The Battle with the Red Squirrel (standard:non fiction, 1517 words)
Author: Amy Buchanan	Added: Aug 30 2006	Views/Reads: 3351/2139	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A true story about dealing with a furry gobbler while feeding the birds.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

animal. 

I then formulated my next attack. I waited in front of the open window
armed with a squirt bottle. The red squirrel stood on the feeder and 
stretched its head forward, peering into the room. I nailed it in the 
face with a nasty squirt of water. I gave it another squirt; the shock 
of cold water caused the red squirrel to leap off the feeder. The next 
day when it returned, I nailed the red squirrel in the back end with a 
squirt. Of course it showed up the next day after, so I retired the 
squirt bottle and proceeded to hatch more plans. 

Would I ever stop the war? If you have a persistent foe it will make you
more persistent also. I would not give up the fight! My brother offered 
again to kill the red squirrel; I still refused this solution. I asked 
him to climb out on the porch roof to retrieve the feeder that had 
again been dragged down by the red squirrel. 

My brother informed me that because his mind was more clever than mine,
he could think up a better plan. My brother thought that if music and 
water did not deter the red squirrel perhaps the noise of another 
animal would frighten it more. He could not imitate a cat, but he could 
imitate a barking dog. He waited in front of the open window. When the 
red squirrel showed up and peered into the room, my brother let loose 
from his throat his best imitation of a barking dog I ever heard. He 
barked, he howled and he bayed. The red squirrel shot off the feeder 
and careened off the roof. The next day, the red squirrel did not come 
to the feeder. 

Was it success at last? I rejoiced, at last my feeder was safe! The next
few days the red squirrel was absent. The rejoicing did not last for 
very long. It showed up again filling its face with seeds. 

What other evil schemes did my brother devise? The next time he parked
himself in front of the open window with a large, thick rubber band. 
When the red squirrel showed up, he snapped it in the back end with the 
rubber band. Next time my brother waited with the long plastic pipe I 
had tried to use to retrieve my feeder off the roof. When the red 
squirrel showed up, my brother poked the squirrel off the feeder. His 
next action later was to brandish his fist out the window and punch the 
red squirrel off the feeder. 

Perhaps it is slightly funny to know what lengths two people will go to
fighting with a red squirrel. Perhaps it is slightly cruel to know what 
was done to this poor critter. I gave up after all this. If this red 
squirrel was willing to put up with load music, water squirting, human 
dog barking, rubber band snapping, pipe poking, and fist punching to 
have its fill of seeds, why should I stop it? I knew it was hopeless to 
stop it. I tired of the battle. I could occupy my time with better 
pursuits. I had to learn to live with this gutsy creature. It was only 
one red squirrel! 

After the war was over, another red squirrel decided to visit the
feeder. Both squirrels proceeded to fight over the feeder every morning 
before sunrise. When a red squirrel chatters it sounds like a rapid 
succession of an air being pumped into a bicycle tire. Double that 
noise and you can see why it was not pleasant to be woken up by these 
rude creatures. Looking out the window one morning, it literally looked 
like a boxing match.  Both red squirrels were punching each other with 
their front feet. 

It was hopeless to keep one red squirrel off the feeder; I was not about
to start a war with another. I let the two red squirrels battle it out 
every morning for the rest of the winter. The next year we moved out of 
state, the platform and the feeder ended up in the trash. 


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