The Soul of Me (standard:drama, 3823 words) [1/11] show all parts
Author: Maya	Updated: Jun 09 2001	Views/Reads: 3711/2478	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
This is part one of a longer story about a girl who thinks she is all alone - but isn't. Being different in high school is one of the hardest things kids have to face.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

genuine goodness.  She could have been one of the “popular people” if 
it wasn’t for her friendship with me.  Jody would be invited to every 
social event teenagers could dream up.  She wouldn’t go unless I was 
welcome.  I rarely was. 

I met Jody when I first started high school.  We were assigned to the
same locker.  This was the luckiest day of my life.  I don’t know what 
would have happened if I had been assigned a locker with someone else.  
I made a friend that day.  She came right up to me and said “Hey!  So, 
you’re my locker partner.  Do you want the top shelf or the bottom?  Do 
you mind if we decorate the inside?  I kind of like the idea of  a home 
away from home kind of a feeling.  What do you think?  Oh, by the way 
I’m Jody.  What’s your name?”  She was so friendly.  I wasn’t used to 
this.  I was speechless at first, but I finally managed to tell her my 
name.  From that very first meeting, our friendship slowly evolved into 
something to be cherished and envied.  I learned how to be a friend by 
her example.  I learned that there were people out there who were 
actually worth knowing.  People that could see through the stereotypes, 
who could take the path less traveled and become friends with some one 
who was different.  There weren’t many people willing to take that kind 
of a risk in high school where what you looked like and who you hung 
around with was more important than who you were as a person. 

She could look past the physical and see inside my soul.  Jody was my
only reason for leaving the safety and seclusion of my room.  She never 
allowed me to wallow away in my own self pity.  I managed to drag 
myself out of my house and to school on a more or less regular basis.  
In fact, my grades in school where really good.  After all, I didn’t 
have a lot of social engagements to drag me away from my studies.  If I 
didn’t turn up at school Jody would track me down.  Any excuse except 
severe illness, and I’d get the usual, well intentioned lecture about 
how important school was to my future.  She always ended this lecture 
with “You know, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about you.  
It only matters what you think of yourself.” 

The funny thing is, I didn’t feel fat.  I didn’t feel ugly.  It was the
reactions and comments of other people made me feel fat, ugly, and 
worthless.  I would have blissful days when I was just me.  Days when I 
thought maybe I wasn’t as ugly as I thought I was.  I could get through 
school.  I could be happy and successful.  I was a good person.  People 
would be able to see past my appearance to the real me.  Other days I 
would be walking somewhere and I would hear a giggle and see someone 
whispering and pointing to her friends.  I knew they were talking about 
me.  I would see a group of guys laughing together, pointing, and 
saying to one of the guys “There’s your girlfriend.  Go on, you know 
you ant her.”  I would even have small children say to their parents 
“Mommy look how big that girl’s tummy is.”  If you can think of 
something cruel that can be said or done.  I’ve heard it or been the 
brunt of it.  My spirits fell as low as they could possibly go, and 
they would stay there for days or weeks.  It was these comments and 
events that made me feel like I was fat and ugly.  My actual appearance 
was secondary to my feelings of worthlessness. 

When Aaron started to talk to me, I thought maybe things were going to
go my way for a change.  He had never teased me or said a cruel word 
about me, at least not that I heard.  He didn’t really, pay any 
attention to me one way or the other.  I chose to believe we was not 
like all the others even if he didn’t go out of his way to befriend me. 
 I knew he’d never want me for his friend, but at least the object of 
my affection treated me like I was human and not like dirt that needed 
to be washed away.  He still wasn’t exactly going out of his way to 
make conversation, but he wouldn’t ignore me like everyone else did 
(unless, of course, they felt the need to build themselves up by 
tearing me down and making cruel comments).  It started out slowly, I’d 
walk past him in the hall and he’d say hello.  I’d see him in gym class 
or our English class and he’d smile at me.  I didn’t feel like I had 
the right to acknowledge him. I would do nothing but avert by eyes or 
nod when I saw him smile at me or hear him say hello.  I didn’t want to 
upset the delicate balance of nature in this little world we call high 
school.  The outcast was not supposed to acknowledge the popular.  
Still, his little deeds meant big things to me.  I would take these 
little expressions of friendliness home with me and dream. 

In my dreams Aaron and I were friends.  He talked to me.  He asked for
my opinions.  He liked me.  I dreamt he would introduce me to his 
friends and they would learn that I wasn’t an ogre.  That I was just 
like them.  I had feelings, and hopes, and dreams, and wants, and 
desires.  I was not just a shell of a person put on earth to be the 
object of their creative attempts at humor and cruelty.  I was a 
living, breathing, loving person.  Aaron and his friends would accept 
me and I would begin my life as a “normal” girl. 

