Finding My Way In The Midst Of Adversity: A Memoir (standard:Creative non-fiction, 21410 words)
Author: Jen Galvin	Added: Mar 28 2008	Views/Reads: 3845/3341	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
This is my personal memoir of overcoming a Traumatic Brain Injury as well as cancer. It is based on the past twelve years of my rehabilitation and the lessons gained along the way.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

was nothing urgent. In between the time my mom was called and she 
arrived at the school, the headache grew worse and I had thrown up, 
causing some of my clothes to be stained. When my mom came into the 
room, she noticed that I seemed incoherent and unbothered by the vomit 
on my clothes, which was highly rare for me. My mom knew immediately 
something was wrong, it seemed as if I was in and out of consciousness, 
like someone had given me a drug. Little did we know, I was going into 
a coma. My mom had the instinct that something was very wrong and took 
me to the New Ulm Medical Clinic. At first, doctors were concerned I 
may have Spinal Meningitis, which is deadly and contagious. After a CAT 
scan on my brain was completed, Spinal Meningitis was ruled out, but 
the scan was unable to detect what was causing the coma. Therefore, it 
was decided by the doctors that I needed to get to either the Twin 
Cities or Rochester as soon as possible. Due to my family having 
support in the Twin Cities area, and my dad being in the rehabilitation 
medical field, my parents wanted me seen by pediatric specialists. It 
was decided I would be taken to Minneapolis Children's Hospital. 
However, a snow storm had developed in Minnesota at the time, along 
with freezing rain, which made it impossible for the helicopter to fly. 
Thankfully, the Life Link plane was willing to take me. Only one person 
could fly with me in a very tiny airplane. My dad, being a more 
experienced driver in bad driving conditions, decided to drive and my 
mom stayed with me. At the hospital, I was taken to the Pediatric 
Intensive Care Unit where an MRI was taken of my brain and I was seen 
by an Infectious Disease Specialist. The doctor explained to my parents 
that a virus was attacking my brain, called Herpes Encephalitis. It was 
explained to my parents that it was very serious. There was a 
twenty-five percent chance I would not survive. If I did survive, there 
was a fifty percent chance of having a TBI, but the extent of the 
damage was unknown until I came out of the coma. The doctor explained 
it was also unknown how long I would remain in the coma. There have 
been incidences of some people remaining in comas for several years. 
Herpes encephalitis is inflammation of the brain due to a virus or 
other type of infection. Most often, herpes simplex comes out in the 
form of a cold sore or fever. However, in very rare situations, the 
virus can turn around and make its way to one's brain, causing severe 
damage. “Herpes encephalitis is very rare, affecting two cases per 
million among the U.S. population” (“Encephalitis,” 2006). “If there is 
a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in 
dying. But no man can tell another what this purpose is. Each must find 
out for himself, and must accept the responsibility that his answer 
prescribes. If he succeeds he will continue to grow in spite of all 
indignities.” ~ From Man's Search For Meaning By Viktor E. Frankl 

To kill the virus that was attacking my brain, doctors prescribed a
fairly new drug called, Acyclovir. This was given intravenously. After 
five days of laying in a coma, I slowly gained consciousness. December 
18, I sat up and smiled for the nurse who took a picture of me. My 
initial behavior after coming out of the coma was manic, meaning I was 
very happy and affectionate towards anyone and everyone. My brothers 
asked my parents, “Is she always going to be this nice?” The manic 
stage eventually wore off, and I returned to a more steady temperament. 
However, my memory was largely affected. I was unable to recall what 
would happen minutes ago. I knew who my family members were and knew my 
past history of where I lived and so forth. Yet, at that time, I 
couldn't recall the events of the day or yesterday or a week ago. It 
became a game for me to try to remember the nurses' names. December 21, 
1995 Journal Entry At Minneapolis Children's Hospital because of bad 
headache. Getting a lot better. I want to go home to New Ulm to mom 
(Cathy) and dad (Craig). Pat and Ryan are my brothers. Occupation same 
as my occupational therapist, Julie. 

Christmas that year was spent in the hospital, since I was still hooked
up to the Acyclovir medicine. My dad brought up the tiny fake “Charlie 
Brown” Christmas tree, along with all of the presents that were under 
the tree at our home. My grandma and uncle came up to the hospital and 
the night was spent with both laughter and tears. Happy tears that I 
was alive and our family was able to be together that Christmas. My dad 
videotaped the night on our camcorder. I am thankful to have that video 
as a reminder of how far I have come. I like to watch it once a year to 
remind myself of how lucky I am to be where I am today. December 25, 
1995 Journal Entry I got great gifts yesterday and today! I got 
contacts for a great gift and great clothes, two great cds! A picture 
frame and some great other stuff that I can't remember right now. It 
was a great Christmas! I'm so happy I'm with my family! 

My personality directly after coming out of the coma was not at a full
recovered level. It was as if I had regressed to a younger age in some 
ways. I was very anxious for Christmas to arrive, and the couple of 
days before I kept asking my mom to open just one gift. I couldn't 
remember that I kept asking her, so it was a repeated request over and 
over again. My mom finally caved in and let me open just one gift, yet 
it of course didn't stop me from asking over and over again to open 
another gift. This led to my mom getting the bright idea to re-wrap the 
same gift I had just opened since I couldn't recall what I opened. I 
would open the gift and five minutes later, completely forget. Every 
time I opened the gift, I was just as surprised and happy. We laugh at 
it now, but at the time, it was quite tiring for my parents, who were 
emotionally and physically drained. I also was unable to remember the 
nurses telling me that I couldn't take out the IV that was in my arm 
because it was what was fighting the virus in my brain. The IV was very 
itchy and uncomfortable, and since I was unable to retain the 
directions from the nurses, I repeatedly would pull out my IV. It came 
to the point of people having to hold my arm down so that I wouldn't. 
Nurses eventually helped out my exhausted parents. After sixteen days 
spent in the hospital, it was time for me to go home. The doctors 
advised my parents to reintegrate me into mainstream living again, 
slowly. The neurologist suggested I start school again, but only 
partial days, depending on how much I could handle. I was very tired 
and my brain could only tolerate so much activity in one day before 
becoming exhausted and wanting to shut down. We were also advised not 
to even focus on the grades and academics at this time. Rather, it was 
more important for me to re-familiarize myself into the routine of 
school and the social interactions. Doctors informed my parents to keep 
life as “normal” as possible and to adjust my schedule, according to my 
needs. A letter from my dad that he wrote to me shortly after I was 
discharged from the hospital and given to me on the one year 
anniversary of December 13: 

Jennifer, there is so much I want to say to you. I will try my best to
share some thoughts of inspiration and insight that I have acquired 
over time. It has been a great challenge for me to restrain myself this 
past year from not being your rehabilitation counselor. I work in the 
field of rehabilitation day in and day out. However, I realized I 
needed to be your father, not your counselor. You needed to go to 
someone different for those needs. At the same time I want to share 
with you some of my knowledge and experience. I deal with clients 
grieving the loss of function on a daily basis. You have suffered a 
loss and need to grieve. Feel the pain; don't deny it. You have a right 
to be angry for a period of time. However, move beyond that pain and 
anger and let it motivate you to make a positive change in your life. 
Don't let this change make you an angry or bitter person. Life is still 
good. Bad things do happen to good people. Life is a process Jennifer 
of continually growing. To accept the change effectively, you need to 
go through the stages of grief. One of those stages is anger. You never 
get to the point of completely accepting that disability. It becomes a 
life long process. Jennifer, we cannot control everything that happens 
to us in our lives; however, we do have the power to choose our 
response to whatever happens. There are so many lessons we can learn if 
we are open to them rather than resist. I have learned many lessons 
through this challenging year. Emotional growth often takes place as a 
result of pain. Life will be different for you Jennifer; that does not 
mean worse; just different. My hope for you is that you are happy in 
life and don't let this make you bitter. We all have so much potential 
that we do not use. Your potential may be different than before, but 
that is alright. The main thing is that you reach for your full 
potential. You came very close to death. In fact you told mom one day 
after school that you remember having a choice to live or die. You told 
mom you didn't want to leave your family and friends. I believe it was 
not your time to go Jennifer. There have been times this past year I 
have observed our family interacting and imagined life without you 
here. The pain would be too immense to describe. I am so happy you are 
alive. You know how much the saying “feel the fear and do it anyways” 
means to me. Many times when I start feeling overwhelmed by everything, 
I would repeat the saying from that tape, “whatever happens, I'll 
handle it.” Jennifer, we will handle each challenge as it is presented 
and look at is an opportunity to learn. This past year is just one 
chapter in your life. I wrote this “chapter” for you because you would 
not be able to remember it. This is just one chapter, don't let this 
experience be the focus of your life. Minimize your disability. We all 
have limitations. Focus on your strengths and what you have to give to 
the world. You have so much to offer. Continue to dream. Your dreams 
may be different than before, but don't stop reaching for them. I 
believe life is a continuous process of moving forward; continue to 
grow Jennifer. You are celebrating December 13th by having a party with 
friends. It is a time to celebrate your miraculous recovery. This 
concludes this chapter in your life. I would encourage you to continue 
the story when you feel the need. Also, you may benefit by reading 
“your story” more than once and at different times in your life. You 
will have a different perspective on this story one year from now, when 
you are eighteen, and when you are my age, thirty-eight. I hope you 
find strength and encouragement from your story. I love you Jennifer 
and am so fortunate to have you as my daughter. Love, Dad 

Back To School 

I vaguely remember the first day I returned to school. I was met at the
front door by the counselor and given a tour of the school. The junior 
high that I attended was a very old building that had been added onto 
numerous times, making the school very much like a maze. I needed a map 
to get around and remember where my classes were. I also was introduced 
to the school's Learning Disability Specialist, Mrs. Wulff. I remember 
feeling uncomfortable, confused and somewhat embarrassed that I was 
suddenly put into a group and category that I never imagined myself in. 
In junior high, most of the students who went to the Learning 
Disability room were much different than me. There was a stigma to the 
group. They stuck together and my group of friends were not associated 
with any of those students. My world as I knew it had completely 
changed. April 11, 1996 Journal Entry I just got back from play 
practice and I'm so frustrated. There is too much going on in my life 
right now! For dance I'm only going to be in my competition group, not 
my regular or ballet classes anymore. That takes a load off my back. 
It's too much to remember all of those routines. I'm not going to be in 
the piano recital either. Good! I'm just in the school play and school 
softball. I have two more piano lessons left and then I'm done. I also 
have dance for competition. Oh well. I can't wait until summer! 

