Women are from Venus - Men are from Pluto (standard:humor, 1297 words)
Author: Jim Spence	Added: Apr 15 2002	Views/Reads: 3985/2484	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
The differences between men and women are just like the differences between dogs and cats.

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to them.  Men will take showers because they have to.  We just prefer 
not to take them until late on the weekends, instead sitting around 
unshaven in our underwear.  Cleanliness to a man means changing your 
tee shirt. 

Cats are constantly grooming themselves.  You can watch a cat for ten
minutes, and, at some point, it's going to lick its paw, and drag it 
over its head.  It's as if a cat always wants to look its best.  That's 
a woman, up and down.  Women very seldom go out of the house without 
putting on their face.  Oh, sure, they'll throw on baggy sweat pants 
occasionally to run to the store, but they never leave the house 
without looking in a mirror at least once. 

Dogs will watch television; cats could care less.  Enough said. 

A typical domesticated household dog will have an average of 13.6 toys. 
(I just made that figure up, but it's probably pretty close.)  They'll 
play with each one of them equally, but, if you pick up one of the toys 
they're not playing with, that toy will suddenly become their favorite, 
and they'll just have to have it right now.  Most men have a garage 
full of power tools.  Some even have them hung on pegboard, an outline 
marking where each one goes.  If you loan your neighbor that 14mm box 
wrench, there's just no way you can start any job until it's hanging 
back in its marked spot on the wall.  Even if you're not going to use 
it ... that's the tool you need. 

Cats will have fewer toys, and they seldom have a favorite.  If a cat is
playing with a particular toy, and you pick another one up, the cat may 
look, but it won't really care if you've got it.  It's as if a cat's 
thought process is saying “that's okay, I own that toy, too ... let 
them be jealous”.  They take pride in ownership, but act like they 
don't. 

Cats will sleep in one particular spot.  It may be a piece of furniture,
or a pillow on the floor, but that's where they'll sleep, disturbing no 
one.  Sometimes I don't think women turn over at all when they're 
sleeping. 

A dog, on the other hand, prefers to sleep in the bed with you.  Not
just at the foot of the bed, mind you, but right next to you.  Every 
time you turn over you have to deal with the dog.  Dogs, just like men, 
are blanket hogs. 

If any of the above hasn't convinced you that dogs and cats are men and
women on four legs ... just think about sex. 

Cats are discreet when it comes to sex.  They'll let out a little whine,
announcing their intentions, just as a woman does with a glance.  They 
seldom walk up to each other and say “hey, baby, you and me”, instead 
preferring to have their liaisons to themselves, out of the public eye. 
 Women are discreet about sex.  Oh, they may be as excited as men when 
it comes to sex, but they let it be known in a far more subtle manner. 

Dogs just ... don't care.  They'll have sex anytime, anyplace, with any
other dog.  Heck, a dog will even try to couple with any convenient 
leg.  To a dog, sex always seems to be self serving.  They never ask 
the leg “was it good for you?”. 

Dogs and cats.  Men and women up and down.  Yes, women may be from
Venus, but there's no doubt that men are from Pluto.  And, Pluto was a 
dog. 


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