Going to Heaven. Humor. (standard:humor, 1829 words)
Author: Oscar A Rat	Added: Jun 30 2020	Views/Reads: 1270/933	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Alonzo and Antonio met at the Free Clinic in Rome. They had both been let out of prison due to terminal cancer. The Italian prison system didn't want the expense of treating them, passing them off onto other social services.

Alonzo and Antonio met at the Free Clinic in Rome. They had both been
let out of prison due to terminal cancer. The Italian prison system 
didn't want the expense of treating them, passing them off onto other 
social services. 

For another, they were both life-long criminal types with no possibility
of changing their ways. A third thing they had in common was that 
they'd been janitors and toilet cleaners in their respective prisons. A 
fourth commonality was their stupidity which, of course, they would 
deny. 

“I don't know, Alonzo. I know I'm dying and would like to get into
heaven, but it's not likely.” 

“I feel the same, Antonio, but what the hell can we do? We only have a
few months to live. It's too late to change our ways.” 

“Maybe if we went to see a priest he could help us out?” 

They were leaving the Free Clinic, learning that there was little it
could do for them. Both were believers and knew what their fate was 
destined to be. 

“Worth a try, anyways,” Antonio agreed, morosely. “Can't hurt none.” 

They happened to be near a large cathedral. Alonzo looked up at the huge
spires -- they seemed to rise halfway to heaven -- soaring far into the 
clouds. 

“Damn. Heaven must be way up there somewhere. Maybe this place has an
elevator? I'm too sick to climb that high.” Alonzo was serious. His 
illness made such a climb extremely imposing. 

Even the stairs leading to the front door seemed to go on forever.
Perhaps due to their illness, the two were exhausted by the time they 
arrived at a huge entrance portal. It was a relief to enter a large 
opening and find a bench to sit on. Since it was also much cooler in 
the huge foyer, they took the opportunity to rest. 

“Man,” Antonio gasped out as he stretched his legs, “this is the biggest
building I've ever been in. Maybe God himself lives here? You think 
so?” 

“Na. God probably has a bigger place to live, a palace filled with gold
or something.” 

“Well, we gotta look for the warden here, and find out how to get to
heaven.” 

“Wait a while,” Alonzo advised his friend, “you're gasping like a whale.
We got plenty of time.” 

Rested, the two ex-convicts set out to find the head priest. They
entered the chapel and were faced by what looked like acres of 
high-backed wooden seats, arranged between wide aisles. The seats 
extended toward a large dais in the distance. Nobody was around except 
for a few worshipers dotted across the huge room. They couldn't see 
anyone in charge. Alonzo finally noticed workmen polishing statues over 
to their right. 

“Let's ask those guys,” he suggested. 

They walked over to the workers and Alonzo asked. “Hey, where we gonna
find the head guy?” 

“Down front somewheres, buddy.” The man returned to his work, ignoring
them. 

“Damn, it's quiet in here, Alonzo.” 

They proceeded toward the front of the room, taking time to look at a
pretty girl slumped in one of the pews. 

“Hey, baby. Need some company?” Alonzo asked. All they got from the girl
was a glare through teary eyes. 


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