Mrs. Wulff was the first person in my life, outside of my family, that
really believed in me and encouraged me over and over again, reminding 
me that my life was not over, just different. The goal that was 
intended by my family and me was that I complete school on time and 
continue to have college as the intended next phase of my life. We did 
not know what that picture would look like, but decided to live life as 
if nothing had changed and college was still a realistic goal. At that 
time, college seemed a far off reality since I was only in eighth 
grade. When I first began working with Mrs. Wulff, I was somewhat 
distant and not quite open to the working relationship between us. I 
was angry that I relied so heavily on her. I was frustrated to not be 
in the normal classes with my friends again. I was in denial of my life 
being different. However, Mrs. Wulff never gave up on me and 
consistently believed in my success, reminding me that I could do 
whatever I intended to with my life. Mrs. Wulff even took time out of 
her personal life, the summer after eighth grade, and met with me on a 
weekly basis to continue building up the strength of my brain and 
memory. Because of the memory loss, one of the most challenging 
deficits I dealt with was my loss for retaining information when 
reading books. Before the brain injury, I loved reading and read often. 
Then I lost that ability to remember what I would read, page to page. I 
would turn the page, having forgotten what I had just read, become 
frustrated and simply give up. My parents and Mrs. Wulff knew from past 
experiences in the field, and from reading the literature on brain 
injury, that the brain can re-learn what it needs to, and will 
eventually find new pathways of retrieving information and memorizing 
information, particularly from repetition. Therefore, Mrs. Wulff 
continued to encourage me to read books that interested me and to keep 
trying, no matter how frustrated I got. So that summer I read. During 
that summer, my family went on vacation and shortly before that to 
encourage my consistent reading, my parents decided to pay me for 
reading each hour. They also paid my brothers part of the reward to 
support and encourage me. Having that as an incentive was a big 
contributor to my repeated effort in reading. While on our vacation in 
Wisconsin, I picked up a book that caught my eye. I discovered the 
young adult section pertaining to real life situations, where other 
teenagers faced challenging life situations and overcame obstacles in 
the face of adversity. The books not only rehabilitated my memory 
recall for reading, but also provided me with a sense of hope and 
understanding of other teenagers going through similar situations. It 
assisted with letting go of bitterness towards my experience. I am a 
strong advocate for empathy and letting go of self-pity and in my 
opinion, the best way to get past that is by learning about others in 
similar, and oftentimes much worse, situations. There are many others 
who live lives with much more difficulty and that was eye-opening for 
me, giving me more reason to pursue further in my rehabilitation. 

August 21, 1996 Journal Entry Right now I have so many mixed emotions
and feelings about life. I am so confused. I have to go to summer 
school tomorrow with Mrs. Wulff at 7:00am. Joy  We are going to 
go over my schedule. I am just praying I can get into Mr. Vieselman's 
class. I am sort of really depressed right now. I have so many thoughts 
in my head that I feel I can't explain or share to anyone else. I just 
can't express all of my feelings. Sometimes I ask why I came back to 
Earth? Why was I sent back? Is there some reason? I haven't found the 
answers to that yet. I am nervous about ninth grade. Well I guess not 
nervous, but scared and sad to say goodbye to eighth grade. I am scared 
to grow up. 

After that summer, I started ninth grade, which was still in the same
junior high building as eighth grade. I continued working with Mrs. 
Wulff, and that past Spring I worked my way back into my mainstream 
classes and was attending full days of school. The only time I was 
spending in the Learning Disability room was for study hall. During 
that time, Mrs. Wulff helped me with my homework. It was soon 
discovered that my writing skills were not affected by the brain 
injury, only memory, making tests very challenging. Accommodations were 
made with the teachers, which allowed me to take the tests in the 
Learning Disability room and have the test read to me by Mrs. Wulff or 
another teacher. For multiple choice tests, the teacher cut down the 
choices in half, making it easier for my memory to recall the right 
answer and not be as confused and overwhelmed by too many choices. This 
was the biggest obstacle I dealt with and the most difficult reality I 
had to accept. In a matter of days I went from the student who needed 
little studying to earn an ‘A,' where school came easy to me with 
little to no effort, to suddenly being titled as having a disability. 
No matter how hard I studied, when it came time for a test, I couldn't 
control what my memory chose to recall, and not recall and this is what 
much of America's school system is built on: memorization. 

My Support Team 

My parents, both being educated in the human service field, were the
biggest support system I had, and continue to have today. Being a 
teenager is not easy for anyone. Having a brain injury as a teenager 
made for even more trying times in those years. Being a young woman at 
ages fourteen and fifteen can be an emotional roller-coaster. As I've 
stated previously, I had a very close group of friends in junior high 
who were supportive during those times. A few of my friends came to 
visit me in the hospital. They made me a video showing their support 
for me that I played over and over again as I was recovering. Those 
friendships continued after the brain injury, but some of the 
challenges that came with the brain injury included social and 
emotional changes within myself. I was dealing with an experience that 
was not easy to grasp or put into perspective. It was especially 
difficult trying to express those feelings to other girls. Being in 
junior high was all about fitting in, and suddenly I had a title 
hanging over my head that made me unique. Most people were unfamiliar 
with the terms “coma” or “brain injury,” and few people had ever heard 
of Herpes encephalitis, making it easy for people to assume and lead to 
inaccurate conclusions. New Ulm is a smaller community, with about two 
hundred students in each grade. Therefore, word traveled fast about my 
experience, leaving room for many rumors and misunderstandings to 
circulate among students and the community. Note given to me by my dad 
in 1996: Jennifer, I will be thinking of you today as I testify for a 
young lady who suffered a brain injury in a car accident. In a way, I 
feel like I'm fighting for you as well. I want you to know how much mom 
and I love you. I know this past week has been tough. But continue to 
be joyful and find new passions in life. Find new “bridges” to connect 
with people. Remember and apply what you learned at the brain injury 
seminar. I am proud of you Jennifer. Allow yourself to heal. Love, Dad 

My friends were very supportive from the beginning, providing me with a
sense of stability that I believe was huge in my rehabilitation. Our 
lives went on and we continued our usual social support on weekends. I 
remained active in school activities, such as choir, the school 
musical, and softball. However, as time progressed, it became more 
challenging and confusing for my friends to understand the totality of 
the change in my life. We were just fourteen year old girls; my friends 
had no experience and little knowledge of brain injury. Understandably, 
they assumed I walked out of the hospital room and everything was fixed 
and fine. It's what many people thought, not just my friends, but 
adults as well. A brain injury can be deceiving since it's not a 
physical transformation that is visible to the human eye. Rather, it's 
within the brain and is very unpredictable and not fully understood, 
even by neurological professionals. “Character cannot be developed in 
ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the 
soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”  ~Helen 
Keller 

Adolescence 

The summer after ninth grade brought a lot of social change in my life,
particularly between my social support group with my girl friends. It 
was a transitional summer for our group of girl friends as we shifted 
from junior high school to high school. At this time in my life, as a 
result of the brain injury, my self-confidence was affected, making me 
less sociable and sure of myself, and with my decision making. Before 
the brain injury, I was self-assured, confidant, and one who made 
accountable decisions trusted by my parents and those around me. 
Judgment is also a practice that is developed through the stages of 
adolescence, and receiving a brain injury at this time in one's life 
can be detrimental. I went through a period of transition after coming 
home from the hospital and returning to my mainstream schedule of 
school and activities. However, in the year that followed, my parents 
noticed changes in my personality and decision-making skills. My 
parents had to learn to guide me in a new way. Being a teenager, I 
struggled with the changes, not only within my relationship with my 
parents, but in various areas of my life. I went through a time of 
having to rediscover and redefine my new life and who I was as this 
changed young woman. At the same time, I experienced the same emotional 
rollercoaster many teenagers go through simply due to the fact that I 
was a teenager. September 24, 1996 Journal Entry Today I am so 
depressed. I am scared, confused, angry, disappointed and every other 
emotion you can imagine. I feel like I am starting to get sick again. 
Today, I forgot I was in ninth grade. I thought I was in eighth and I 
started going to my old 6th hour classroom from last year. It was like 
I blacked out or something. I got completely confused at what day it 
was and where I was supposed to be at that moment. I am scared. I get 
tears in my eyes thinking about it. 

My Rehabilitation 

My parents knew from the beginning that having the right professional
rehabilitation team after a brain injury was crucial to my success. 
Along with the wonderful support offered by the Learning Disability 
department in the New Ulm school system, my parents also connected me 
with a psychologist in St. Paul who specialized in support for teenage 
brain injury survivors. Her name was Nancy and I formed a close 
connection with her from the start. I was able to trust Nancy and talk 
to her about the feelings I was experiencing that I felt no one else 
could understand. Nancy had a calming effect that reassured me I was an 
ok person, and it was normal to feel what I was feeling. What was 
extremely important was how Nancy became the bridge between my parents 
and me. Due to the change, my parents and I had to learn how to 
communicate again and be an effective healthy family. Nancy had the 
experience and knowledge to assist both me and my parents on how to 
live life after a brain injury. In the beginning, shortly after the 
brain injury was received, I would meet with Nancy every other Friday. 
Nancy would consult with my parents throughout the week, and then meet 
with me in-person at our sessions. At the end of the session, Nancy 
brought in my parents and we would have discussion on the issues that 
were being dealt with at the time. These sessions with Nancy continued 
for the following three years, slowly dwindling off as I became less 
and less dependant on her assistance. Eventually, Nancy was no longer 
needed. I missed having that support at first and it took time to get 
used to not having that third party support. In my opinion, Nancy was 
the most important support I received in my rehabilitation shortly 
after receiving the brain injury. She was truly the grounding force 
that was needed for both me and my parents. My sessions with Nancy were 
my time when I released my pain to someone who had an outside 
perspective with no judgment. I would store up the emotions of pain, 
fear, frustration, and confusion throughout the week and wait until I 
had my time with Nancy, then sit down with her and let it go. Today, I 
try to send Nancy updates every few years letting her know how my life 
is going and reminding her how important she was in my life at that 
time. Many times, when facing some adversity or trials, I miss having 
Nancy's perspective and insight, and wish I could go back to regular 
sessions with her. 

October 18, 1996 Journal Entry I have been very busy lately! I have been
in the cities for a lot of testing going on lately. Thank God, I am 
done with that! Too many tests, it made my brain hurt. I don't have to 
see them for a whole year! They said I am in the 12th grade math level. 
Probably because I was in the advanced math class before this year. 
Here is a quote I found in Chicken Soup For The Soul, a 3rd Serving, by 
Edward E. Hale: “I am only one, but still I am one; I cannot do 
everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do 
everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do.” 

My Second Awakening: Cancer 

As I began high school in 1998, two years had passed since receiving the
brain injury and it became a part of my life. I was able to continue 
mainstream education with a normal schedule like any other student. I 
still spent study hall in a classroom designed for students with 
learning disabilities, but with time, I became more independent and 
sure of myself. The only support I needed was for test taking due to 
the effect the brain injury had on my memory. The majority of my 
teachers were supportive and understanding. January 28, 1997 Journal 
Entry I went to my psychologist, Nancy today and my healer, Gene. Today 
with Nancy, she first talked to me and then my dad came in and for the 
first time, all three of us were in the room together. I got some good 
out of it. I am going to start attending some youth group activities. I 
think I made a big deal out of something that wasn't as bad as I 
thought. I'm going to work on that. The healing thing with Gene was 
nice tonight. 

One of the most challenging aspects of living with a brain injury while
in high school were the social changes within my life. The transition 
between junior high and high school, two separate schools, was a big 
change. The friends I had become so close with during my junior high 
years and during this major event in my life, were suddenly changing 
and going different ways. I didn't realize it at the time, but looking 
back, I now understand in a better way that I was really coming into my 
new self after a brain injury. I was redefining who I was and finding 
myself again after such a major event. In many ways, I feel like my 
life was a fast paced treadmill and I just kept moving automatically, 
not always realizing I was even moving. Looking back at the period of 
my life between junior high and high school is sometimes a blur, where 
I only remember bits and pieces. February 19, 1997 Journal Entry Well, 
yesterday I asked for happiness. I for sure did not get that. I went to 
the clinic today to get my lump on my neck checked out. Well, they took 
some x-rays and I saw my regular family doctor again. He came into the 
room and a tear streamed down his face. He told my mom and I it appears 
to be Hodgkin's disease. A form of cancer. What else can go wrong in my 
life? They were going to have the lump removed tomorrow to see what it 
is. But, there is a change in plans. I am going to go to the cities on 
Friday to get a second opinion. This is pretty scary. Does God want me? 
Am I not supposed to be here? I don't understand! I need answers! 

