Mountain Man Freedom (standard:humor, 4464 words)
Author: stanley mcqueen kentucky backwoods writer	Added: May 29 2009	Views/Reads: 3427/2046	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
This story is about a mountain man that loved freedom and he tryed to live like other men , getting his a woman to spark and maybe married later, just take a read and see what happens

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

take a gander at how he is going to look Mammy tells me. I I go and 
retrieve the duds that paw has donated to Tom and he went and put them 
on in the bed area of our shack, when he come out with them on Mammy 
went to chuckling at the clothes he was now wearing they were about 
eight inches to little in the length paw was shorter than him about six 
or eight inches, . Maw said”   you are ready for high water and she 
could hardly stop laughing at her fool brother, standing there before 
us , well it the best I could do for you Tom and he said: that the 
clothes would do for now and he was ready to ride into Muddy Fork to 
call on the woman that he was aiming on sparking, And of course he 
wanted me to ride along with him  just for some tips on the way there 
to her place  oh how he was to talk to her about coming to court her, 
and like I knew what to say and I had never called on a gal to spark 
because I was just barely sixteen years old, Tom thinks cause I can 
read and write that I know everything about worldly affaires, all 
because I went to eight grades of book learning at the little one room 
school house that sets at the mouth of the township. I know exactly 
where this gal lives Tom tells me because her brother told me that is 
was on the other side of Muddy Fork about six shacks down the road and 
in the yard he said was a weeping willow tree and it will be easy to 
find he informed me. Not many settlers were in Muddy Fork when we ride 
alone threw the  town , the blacksmith shop was the only life we seen , 
six building was all that the town had in it , the small jail a small 
boarding house and a trade store that never sold much more than some 
tobacco and coffee and lard and such, The saloon was the most favored 
place in the township and it was not open this early in the morning, 
and Tom said he would sure liked to had a belt of whiskey before he 
endeavored such a feat as calling on a woman to spark, We arrived at 
the shack that had the willow tree in the yard, and  I held Tom mule 
and watch his go to the shack door and knock, and from within the shack 
 the door open and the biggest woman I ever laid my peepers on open the 
door, Tom said  would you be the woman that is looking for a man to 
court or spark or marry,  yes I am she and who would you be she asked 
point blank, I  be Tomas Bishop from over lick fork way and I would be 
pleased to call for your hand to spark you if you would be a mind to 
allow me he asked” The big over grown gal stepped out on the porch 
landing and look Tom over like a man who was checking a cow out before 
he paid for the cow you look strong enough to suit a woman fancy she 
said” can you split wood and how far can you run without tuckering 
plume out she asked? My dumb looking short breaches Uncle, well woman I 
can run a far  good distance ,a  bear chased me nigh a mile one time 
when it go after me on the ridge where my shack is, it's like this 
woman he never caught me and does this answer your question?  Any way 
what does that have to do with you and I sparking, he asked? Well it 
has a lot to do with us sparking; my first husband was killed by a 
bear, and left me a widow without a man to have around, and that why I 
asked you how fast can your run she said I was sure wondering about 
that question Tom said but that makes sense to me now you explained 
that well, what you're saying that the next man you hitch up with needs 
to be a fast running, I am not so smart but now I understand where your 
question come from 

It was more than I could hardly bare to listen to without breaking down
to laugh my head off, it was seeming that Tom had meet his a woman that 
was about on his brain level , a dummy just like him. The two stood 
there like to dummy would do and asked all kind of silly questions that 
no man or woman in the world could answer , and I was half a mind to 
let his mule bridle go and head off back  home. And let him carry on 
from here, She agreed to let him come courting and he shook her hand 
and said he be here this evening for his first sparking spell. And I be 
dogged if I am riding back down here to witness him calling his first 
sparking call on the big woman,. It was sure and embarrassing things to 
see him try and get that big hunk of woman on that old poor mule he 
owns , but I had to be there one that witness he insisted I  be there 
so if he run out of something to say that I would cue him on making his 
first impression They commenced sparking and we never seen Tom around 
for about a month or so and he rode this mule down to our shack and 
asked? Paw if he would loan his some boards , paw asked why he was 
needing some boards, and what was he aimed to build, and Tom said that 
his sparking woman had broke threw his shack floor and nigh broke her 
leg she hit the ground so hard and all, paw laughed and told Tom if 
that big woman of his happen to stumble and fall on his that he be a 
goner for sure,  Tom Told paw that he was going to have to quiet 
sparking her that he could not keep food enough to fill her up , she 
eats a whole deer up in a week's time , and has eat up four hogs up in 
just the time her and him had been sparking, you mean to tell me that 
woman has eat up four hogs while you two have been sparking,  she much 
have and open pit with no bottom in it paw' says” and laughed” I 
declare here you was a while back wanting a woman to keep you company 
and now your wanting to get rid of her, paw said” you sure  a mixed up 
man paw added” well shuck all I wanted someone to cook and help keep my 
old shack tidy and  that was all I was aiming for but now I'd give a 
hundred dollars to be shed of her, she snores like a old big fatting 
hog and sleeps nearly till noon ever day, and I have to do all the 
cooking if there is any done,   Tom explains to paw, it isn't right a 
woman being so lazy as that he added and tell paw he would like to push 
her off the frailer bluff , 

