One Man's Rules for Life (standard:humor, 1820 words)
Author: Jim Spence	Added: Apr 17 2002	Views/Reads: 3486/2353	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
a list of things I've learned about life in my almost 50 years of living ...

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

Exercise with next year in mind, not tomorrow. 

If you don't make plans for retirement, you'll never get there. 

Fast food is worth every penny you paid for it ... and not a penny more.


When you feel depressed, ask a child what they want for Christmas. 

No matter how embarrassing it is to tell your doctor something personal,
he's heard worse. 

Being able to change a tire is one of life's greatest rewards. 

The earlier you make coffee in the morning, the later your wife sleeps
in. 

Realizing you're human doesn't keep you from making mistakes, it just
makes it easier to accept someone else's goof ups. 

Never ask anyone if they like a meal, a movie, or a concert until it's
at least half way through. 

The day after you mow your lawn, your neighbor will mow his. 

The worse a person's golf game is, the more likely he'll feel the need
to help you with yours. 

There are actually attorneys with souls. 

The concept of washing dishes before putting them into a dishwasher is
foreign to men. 

Always carry a roll of paper towels and a flashlight in your car. 

If you hide money in two or more locations, odds are you'll probably
forget one of them. 

Calories don't make you fat ... fat makes you fat. 

If you live in the mountains, and drive a five speed, you'll never need
jumper cables. 

Women don't understand firewood and nails. 

Men don't understand hand towels and potpourri. 

You'll never miss anything more when you really need it than fresh
batteries. 

Giving a little bit usually means you get twice as much back. 

Very few places that specialize in seafood make a decent steak. 

If you tell your mother “I love you” every single day, it's still not
enough. 

A smile on your face when someone is talking to you isn't as important
as is a look of interest. 

Surprise the person that gets your goat the most by saying something
nice about them in front of others. 

Look at something you see every single day through the eyes of someone
else. 

Making your doctor laugh during a prostate exam makes it easier on both
of you. 

Carrying a small pocket knife isn't necessary, but it comes in handy. 

People seldom forget, but they usually forgive. 

If it's “too good to be true”, think what your grandfather would have
done. 

Opinions are best kept until asked for. 

Everyone has prejudices. 

Electric can openers usually take more time than manual ones do. 

If you hide a key to your house outside, make sure it's in a place where
you get filthy retrieving it. 

Cleaning out a garage on a warm spring day is one of life's greatest
pleasures. 

So is mowing your grass for the first time that year. 

Paint will never be the same color on the walls as it is on that strip
of paper, and the sooner you realize this the less work you'll do. 

The number of albums, or CDs, or video tapes you have does not reflect
your status in life. 

“Find something you love doing and you'll never have to work a day the
rest of your life.”  Finding out you do something well that you never 
thought you'd be doing is almost as gratifying. 

Most policemen are honest, but you'll always have your doubts about the
one that just pulled you over. 

In a public parking lot, take a space further away from the store ...
less chance of dings, and healthier for you. 

Everyone loves the sound of their own name. 

Washing a car on Sunday assures rain on Monday. 

Be kind to everyone that knows you ... be more so to those that don't. 

Singing to the music while walking the aisles of a hardware store can
lead to some interesting conversations. 

Memorizing names isn't as important as memorizing faces. 

Buy a new snow shovel every three years. 

Pretty is nice.  Polite is beautiful. 

Sometimes, no word fits better than a profane one. 

Take better care of your teeth when you're young.  You'll never be
sorry. 

Listen to your heart. 

One real best friend is better than 100 acquaintances. 

Using a drain cleaner once a month beats 6” of water in the floor. 

Try to play cards with your friends at least once a year. 

At least one time in your life, work in a soup kitchen for the homeless.


If you roll up all that change you've been saving, you'll spend it. 

Every Christmas write a letter to someone. 

When standing in line, it isn't necessary to talk the ear off of the
person in front of you, nor is it necessary to ignore the person behind 
you. 

Just because a phone rings doesn't mean you have to answer it. 

Work at your job like you own your own business. 

Play like it's your last day to have fun. 

No matter how slow they're going in the fast lane, never honk your horn
at a car with a Harley Davidson bumper sticker. 

It's never a bad time to give someone a hug. 

Compliment someone just for the heck of it. 

Get to know the chef. 

No matter how good you are at anything, there's always somebody a little
bit better ... usually within ear shot. 

When at all possible, sit facing the door in a restaurant. 

Remaining anonymous may not always be the best choice, but it's usually
the wisest one. 

Do at least one chore a day. 

Open a door for someone every chance you get. 

Say “thank you” when someone opens one for you. 

Everybody has bad hair days. 

Never give anything directly to a child you've just met; always give it
to their parents. 

Never carry an ice cream cone into a barber shop. 

If you lose faith in yourself, no one else can have faith in you either.


If you think that shirt doesn't go with those pants, it probably
doesn't. 

Hearts can be broken, but not as much as spirits. 

No matter how comfortable they are, stretch pants shouldn't be worn in
public. 

There's never a good time to give, or receive, bad news. 

How you handle a home improvement job goes a long way towards showing
the world your level of patience. 

The old saying “anything worth doing is worth doing well” isn't true in
golf. 

Don't go to the mall the week before Christmas and expect to just run in
and out. 

Speak every day to a child. 

Men put up with too much grief from women over missing the toilet, but
they probably deserve that grief for something else, so it all evens 
out. 

Read as often as you can. 

Apologize when you bump into someone, even if it's their fault. 

Learn to tolerate someone else's musical tastes.  Appreciating them
would be better. 

The quicker you realize that you have a limited number of tomorrows, the
sooner you'll start living today. 

Clear your plate at every meal. 

‘Please', ‘thank you', and ‘you're welcome' are the simplest words in
the English language to remember, and the most fulfilling to use. 

A diet coke does not reduce the calories of the cheeseburger and fries
you had with it. 

Buy soap every time you think about it.  You can't have too much soap. 

A dream can sometimes be an example of what would have happened if you
had taken the other path. 

A good cry is as fulfilling as a good laugh. 

Have at least one electrical outlet on the outside of your house ... two
is better. 

Call someone who least expects it a friend, and watch their eyes light
up. 

Don't roll through stop signs. 

Accept that you grow older with grace and you'll be younger than you
realize. 

The decisions you make today you pay for tomorrow. 

You'll have a thousand friends in your life, but only one family. 

Taking your own advice is sometimes the most difficult thing to do. 

Dog's can sit, stay, and come when beckoned ... men can't understand a
simple instruction from their wives. 

The difference between a $5 meal and a $25 meal isn't $20. 

Laugh at yourself every day.  Doing it while others are watching is a
plus. 

Always hope for tomorrow ... and never regret yesterday. 


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