The tests came back confirming that I did have cancer. Ironically, even
with a brain injury, I remember that day like it was yesterday. I 
especially recall certain details. I remember sitting in the hospital 
room and not wanting to look at my mom who I knew was doing her best to 
hold back tears in front of me. I also remember I wanted to go back to 
school after leaving the doctor's office. When you're a teenager, 
you're friends mean the world to you. When you're a teenager, your 
friends are your world. I knew I needed to be with them. If I just went 
home, I would feel lonelier and only dwell on the feelings of 
frustration and pain even more. I vividly remember returning to school. 
It was our ninth grade lunch hour. I walked into the cafeteria and 
that's when it hit me; I had cancer. The tears began to well in my eyes 
and I heard nothing. I felt like I was walking through a tunnel of 
silence. I could see my friends sitting at the lunch table we sat at 
every day. I walked into the cafeteria and headed for our table. It 
felt like the longest walk of my life. Everything around me was silent. 
I felt as if I was in a different dimension outside of reality. I 
finally reached my friend's lunch table. I sat down and released the 
emotions, through tears, that had been surfacing since leaving the 
doctor's office. Previous to that, I purposely hid my feelings from 
mom, knowing she was struggling. I didn't want her to worry about me. 
My friends asked me what was wrong, yet I could barely speak. 
Eventually, through the tears, I somehow managed to say, “I have 
cancer.” Once again, my family and I found ourselves in the hands of 
Minneapolis Children's Hospital, which suddenly became a family to us. 
My mom immediately called my neurologist after the clinic visit in New 
Ulm, and we were referred to a Minneapolis Children's oncologist. She 
was a strong willed Irish middle aged woman and was the type of woman 
who told it like it was. My oncologist got straight to the point and 
meant business in regards to treating the cancer. I went through six 
months of chemotherapy. I was given the option of choosing to do only 
chemotherapy and hope that it kills all of the cancer or attack the 
cancer with both chemotherapy and radiation. However, radiation can 
have negative side effects, sometimes causing even more sickness than 
chemotherapy. Plus, cancer was found in my lymph nodes, both the neck 
and chest. Therefore, the radiation would be directly on my chest, 
possibly leading to a greater chance of breast cancer in the future. 
After processing our options as a family, we decided to attack the 
cancer with just chemotherapy. 

February 27, 1997 Journal Entry Today I had more medical appointments.
We consulted with my oncologist and she told me it does appear to be 
Hodgkin's disease. So we are treating it as that. Treatment starts on 
Monday. They are putting something in my upper chest that will allow 
all of my medicine to go into. Then on Friday chemotherapy begins. I am 
very scared. They say I'll gain some weight in the cheeks and lose my 
hair. So I'll be getting a wig. Tomorrow, I'm going back to school. I 
am not going to the counselor or anything. I am just going to tell 
people the truth. Oh and guess what! The pain in my leg is not just 
“pains in my legs” or “growing pains”! They found a non-cancerous tumor 
in my leg when I had the cancer scans. So they are going to have to 
operate on it later, after I am finished with chemo in six months. For 
now, I have to continue living with the pain and taking my pills to 
relieve it. What a life, huh? 

I had no idea what to expect during my first chemotherapy session. I
received the chemotherapy two Fridays in a row and then two Fridays 
off, for six whole months. Along with these treatments, I took very 
strong medication in pill form to also attack the virus. Both of my 
parents accompanied me to my first chemotherapy session. The doctors 
and nurses informed us of the worst possible scenarios, preparing us 
for what could happen, such as nausea, weight gain, and weakness. I was 
brought into a brightly lit room that was decorated in pastel colors, 
filled with toys, videos, a TV and VCR, and many video games. The nurse 
who was assigned to me was about my parents' age and very soft spoken 
and kind. She was always gentle, especially when it came to the 
medicine injected into my body. Cancer patients get what's called a 
portacath put into their upper chest, just under the skin. This is 
inserted so the nurses can inject the chemotherapy through that spot, 
into your veins. It's also where blood can be drawn from, eliminating 
the need for the nurses to poke around for veins. My portacath quickly 
became my best friend because it relieved me of the pain and bruises 
received from being poked with needles. During the chemotherapy 
session, I would sit in the comfortable reclining chair in our hospital 
room, watch TV, and wait while the medicine dripped into my body. 
Chemotherapy made my eyes and nose burn in a very strange way, often 
making me feel light headed and wheezy. Thankfully, I only became 
nauseated one time, but I think it was actually due to swallowing so 
many vitamins. Coming from a smaller community in Minnesota, word 
traveled quickly about my cancer diagnosis. At that time, I was going 
to school with a girl whose mom sold Shaklee products, including 
vitamins and supplements. One night my mom received a phone call from 
this girl's mom, who was interested in sharing information with us 
about Shaklee products. After meeting with her, it was decided the 
vitamins were the right thing to do and if nothing helped, we knew they 
were not going to cause harm. My parents invested in the vitamins and 
shakes and we began the protocol that was recommended for me, which 
involved taking twenty different vitamins, three times a day, with two 
protein shakes. My parents also took the supplements for their own 
health and well-being. The vitamins quickly kicked in and seemed to 
work. My body was accepting the chemotherapy very well, while at the 
same time remaining very strong. I never got sick after taking the 
vitamins. My immune system was healthy. Doctors were amazed at the 
strength I had, asking what we were doing that was keeping me so 
healthy. Along with the vitamins, my parents were both believers in 
holistic therapies and took me to various healers for my health 
concerns that year. The healers I was taken to introduced me to the 
concept of mind-body medicine and holistic well-being. I resonated with 
the theory quickly and even at a young age understood there was a 
spiritual component to my experiences with a brain injury and cancer. 

“Life is difficult. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths.
It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend 
it. Once we truly know that life is difficult--once we truly understand 
and accept it--then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is 
accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.” ~ From 
The Road Less Traveled By M. Scott Peck 

Outside of the vitamins and holistic healing, I strongly believe a large
part of my positive health was due to my faith and attitude. I think 
children are especially resilient and often handle life's trials better 
than adults. With children and teenagers, life goes on rather quickly. 
One adapts, adjusts and finds ways to move on in life, rather than 
dwelling on the negative. Before this transitional phase in my life 
began, I always felt I was destined for a career in health. Part of it 
is genetics, coming from a family that has quite a few health care 
professionals, and parents both in helping fields. But I also believe a 
large part of that desire to work in a health care setting comes from a 
higher calling and purpose that was destined for me even before my 
existence. Even as a fifteen year old, I quickly got past the denial 
and anger phases and found a place of peace, knowing in my heart that 
some day it would make more sense to me. I trusted in that very deeply 
and I know that is a large part of my successful defeat over cancer. I 
had a strong mission in mind and wasn't going to let anything get in 
the way of that. “There is always one moment in childhood when the door 
opens and lets the future in.” ~ Deepak Chopra 

Ironically, I believe cancer came at the right time in my life. There
are no accidents. It was almost as if it was a diversion for me, given 
to me as a gift. I think I needed the cancer in my life to teach me 
further about resilience. The cancer allowed me to let go of the 
overwhelming feeling of being the brain injury survivor. Now I had 
something in my life that was much easier understood by the public. 
Cancer was a universal word, brain injury was not. My brain injury was 
invisible to the public; cancer provided me with a bald head, making it 
easily visible to all. I didn't have to explain anything, it was known 
by everyone what cancer was. I could simply say, “I have cancer,” not 
having to explain what it was and how it affected me. The brain injury 
brought with it more of a “hush hush” feeling, where cancer was just 
cancer. Having cancer wasn't a “grey area,” it was what it was. Cancer 
also brought me into a world where I no longer felt like a stranger and 
outsider. Finally, there were other teenagers like me, experiencing 
life changing events, facing a life altering situation. I attended 
various events in the Twin Cities for other teenage brain injury 
survivors, but learned quickly I was in a different category than most. 
I realized how fortunate I was and felt that because of it, I had a 
mission. I have had many opportunities to meet other teenagers both 
with brain injuries and cancer. When I hear their stories, I am truly 
humbled by their experiences and reminded of how lucky I am to be where 
I am today. I think much healing comes from seeing yourself through the 
eyes of others, meaning being connected to others in similar 
situations, or being reminded that there are many people in much worse 
situations. This helped put things into perspective for me. Another 
gift cancer provided me was the realization that I had to let go of the 
anger and guilt. I remember the first time I came to this realization 
was after I attended the first Minnesota Brain Injury Conference with 
my dad. This was the first time I met other teenagers with brain 
injuries, and it completely blew me away. In a way I felt more alone 
after that experience due to feeling different compared to other 
teenage brain injury survivors. I was still in the same classes as 
before and still at the same school. However, many other teenage brain 
injury survivors were lucky to even go back to school. I knew after 
attending that conference that I was at a different level. I remember 
feeling grateful and very lucky, yet at the same time very alone. I 
still had the title of being brain injured, but it was almost as if 
mine was even more invisible than others, making it even more 
challenging to be who I was and have people truly know me and 
understand me fully. Being a teenager, the most important thing is to 
fit in and feel a sense of belonging from others. However, I felt as if 
I was in my own category. I was brain injured, yet still capable of 
achieving my original goals, just in a different way from before the 
brain injury. So there I was as a teenager, not quite brain injured to 
be in the brain injury category, yet not the same person I was before 
the brain injury, unable to be in the “normal” category of teenagers. 
Even though I understood there was no such thing as a definition of 
normal, at the time it was devastating. It took time, personal 
reflection and reading of spiritual literature, to help me release the 
guilt and come to the realization that I was not to blame for having 
more opportunity than other brain injury survivors. It was not 
something I had to be shameful of. Rather, it was something to 
celebrate and possibly use to help others. 

“A spiritually optimistic point of view holds that the universe is woven
out of a fabric of love. Everything that is happening is ultimately for 
the good if we're willing to face it head-on and use our adversities 
for soul growth.” ~ From Ensouling Ourselves By Joan Borysenko, Ph.D. 