Well why don't you just haul off and tell her you want to stop the
sparking and let things be as they were before, paw asked? Well I did 
that and she threaten to kill her fool self, she claims she loves me 
right down to my handle bar mustache, Mercy sakes alive I can never 
have a minutes peace , she is always hungry and  has me keeping a 
skillet of meat frying all the time, she is getting bigger ever day and 
she weight at the stock sales the scales they weight cow and horses on 
and she topped out four hundred and fifty pounds , the man that weighed 
her laughed at what she weighed and she slapped him across the face and 
he drew  a pistol on me and told me never to bring her back there to 
weigh again, that I'd just have to guess at her weight from then on, 

If I don't get shed of her soon she is going to get me killed, her
brother moved in yesterday and I never invited him , he brought  with 
him his old lazy wife and four kids, and he thinks since me and his 
sister is sparking mates that I should just let him come to live , 
because he introduced me to his sister, now I have to sleep with the 
mule there  is no bed left in the house  , I guess I could run off and 
go deeper up the mountain and let the bunch starve to death, her 
brother is lazy and no account man and his wife is  a good match for 
him she sorry too, now I am having to cook  for eight people, them  
brats has picked out the mud that I put in the cracks of the my long 
cabin and now I have  do that all over again, What could I do to get my 
life back Uncle Tom asked? well maybe we could pretend that you got 
killed of something and have a good funeral and you could go on higher 
in the mountain and  build you another cabin, and just let that bunch 
starve to death  paw told him, that would work if you all would help 
Tom eyes gets big at the idea of paw.  Well go back to the cabin 
tonight and tomorrow, and tell that big woman your coming to see you 
sister, and when you get here  I will ride up to your cabin and tell 
them you was killed by a rattle snake bite and will be buried in  day 
or two  and you can used that old coffin that I made several years ago 
to sale to a man that never picked it up. You can get in that coffin 
and we will have you laid out in the shack , and let her and the 
brother see your corpse, we will have a couple of night setting up and 
let the neighbors all visit to mourn your passing and the night before 
your buried we can put some rocks in the coffin and you can go higher 
up on the mountain and hue you out a cabin and start a brand new single 
mountain ,man life like you had before, I'd  do anything to get that 
big woman out of my face, and there is no way I can feed that no 
account lazy brother of hers and that mess of kids, it just isn't right 
to have to in the first place, Tom said,” i.ll do it and I know it will 
be hard laying still for about three whole days, but when the neighbors 
all leave in the night I can get out of that coffin and go on to bed , 
maybe it want be as bad as I could think Tom said”  ok tomorrow we will 
have you to be dead before dark tomorrow, and next time don't you ever 
get to hankering for a woman ever again paw reminded him” 

The plan of paw seemed farfetched to me, who ever would of thought a
grown man like my pappy would come up with such an idea,  Tom would 
play dead, and be laid out in a coffin that paw had made for a man that 
never did come after it, and now it was going to be used for a live man 
playing dead, I was wondering how  Tom was going to lay so still in 
that coffin, but pappy had that figured out as well, paw made some of 
the strongest moonshine ever to run down a man throat, and Tom would 
drink a quart and be passed out for a long spell, all this was in the 
works, paw was a thinker and this time I think he had a bad idea, what 
if Tom happen to move while people are passing his coffin, or what if 
he sneezes or something, and the plan fails, there is a lot of what ifs 
in this situation, 