Even in my dreams I tried not to imagine Aaron falling in love with me. 
Love was just never going to be part of my life.  Besides, I didn’t 
want to ruin a perfectly good dream by introducing fantasy into it, 
but, fantasize I did.  People made me feel that fat people were less 
that human - that we shouldn’t be allowed to be normal – to love and 
desire and want to be loved and desired.  I was normal.  I had sexual 
feelings just like most girls my age.  I had desires, needs, and wants. 
 I fantasized of finding my soul mate, the person that made me 
complete.  In my fantasy, Aaron was that person. 

He’d find me sitting alone somewhere and he’d come in and sit beside me.
 I would be busying myself with whatever work I had to do, trying 
desperately to ignore his presence.  “Heidi?” he’d quietly say.  
“Heidi?”  I’d glance toward him.  In his eyes I’d see love.  The love 
I’d been waiting for all my life. 

Trying to find my voice I’d croak “What do you want?” 

“You...only you.” he’d say softly.  He’d lean towards me and brush those
kissable lips against my own in a gentle first kiss. 

Speechless, I could only gaze into his eyes trying to match the love he
showed me in them.  He’d take me in those strong arms and press me 
against his warm chest.  I’d hear his heart beat and feel the rise and 
fall of his chest with each breath he took.  As he held me he would 
tell me how he couldn’t fight the feelings he had anymore.  He was in 
love with my strength, my courage, my intelligence, my whole being.  He 
didn’t care what the world said or thought.  He was in love with me – 
all of me.  Then he would tell me I was beautiful.  He would tell me 
that my soul shone through and I was beautiful. Slowly, we’d lean 
towards each other for another gentle kiss.  A kiss that would empower 
me to love myself for the rest of my days. 

That’s where my fantasy would end.  It was a beautiful fantasy.  Not
raunchy, not sexy, just one full of love.  This is what I craved most 
after all. 

After a week or two of smiles and friendly greetings, I finally had no
choice but to acknowledge Aaron.  In addition to gym, Aaron was in my 
English class.  It was book report time.  Every one had to select a 
book and advise the teacher what choice we had made.  I chose “The 
Count of Monte Cristo” by Alexandre Dumas.  I had always wanted to read 
this book and decided that this was a good excuse to finally do so.  We 
were given class time in the library that day.  I was looking through 
the stacks for the book I had chosen.  I guessed that Aaron was doing 
the same.  He was in the same section that I was.  As was usual lately, 
when he passed me, he said hello.  I just nodded and kept up my search. 
 Aaron remained in the section with me.  Our library had one copy each 
of only three Alexandre Dumas books, “The Three Musketeers”,  “The Man 
in the Iron Mask”, and the one I had been looking for “The Count of 
Monte Cristo”.  I reached for the book just as Aaron was reaching for 
it. 

“Oh, are you doing your report on “The Count of Monte Cristo”, too?” he
asked. 

“I was going to, but if you want the book, I can find another copy
somewhere else or I could choose different book.”  I shyly answered as 
I handed him the book.  I didn’t like confrontations, especial over 
such a little thing as a book.  Confrontation usually meant insults to 
me.  I would avoid them at all costs.  If he wanted the book, I wasn’t 
going to make a big deal about it. Besides, I could always find the 
book somewhere else or make another choice, though I really did want to 
do the report on this particular book. 

“You shouldn’t have to do that.  I know, why don’t we ask Teach if we
can do the report together?” he suggested. 

I was confused.  It would mean spending time and actually having full
fledge discussions with me.  I had to ask.  “Why would you want to do 
your report with me?” 

“Well,” he said, “I could really use the help.  I’m not doing very well
in this class.  If I don’t do really well on this report, I could get 
suspended from the basketball team.  If I get suspended from the team I 
could loose my chance at a good scholarship.  I know you do really well 
in English.  You would really be helping me out.” 

I thought about this.  Maybe this was why he had been paying some
attention to me lately.  He needed my help.  Finally a reason for the 
way he had been treating me that I could understand.  It certainly 
couldn’t have been because he liked me.  I was finally on stable 
ground.  I knew he wanted something from me.  Then again, if he wanted 
to use me for help on his report, maybe I could use him a little in 
return.  It would be nice to spend time with the most beautiful boy in 
the world.  I’d be able to look at him openly without hiding my 
glances. I’d get to hear his sweet voice explaining his thoughts and 
ideas.  I could always use a little more material for my dreams.  It 
would also be an opportunity for him to get to know the real me.  I 
knew he’d never fall in love with me, but maybe, just maybe he’d see 
that I was more than just an ugly face with a body to match.  Who 
knows, maybe he could convince some of his friends that I didn’t 
deserved their mockery. 