Having cancer as a teenager provided me the opportunity to be connected
to a group of individuals much more like me, who understood what I was 
going through. Facing a life altering situation at a young age brings 
into your life some very adult lessons. While my school friends were 
busy worrying about what to wear to school and who to have the crush on 
for the week, I was facing the reality of living the rest of my life 
with a brain injury. I was also wearing the title, “cancer survivor,” 
knowing that my life would never be the same. From the cancer, I was 
introduced to a whole group of individuals from Minneapolis Children's 
Hospital who were also teenage cancer survivors, and whom I related 
with much more easily. I attended cancer camp for the first time at 
Camp Courage in Minnesota, the summer of 1998. I was so excited. I 
spent many years envious of my friends who were lucky to attend church 
camps in summer and I wished there was a camp I could attend. My church 
didn't provide that, so when I received my cancer diagnosis, I thought 
to myself, “Finally, I have a camp to attend!” This experience was 
another testament to the strength and courage teenage cancer survivors 
embrace. I bonded quickly with almost everyone at camp, amazed at each 
story I heard from the survivors. Being surrounded by other teenagers 
who understood terms like “portacath” and “prednisone” was truly 
refreshing and at the same time humbling. I was blown away by the level 
of courage and maturity portrayed in each teenage survivor I met at 
camp. It was another reminder for me of how lucky I was. In my opinion, 
the greatest lesson cancer provided me with was the importance of 
letting go of the victim role. Cancer opened my world to a whole new 
understanding of what it really meant to be a survivor. I gained more 
strength and encouragement from the amazingly strong teenagers I met as 
a result of having cancer. Also, in some way cancer served as a 
diversion in my life, taking the focus off of having a brain injury, 
almost as if cancer provided me with another boost of will and spirit 
to fight to survive. I was given more willpower to find meaning in the 
events of a brain injury and cancer. In my belief system, God provided 
me with these situations, and allowed me to survive both. I was given a 
choice: either play the victim role and feel sorry for myself or 
realize how lucky I was and that this was God's way of teaching me what 
I needed to know in my life at that moment. “You gain strength, courage 
and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look 
fear in the face...You must do the thing which you think you cannot 
do.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt 

Empathy is a feeling different from sympathy. Being sympathetic often
implies pity while still having some distance from another's feelings. 
Empathy is more a sense that one can truly understand or imagine the 
depth of another person's feelings. It implies feeling with a person, 
rather than feeling sorry for a person. Some people refer to empathy as 
being like walking in someone else's shoes in order to fully understand 
another's perspective (“What Is Empathy?,” 2003). Life experiences help 
to develop one's level of empathy. I think it is a trait that grows 
with time and life experience, particularly difficult life experiences. 
I consider empathy to be extremely powerful in all relationships with 
others. In my own life, I have noticed within me, since having a brain 
injury and being a cancer survivor, a greater level of understanding 
and being able to understand, in a better way, feelings that others 
experience while facing difficult situations. I am grateful for this 
ability and feel it has especially contributed in guiding me on my path 
to choosing a career. I always knew I wanted to help others and 
especially comfort those in pain. This is definitely a result of my own 
experiences overcoming adversity, as well as seeing others overcome 
life challenges. “When we talk about understanding, surely it takes 
place only when the mind listens completely – the mind being your 
heart, your nerves, your ears – when you give your whole attention to 
it.” ~ Jiddu Krishnamurti 

High School 

I continued to receive support services provided by the high school in
the Learning Disability program. Along with this support, I also was 
connected to the Minnesota Department of Rehabilitation Services (DRS) 
and assigned a case worker. I met with this case worker monthly or 
sometimes every couple of months. Since acquiring the brain injury, I 
have had two different case workers. The services provided by DRS have 
been helpful in providing financial support throughout college and will 
also be assisting with vocational placement after college. As stated, I 
continued in high school with the Learning Disability program, having 
study hall in the Learning Disability program room, just as I had in 
junior high. But this was a different teacher, not Mrs. Wulff. I hadn't 
realized until I left junior high school, how much I had formed a 
connection with Mrs. Wulff. I now had a new Learning Disability teacher 
assigned to me. I, along with my family, had to re-educate another 
person about TBI; how it changed me and what it changed in my life. 
Plus, I now understand better how much change affected me at the time. 
Oftentimes, brain injury survivors thrive best in situations that are 
stable. Change can disrupt one's system or routine, making things even 
more stressful. Particularly when dealing with memory, the brain 
recognizes repetition. Having a new school and a new set of teachers to 
assist me with my brain injury was a change and it took adjusting. One 
of the biggest challenges I had to overcome during high school was the 
infamous driver's test. The actual driver's test with the driving 
instructor was a piece of cake for me and I had no worries. However, it 
was the permit test I had to take that was the biggest challenge! The 
summer after ninth grade, I took the driver's education classes I took 
many notes and paid attention, yet knew having a brain injury was going 
to be a challenge when it came to the test. Plus, I was dealing with 
people who knew nothing of who I was as a person, or anything about 
TBI, unlike my schools, who were educated. I remember distinctly after 
taking the written test three times and failing that I became 
determined to study as hard as I had to in order to pass the test. So 
it came down to me reading and re-reading the materials and notes I had 
taken. I dedicated myself to going over the terms over and over and 
over again. To study, I repeated the information many times until I 
felt confident I knew the material. The day came for one of my parents 
to once again take me to the test. The frustrating part was that I had 
to wait two weeks in between the test taking, because they didn't want 
people to take the test week after week. Yet, they didn't understand my 
situation was different than others. It wasn't that I didn't try; it 
was just that I couldn't remember. I had a brain injury. The 
frustration turned into determination. I remember that morning well. My 
mom had taken me to the test the previous times before this morning, 
but on this day, my dad took me. I walked into the room and I knew that 
this was my chance and was going to be the time I passed. I knew the 
material like the back of my hand. Plus I got really talented at 
repeating facts in my head silently over and over again, still being 
able to hold a conversation with another person at the same time. Once 
again, the brain is pretty powerful! It's become even easier for me to 
do that today. I sat down that morning and took the test. I walked up 
to the woman who corrected the test and held my breath. It was the 
longest five minutes I endured in a long time! She got to the end and I 
saw that she had very few marks on the page, then looked up at me and 
smiled and said the magical word, “Congratulations.” I still remember 
the feeling of accomplishment that overcame me at that moment. It was 
truly a significant turning point for me. That moment provided me with 
hope and assurance that I was capable of anything, if I worked hard 
enough for it. I walked out of that room with a huge grin on my face. 
My dad saw me and I remember his eyes lighting up, as he was just as 
proud of me. Even today when I need to be reminded of where I've come 
from and how far I have come, I think of that day and how good it felt 
to work so hard for something and see the results. I knew from that 
experience that anything was possible. College I graduated from high 
school on time with my original class in May of 2000. It was a big 
achievement for me due to the fact that many had questioned if that was 
a realistic goal. The even bigger question was whether I would attend 
college or not. Much of the resources and literature surrounding TBI 
explain that college for brain injury survivors is rare and if 
attempted, can be challenging due to various reasons. For example, high 
stress from the increased independence, expectations from the classes, 
and a feeling of overwhelm with the increased responsibilities can lead 
one easily to burn out. However, since the beginning of this journey, 
college was always the goal in mind. It was the intent from the 
beginning that my life be as “normal” as possible and that anything I 
wanted to achieve in my life before the brain injury, was still a 
reachable goal. During my junior year of high school, my dad and I 
began researching various colleges that were potential possibilities 
for me after high school. Since the beginning of the search, my dad was 
very encouraging of Augsburg College, due to the fact that they are 
very well respected for TBI support. Augsburg is nationally recognized 
for providing services for physical disabilities, TBI and other various 
Learning Disabilities. However, a brain injury often causes one to 
easily feel overwhelmed when bombarded by new places, new faces, and 
new experiences that are outside of one's normal routine or usual 
lifestyle. I felt intimidated by living in Minneapolis after coming 
from New Ulm, population 13,000. I was overcome by feelings of 
nervousness and panic when even thinking about living in Minneapolis, 
particularly the Riverside neighborhood. Along with looking at 
Augsburg, I also looked at St. Mary's University in Winona and Gustavus 
in St. Peter. My family and I knew that a small private college was 
necessary for my well-being compared to a rather large state school, 
where again, I would feel overwhelmed. Also, it was imperative I 
receive adequate support from the school in case accommodations needed 
to be made, such as testing services. After touring Augsburg and 
meeting some of the staff, I decided I felt there was a better place 
for me at that time in my life. My heart told me I wasn't ready for 
that experience and I'd be unhappy in that particular environment at 
that time in my life. After Augsburg, I toured and met with Gustavus 
staff. However, there was little to none support services for any 
students with disabilities. The energy I felt while touring the school 
was that I didn't belong there or wouldn't be truly accepted by staff 
and students in the same way I would be at Augsburg college, where 
there was an entire program designed for students with any disability. 
I continued the search for a college, and visited St. Mary's Winona, 
where there was also a program set up for students with disabilities. I 
liked the school and got a better feeling at that school. However, I 
was not familiar with the Winona area and felt out of my element and 
far from home, since our family had no relatives or friends in that 
area of Minnesota. That very quickly ruled out Winona for me. At that 
time in the college search, I began to get frustrated and was feeling 
like my choices were limited. I expressed to my dad that I was very 
comfortable in the Mankato area, and said to him, “I wish there was a 
smaller school in Mankato.” I was only aware of Minnesota State 
University, which is another big state school, that I knew would not be 
appropriate for me at the time. It was then that my dad mentioned to me 
there was a smaller school in Mankato, called Bethany Lutheran College. 
At first, I was a bit skeptical and hesitant due to Bethany being a 
Lutheran college and our family being Catholic. However, I toured it 
and met with staff, particularly the Learning Disability specialist at 
the college, Professor Borne, who I felt very comfortable with. I knew 
immediately it was the right place for me at that time. A Card I 
Received From Dad, August 30, 2000 “I know sometimes I overdo the 
parenting thing, and it probably seems to you like I never want you to 
grow up. Well, there's a part of me that doesn't! I want to keep you 
safe and help you be happy, just like I did when you were little. But 
we both know you're not a little girl anymore. You're a strong, 
self-assured, responsible young woman able to make your own choices and 
be your own person – a person I'm very proud of! And even though my 
heart may wish you'd slow down a little, I'm going to be there cheering 
you on all the way.” – Linda Barnes 

Jennifer, you just started college at Bethany College. We all dropped
you off at college. The boys helped unload all of your belongings to 
the third floor. Mom and you organized your room. I even put together a 
computer table for you. I wish you well at college. I am very proud of 
all your accomplishments and love you unconditionally. I gave you a 
poem, titled “letting go.” You politely returned it to me and stated I 
needed it more. You were right; we laughed. In all seriousness, you 
have all of our support as you become more independent. We are always 
here, should you need anything. Love you with all my heart. Love, Dad 

