Billy Bo Bob and his Redneck Adventure (standard:humor, 1692 words)
Author: Stapleface	Added: Dec 12 2001	Views/Reads: 3431/2133	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Billy Bo Bob and his clan of Rednecks take over the world...well not really. In good Redneck fashion they fail miserably but they sure had fun trying.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

And then flew off. 

Jedediah and Bubba said "Yano what, dat dare bird had us a good idear
let us go back to da moonshine shack!"  With that Jedediah and Bubba 
turned around and drove back to the moonshine shack. 

Billy Bo Bob was somewhat disappointed with this desertion but rallied
the troops with the sound of his bull horn (It sounded like this: 
mahooooooooooona, mahooooooooooona) 

At this inspiring sound the crew of Rednecks varoomed to town (no,
varoomed is not a word...but then again neither is y'all, yous, doo's, 
peple, do-en't, 'ave, dar, diddly, famingeroos or truckeroos?  So leave 
me alone this is MY story!  Oh no I may have just offended my reader I 
just meant to say that you are SOOOO cool.  And that you are very 
patient (who else but a patient person would read these 
stories...[Insert Official Announcer Man Here] We interrupt this stupid 
story to give you a stupid joke.  What occupation requires the most 
patience?  A doctor!  Get it?  Patience/Patients. 
Hahahahahahahahahahaha that is sooooo funny hee hee snort gulp coff 
coff wahoosiblew, wahoosiblew (sorry about that got a little 
excited...but I'm OK)  [Insert Un-Official Announcer Man Here] Hey!   I 
want to hear more about those dare Rednecks.  Get back to the story 
[Insert sound of a major scuffle as Official Announcer fights with 
Unofficial Announcer] 

Whew, sorry about that.  Didn't think those grown men would react like
that.  OK back to the story about more grown Men...or maybe just some 
young boys trapped inside the bodies of grown Men... 

The roaring of engines and shooting of raccoons was interrupted by the
sound of a loud blast followed by silence.  It appears that Short old 
Clem Black was running through the forest with his Davey Crockett 
raccoon hat looking for some 'coons'.  Unfortunately Billie Sue 
couldn't pass up on a fresh raccoon and shot poor old Clem (Billie Sue 
can't see very well because when she was younger she always ran with 
scissors...I will let you complete the mental picture) and so she 
mistook Clem for a raccoon and shot him. 

After the grieving period, the Redneck Clan continued towards town with
the sounds of truck engines and shooting of squirrels.  Jed saw a big 
squirrel and started to run through the forest with scissors in his 
hand and a Jimbo Crockett squirrel hat on his head (Jimbo was David's 
younger and less famous Redneck brother.  He stared in movies such as 
"Has anyone seen my toilet brush back scratcher", "32 Rednecks, one set 
of teeth" and "My dad sat behind me in 5th grade" and teaching videos 
such as "Hunting for dear with your car" and "17 Uses for shad 
carpet").  Billie Sue saw the squirrel and shot it.  After the funeral 
the clan continued to move towards town.  After this point the clan no 
longer wore animal firs around Billie Sue. 

After yet another grieving period (hey, you would grieve to if you were
a redneck who didn't get any 'coons or 'quirrels) the clan roared 
towards town.  Unfortunately for the clan, only Bubba Bob the Third had 
a valid drivers licence (but even this is not a great accomplishment 
since Bubba Bob found the licence in a pair of plaid coveralls at the 
dump) and as a result Bubba Bob drove off the side of a cliff into 
swamp grove lake.   Bubba Bob was able to escape out the window but Joe 
Bob, Jake Bob, Sallie Sue Bob and Bob Bob Bob Bob drowned when they 
were unable to release the tailgate. 

The Bob family was quite upset about the entire ordeal (understandable
so, that truck was a 79 Chevy!)  Now they only have the John Deere 
family car.  Since the average attention span of this Redneck clan was 
10.2 minutes the rest of the clan began to lose interest in the 
rebellion and started to go hunting for dear with their vehicles (Jimbo 
Crocket was a real help in his instructional video.) 

Billy Bob ranted and raved about his 'truckeroo' and how the Rednecks
could rule the world.  These statements seemed to fall on deaf ears 
(literally deaf ears, according to the clans recent poll half the clan 
was deaf while only 40% where able to hear) for the rebellion was over 
before they had even left the driveway. 

Billy Bo Bob drove back to town and walked up his driveway with his head
down.  His neighbours moved with unusual kindness, said, "What's wrong 
Billy?  It's not like you had a plan to take over the world."  Little 
did they know what truth that statement held, but all Billy could get 
out is "I like my truckeroo."  Walking into his backyard he fell asleep 
in his duck tape hammock while dreaming of the grandeur that could have 
been. 


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