I Really Meant to Behave Myself (standard:humor, 1816 words)
Author: Godspenman	Added: Sep 19 2015	Views/Reads: 2110/1641	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
I always mean to behave myself, but often there are too many other options.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

this?” 

Confession may be good for the soul, but it is also good for the
turmoil. I acknowledged it was me and immediately a very aggressive 
spitball fight ensued right there in the restaurant, no straws barred. 
After all, grandchildren need to know the level of fun a person can 
have, especially with a straw. 

Glancing over at my wife at the time, I saw her glaring at me with one
of “those looks” and I knew I was in trouble. Since I was already in 
trouble, it could not get any worse, so we exhilarated the spitball 
battle and by the time we were ready to leave, spitballs were all over 
the floor like snow on a winter day. 

I think that was what my wife was thinking of when she asked me to
remember the last time we were in Ohio. 

Looking at my wife, I smiled with one of those freaky little twinkles in
my eye, and said, “I will behave just like myself and no other while in 
Ohio.” 

I'm not sure, Paul may have had this in mind when he wrote, “These
things write I unto thee, hoping to come unto thee shortly: But if I 
tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself 
in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar 
and ground of the truth” (1 Timothy 3:14-15). 

[Editor, I'm attaching a shorter version of this column. Snyder15.38B –
560 words. Use what fits. Thanks] 

I Really Meant to Behave Myself... Dr. James L. Snyder 

I have never been in serious trouble except with the Gracious Mistress
of the Parsonage. I must have gotten in trouble with my parents when I 
was young, but I am too old now to remember that. The great thing about 
getting old is having a selective memory. 

Now, the only trouble I get into is with her. And trust me; I have had
my moments of trouble with her and can remember every one. 

We were getting ready to visit our son and his family for a week. Four
of our grandchildren live with my son and his wife. 

Grandchildren are God's way of apologizing for children. When you have
children, you are too young and busy to know what to do with them. At 
the grandfather stage, it is a different story altogether. I now have 
the experience and the time to spend with these grandchildren. 

Half of my grandchildren live here in Florida and the other half lives
in Ohio. It would be great if I could spend half of my time in Florida 
and the other half in Ohio, but nobody has bought into that suggestion, 
and by “nobody” I'm referencing my children. 

Grandmothers have a positive influence on their grandchildren.
Grandmothers teach the grandchildren many nice things. My wife always 
has a craft party when she gets together with the grandchildren. They 
are so excited to see her and so eager for the next craft she has 
prepared for them. 

Therefore, it is always a great pleasure to set aside a week and spend
with the grandchildren up in Ohio. 

As we were packing to head for the airport to catch our plane for Ohio,
my wife looked at me with one of “those looks,” and said rather 
sternly, “Do you think you can behave yourself this time?” 

Honestly, I am not sure what the phrase “behave yourself” really means.
As far as I know, and my memory does not go back too far, I have never 
behaved like anybody else. After all, I am not an actor. I can “act 
up,” but I cannot act. 

I looked at her rather meekly, well, as meekly as I could look and said
rather frankly, “I will behave like nobody else.” 

“No,” she said, “you must promise me that you're going to behave
yourself on this trip to Ohio.” 

I remember another promise I made to her around 44 years ago when I
said, “I do.” That promise carried on for 44 years and now she wants 
another promise? Isn't one promise enough for her? 

Then she said, “Do you remember the last time we were up in Ohio? Do you
remember the trouble you got into then?” 

I did, and it was difficult for me not to laugh out loud. I must confess
I laughed on the inside, but was trying to “behave myself,” whatever 
that meant. 

The last time we were in Ohio, I took all the grandkids out for supper
at a restaurant. It is always good to get together on neutral 
territory. Because, on neutral territory I can really behave like 
myself and no other. 

We were in the middle of supper when casually I picked up my straw. Now,
when I am at home my wife forbids me even to have a straw because she 
knows what a temptation a straw is for me. 

However, these grandchildren needed to be instructed on the proper use
of a straw. A straw is not just to drink your soda. It has other more 
ambitious functions. 

Casually, I put a little wad of paper in my straw; nonchalantly put the
straw to my mouth and one little puff and that wad of paper hit one 
grandchild in the face. 

At first, they did not know what had happened. I looked the other way as
though I did not know what had happened. The grandchild said, “Who did 
this?” 

Confession may be good for the soul, but it is also good for the
turmoil. I acknowledged it was me and immediately a very aggressive 
spitball fight ensued right there in the restaurant, no straws barred. 
After all, grandchildren need to know the level of fun a person can 
have, especially with a straw. 

Glancing over at my wife at the time, I saw her glaring at me with one
of “those looks” and I knew I was in trouble. Since I was already in 
trouble, it could not get any worse, so we exhilarated the spitball 
battle and by the time we were ready to leave, spitballs were all over 
the floor like snow on a winter day. 

I think that was what my wife was thinking of when she asked me to
remember the last time we were in Ohio. 

Looking at my wife, I smiled with one of those freaky little twinkles in
my eye, and said, “I will behave just like myself and no other while in 
Ohio.” 

I'm not sure, Paul may have had this in mind when he wrote, “These
things write I unto thee, hoping to come unto thee shortly: But if I 
tarry long, that thou mayest know how thou oughtest to behave thyself 
in the house of God, which is the church of the living God, the pillar 
and ground of the truth” (1 Timothy 3:14-15). 

I always mean to behave myself, but often there are too many other
options. 


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