Bethany 

Being the oldest in our family, moving me into college as a freshman was
a family ordeal. It was actually my birthday that day, August 27th. I 
was anxious, excited, yet very nervous to be embarking on a whole new 
chapter in my life. New experiences at that time in my life were still 
something that took more adjusting. I was still gaining confidence in 
myself and my abilities, making me hesitant to try anything new or 
experience anything new. I was assigned a dorm room in Old Main on 
Bethany's campus in Mankato, and was paired up with three other girls 
for roommates. This made some of the nervousness dissipate due to 
relieving some of the questioning of what it would be like to live with 
another girl. Would I like her? Would she like me? Would it be awkward? 
Knowing I was with three other girls relieved some of that stress 
because group situations are often much more comfortable being in new 
situations together. I was very lucky to be placed with three very 
outgoing girls who shared similar lifestyles as me. They were all very 
social and welcoming, excited to be sharing the college experience 
together. Nicole was the first roommate to come up to me right away, 
introduce herself with a big smile and handshake and have a welcoming 
presence within her that made me feel reassured my college experience 
was going to be alright. Soon after I found out Nicole and I were both 
celebrating our birthdays on that day! That was another reaffirming 
moment for me that I was at the right place, doing the right thing in 
my life at that time. Rachel was the second roommate to move in, also 
bringing with her younger siblings to assist in the move. Rachel was 
quieter at first, but also very friendly. The third roommate was 
Jessica, who was more challenging to read after our first 
introductions. She was friendly but with a hint of sarcasm that wasn't 
always easily understood. I came to find out soon after that Jessica 
also had a brain injury. Other than a few brain injury conferences 
where other teenagers attended, this was my first experience of having 
an acquaintance or friend also with a brain injury. I didn't realize at 
the time what it taught me, but looking back at the situation, it was 
one of the first attempts of many, where I believe the Universe was 
trying to show me how lucky I was and how far I had come compared to 
many other brain injury survivors. I learned from Jessica the 
importance of organization and advocacy. Also, I came to understand in 
a much better way, as a result of knowing Jessica, how fortunate I was 
to be as aware of myself and my disability, as well as my abilities. 
Having Jessica as a roommate helped me realize my own strength in 
articulating my brain injury and needs in a way that was understandable 
to others. That was something I highly took for granted. I was very 
open about my brain injury and had four previous years of experience 
teaching me how to be an advocate for myself. This was also something 
my parents worked tirelessly to pass on to me through various ways, 
such as the professional support services I received that assisted with 
teaching me this skill. I didn't comprehend at the time the intention 
behind all of the rehabilitation my parents provided me with. I was too 
young to understand and not at a place in my life to fully appreciate. 
This realization and appreciation grew with age, maturity and with each 
successful achievement I had in my college years. I know now that 
Jessica was brought into my life to be somewhat of a mirror in my life, 
helping me see what could have been, had I not had the support I had. 
Jessica was also a successful college student, but struggled more with 
things that I was lucky to have gained more assistance with, such as 
financial responsibility, organization, and writing skills. Throughout 
that first year of college, I helped Jessica with paper writing and 
other class struggles she dealt with, which only helped me more, 
providing my brain with more tools and practice in various neurological 
skills many people take for granted. 

Letter received from Nancy, February 2001, after contacting her
following my first semester of college: Dear Jennifer, I was delighted 
to hear from you and so excited to learn that college was a wonderful 
experience. This is certainly what I had hoped it would be for you, I 
think it is a testimony to your persistence and strength of character. 
You wouldn't be where you are today without your hard work. I am quite 
proud of you, and hope you are also proud of your accomplishments. 
Thank you for mentioning me in your paper – I feel very honored. (once 
again, it was you that did the work.) You have come a long way from the 
eighth grader I knew. Your insight and acceptance have been remarkable. 
Jen – you've had an interesting life so far. Best wishes in second 
semester – I think of you fondly, and always with a smile. ~ Nancy 

As mentioned, there was a professor at the college who had a PhD in
Learning Disabilities, Professor Borne. This was encouraging to my 
family and me, due to our experience of touring other colleges with no 
support. Professor Borne was a very quiet gentle older man who was very 
encouraging and supportive of my brain injury. He had little experience 
with TBI, but had spent his years at Bethany College helping other 
students with disabilities. This reassured me that there was a contact 
person at the college for me if or when I needed any assistance with my 
classes. I had reached the point in my brain injury journey where I 
didn't rely as much on the necessity of support. Rather, I just needed 
to be at a place where I knew it was available if needed. I had become 
much more independent than I ever realized until that point. Note From 
Mom and Dad: September 9, 2001 It was nice to talk to you on the phone 
earlier this weekend. We wish you well as you start your third semester 
at college. We are extremely proud of how well you have done in 
college. You have become an independent young woman. Best of luck this 
semester. Love, Mom and Dad 

I managed to make it through my first semester of college with no
support from Professor Borne. I took my tests in class, attended all of 
my regularly scheduled full time classes, and completed homework 
successfully and on time. At mid-terms, I got my first grades back that 
consisted of As and Bs. My dad sent me a card, congratulating me on my 
success and reminding me how proud he was of my accomplishments. The 
card giving tradition from my dad has become a regular occurrence in my 
life. I keep all of the cards and like to read them when I need a 
reminder of how far I've come and how lucky I am. After two years at 
Bethany College, it was on to the next phase of my education, Augsburg 
College in Minneapolis. 

Card Received From My Dad: April 21, 2002 “Turning points...these are
the moments when the world holds its breath for you, moments of 
decision that change your life forever. As you move on from here, 
things will be different around you...but the inner you, where the 
courage is, where the love is, where the dreams are, will never 
change...And neither will the way I care.” – Barbara Loots Jennifer, I 
thought you would enjoy this card. I am very proud of you. You have 
grown tremendously while at Bethany College. I am very appreciative of 
the school. I wish you well as you near “closure” at Bethany and begin 
the transition to Augsburg. I love you with all my heart. Love, Dad 

An important lesson I had to learn during my first couple of years in
college was letting go of my desire for perfection. While attending my 
first years of college, it had been five years since I had acquired a 
brain injury. During those previous five years I became used to having 
to push myself harder than others. Before having a brain injury, I was 
a very dedicated student, achieving high grades without having to try. 
College was a new challenge with advanced learning at a higher level. 
With this experience, came feelings of nervousness due to not knowing 
what to expect, how it would be different and how I would get past the 
new challenges. Even with my nervousness, I took on the various 
challenges as they came. Most of the classes came very easily to and 
weren't much different than high school. And in some ways, there were 
some reasons why college was actually easier for me than high school. 
For example, the schedule was easier, due to it not being straight 
through from morning to afternoon. With TBI, fatigue can easily affect 
one's memory, making the day more stressful as it continues. I had the 
privilege of choosing my own schedule, being aware that back to back 
classes were not the best choice for me. I also did my best to avoid 
early morning classes due to my need for sleep in order for my memory 
to be in its best state. College was also easier since the semester 
required fewer classes to be full time, compared to going to high 
school. Having fewer classes allowed me to focus more on the specific 
classes and not be so overwhelmed. As stated, letting go of perfection 
was a major lesson I had to learn. At Bethany, some of the classes were 
new concepts to me. Being a private Christian college, it was required 
of all students to take a religion class each semester, something I was 
not used to in a public high school. The religion classes were also 
primarily centered around memorization, such as memorizing Bible 
passages for tests. Being the somewhat stubborn person I am, and being 
one that hates to feel “different” in any way, I attempted to take 
every test independently and refused to reach out for help in any way. 
I also went without telling any of my professors that I even had a 
brain injury. At this time in my life, I was still learning advocacy 
skills and working on gaining assurance in myself and my abilities, 
especially my ability to speak for myself and my needs. I did my best 
in the beginning, however, learned quickly that test taking was going 
to be more challenging in college than high school. I made quite a few 
phone calls home to my dad the first semester, crying with frustration 
due to me feeling like a failure, and feeling different from everyone 
else. My dad reassured me that it was not the end of the world and that 
it was simply another hurdle I had to get over. Along with that 
encouragement, he reminded me that I had to advocate for myself and 
professors were not going to be understanding if they weren't made 
aware of my disability, and it was my responsibility to relay that 
information. There was one religion class that was especially a 
challenge for me while at Bethany. The professor was an older man who 
had been teaching for many years, and appeared to me to be somewhat 
intimidating with a reputation between all of the students as being 
particularly difficult. Due to the intimidation, I did not approach him 
in the beginning of the semester, making him aware of my brain injury. 
Rather, I decided I would do my best to get through the assignments and 
tests without any accommodations. The first half of the semester I was 
unconcerned, until I later realized my grade for the class was a D. 
This immediately caused a reaction in me since I was used to being an A 
or B student. I took it personally and again called my dad upset, 
overreacting about the class and grade. I was reminded by my dad to 
speak directly with the professor and explain my situation. I then 
explained to the professor that I had a brain injury, affecting my 
memorization and making the test taking especially challenging. The 
professor was attentive and appreciated me making him aware of my 
circumstances, but explained that he could not offer any special 
treatment in class. Therefore, I would have to continue taking the 
tests without any accommodations. I left the professor's office 
frustrated and emotionally upset, feeling defeated in some ways. Again, 
I was reminded by my dad to focus on what I had control over, and to 
not let one class discourage me. I made it through the semester and was 
relieved to receive a final grade of a D+. This was actually an 
accomplishment for me, as I was worried I was going to fail due to the 
class being so challenging. I celebrated receiving a D+, but most 
importantly I gained a valuable lesson from this experience. I learned 
to let go of my need for perfection. I had a big breakthrough and came 
to the realization that sometimes, you have to accept whatever your 
best is and if you try your hardest and put all that you have into 
something, there comes the point when you simply have to let go and 
surrender. My dad passed on a phrase to me that became particularly 
important; “give yourself permission to be human.” I try my best to be 
reminded of those words when I feel discouraged. I also have to remind 
myself that I don't have to be perfect, and I don't have to prove to 
others or most importantly myself, that I am capable and not 
“disabled.” My first two years of college provided me with numerous 
valuable lessons. I also took with me what I consider many gifts from 
the experience, particularly the realizations I came to. College gave 
me a sense of reassurance in my abilities and independence and 
surprised me with how capable I was of attending college with little 
accommodations. I surprised myself in many ways, increasing my 
confidence for the future. 

