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The Green Black and White (standard:fantasy, 6022 words) | |||
Author: Spotlight | Added: Mar 13 2001 | Views/Reads: 3751/15570 | Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes) |
Its done... Its done... I am soo sleepy. About a guy who wants to be a skunk/human, and a bunch of complicated things happen. Enjoy!!! ---For the writers workshop on "Cults". (Unedited Writers Cut!!!)--- | |||
Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story believe I was dissuading myself. I was never "obsessed" with her. It took five years of dating and teasing and sex and kind of good friendship to get us engaged. Even after another two years, I feared commitment, but she, who I think believed I was her last chance for children, shoved my ring on her finger. She was loving and patient; a perfect mother, beautiful. Although, I was never smitten, my life was very fulfilling with her. Until I found the Internet. Now I try to fill a void in my soul with an endless search for lycanthrope kinship. I fell in love with the sleek fur and graceful tail of the skunk. Such an ugly word for such a beautiful, symmetrical, creature. I wanted to be a walking, talking wereskunk, a mephitis humanis. She turned over to me, wiping a tear away. "Why do you always have to be such an asshole?" I smiled down at her. "Dems fightin' words." She smiled back. "Well, no sex for you ever again." I fake pouted. Then, we had sex. -- The next night as I was searching a message board on a recently created furry E-Group, I came across a topic that piqued my interest. Most of the message I've forgotten over time, but the topic was definitely, "Re: Describing your on-line fursona." Apparently, some online werewolf had discovered a secret prophecy, which would make our fursonas a reality. A tingle of excitement went through me, even though I knew the idea was bogus. The rest of the message described a weekend retreat for furs interested in becoming their dream animal or furs who "just wanted to meet other furs like themselves." It was scheduled for Saturday, April 13th. I laughed in the usual horror movie this-is-so-stupid way and that of course, was my signal to turn off my computer and leave the room, mulling the thought over in my head. The little get-together was only in up-state Pennsylvania, and I could get there in one hour. I went. Two of my online anthro-buddies actually agreed to meet me there. So, I kissed my beautiful wife goodbye, then my Alex, then my Sydney, then drove North in the mid-day Sun.. There truly is nothing like Pennsylvania in the spring. And as I drove down the poorly maintained, gray highways that my tax money paid for, and surveyed the green trees that covered the landscape, I couldn't help but not care at all. I was excited. Either the three of us guys were going to meet for the first time and die together by the hand of some crazy madman, or there would be a bunch of furry enthusiasts to party and drink and camp with. As I passed more green trees, I felt a rush go through me. Man, would it be great to run through the forest, hunting and killing, scavenging, feeling warm, red blood in my mouth. I actually salivated and stuck my head out the open window, pretending the bumps in the road were my own running footsteps. Ah, the things you think and do when you’re alone. I let my tongue hang loose. -- The camp was pretty much empty, except for a few stray maintenance cars, but a small cardboard sign written in marker saying, "Furry Retreat: Lot 214B" directed me to my destination. The campsite seemed handpicked as the furthest away from possible human contact, hidden behind a thick wall of bushes and overgrown undergrowth. A Chevy, a Chevy, and a Toyota were parked along a grass trail. Looking in my rear-view mirror, I saw a red car catching up to me quickly. Unless this was an elaborate plan, I didn't expect to wake up dead the next morning. Aside from a hangover. I pulled into a vacant space, while the car in back of me parked me in. The anxiety of meeting new people battled with my "dad" sense of bravery, walked me to the red car and shook the hand of a thin, slightly too well dressed man. "Hi, I'm Dennis." I offered. He grinned and said, "You don't smell like a Dennis. I'm Justin, or Lord Grygona." I laughed. "I'm wearin' a little Old Spice. I don't see any rainbowy scales covering your chest." He was thinner than I had imagined. And talked lower than I had imagined, but this was definitely "Gryg3199." He had told me he was a homosexual, but many furs are and I figured more power to him. He wouldn't hit on me anyway. "Oh, I'm sorry. I think I left 'em at home. Know what's going on?" "Not a clue. Eh... " We started walking towards a group of four who were figuring out something. "At least now I don't have to do this "in-person" crap alone." "Yea. I think I stopped at every rest stop on the way here to piss." He laughed. I had seen There's Something About Mary