Her Perfect Gentleman (standard:non fiction, 2109 words)
Author: The St. John Lady	Added: Jan 26 2009	Views/Reads: 3163/2099	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Too many years of heartache leave her hurting. He offers her kindness and friendship, not realising she will fall. A goodbye letter or a letter to say I love you? Fact or Fiction? You choose!

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

well; nice!?! And while we are at it, you have such stunning eyes; and 
yes they make me go all “gooey” when I look in them! You have a 
beautiful smile and a handsome face. It makes me smile when you call 
yourself old, there are 14 years between us and when I am with you I 
feel anything BUT old; I feel like I could actually do that running 
jumping thingy people do when they are in love! 

So here's my problem with life, you are making me feel things I had not
prepared or planned for. You make me feel as though even if I DID fall 
for you, it would be okay; heck I feel that if I happened to TELL you 
it would still be okay! You are so nice, you make me believe in that 
fairytale happy ending I deeply want so much; I can almost see your 
armour shining each time we meet or talk! So here is the crux of the 
matter, what on earth do I do about this? I am not foolish (well maybe 
a little bit) enough to believe that I will actually ever get my 
fairytale happy ending with you... 

But that does not make it any easier to stop or explain does it really;
I mean it isn't fair when the only guy you think can make you happy is 
the one that will, ultimately have to hurt you! Let's be honest with 
each other, you are a truly nice guy and will seemingly stand for a 
fair amount; but even you will have a limit. Otherwise this is going to 
end up in a very different way isn't it? Even you will end up getting 
pissed off with me and will end up (not matter how nicely) telling me 
to get lost, which will nevertheless hurt me! So as you can see, just 
leaving it is more than likely going to end up as a problem. 

But then telling you I like you a lot more than I should also has more
than a few problems of its own doesn't it, I mean it isn't like an easy 
conversation is it? It isn't like I could just drop it into our 
conversations, even if I had the guts! Nice thing to talk about in 
front of your wife hey? And I won't even attempt the “post on facebook” 
thing! It all seems to be a battle I cannot win, I would hate to 
embarrass you firstly; but also myself. Which again cuts down the times 
we can talk, phone calls or text messages are just tacky aren't they? 
And I have been down the “letter” route, that didn't really work out 
too well for me either! Besides, I think you deserve better than some 
faceless letter... she says as she types a “letter” to you! 

But there is another way... I sound like flipping nationwide ad there
don't I? I am not sure I want to go down this line though; it is a big 
thing and something I have thought about before. When things have been 
seriously bad, it is something that has crossed my mind more than once 
and (even if just at that time) had seemed like a good idea. But (and 
it's a big but) it also comes with its own problems, namely loosing 
everything so quickly. So in essence do I say nothing and risk the fact 
that it will (in most cases) get worse, (I'll only end up falling more 
and making an ass of myself) say something and risk losing your 
friendship (and possibly hurting you) or walk away. 

Admittedly walking away does seem a good option, but I will lose your
safety net of friendship very quickly; which is why I am reluctant to 
walk away. Your friendship has without a shadow of a doubt been a 
Godsend to me, at times you have calmed me; and at others made me much 
happier about everything. I guess that is part of an on going problem 
isn't it. I tend to attach myself to someone (and usually the wrong 
ones) and hate the thought of letting go! I am sorry, not for how I 
feel or our friendship, which I doubt I will ever regret. But I am 
sorry for, what my father calls being “clingy,” I know that it must be 
a burden to you; especially when I bug you so much... for that I am 
truly sorry. 

After reading this back a few times I guess I have seemingly already
made that choice, I know that it will only turn out to be a bad idea if 
I stay. I know that you will get annoyed of me and fed up, I'd like to 
go before it got to that; I hope it hasn't got to that... I hope you 
will forgive me for doing things this way, at the time the “fictional 
story” about some girl and the perfect gentleman she wishes for seemed 
like the best option. I hope you won't be too mad at me, and just in 
case you even thought about needing to ask; I am well aware that you 
are married. (So I can promise no declarations of undying love from 
me!) 

In truth I would give everything I had for things to go back to normal
when you were just some nice ex MP that I hardly noticed, but then I 
would still be in the depths of a mind numbing depression that would be 
too hard for me to fight alone and get out of. Before I forget, once 
again thank you for that; it really DOES (or should that be did?) mean 
the world to me. I guess all that I need now is a fitting ending right? 
Could be tricky seeing as I don't believe I get that fairytale happy 
ending! And let's be honest this isn't exactly a fairytale is it now? 
If it was, maybe I would be running off into the sunset with my Knight 
in shining armour; but as you can see I am not...) so how about this? 

There is this handsome young man who is just the sweetest, kindest, nice
perfect gentlemen you could ever wish to meet. He is like a Knight in 
shining armour, more than willing to help out and always seemingly 
there. A man who gives you something to fight for, who fights for those 
that have lost their voices and makes you feel safe with just one hug. 
A man full of experience and valuable advice, but not above cracking a 
smile and joke with the best of them. Despite his protests, to me he 
will ALWAYS be young, alive and FULL of life; someone who can teach me 
so much without me even realising it. 

There are a million reasons why he is the perfect guy, but seemingly
only one why he cannot be my Knight in shining armour; and I guess 
that's the hardest thing of all. To know you have to walk away is 
something that will break a fragile (already broken) heart, and while I 
know that “it” will hurt like heck; I also know that “it” will be okay, 
I am going to be stronger; thanks to... 

(You!)


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