Augsburg 

My ultimate goal and plan was always to attend Augsburg College due to
its largely respected program for students with disabilities. The 
previous two years in Mankato had been a stepping stone to the larger 
step of college in Minneapolis. My housing situation at Augsburg 
consisted of an on-campus apartment to assist in my independent living 
skills. I was placed with two other young women, both juniors. They had 
been at Augsburg their previous years, and knew other students. I was 
suddenly the “new transfer student,” making me feel nervous to meet 
others and missing my supportive friends who were in other cities at 
other colleges. Augsburg was a bigger college and in a bigger city with 
many new challenges I faced every day. I didn't know any other students 
at the college and I had a new key contact person I had to get to know 
related to TBI support. Her name was Sadie and she was the director of 
the ACCESS program at Augsburg. As stated, Augsburg is well respected 
for services provided for students with disabilities, offering two 
programs at the college, one called the CLASS program and the other 
called the ACCESS program. The CLASS program is designed around 
students with physical disabilities, and the ACCESS program helps with 
TBI and any other non-physical disabilities. The first year at Augsburg 
took some adjusting as stated, especially to the ACCESS support 
program. I was still learning the skill of reaching out to ask for any 
assistance myself. I was used to having support automatically put in 
place and me having to do very little of the advocating. I also have 
somewhat of a stubborn side to me, where I do not like to be 
“different” in any way. I do my best to minimize my brain injury and 
don't tell people unless it absolutely has to be addressed. I think 
this was more of an issue for me when I was younger and more 
embarrassed to be different. I didn't want to let anyone know that I 
had any struggles. When I would forget something, I became very good at 
quickly covering it up with humor or brushing it off as just 
forgetfulness. I have a tendency to think I need to prove to others and 
myself that I am capable of being successful without support, so I 
refuse to reach out for assistance until I am reminded, usually by my 
dad, that its time to seek out support services. The older I get, the 
more comfortable I become with being my true self immediately with 
others, and not being afraid to disclose that I have a brain injury 
which limits my memory. I think I have come a long way in letting go of 
shame and embarrassment of simply being different and unique. At this 
time in my life, I am ready to come to a place of full acceptance and 
share my circumstances due to a brain injury with full pride. My living 
situation at Augsburg was in an on-campus apartment built just a couple 
years before I started there. It served as a purposeful experience for 
me, allowing my independent skills to grow further. It was somewhat of 
a pre-apartment living situation, since I still had roommates and it 
was directly on campus. This was another opportunity in my life which 
provided me with more assurance in my self and abilities when it came 
to independent living skills. Having a full kitchen in our apartment 
gave me time to improve my cooking skills. I also was given more 
responsibility in household tasks, boosting my confidence that I was 
capable to do those things by myself. However, on the downside to the 
on-campus apartment living, it was very separated from the rest of the 
students living on campus at Augsburg. I was a transfer student my 
first year, coming from Bethany after two years of college under my 
belt. Suddenly I was placed in an apartment with two other women 
students who had been attending Augsburg their previous two years and 
they had already developed a place for themselves in that situation, 
socially. My roommates already had a group of girl friends they 
belonged to and activities they were involved in. I felt very alone my 
first year at Augsburg, and it took a lot of adjusting. TBI can 
sometimes be limiting to one's social skills, making one more shy to 
reach out and hesitant to be proactive in meeting new people. My close 
friends were the group of friends I left behind in New Ulm, who had all 
gone to separate colleges or cities for jobs. I spent a lot of time 
staying connected to my friends via the Internet or cell phone, which 
helped get me through that first year at Augsburg. I met classmates 
through the classes I took, but then class ended and people went 
separate ways, so I didn't really feel like I had a sound group of 
friends on campus. The second semester of my first year at Augsburg, 
after having some time to adjust to the changes of a new school that 
first semester, I started an on-campus job in the mailroom. This 
provided more balance in my daily routine, and also was another way I 
met people on campus. I also developed a close bond with my boss in the 
mailroom, a middle aged woman who was into topics such as spirituality 
and energy healing, so we quickly bonded and became good friends. With 
each year at Augsburg, I became more and more comfortable and felt at 
home. That year I also became involved in campus ministry, meeting more 
students interested in similar topics as well. By the end of my three 
years at Augsburg, I felt I had grown a lot since I first started there 
as a nervous and shy young woman. I am grateful to Augsburg for the 
support it offered me not only as a student, but as a woman, helping me 
find myself and most importantly, find within myself confidence and 
assurance that I could succeed with a brain injury. While at Augsburg, 
I overcame quite a few obstacles that were monumental in improving my 
self confidence. For example, attending Augsburg brought to me my first 
experience of learning to drive in the Twin Cities. I was terrified. 
Some people take for granted that when you drive somewhere, you can 
easily recall how to get back to your previous location. I, however, 
would lose that memory, get easily turned around and find myself lost. 
I felt much safer in a smaller environment, such as cities the size of 
New Ulm, 13,000. However, the Twin Cities is a much different 
experience. The summer before starting classes at Augsburg, my dad 
drove with me to Minneapolis, to help get familiar with the area. The 
Cedar Riverside area of Minneapolis was a bit overwhelming for me due 
to the diversity and culture, much different than New Ulm. I still 
remember the first time I drove with my dad and I had to exit onto 
Riverside Avenue on 94east, after just coming from 35w north. This is a 
very quick exit and one must cross over 3 lanes to get to the exit in 
time. My dad instructed me to merge and I think he closed his eyes and 
prayed. I remember him becoming a bit frantic, which only made me even 
more nervous and terrified of driving in Minneapolis. With time, it got 
easier and I learned to merge. However, the memory recall of directions 
was still a challenge. I quickly learned the route to Target and 
Rainbow from Augsburg, and that was my only route I drove for my first 
year of classes. I gained more confidence in my skills and abilities, 
and I began to MapQuest directions on my computer and follow them and I 
somehow found my way and back. This increased my confidence even more 
and I became more comfortable in the Twin Cities area. I also learned 
rather quickly to keep notecards in my car with directions to places I 
traveled frequently. This way when I needed to be reminded of what 
highway or street to take, I pulled out my notecard and it was there. 
When one loses an ability that at one time came very naturally to them, 
it can be a challenge. I took for granted the freedom I had before my 
brain injury, my ability to recall. While at Augsburg those three 
years, the biggest challenge I overcame is my ability to advocate for 
myself. Those three years truly taught me through many life experiences 
in that timeframe to speak up for my needs and not be afraid to admit 
when something may be more challenging and when I need some assistance. 
With each time I had to speak on behalf of my needs, I gained more 
confidence in my ability to speak effectively and not feel embarrassed. 
It became more and more natural and a part of my life in those years. I 
also was given the gift of being able to see many more students at 
Augsburg with disabilities. This helped open my eyes to how lucky I was 
to be where I was and doing what I was doing with very little help from 
any rehabilitation services. I also came to the realization that I was 
very blessed to have been taught how to advocate for myself. From my 
experience of being around other students with various disabilities, 
some with TBI as well, I came to understand better the reason my 
parents instilled those lessons into my rehabilitation. I quickly 
learned how valuable it was to have the skill to articulate my needs in 
a mature way that could be understood and validated. This became a huge 
turning point in my life regarding my appreciation for the people I had 
in my life and the support I was very fortunate to have. I spent many 
years as a teenager being angry and feeling embarrassed for some of the 
experiences I endured as a result of my brain injury. Then I was given 
the gift to see what I could have been like if I hadn't had those 
resources of support, and I came to a whole new level of appreciation 
and understanding. I was humbled again in my life by numerous others 
being mirrors for myself, allowing me to see my life in a new way. 
March 16, 2004 Journal Entry I'm home for spring break and its good 
timing. I needed this! Badly. I've changed majors again! It's still the 
same interest of wanting to go into spiritual counseling/hospice work. 
I was in my psychology classes and planning on that but then the 
Research 1 class got to be a little too challenging for me. And you 
need to pass it to graduate with the psych degree. So I was struggling 
with that and did all I possibly could and after many meetings with 
lots of people and talks with dad, it was decided to drop the class and 
graduate with a religion major! Who would have guessed? The funny thing 
to me now is how much it makes sense and how right it feels! I think I 
shyed away from it before because I was scared it'd be like Bethany. 
But it seems right and Augsburg is different, more liberal and openly 
spiritual. I've met a lot of great people and am really excited for 
this phase in my life. In two weeks I'm going on a silent spiritual 
retreat. Looking forward to what I will take away from it. 

Card I received from my parents, Spring 2004: “I know this isn't the
easiest time in the world for you and that the challenges you face 
would test the strongest faith, and yet, I see the Spirit of God 
shining through you as each day you just keep putting one foot in front 
of the other...You are an inspiration and a blessing to everyone who 
knows you. But I am aware that hanging on and hanging in and being 
brave are not as easy as you make it look, and that's why you're 
constantly in my prayers...I ask God to comfort you, give you strength, 
and to bring you better days. It's what you deserve, because you are 
truly one of His beloved children.” – Linda Lee Elrod 

We love you Jennifer. We're proud of you. Call whenever you need
support. Love, Dad You have done so well at Augsburg. I know it's not 
always easy – keep it up – you are an inspiration to all of us! We love 
you and are so proud of you! Love, Mom 

I graduated from Augsburg in 2005 with my degree in Religion. I switched
majors twice from social work to psychology and then finally to 
religion. I knew I wanted to be in a helping field, specifically health 
care. I also knew intuitively that I was going to find more meaning and 
purpose in my life story, vocationally; that in some way it was going 
to lead me to something larger than myself, and I was going to use my 
experience to help others. I wasn't necessarily knowledgeable of the 
way I planned to take, but knew I would eventually get there. 
Graduating from college was a very big accomplishment considering much 
of the literature, research and statistics regarding college for brain 
injury survivors is grim. I overcame the odds and with a lot of hard 
work, perseverance and many important people in my life to help along 
the way, I made it. Today, when I speak to anyone connected to the 
brain injury field, and tell them I am a brain injury survivor with a 
college degree from a private college, they are often shocked and 
interested in hearing more about how it was accomplished. Yet I don't 
always feel like I know the answer to that question. Being a woman 
largely centered in my faith, I know there are not always black and 
white answers. Looking back, I am amazed at the timing of certain 
events and especially certain people coming into my life when they did. 
I believe strongly that a very large part of my success is due to me 
being guided to the right people who helped me in many ways. 

May 5, 2005 Journal Entry Two more days until graduation! I have my last
class tonight and then I'm done with my undergrad degree! Hard to 
believe. I'm happy to be done but sad it's over and I have to say 
goodbye to Augsburg. This place has really changed my life in many ways 
and made me a better person. The opportunities this place has provided 
me with have been amazing and life-changing. I'll miss the professors, 
classes, campus ministry, my mailroom job, chapel, and much more! But I 
know it's time for change and growth.... 

Luther Seminary 

I came to the decision to major in Religion at Augsburg in my junior
year. That year I became more involved in campus ministry events and 
started looking further into Christian vocation. When I found the 
Masters in Faith and Health Ministries program at Luther Seminary I 
became very excited to find a program that recognized the concept of 
spirituality having a major impact on one's health and well-being. I 
never thought it was a possibility for me, being Catholic, to attend a 
Lutheran seminary, but with guidance and support from professors at 
Augsburg, I discovered it was an option. At that time in my life I 
thought it would bring me to where I wanted to be vocationally. I was a 
little nervous and hesitant about attending seminary due to my liberal 
open-minded spiritual opinions regarding organized religion. But at the 
time it seemed to be the only way to bring me to my vocational goal of 
working in a spiritual and holistic health environment. I began classes 
at Luther Seminary in the Fall of 2005. It started out on a good foot. 
I met a lot of nice people and enjoyed my classes for the most part. 
Looking back at the experience, I was a completely different person at 
that time and in a completely different place in my life. I was still 
being guided in ways that I didn't see then. One of the many lessons I 
learned during this time was that sometimes in order to follow our true 
path, we have to take the detours. I found out that seminary was a 
detour for me; a purposeful detour. After about a month at seminary, I 
started to notice a pattern in my relationships and conversations 
between classmates. I was often having to defend myself and what I 
believed, or justifying why I believed what I believed. I started to 
feel like an outsider compared to the other students. October 1, 2005 
Journal Entry It's been a rough week with a lot of opinionated people 
here at seminary. Too much theology being somewhat forced into our 
lives, and some I'm finding offensive. But I guess that's what you get 
when all of us are passionate about our beliefs and come from different 
backgrounds. I called mom and dad and cried for an hour today about how 
spiritually frustrated I am. I'm really looking forward to going home 
this weekend, getting away and re-nourishing myself. 

After a couple of months, my parents started noticing changes in my
personality and were recognizing that I wasn't really my true happy 
self at seminary. At this point, my parents intervened and had a few 
heart to heart conversations with me about my future. It was decided by 
all of us that the cons outweighed the pros in regards to staying at 
Luther Seminary. We agreed that I would finish the semester and then 
return home to re-evaluate my options. I would work in New Ulm full 
time at the group home that I had as a summer job the previous five 
years. November 22, 2005 Journal Entry I have decided to leave Luther. 
I'm coming home this winter to work at the group home in New Ulm until 
Fall when I can then begin classes at St. Kate's in the Holistic Health 
Studies program, concentrating in Energy Healing! Healing ministry is 
my passion, so I'm really excited. And it's across the street from 
Augsburg! Ironic! 