and I couldn't help thinking about it when he talked about rest stops. This was my first experience around a gay man. "Welp, here we go." "Yep, I know." -- By the time all of us had gotten acquainted, there were twelve people that showed. I was surprised to find out that a woman named Liza had organized this event, and not quite so surprised that she and her partner were the only women present. Justin, Greg, my other straight otter friend,, and me were getting used to the difference of face-to-face talking. The rest of the crowd was more diverse than I expected. I began to rethink the 21-42 year old white male stereotype that I had grown accustomed to in the online furry fandom, when I saw two black males, a Hispanic, and an oriental man, walking around with sodas or beers in their hands. And all of us were nice. We said, "excuse me" and began a conversation immediately if we happened to bump into someone. People I had never met before, offered to help me unload my cooler, and in turn I threw them some Heinekens. The environment became so relaxed, that we looked like a group of long-time drinking buddies together for a reunion. Liza was the only one noticeably sober and levelheaded. Her partner, Ellen, was leaning against me laughing, as she cleaned an orange wine-cooler stain off the leg of my pants, so I figured that she was only along for support. Every time I gave a glance toward Liza, though, she would be reading from a book, or checking her watch. It appeared like she wanted everything to be perfectly on schedule, but for the first few hours, she never made a move to begin anything formal. There was a beeping. Suddenly there was a thick silence as everyone looked around for the sound. Liza was standing close to the fire pit, looking out at all of us as she stopped the sounds with her finger. I hadn't noticed, but Liza had been busy for the last few minutes making what resembled a circle out of logs and lawn chairs. "Come everyone. Sit." Her voice had an eerie tone quality to it, but it wasn't beautifully eerie. She had been pretty silent and I hadn't noticed that her voice sounded like she'd been a heavy smoker. I walked over and sat in my favorite ugly lawn chair; light blue and purple and my wife hated it, so I loved it. The whole group mumbled and settled themselves in a comfortable circle. Liza cleared her throat, as if it would do anything anyway, "I'm glad everyone here is comfortable. I know the situation may seem a bit weird. But, I'm sure what I promised sparked a little fire inside all of you." A fire leapt into the air from the dry wood, and it began to burn smoothly. I saw the whole group jump along with myself. Ellen smiled and put her lighter away. "Thank you. Now," Liza held up her dusty white book. "This book is the key to our dreams. It was wrote in the early 7th century by a scholar determined to trace his druidic heritage. This book, written in Latin, contains all of the oral traditions that were passed down from generation to generation in Gypsy bands, small farming villages, or any other place where the druids blood lineage could be found in Europe." She opened the book and turned to a marked page. "This passage outlines the rules of transformation. Lycanthropy. It says, roughly translated, 'Man and animal combine to one creature on the night of a full moon. Fourteenth moon it is complete. Prepare. Use the animal piece that is in your spirit. Light the flames and dance your spirit as them. On fourteen moons you will catch the sky. ' It is a song. Of course I'm only translating harshly, so there is no visible rhyme. This book is the key, and those passages describe something about the nature of our years in the future. Fourteen moons. The sky tonight is a full moon. The last day of three full moons exactly. And next year is a leap year, adding one extra day to the whole cycle. The Fourteenth moon will be next year today." Her raspy voice echoed like a cackling witch. Before I could grasp whether I believed or not, Greg spouted, "But, if it just had to do with leap years, how come no one has ever done it before?" Liza was unfazed, "This book was recovered in Newfoundland by archaeologists excavating a potential Viking landing site. Two of these archaeologists were given jobs in Pennsylvania, and the book suddenly disappeared from records." She laughed and so did Ellen. "Don't worry, we're just 'borrowing.' What does it matter anyway? If this works you will be what you have always dreamed to be. But, I don't know if this has ever been done before. It may have been used by druids thousands of years ago and totally lost." She continued to talk about mystical theories and history for a long time, as my mind began to wander. Some insatiable animal instinct was gnawing at my mind. I guess maybe her words were hope for that ever-growing part of my brain, wanting to explode with anxiety. The sad thing was; all our faces were giving the same awed expression. We looked like a support