A Christmas Story (standard:fairy tales, 1874 words)
Author: Anonymous	Added: Oct 29 2001	Views/Reads: 3765/2504	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A comical short story about Santa and his team?

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

getting nervous. "Exactly", Prancer said. "If I recall darling, you 
were totally stoned out of your mind, again, and if you had not pulled 
up suddenly like you did, well, we would have all ended up sitting on 
that pilots knee". "Rollocks", Rudolph shouted. "I saw that plane in 
plenty of time, you did not have to shove your antlers up my bum, did 
you". Prancer smiled as he recalled that moment. "ALRIGHT YOU FLEA 
RIDDEN SHOWER OF SHITE, LISTEN UP". This bellow came out of the 
darkness, it was of course Vixen. Now Vixen was the leader of Santa's 
motley crew. He took no shite from anybody, except from Santa of 
course. "O.K. boss", Vixen said. "You have their attention." 

"Thank you Vixen", Santa replied. "Now this evening we shall do a
practice run over the African Continent, finishing with a loop-de-loop 
over England". "Jesus, not the loop-de-loop tonight", Dancer whispered. 
" Err, excuse me boss", Vixen had overheard Dancer and knew what he was 
referring to. "Yes Vixen my faithful leader, what is it". Santa asked 
his faithful servant. By this time all the Reindeer were muttering 
amongst themselves. Even Santa's little helpers had stopped shovelling 
the shite. This was serious stuff, I mean; a loop-de-loop had never 
been done before. Santa's grandfather had tried it once and ended up 
loosing half of his team up the engine of a jumbo-jet over North 
America. "Err, did we hear right boss, did you say a loop-de-loop". 
Vixen was wobbling slightly with the shock. "That's right boys, tonight 
we make history". Santa beamed with delight. "Theirs no bloody way 
you're getting me up there tonight", Rudolph said plonking his   bum on 
the ground. "Thought you would say that", Santa said whilst reaching 
into his inside pocket. Rudolph's little eyes lit up when he saw what 
Santa had pulled out. A litre bottle of Jack Daniels, which was his 
favourite. "A loop-de-loop it is boss". Rudolph replied with a smile. 
"Good boy, well done", Santa said handing over the bottle. "And I will 
treat the rest of you to a double helping of oats, how about that". 
"Triple helping boss". Vixen quickly whispered in Santa's ear. "Triple 
I meant boy's, triple oats for all". A huge roar greeted this, tonight 
they would make history. 

The little helpers got busy washing down the Reindeer. There was much to
do in preparing for this once in a lifetime event. You only got one 
shot at this, if you got it right you were heroes, get it wrong and you 
were dead venison. The reindeer slowly pulled out the brightly 
decorated sledge. The little helpers had hung coloured tinsel all over 
the back and sides. Fairy lights had been added which was unusual 
because it could distract any aircraft within the areas. But this time 
know expense had been spared, and sod the health and safety, this year 
they were going for broke. Santa climbed aboard, waving at all the 
townsfolk, who had heard about this record-breaking attempt. Rudolph 
was halfway to being pissed, his nose was slightly red. Prancer was 
directly behind, smiling to himself as he ogled Rudolph's bum. Santa 
gave one more wave then shook the reins, then shouted those immortal 
words. "Right boy's let's get the hell out of here". Off they flew into 
the night sky, tinsel trailing behind them. The townsfolk were leaping 
up and down, franticly waving in delight, and shouting encouragement as 
they waved. "Get the hell out of here. Don't come back you red fairy. 
Hope you disappear up your own bums". Yes, it was a truly a moving 
moment. After an hour of high altitude flying Santa decided the time 
was right, this was it, the moment of truth. "RUDOLPH, ARE YOU READY", 
his boss shouted. 

"YETH BOSS, JUTH THAY THE WORD", Rudolph shouted back. As you have
properly gathered, Rudolph was now totally out of his scull. His nose 
was like a burning red coal burning the night sky. "O.K. LET'S DO IT", 
Santa screamed. At this moment Santa was suddenly hit by a large amount 
of Reindeer shite, it was due to the sheer terror of what was about to 
happen. He then realised he should have made them wear nappies, or 
something. He felt the sudden power of heading straight upwards; the 
team were now shooting upwards towards the first part of the loop. 
"THIS IS IT BOY'S, HISTORY". Now at this point, a Virgin Jumbo-Jet 
travelling at 35000 feet was minding it's own business. The Captain, 
and co-pilot were having a bit of fun with a couple of the air 
stewardesses in the cockpit. One stewardess was drinking from a bottle 
of whisky, with the pilot merrily singing Christmas carols. As she was 
enjoying whatever was happening? she suddenly noticed this large 
burning ember coming straight towards the plane. "What the hells that 
"? She thought to herself. Well we know what it was, don't we children? 
Rudolph smiled to himself as he blindly headed towards oblivion. The 
last thing he saw was the smile on the stewardess face. Santa tried in 
vain to stop his troops, but to late. They ended up flying straight 
into the starboard engine. Tinsel, fairy lights, hoofs, antlers, a 
shredded red outfit came shooting out of the other side of this huge 
engine. On board all they felt was a shudder, which made the 
stewardesses in the cockpit smile. Nobody on board new what had 
happened on this fateful evening. "Wake up you stupid old fat sod". 
Santa's wife shouted. The sweat was pouring down Santa's face. His 
Marks and Spencer pyjamas were soaking wet. His little legs were 
flailing about in the air, bed linen lying on the floor. "LOOK OUT 
RUDOLPH", he was yelling. "Wake up", she shouted one more time, then 
punching him on the nose, for added effect. "What, what's happening", 
he muttered whilst wiping the blood from his nose. "You're dreaming, 
you stupid old fart." The end. 

5 


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