That next day the plan was started Tom left his cabin and told that big
woman he was riding down to see his sister , and would return in the 
evening, Tom come to our shack that day at about ten o clock, and paw 
waited a while and brought out a big jar of moonshine, and told Tom to 
drink all of it, and Tom did and it was no more than an hour passed 
that Tom passed out ‘and mammy and paw and  I drug my uncle Tom by the 
heels to the barn shed, he was out cold, drunker that a bat in a 
whirlwind,      The plan was started after that paw and I rode to Tom 
cabin and told the big woman that we carried bad news that Tom has been 
bit by a large rattler snake at the river while he got off his horse  
to let his horse get a drink of water,  Paw was a good liar , he told 
Toms” big lady friend that Tom managed to get back on his horse and 
made it to out cabin and fell off his horse in front of our shack 
dead.. I watch the big woman as she tried to shed a tear and she put 
her hands over her face and pretended to be crying, paw told her that 
Tom will laid out at our shack and that they can come and show their 
last respect to him  after six this evening, her old sorry brother said 
I don't know what we will all do with Tom gone he was such a good cook 
and all and sis there can't cook a lick , we will all starve now he 
said” I could tell paw was wanting to laugh  her Tom is dead and this 
sorry lazy no account man is worried about him and his brats starving 
to death , because Tom is gone and the food will stop , because Tom 
want be killing game and hunting no more, Paw told the big woman that 
Tom wanted her to have his cabin and all his house plunder to boot, and 
what strip of land he owned would be fallen to her to do what she will 
with it, that seem to please her those words did, Paw and I ride away 
and paw after we get out of sight and hearing  distances went to 
laughing , when we got back to our place it was near dinner time and 
maw set the table and we eat it was near three in the evening when Tom 
become sober and he eat a bite, and him and paw and I carried the pine 
coffin into our shack and set it before the window , Tom was going to 
get in the coffin at about five thirty , before his gal friend showed 
up for her mourning and showing her respect to him, In the meantime paw 
rode around the ridge side telling folk and neighbors that Tom had been 
killed by a rattle snake earlier in the day and would be laid out for 
the setting up with him tonight and for all to come  and set up with 
his corpse all night long to show respect to him passing on, Paw plan 
was going quiet well so far and I was wondering what the outcome would 
be,  folks would be here at six this evening so paw and Tom had to get 
thing going and going fast maw told Tom to shave himself and get all 
nice and clean before he would put some good clothes of paw on for is 
burying clothes on ,Tom was eager and desperate to rid himself of those 
leeches that had stuck themselves to him , and if it took being dead 
and buried he do anything to get back to his single mountain man life 
of freedom. 

I was eager to see this plan carried out, we never had much excitement
in these part for the most part and this was a fresh new  thing that 
made for sport, paw brought out another quart of his moonshine and told 
frank to get in the coffin and set up and drink the whole quart and 
when he passed out that him and Maw would straighten him up proper ,  
paw had set the pine coffin on two old oak tables Mammy had discarded, 
so the coffin was setting level with the big window in our cabin, Tom 
sure made a good looking  dead man with that handle bar mustache he 
reminded me a little of general lee of the southern Calvary Army. He 
was passed out now and maw even put a little of her face power on him 
to make him look a mite pale, Six o clock come and folks come from off 
the ridges to show respect to dead uncle Tom, the big girl friend of 
Tom was a little late she come at six thirty with that old lazy brother 
and those dirty mean brats of his , our small place was lined with many 
corn wagon, and folk who knew Tom brought gift of fruits and things and 
give them to mammy trying to cheer her of losing Tom to a snake bite, 
That big woman come near Tom coffin and all the folks are watching as 
she put on like she is bawling her head off, she sure is putting on 
like she favored Tom Mighty' Tom is laying not moving at all he has to 
be breathing real easy like or someone would see his chest rise and the 
plan would fail, folks set in the big room in our cabin and maw carried 
coffee and served them and folks talked of what a fine hunter and hard 
working man Tom was ‘ and how he loved mountain and such ,  I was 
wondering  if this was going to pan out of the best, Well my wondering 
come to life at about four that morning , those old half rotten tables 
of Mammy fell with Tom coffin and dumped him on the hard cabin floor , 
and he come up from the fall a live corpse, some of the woman that was 
in the room fainted , and that high fall just about shook Tom cuts out, 
When Tom come to himself he seen the plan had fell and fell hard, he 
run out of our cabin, with that Big girl friend of his wobbling and 
running the best she could to ketch her loving Tom, her old sorry 
brother chased Tom as far as to our dug well in the yard, and give up 
soon when Tom vanished into the timberland. The folks all wanted and 
explanation and paw said “he was dead when we put him in the coffin, 
and the snake bite has slowed his heart down to a low beat that we 
thought for sure he was dead as a door nail.  Like I said my paw is a 
good liar, the best in these parts, Tom has never been seen since that 
night, some  hunter told paw he thought he seen him way up on the 
northern high mountain, 

The big gal moved all her kinfolks into Tom cabin , some say they have
about took up  the space , where ever Tom is and how ever he is living 
sure beats those leeches that was stuck to him like wall paper clue, I 
miss Tom we often hunted together and roamed the timberland ,together, 
but leeches changed all that, maybe someday when they all starve to 
death Tom can come back and take his cabin back and live among is kin, 
but Tom loves the mountain so and his freedom, Some man was just not 
meant to be bound and Tom was one of those men for sure,  I am happy to 
know Tom Is somewhere in the high mountains a free born man , with the 
cool mountain wind against his face , and that good feeling of freedom 
in his feet, like my old beloved grandma use to quote all is well that 
end well...the end 


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