group and Liza was the first to admit she had a problem. This possession, this animal obsession; we had all experienced it. Corneas around the circle almost seemed to widen, filling the whites, showing the feral eyes inside all of us. And as the sun slowly sank, our eyes glossed with the reflection of that fire, that real spark of hope. -- About 28 days later we were there again in the same setting. No new members, this was now exclusive. Liza had taken the personal right to leadership, using a Druid title she roughly translated as, "Alpha Mother." We accepted every small ritual she translated. We danced around the fire, grunting animal noises. We drew our animals in the dirt in front of us, then erased, and drew again, getting dirt under our fingernails. We held hands and prayed in Latin. And none of us were doubting the feeling of complete. Complete. This group made my life complete. There were no other ranks in our group. We received orders from our Alpha. We were like a pack of wolves. A bunch of beer drinking, partying, happy, talking wolves. Still, biting was not allowed when we happened to wrestle. My wife noticed an improvement in my mood also. No longer did I spend hours and hours on the Internet searching for skunks. I would take my kids to practices, sell many more computers, sex-up my wife; life was good. When Alex's birthday rolled around, I even bought him the thing he wanted "more than anything in the world." He gave me a big hug and kiss when a small brown Labrador puppy popped out of his box and licked him in the face. The months rolled by and our family grew closer as the rituals grew more serious and complicated. Liza had handpicked Greg and one of the black men, named Jamal as her personal assistants who demonstrated movements and spell-like chants. We had begun to slowly disrobe ourselves, from shoes and socks, to shirts, then underwear, and being naked lent itself to a free sense of space. I'm sure if other campers happened upon us, they would scream. The rituals never scraped the surface of anything sexual though, and soon self-consciousness faded with our own logic. The smells and sights were purely animalistic, like Indian celebrations, where we danced and sang, and drank ourselves into a dreamy reality. Dancing to the flames' beat. Chanting. As we all became close friends, our own family, den, pack, flock. And as the winter died down, and the moon was again full for the final time, our preparations were complete. For the last time I was loading the car to leave. Chilly, our puppy was jumping on my leg and tugging at a string on the cooler. He had grown quickly and was now almost his full size, energetic as always. My wife was standing in front of me when I finally closed the trunk and turned. "Here, I made you a sandwich for your ride there. You'll be home tonight then?" She didn't like me leaving monthly on these trips. But, I had assured her this was the last, so her mood was brighter. "Late tonight. Don't have to wait up." "You know I will. I wish you would tell me more about these camping trips." I made sure she knew they were only trips with my drinking buds, where we went fishing; boring man stuff. "Oh, come on, hun," I gave her peck on the lips. "I don't get out much. Let me relax a bit." I opened the door and Chilly shot between my legs jumping into the passenger seat. "Out! Out!" "He needs a little fresh air, Dennis. Why not take him with you? Maybe he could grab a fish or two, too." Her words sent chills down my spine. Was it against the rules? I didn't really want to risk it. "That's alright. Out, out. Come on Chills." My wife put her arms over my shoulders. "Come on yourself. You bring him along, look how happy he is." Chilly panted. "But..." "Now you two have fun. Bubbye." She grabbed me, kissed me, and left. "His leash is in under the passenger side." Crouching and sliding into the car, I gave that dog a long stare. Chilly panted. -- I was lucky. That night I needed a piece of a skunk to "complete the transformation," which causes a major dilemma. Where would I find a skunk? And even though I want be one with the mephit, no one is ever one with their spray. Surprisingly, two months ago I happened upon a skunk tail from E-bay. Some people are crazy. I was afraid of this last meeting. After this, the dream is over. I never had much faith in the prophecy actually being true. But, I could dream. Every night I dreamt in fact. Sleek black fur, and fluffy, sensual, black tail. And a mate, and the feel of my own fur against, soft, white, fur-covered breasts. Animalistic passion out in the green trees of Pennsylvania. I spun the wheel to the right! I felt the thump-thump of small-animal bones, crushed, and cringed. With a glance in my rear-view mirror, I saw the black and white... and red mass. -- I tied Chilly to a tree near the picnic table. All the canine enthusiasts had spoiled him silly. He lay on the ground, groomed, and happily gnawing at a big piece of beef