Moving back to New Ulm was like a fresh start for me. It was probably
one of the best decisions I ever made in my life. I was amazed at how 
that one decision made so many other things in my life fall exactly 
into place with a level of ease I had not witnessed before. Suddenly, 
doors began to open in unexpected ways. More people were appearing in 
my life that had connections to holistic health and spiritual ministry 
in health care facilities. The energy around my life intensified in a 
way that is indescribable. In many ways, I look at this particular time 
in my life as a major beginning for me. It was almost as if I finally 
began to live on the level I desired living since receiving my brain 
injury. At this time, my dad encouraged me to look at the College of 
St. Catherine. He had heard through some people that the school 
recently developed a graduate program in holistic health care. I found 
the website one winter morning and knew immediately after seeing the 
first page that it was for me. The website itself felt like home to me. 
I read the class descriptions and grew even more excited and anxious 
the further along I read. I ran to my parents with the information and 
said with joy, “I found the right program for me!” It was agreed that I 
finally had found the right fit for my vocational goals and dreams. I 
applied for admission to the St. Kate's graduate program and was 
formally accepted that winter. Classes began in Fall of 2006. 

St. Kate's 

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart...try to love the
questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written 
in a foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given 
you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, live 
everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, 
without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” ~ 
Rainer Maria Rilke 

I believe life is made of different phases we are meant to go through
for learning and helping us to advance in our spiritual development. 
When I began the holistic health studies program at St. Kate's, it was 
a major starting point in my life. I felt like my life truly began for 
the first time since receiving a brain injury. It was almost as if all 
of the previous years were all meant for the purpose of leading me to 
the particular experience of this program. In many ways, I feel my life 
came full circle with the start of the holistic health program at St. 
Kate's. My spiritual seeking truly began in my final year of studies at 
Augsburg when I became a Religion major. Since that time, I have been 
reading many books on the value and importance of the following topics, 
in relation to TBI rehabilitation: organization and compensation, 
spirituality and faith, resilience, overcoming adversity and finding 
meaning, and finally, life purpose and paying it forward. 

Spirituality And Faith 

“Spiritual maturity begins when we realize that we are God's guests in
this world. We are not householders, but pilgrims; not landlords, but 
tenants; not owners, but guests.” ~ C. Willard Fetter 

The past twelve years of my life have definitely been more of a
spiritual experience rather than a human experience. I know I would not 
be where I am or who I am today without my own personal spirituality. A 
journal articled titled Defining the Spiritual Experience, by Elfie 
Hinterkopf, Ph.D. defines spirituality as “a subtle, bodily feeling 
with vague meanings that brings new, clearer meanings involving a 
transcendent growth process” (1998). The greatest spiritual teachings 
in my life have resulted from the experiences I have had in my life 
since receiving a brain injury. I have been opened up to a new 
understanding of my connection to a Higher Power. From the many 
challenges I have faced in the past twelve years, I have learned to 
trust in the greater mystery of life, knowing that there was something 
larger than myself guiding me on my way. I remember in many of my 
darkest moments, those times of despair, frustration and pain, somehow 
found a way to resolve themselves eventually. Every year that passed, 
it was almost as if I grew deeper and deeper in the understanding of my 
life, and letting go of needing answers to certain questions. There was 
a desire within me to eventually reach a place of contentment, and with 
every passing year, I think I become more and more content. I believe 
that is due to the deeper relationship that exists between me and 
something much larger than myself. The spirituality that has developed 
and continues to develop in my life has been a major grounding force 
for me. It has brought me back to a place of peace when, many times, I 
have felt lost. A large piece of this spiritual development involved my 
definition of spirituality growing and deepening. I noticed within my 
own spirituality that I became much more accepting of differences 
within other cultures and I had within me a sense of openness about 
life, religion and life after death. I am grateful for this new sense 
of awakening that was ignited in me, particularly due to my 
appreciation for life and surviving challenging experiences. Along with 
spirituality, faith also played an important role in my life for the 
past twelve years. My idea of faith includes believing in something 
greater than us, knowing that some things are out of our hands and in 
the hands of some one or some thing much larger than ourselves. I 
strongly believe that from the beginning, there was an inner knowing 
within myself telling me that things were going to be alright and I was 
going to find more and more meaning in my life events as time 
progressed. I always felt that there was an energy greater than myself, 
present with me, and leading me on my path. Without this faith, I don't 
think I would be where I am or who I am today. When I experienced some 
of the lowest of my moments, feeling as if I wanted to throw in the 
towel and give up, somewhere inside of me, in the deepest parts of my 
soul, I found that tiny voice inside of me saying, “You can do it, go 
on.” My faith in that small voice inside of myself is what has gotten 
me to this place in my life today. “Sometimes, when hope is gone, I can 
breathe into my heart and find there the faith that sustains me, faith 
that is fueled by the moments when I or others are able to find what is 
good, what is funny, sweet, and tender in life, despite deep wounds and 
overwhelming difficulties. It is the courage of the human spirit and 
the relentless persistence of life all around us that gives me faith. 
So I have faith that even if my health is never strong, it will be 
okay, truly okay. Life will continue, and it will conspire with its 
beauty to pull me back to hope. This is my faith.” ~ From The 
Invitation: It doesn't interest me what you do for a living, I want to 
know what you ache for. By Oriah 1999 Page 116 

Organization And Compensation 

From the past years of living with a brain injury, I have slowly
discovered the importance of organization and how significant that is 
to anyone's success, particularly brain injury survivors. Thankfully, I 
have always been an organized person who hated when things were messy. 
My room was always clean and neat, with everything having a designated 
place. This skill served a huge purpose in my life after acquiring a 
brain injury, and was a large contributor to my success in school and 
life. As mentioned, a brain injury can cause one to feel overwhelmed 
and panicked if one's plate gets too full. My parents are both highly 
skilled in this area and use the Steven Covey system. My dad 
particularly knew from the research he read and from personal 
experience of working with his own clients who had disabilities, that 
the Covey system was well respected in the area of TBI. A couple of 
years after receiving my brain injury, my dad introduced me to the 
system and encouraged me to use it. However, I was a stubborn teenager 
who didn't want to take advice from my parents, and even more so, I 
didn't want my parents to be right. I wanted to find my own way. The 
Covey system at that time in my life, at the age of sixteen, was too 
complex and complicated for me. I was not ready for that system quite 
yet. However, I reached the point of understanding that I needed 
assistance with keeping track of things, such as assignments, 
practices, and school meetings. Since I refused to use any tangible 
system, I found out quickly that I could write notes on my hand if I 
needed to remember anything. This system lasted about a year and then I 
began to realize ink rinses off with water and I was starting to have 
more things I needed to keep track of and organize. As my life was 
becoming more complex, I was in need of a more developed system. Yet, I 
still refused to use anything related to the Covey system. Then I 
discovered post-it notes! I would keep a post-it note in my pocket for 
each day. What I needed to know or get done for that day would be 
written on that piece of paper and thrown away when the day was over. 
Unfortunately, there were some times when I'd forget about the post-it 
in my pants and my mom would discover it in the wash. I used my own 
unique systems all the way until my third year of college when I 
started Augsburg. While at Augsburg, I noticed other students were 
using class planners and found out that the Augsburg bookstore actually 
sold planners made specifically for Augsburg students. I purchased one 
and began to use it and started to realize the simplicity of using a 
planner. It made life much less complicated. The older I was getting, 
the more I understood the need for organization in my life and how key 
it was for my success. After graduating from Augsburg, I was in need of 
finding my own planner, and again, was still hesitant to advance to the 
Covey system. I had done things my own way up until then, and I planned 
on keeping it that way. I discovered that Target sold planners, so went 
ahead and purchased my own. I found out that the planners sold at 
Target were actually part of the Covey system planners, ironically. As 
I began to use the system, I slowly embraced it and realized the 
benefits. Today, I have officially advanced to the complete Covey 
system planner and this has become a large part of my life. I wake up 
every day and have that as my guide. I take it with me and when things 
are needed to be written down, it is there. I use the weekly compass 
sheets in the Covey system that helps remind me of my weekly goals and 
intentions, so that I don't become overwhelmed by outside stressors. As 
my dad continuously reminds me when needed, “focus on what you have 
control over.” Along with the Covey planner system, I also keep my 
living environment clean and organized. I have a file cabinet to help 
things stay in place and to not lose important documents. I also have 
discovered that three-ring binders are very helpful for keeping 
numerous amounts of important paperwork in place. With my medical 
history and numerous medical professionals in my life, it is imperative 
that the information remain in a place that I keep clean and well put 
together. I have become skilled at being able to categorize various 
groups of topics easily. Therefore, each area in my life is a category 
either in a file cabinet, organized in sections and with sub-sections, 
or is neatly organized in a three-ring binder, again with labeled 
sections and sub-sections. Also, for some people it is very easy to 
remember when important things in our lives need to be updated or taken 
care of, for example, car maintenance or home maintenance. Some do not 
need reminders of when these things need to be taken care of, but for 
me, those facts do not stay in my memory after a period of time. This 
is another system my parents have helped put into place in my life, 
where I am again using a three-ring binder that is organized and 
separated into various categories. I use this system to record anytime 
something is done on my car or for an appliance I own, or for the 
apartment I live in. Finances are another area of my life that has to 
remain very organized to avoid any complications. In the past year, 
with the support of my parents and also suggestions from Suze Orman, 
financial expert, I have developed my own financial tracking system 
that I go through weekly to keep on track and remain organized. The 
less I feel overwhelmed, the more in control I feel regarding my 
finances. This provides me with self-assurance and the feeling of 
knowing I can handle these responsibilities on my own. That is 
something very important to me, especially because for many years, I 
knew it was questioned by some people whether this was a realistic goal 
or not. It is satisfying to know that I have made it to this point and 
am able to succeed despite having a brain injury. And finally, another 
compensation tool I have developed is having a system set up in my car 
for driving directions. Living in the metro area, I do a lot of driving 
in various cities surrounding St. Paul and Minneapolis. I also have a 
job that requires me to drive to various places, depending on where my 
supervisor sends me. In the past couple of years I learned quickly that 
it would be beneficial to have directions to the places I drive on more 
than one occasion handy in my car, to utilize when needed. Even if I 
have driven to a destination numerous times, it is easy to get 
directions mixed up, and also when driving and not knowing where you 
are going, one can easily become anxious and nervous, making driving 
uncomfortable and dangerous. I now have a system that I developed where 
I write directions on an index card, for places I know I will be going 
to more than once. I keep the directions on the index cards next to me 
in the driver's seat, so when they need to be accessed, they are right 
there. As you can see, organization is a large part of brain injury 
rehabilitation. I am grateful for the tools I have gathered in the past 
twelve years and am able to utilize today. I desire to assist any other 
brain injury survivors struggling with this area. I find it rewarding 
to use the lessons I have learned to hopefully assist others who are 
dealing with a traumatic brain injury or any disability. 