I looked directly in to his eyes for the first time.  “I guess if you
really want my help, I’ll help you, as long as Ms. Percy doesn’t mind.” 


“Great!” He said with a grin.  ‘Did I do that?’ I wondered.  It felt
good to make him smile.  “I’ll go talk to Teach.  You go ahead and 
check this out.  I can find another copy at the county library.”  He 
handed me back the book and went to locate our English teacher. 

A few minutes later I was at the counter having the book checked out by
a not so friendly student library assistant.  “The book is due back in 
four weeks, and make sure you don’t get any stains on it.” Sneered the 
library assistant. “Hey, Aaron.  What’s up” 

Aaron had just walked up behind me.  I was so embarrassed.  I hoped he
hadn’t heard the warning the student librarian had given me.  I was 
used to mean comments.  It was just somehow much more embarrassing to 
have Aaron around while I was taking the abuse. 

He didn’t seem to take any notice.  In fact, he didn’t acknowledge the
student librarian at all.  He just turned to me with a smile and said, 
“It’s all set.  Teach doesn’t mind at all if we do the report together. 
 In fact, I think she thinks it’s a good idea.  I believe her exact 
words were ‘Heidi might be a good influence on your study habits.  It 
certainly can’t hurt.’”  He started to laugh.  It was like a song from 
heaven.  “When should we get together to start the report?” 

“Don’t you think it would be a good idea if we actually read the book
first?”  I was grinning now.  His good humor was catching. 

“Oh, hahaha, I guess so.  So, how long will it take you to read the
whole thing?”  We were talking about actual school work now, so his 
sense of humor was fading pretty quickly. 

“I can finish it in about three or four days.  The book report is due in
three weeks.  That should give us plenty of time to prepare a really 
good report.” 

“Three or four days!” He exclaimed.  All of his humor was now gone. 
“I’ll be lucky if it can get it read in two weeks.” 

“It’s not like I have a busy social schedule.  I have a lot of time to
read.  If you think it will take you that long to finish the book, 
maybe you should just choose a shorter, less complicated book.”  I was 
trying to give him an “out” incase he was having second thoughts about 
my spending time with him. 

“No, I want your help.  I’ll just buckle down and tell my friends I
can’t go out with them this weekend.  Don’t worry, I won’t let you 
down.  It’s Monday today, so give me until next Monday.  One week.  I 
promise I’ll have read the whole thing by then.”  My heart just soared. 
 Did I just hear him say he wouldn’t let me down.  Did he really care 
whether or not I was let down.  I couldn’t wait to talk to Jody. 

“Okay, then.  We’ll talk next Monday about our plans for the report.” 
Class was just about over.  I was going over to the table where I had 
left my stuff so I could head out as soon as the bell rang when he 
stopped me. 

“Wait.” He said.  “What if I get stuck.  Can I have your phone number
just in case I need some help following the story line?” 

Did my angel on earth just ask me for my phone number?  This was
certainly a day of firsts for me.  “Okay, do you have anything to write 
on?” 

“Um, Yeah.  Here, write on this.”  He held out his hand to me. 

“Don’t you have any paper?”  I asked hoping he didn’t. 

“Sure I do.  This is school after all.  I just thought since you’re in a
hurry...” 

So I took his hand in mine.  I could barely contain my emotions.  My
hand was shaking – or maybe it was his.  It felt so good to touch him.  
So warm and wonderful.  I never wanted to let go.  I held his hand in 
mine as I wrote my phone number on it.  I could feel his pulse beating 
under his skin.  He was so alive.  I could feel his energy.  Through 
his energy I was starting to feel alive for the first time, myself. 

“Great.” He said when I had finished.  I thought that was it, so I
started towards the table where my things were still waiting for me.  
Suddenly, he stopped me again.  “Don’t you want my phone number?” 

Did I want his phone number?  Of course I did, but I wasn’t going to ask
for it.  “You don’t have to give it to me.  I can probably make it 
through the book without too much help.”  I was trying to be funny, but 
from the look on this angel’s face, he didn’t think it was too funny. 

“Of course you can.  I just thought  maybe...”he trailed off. 

“Well, maybe you’re right.”  I said.  “I’ll probably need it once we
really get started on the report anyway.  You might as well give it to 
me now.” 

“Give me your hand.” 

“What for?” 

“For my phone number, silly.” 

“Oh,” I giggled as he took my hand and wrote seven of the most wonderful
numbers I have ever seen on my hand.  He was finished much too soon. 

The bell rang.  “Well, I guess that’s it.  I’ll see you tomorrow,
partner.”  He turned towards his table to gather his things and he 
left. 

Partner...(sigh)...What a cool word. 

*************************** 

I hope you liked this beginning - Please continue reading my story and
let me know what you think. 


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