jerky. Liza seemed slightly offended at the distraction, but assured everyone that things would run smoothly. She ordered us to strip our clothes for the final time at 11:30, exactly. Our animal tokens were tied to our necks, most of them small fur pieces, with the exception of Greg's: a small glass vial with a broken iguana tail and Ellen's: colorful bird feathers. The circle was rebuilt quickly with logs, while a campfire danced, roaring in the center. I gave a bored Chilly scritches on the head, before taking my usual seat beside Justin. Liza began circling the fire, spouting the Latin phrases, which began the ceremony. Only this time she was acting like her animal, walking on all fours, occasionally howling like her wolf. The necklace around her neck swung back and forth with her breasts. Enticing, but not sexual. Passionate, but deep in character like a real actor. I wondered if my brain would allow my body to start shaking to her command, if I wasn't mildly drunk, in a haze that made trails of light and movement. At her howl, we joined with grunts of our own, swinging our bodies, dragging ourselves through the dirt with a total loss of self. There was that part inside all of us that was screaming beneath a pillow of beer, "this is stupid!" But, our hands shook, and our stomachs churned for the taste of raw meat, as we jumped as a group. We stayed equal, not letting our minds block our motions, for almost fear of shunning, for right then maybe the rest would grab that one dissenter by the jugular, with their teeth and pull you down as the runt. The flames leapt up with dust, as we all fell back into the dirt in unison, scared out of our trance and shaking our heads. Liza was standing and checking her watch, sand falling from her fingers. "Alright, 11:58. Stand up!" The group swished and stretched to standing, no one bothering to dust their bodies off, sweat making dirt cling. Liza took her place next to Ellen at one end of the ring, lifting her hands and stretching towards the sky. The full moon blued her fingertips. Firelight flickered and lapped at her sweat. "Hold your hands up to the sky. In a few seconds, all this shit will be over with. For better or worse." She smiled, and we all laughed, as our hands mirrored hers, arching our backs to watch the indentations on the moon. It was something I liked about the group. We were crazy. Serious. And drunk. But, we were laid back, and I wondered if the druid majick liked that. And if not majick, the tribal fulfilling mystical feeling. The feeling that was rumbling now, in my body. "Just a few seconds till midnight." Liza spoke, her raspy voice muffled by an ominous soundless fog. My legs began to shake with some hidden energy, hearing Chilly begin a frenzied barking fit. I heard in whispers, "shifumy god." But, somehow I knew we all held our pose, as the ground began to shake. Chilly was desperately running and yelping, scratching, growling, as loud as possible. But, our muscles seemed involuntary, holding our outstretched positions. A muffled snap slipped out of the fog, and whimpering quick paws flew across the campground. It broke my muscles, and my arms dropped, as I turned, attacked in the stomach by Lab paws and claws. The rest of the naked group held their pose, with me panicking, scared I was ruining the experience for everyone, because of this dumb dog. I couldn't speak to calm him. I couldn't bend at the knees to comfort. I was half-bent, scared, my eyes locked on Liza, not knowing what to think, how to move. Damn my wife. The air cracked with a fierce explosion. "Now!" Screamed a shrill Liza. The fire blew out. I collapsed. -- My face was tilted in the dirt. Wind seemed to glide across the hairs on my body, moving them like waves in grass. My vision slowly cleared and I could see the group, laid in an absent-minded circle, though bodies were different. My ears perked up with the sound of a car revving its engine and slowly fading with popping stones and broken twigs. How long was I here? With surprising latent strength I pulled myself to my knees, shaking my head, trying to slip out of a balance-less stupor. My hands. They were soft and padded. I slipped them across my face, feeling a black muzzle, longer than I had expected. The moon made my white stomach blue-tinted as I tried to stand with a groan. But where a stomach had been were flat, thin, abs. My legs were bent strangely, and I tried to accommodate, stumbling and kicking up dust. I was surprised at my own agility; balance and awareness hit me suddenly. Without a second thought, I was walking around, helping others who were moaning, some injured by the sharp fall. As a soft fog dissipated, our group stood to its feet shocked, caught in the headlights. We were silent, a smile building in our dream forms. I figured I was the first to stand, so I should break the ice. Without a thought, I grinned the largest grin possible while doing a cartwheel across the sand and jumping into the