Resilience 

There is growing research and literature on the topic of resiliency and
the ability to bounce back. According to this research, highly 
resilient people are flexible, able to adapt to new circumstances 
quickly, and thrive in change. Most importantly, they expect to bounce 
back and are confident they will. The topic of resiliency psychology is 
growing in interest, particularly for health care professionals. The 
Practical Psychology Press has identified “coping, optimism, hardiness, 
stress-resistance, post-traumatic growth, creativity, emotional 
intelligence, and the survivor personality as the main attributes of 
resiliency” (“The Resiliency Advantage,” 2005) When one's life is 
disrupted, those who are resilient handle their feelings in healthy 
ways. They allow themselves to feel grief, anger, loss, and confusion 
when hurt and distressed, however, not allowing it to become a 
permanent feeling. It's been found that an unexpected outcome is that 
they not only heal, they often bounce back stronger than before and 
find meaning within the challenge (“The Resiliency Advantage,” 2005). 
“To be resilient requires a lightness of step and the flexibility to 
move and not stay stuck or mired in yesterday. It is through accepting 
the reality of what has been done, accepting the reality of having been 
hurt, betrayed, wronged; working through the layers and layers of 
difficult emotions and thoughts accompanying the injury, and finding 
ways to improve our life and state of mind that gives us the best 
opportunity for true freedom from insult and trauma. It is through 
admitting, feeling, and letting go of the negative emotions associated 
with the egregious act that we transcend victimization.” ~ Spirituality 
And Practice, 2008 

Having a brain injury and being a cancer survivor were significant life
experiences that taught me the meaning of resiliency and how it can 
positively affect one's life. I didn't know much of this term until 
shortly after I was diagnosed with cancer, my dad started bring up the 
term and speaking more with me about what it means to be resilient. It 
became an on-going joke between my dad and I, where he would quiz me 
out of the blue, asking “what is the definition of resiliency?” I would 
reply with the typical teenager attitude of feeling sick of being 
repeatedly asked that question, yet I always would respond, “The 
ability to bounce back.” As a teenager, it was annoying, but as an 
adult, I now understand and have a much greater appreciation for my dad 
introducing me to that term and theory. Again, I find gratitude in my 
life experiences happening at a younger age in my life, because I think 
it matured me in ways, particularly in resiliency. I think there is a 
beauty in the free spirit of children who live as if there is no 
hardship because of their often lack of facing those challenges. Yet, I 
also think, at least in my life personally, that there was a gift in me 
learning about resilience at a young age. It has definitely served as a 
purpose for many more experiences in my life as a young adult and I 
trust it will continue to serve as a valuable lesson in the future. 

Overcoming Adversity And Finding Meaning 

“Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul
nobler and stronger than it was before.” ~ James Buckham 

I believe strongly in the power of choice. Every life situation one
encounters is also presented with the ability to choose how to respond. 
We can not control what happens to us, but we can control how we react 
to any situation. It took time, and some years of life experience after 
receiving a brain injury and overcoming cancer, but I have come to what 
I consider a place of peace. With each challenging experience I 
overcame in the past twelve years, I found within myself more and more 
strength and confidence in my abilities. As it's been stated, there 
were numerous occasions when I felt the odds were against me. 
Sometimes, professionals or the research literature in the public 
regarding TBI were discouraging toward survivors. However, a large part 
of what pushed me to overcome the adversity were the challenges I faced 
and the times I was told I most likely would not be able to accomplish 
or succeed in something. That gave me the spirit and energy within 
myself to want to prove, not only to others, but most importantly, to 
myself, that I could do anything I set my heart, mind and intention on. 
With each small victory I experienced within my rehabilitation, it 
pushed me even further to want to fulfill my life desires. I have 
surprised myself numerous times in the past twelve years when it comes 
to my abilities and what I thought I was going to do in my life and 
with my life. As the years progressed after I received a brain injury, 
I began to piece together different pieces of understanding. I read a 
lot of books on various topics, such as spirituality, finding meaning, 
overcoming suffering, and life purpose. The more I read, the more I 
began to view the events in my life, not just the brain injury and 
cancer, but each significant event, in a more meaningful and purposeful 
way. This learning is an on-going journey. I continue to read 
inspirational books for motivation, I journal, and I also, when given 
the opportunity, try to reach out to others and assist with their 
personal struggles by sharing my story with the hope of inspiring 
others. I accept events, even the pain and struggles, as lessons and 
opportunity for growth. The past twelve years have largely shaped who I 
am, where I have been and where I will continue to go. Having a brain 
injury does not define who I am as a person, but has definitely been 
the largest teacher in my life so far. I have been humbled in many ways 
by having a brain injury, and taught to never assume that bad things 
don't happen to good people. I have also learned that everyone has a 
life story and comes with a history of their own personal pain and 
adversity overcome. I quickly learned how easy it is to judge anyone 
who's different, yet the minute one becomes a minority in any way, one 
is given a whole new perspective of what it means to feel like an 
outsider. Those experiences allowed my empathy for others to grow, 
especially for others who are often labeled unfairly and given up on 
quickly. Having a brain injury has taught me to not dwell in the pain, 
but to rather use it as energy that fuels my passion and drive for 
life. Every experience is another opportunity and can be viewed as a 
gift of choice. The choice to feel sorry for ourselves and dwell in the 
negativity or rather the choice to find within ourselves the strength 
and character we each possess to put one foot in front of the other and 
move forward. The most important gift I feel the past twelve years has 
brought into my life has been the growth of my personal spirituality 
and relationship with a Higher Power. I find it challenging to express 
into words the level of emotions I experienced, particularly the couple 
of years after I received a brain injury. It was a confusing time with 
a lot of questioning and seeking understanding of why. I went back and 
forth between being angry and confused and then feeling blessed and 
lucky. I personally feel overcoming a near-death experience brings with 
it a large responsibility. At that time in my life, I was so happy to 
be alive and wanted to share my gratitude and continue to do so. I, 
being a believer in God, felt like in many ways I had to repay Him for 
the second chance I was given. Being a naïve teenager, I couldn't even 
begin to comprehend how I was going to do enough or be enough to show 
God that I was grateful. However, with age, wisdom, and some soul 
searching, I discovered within myself the feeling of grace. I came to 
understand that God didn't expect me to have to pay Him back. Rather, 
He just wants me to be happy and content. This concept took a long 
time, and is still a process, to truly grasp and understand. I have let 
go of the pressure to do something huge with my life in order to show 
God how grateful I am. Today, I show my gratitude by embracing every 
day as a gift, and doing my best to be present within each day, living 
life to the fullest. 

Life Purpose And Paying It Forward 

“So often we look at a calendar of days as merely a symbol of the
passage of time. We forget why we are on this earth. We forget that 
there is a reason for all of the pain and all of the struggle. We 
forget that we were put on earth to learn something. If everything were 
perfect in this life, we would never learn anything new. We would not 
be able to elevate our spirits through the events that happen to us.” ~ 
From Walk In Balance By Lynn V. Andrews 

I believe part of the lived experience is continually asking within
ourselves if we are living a purposeful life and questioning who we are 
and what we are here to do with the short time given. Experiencing the 
rehabilitation of a brain injury and cancer at the young age of 
fourteen presented me with a different way of living. I suddenly felt a 
shift within my life shortly after, knowing that something had occurred 
within me and my life. There was an inner knowing that I discovered 
regarding that my life took on a new meaning as a result of overcoming 
the challenges I faced. With the spiritual discerning that took place 
regarding finding meaning within my experiences, I came across the 
concept of life purpose during my teenage years. The more I read about 
the concept, the more excited I got because I finally was reading 
literature that was putting into words what I was feeling yet could not 
articulate. I sensed within me that something had happened when I 
crossed over while in the coma. Suddenly, I felt inspired by an energy 
much larger than myself that was leading me to people and places and 
experiences that provided me ways to use my life story for the purpose 
of inspiring others. Around the age of sixteen I came to a new 
realization of life purpose and chose to view what happened to me as a 
gift to be used to better the world in some way. I didn't know how at 
that time, but I knew eventually I would be led to what God had planned 
for my life. In the past twelve years through soul searching and self 
discovery, I have come to view the purpose of receiving a brain injury 
and also overcoming cancer as both a personal lesson and a tool to use 
in my life in regards to helping others. I could easily write a 
separate memoir just on the topic of the many gifts I consider in my 
life as a result of the brain injury and cancer. Looking back, every 
event in my life that occurred as a result of the brain injury or 
cancer served a large purpose in getting me where I needed to be and 
with whom I needed to be with. I have reached the point in my spiritual 
awakening where I understand now that I needed both the brain injury 
and cancer in my life in order to teach me what I needed to learn. I 
believe part of our life purpose is to pay forward the lessons we have 
learned and the gifts we are given. Paying it forward means taking what 
we have acquired along our journey and using it in a purposeful way, 
for the better good of others. I hope I have in some ways already paid 
it forward through the people I have met in the past twelve years as a 
result of my brain injury and cancer. I hope from the experiences I 
have had in sharing my story, others were motivated to overcome 
challenges and pursue dreams that were often termed “impossible.” I 
plan to continue sharing my story for the purpose of inspiration and 
healing, not only for myself, but for others as well. Through my 
vocational plans of working in the health industry, with the hopes of 
working as a spiritual wellness counselor, I also plan to pay forward 
the gifts I have acquired from this journey. I have absolutely no 
regrets or feelings of anger or bitterness for any of the past twelve 
years. I wake up every day happy to be alive and grateful for the 
miracle of each new day. I look forward to the future, knowing I am not 
alone on this journey, and that I have been blessed and will continue 
to be. For that, I am and always will be grateful. 

“We all have this voice and are given an underlying faith in its wisdom
as our birthright. It is what gently prods us to remember that life is 
about more than just continuing. It is what calls us to be all of what 
and who we are in terms defined by our own soul's knowing instead of 
exclusively molding ourselves according to the culturally sanctioned 
drive for material success or any particular tradition's or teacher's 
definition of spiritual enlightenment. We each have this voice, 
although how it speaks to us, the words it uses, will differ and be 
shaped by the particular circumstances of our lives. The truth is that 
I am an ordinary woman with an extraordinary hunger, an ache to 
discover and consciously live the meaning of my life, and a conviction 
that that hunger can be satisfied only by cultivating a deeply 
spiritual life. The voice of my soul gently reminds me that we ache for 
something more than just continuing, asking us to remember our capacity 
for deep intimacy, our ability to live the meaning at the center of our 
lives, to be aware of the Mystery that can hold it all.” ~ The 
Invitation By Oriah, Page 14 

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I
would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used 
everything you gave me.'” ~ Erma Bombeck 

*The author has been given permission to use names of people referred to
in this memoir. 

References 

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applications of autobiography, life stories, and personal mythmaking. 
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http://www.bestspirituality.com/quotes.htm BrainyQuotes. (2008). Viktor 
Frankle. Retrieved February 19, 2008, from 
http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes.authors/v/viktor_e_frankle.html 
Canfield, J.L., & Hansen, M.V. (1996). A 3rd serving of chicken soup 
for the soul: 101 more stories to open the heart and rekindle the 
spirit (1st ed.). Deerfield Beach, Florida: HCI. Encephalitis 
Information. (2002). The encephalitis society. Retrieved January 6, 
2008, from 
http://www.encephalitis.info/TheIllness/TypesEncephalitis/HSE.html 
Hinterkopf, E. (1998). Defining the spiritual experience. Integrating 
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Spiritual Inspiration. (2007). Willard Fetter. Retrieved February 23, 
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http://www.peaceinspiration.com/2007/07/25/quotes-about-spirituality/ 
Practical Psychology Press, Inc. (2005). The resiliency advantage. 
Retrieved March 4, 2008, from 
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