lettin' me pockets alone, ye hear me'self?" The man struggled
to get loose again. 

Mike, whose full name was Michael W. McDougall, asked his friend -- in a
cracking voice, "You know what we done got here, man? We got us a 
freaking leprechaun, is what we done got." 

"Man, don't tell me that. Is it contagious?" 

"No, man. One of the Little People is what he is. He's got a pot'a gold
around here someplace." 


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