air screaming and laughing. I landed on my back, pulling an unexpected front flip after a strange Michael Jordan flight. Soon, there were real furries everywhere, strutting with fox tails, sprinting like wolves, panting, a bird trying to lift off the ground, a lizard getting used to it's eyes, dogs, a cat, and me, a strange skunk with an awesome physique. We wrestled into the night, rebuilding the fire, half of us roasting hot dogs, while some wolves stole off to hunt some blood. Our voices were different, more animal, but we were the same. Watching animals sitting around eating hot dogs and drinking beer was so surreal and it felt so free to be furred. All our dreams and obsessions had been fulfilled, as some carnal knowledge directed us to our true selves. I wondered about reincarnation, paganism, god, and we talked about druids and prophecies, and our beliefs began to change. Someone said my nose looked more like my dogs, then a real skunk, but I was more worried about where my dog had run off to. He would come back, I sensed, so we drank and ate and ran into the night. For the first time in my life I was happy. The successful hunters brought back some small game, blood staining their lips and muzzle fur. We all ate the meat raw together, tearing it from the bone, salivating and getting used to our long tongues. All of us were closer, never adverse to physical contact. The males were fine laughing close, hugging, sitting on each other, while the two females acted the same. Everyone was conscious of the feelings of their new bodies, feeling perfect and connected, touching and being true friends to each other. When morning came over the hill with a mist and pink shadows, we were all there watching, huddled into a warm ball. -- The party was mutually over soon after. All of us were dreading the inevitable confrontation with the real world, wishing we could just live here. The warm sun sent shivers down my spine as I stretched, helping Greg pack. Justin was already at his car. "Hey, umm... Dennis! Did you move your car?" He hollered. "No?" I looked over to the opposite side of the camp, where he was standing; his car always parked me in, and nothing seemed wrong. "'Cause it's not here!" I jumped. I set down Greg's cooler and ran over. "What?" Justin stood there, his face showing a little sheepish wolf concern. There was nothing in front of his car, except remnants of a difficult u-turn. "What the hell? Is this a joke?" I remembered the car pulling away as I awoke. Justin shied away, "I didn't do it." "Anyone pulling a joke on me?! 'Cause it’s not funny!" I heard answers from all around the camp, but everyone said, "no." "Shit!" I stood rubbing my muzzle, thinking. "Anyone seen where my dog ran off to!? He got loose last night!" "Naw." "Nope." "Sorry." “Nope.” Others shrugged their shoulders. Justin put his arm over my shoulder, "Come on, I'll help ya look." I yelled his name. We ran to places all around the campsite where he might have gone. Nothing. Thirty minutes had gone by and still our growing search party couldn't find a trace, or even a scent trail of him. Justin offered me a ride home. I gladly accepted and hoped we would discover him along the campground trails or buildings; I didn't want another thing to have to explain to my family. We said our goodbyes and hugged each other, saying we'd get together again soon. None of us bothered to put on our clothes, and so they stayed there in a pile, marking our transformation. It was sad to watch one car by one leave the ceremony camp, but most of the men kept their emotions inside. Justin was balling into my shoulder. I patted him on the back and gave him a hug and a scratch behind the ears. As we pulled out of the camp, waving to others and honking, Justin wiped off his tears, took a deep breath and we were headed back home. We stayed silent for a long while. The road was bumpy, and there were very few cars, but I really didn't care if anyone saw two animals driving a car. Neither of us wanted to speak; we were happy with our own memories, sometimes smiling at each other. I yawned, and soon my head drifted down to his furry lap, and I fell asleep, lulled by the bumps in the road. -- I woke up rubbing my nose, after it banged against the steering wheel. Justin was shaking me. "... get up Dennis. Come on. I got a bad feeling. This doesn't smell good." I could smell that weird scent in the air too. Was it fear? I lifted my head and saw out the front windshield. There was a huge traffic jam and horns were honking loudly. I saw a car pull up beside us out of the corner of my eye and turned to look. A wrinkled woman was silently complaining to the driver, until she looked in our direction. We both waved. She fainted. The driver screamed and ran out the car door. I turned my attention forward, for the first time noticing my vision was a little less clear than my human eyes. Still, along the turn in the distance people were getting out of their cars. A