Apple Pie and Coffee (standard:humor, 1629 words)
Author: Reid Laurence	Added: Apr 11 2007	Views/Reads: 3538/2182	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
How about all those people with them fancy college degrees? Are they really necessary in a world so riddled with chaos and disorder? Read on, and find out...

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

young man, wondering if something was wrong, said once more, even more 
plainly then before, “I'm sorry mister. I didn't mean ta bump into you 
like that. You okay?” But all he got in return for his effort and good 
manners was the same mild, though shaky, “uhh, apple pie and coffee?” 
The only difference being that this time, the response sounded more 
like a question than a statement. 

Walking away in wonder, this well meaning young man then ran up the long
flight of stairs on his way up to the city's surface, never to realize 
the mystery behind the man he'd bumped into, even as the pathways of 
their lives had collided, both literally and figuratively. 

Watching the youth slowly disappear on his journey to the surface, the
mild mannered explorer who seemed not to know much about anything, had 
only just turned his attention to an arriving train when suddenly, his 
focus was interrupted by a very loud, small group of people who were 
fast approaching him with microphones in hand, chattering constantly to 
a crowd of no real physical presence. And suddenly, with little 
warning, they were upon him... 

“Hi there sir,” announced a very cheerful man with perfectly combed hair
as he pressed a microphone nearly to his chest and politely introduced 
himself. “I'm Maurie Limburger from WSKUZ radio and you're on the air! 
How would you like to say hello to everyone listening out there in 
radioland?” But as anyone may have guessed, the only greeting this man 
could muster was a very cautious smile, accompanied by one very lonely, 
nervous twitch. “Shy huh?” asked the radio announcer. “Well don't be 
friend. Now is not the time to be shy, isn't that right Boomer?” he 
said, drawing attention to another young man included in his entourage 
of radio co-hosts and sound engineers. “That's right Maurie!” exclaimed 
Boomer. “It sure ain't. Not with a million dollar question at stake. It 
sure ain't.” “Tell you what mister,” continued the announcer. “It just 
so happens I've got a check here made out to cash for a grand total of 
o-n-e   m-i-l-l-i-o-n dollars! Now how's that? That's a lotta payola  
isn't it? And all you've gotta do is answer one little question. How 
about that? Are you up to the challenge?” But again, as one may have 
expected, the only reply came in the guise of yet another, even more 
briefly displayed smile. “Still shy huh?” remarked the announcer. 
“Maybe this'll liven things up?” he added. “Okay... are ya ready now? 
Here we go then... Name two of the most common things served up on 
dinner tables all over America, and this big fat check is yours buddy. 
Ready?! Go for it!” And like so many times before, the only thing this 
man could say was, “apple pie and coffee.” But this time, luck had 
taken an extreme turn, and as the unsuspecting stranger muttered each 
timid word, they discharged like stones cast to a still water pond, 
creating ripples of excitement and energy that were not only 
unexpected, but seemed never even to have existed until now. 

“Oh my God!!” shouted the announcer, after regaining his composure well
enough to speak. “That's it! That's what we've been waiting to hear for 
the past six months! He did it! Mister, you won! The check is yours!” 
shouted the radio announcer. “Marty! Where's Marty?” he continued, as a 
photographer in the group made his way to the center of the growing 
crowd of people around the grand prize winner. “Marty, get my good side 
this time, will ya?” he added, as the photographer began snapping 
picture after picture of the man posing with the radio show host, check 
in hand, smiling from ear to ear. “You're a brand new millionaire 
buddy, and I don't even know your name,” stated the announcer to the 
crowd that had gathered, and to the tens of thousands of people who 
were listening over the radio. “Isn't there anything you'd like to say? 
C'mon mister, don't be shy. You're a rich man now. What's it feel 
like?” 

“Ahh... apple pie and coffee?” 

“Psst, hey Maurie,” whispered Boomer. “Yer not gonna get anywhere with
this guy. Can't ya see, he's another new immigrant from Slowveckia. 
Thousands of ‘em are com'in in every week.” 

“You know I bet your right,” replied the announcer, covering the
microphone with his coat as he spoke. “But how in the wold did he win 
all that money? I'm still in shock.” 

“Lemme fill you in on something my dad told me when I was a kid... he
said, ‘it don't take brains ta make money.' And what we got here is a 
prime example.” 

“I wish someone would'a told me that before I signed a contract to work
ten hour shifts,” answered Maurie. “Where's my piece a the pie?” 

“Tell me about it. That's what everyone wants ta know.”


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