small mass of suited persons were jogging along between cars, seemingly giving instructions. "Come on." Justin suggested, "lets go see what all this is about." We both jumped out of the small car and jogged forward. As we passed cars, people screamed. There were others walking the streets that leapt back against cars when they saw our tails swish by. Fewer still were those who made no reaction to our presence, with heads down, some faces mangled, dripping sweat and nosebleeds. The smells made our nostrils flare and we panted, trying to breathe through our wet mouths. The men wore white, covering their faces with hoods, radiation symbols on their chests. As we approached most took a step back and muttered, "Holy shit." "What the hell is wrong? Why are these people like this?" Justin asked. I think he wanted to be assured, while I could guess exactly what had happened. A man replied and talked with us as all the others passed by. "Where have you been? Don't you know about the disaster?" "No, we were camping." Justin was talking. I was waiting for him to say what I knew he was going to say. "Damn it! A nuclear bomb was set off last night just 50 miles North of here! Please, we're trying to contain this and I don't want any trouble from you two. Just get to the roadblock about a mile up ahead! Get into the buses! Just go! I don't have time to talk! They'll get you to a hospital!" And he ran. Justin gave me a quick look, which seemed to say, "So much for our dream." -- I was shipped to this hospital, over-crowded, and smelling of death and antiseptic. And I lay here with my roommate, mutated and zombie-like, his pail skin crumbling away like cookie crumbs with his slight movements. Sometimes my ears perk up and a cart is squealing, bringing in new patients dripping skin or cancerous or mutated with extra body parts, a free horror show. With my senses alert, like internal hairs standing on end, the sights and smells and sounds echoed almost unbearably in my brain. My first instinct was to call. I had dialed the numbers, and listened, hoping for my wife to pick up and come get me. The phone rang twice and then a strange gruff voice answered. "Hello?" "Who is this?" I was scared for my family's life. "This is the Reem residence. I think you might have the wrong number." Wrong number? "No, that's right. Who are you?" "Dennis Reem." My brain skipped a beat and I was silent. "Who is this?" No. Who are you really? "No. First, I want your real name." "Dennis Reem. I don't have time for this right now. What are you selling? Or just tell me who the hell you are!" "I'm Dennis Reem, what are you trying to pull?" What was this guy trying to pull? He paused. Then laughed, "Ha ha, Greg?" Greg? I waited, dumbfounded. More dumb then found. "I'd know your voice anywhere. Sorry I ducked out so early last night, I just had this instinct that my family was in danger. It’s a good thing I did. They were pretty shaken up by the closeness of the nuclear blast. It took a hell of a lot of time to convince them it was really me. Oh, and your joke was pretty bad. Always playin' with my mind." I couldn't think. "Yea... " "Well, I've gotta go. We gotta get the group together again soon. I can't believe it. We actually did it. I'm not the skunk I wanted to be, but a Lab is a nice lookin' dog. The kids think I'm great. Yea... gotta go, quick! It's kind of busy around here, but you understand. See ya. Bye!" "Bye." ...The realization hit me quickly. I remembered hearing the car start. I remembered the disappearance of Chilly. And this phone call. Well... dogs are very protective and loving. I knew he would be the better "me" for the job. I was surprised at how small the feeling of loss in my stomach was. --- My doctors said that I had a cancerous tumor in my brain. Unless it was taken out, I would slowly lose my intelligence, until one day my bodily functions suddenly would be strangulated and cut off. The doctors gave me four years to live; that is, even with the operation. There was always the option of radiation treatment, some Chemo, some pills. But, wasn't it radiation that put me here in the first place? I decided it wasn't worth it. What kind of a dream is this, if I shave off all my fur and sit in hospitals for four years, hoping that my heart pumps blood through my arteries for those few extra beats? Tomorrow, I will split. I'll go out the window if I have to. I'll try some Mission Impossible stunt work. But, I'm not gonna sit here again. I have no money. I have no ID. I have nothing tying me down to the city, to people, to a life I don't want. I'll grab the pack and we'll live out underneath the monotonous green trees of Pennsylvania. Watching our tumors slowly degrade us down to the animals we are inside and outside. Simply and happily we'll know, our dream has come true. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Criticism always welcome... Copyright 2001... Tweet
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