What (standard:romance, 57074 words)
Author: liy88	Added: Jan 16 2008	Views/Reads: 3218/2506	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
I thought I had moved on with my life. I thought I got over him. But what are these flashbacks? Why am I seeing him again when he's six feet under the ground? (Continuition of Why)

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

was no change at all. My doubts were all just silly thoughts in my 
head. He was still mine; and mine only. “I love you,” he told me 
tenderly and I wilted with shame. There was so much that I had done 
since he left. So many things that if he found out, he might not find 
the place in his heart to forgive me. I wanted to tell him the same, 
that I still loved him. Of course I was. But the words couldn't slip 
out of my mouth. In fact, they were stuck at the edge of my throat; 
easily they could slip back into my body and disappear forever. He 
waited for me to say something, to tell him that I wanted him to stay. 
That I was as faithful to him as he was to me. But I couldn't say that, 
not without lying. 

He recognized the fears that were dancing in my eyes. There was
something that I was not telling him. “What, Rhian?” he asked. 

“I'm sorry,” I apologized. “I'm so sorry.” Tears brimmed at the edge of
my eyes as I spotted the figure that emerged from the shadows. I freed 
myself from his touch and stepped a few feet back. He followed my sight 
and turned around to see who I was concentrating on. My current 
boyfriend hopped lightly on the porch and secured me into his arms. “Go 
away,” Shane growled at him. Disappointedly, he threw a betrayed and 
hurt look at me and stepped onto the grass, disappearing with every 
step he took away. “Trey!” I called after him, prying Shane's fingers 
off me so that I could chase after my love. But Shane's grip only 
tightened and even though I pleaded, he did not budge one bit. Trey was 
beginning to fade away into the sudden fog that appeared out of 
nowhere. “Trey!” I yelled for him but he did not glance back at all. 

That was the day when I found out that once Trey Conner leaves, he would
never return. 

*** 

I woke up, startled by the dream that I had. The last time I dreamt of
Trey was about three months ago and since then, although he was 
constantly on my mind, he never appeared in my slumber. The one place 
where I knew that being in contact with him was possible. I could hear 
his voice, see his face clearly, touch his skin and at the same time, 
refreshing the memories that I had with him. I was breathing heavily 
and at once, I lifted my hand to touch my face. They were wet and 
sticky and I realized that I had been crying in my sleep. It was hard 
when he first left but did I have to experience it again? Was it fair? 

The time was six thirty in the morning and in about two hours time my
boyfriend, Shane Bryant, would come and pick me up for school. I bit my 
lip, wondering how he would feel if I told him that I dreamt of Trey. 
That for a brief period in my life, traces of Shane was erased from my 
mind. That I had forgotten that he existed and that he was my boyfriend 
now. That I was able to slip back easily to the life I had with Trey. 
And also, that I made no hesitation to return back to Trey's heart. I 
shuddered at the consideration of telling Shane. I might not have 
gotten over Trey like how Shane had hoped for but I still cared about 
Shane. In fact, if I had not had that dream, I was quite sure that I 
was falling in love with Shane. But that dream proved me otherwise. 
That I was not ready to make a commitment to Shane like I had done to 
Trey about two years back. I sighed and kicked away my comforter, 
heading towards the bathroom. 

As I lathered my hair with shampoo, I closed my eyes and thought of him.
It amazed me to feel my heart pounding drastically whenever he was on 
my mind; it was the one thing that never changed. It beat to the same 
rhythm the first time I saw him and it still was even though we were 
not together anymore. 

With each fast beat, my heart was calling out his name, willing for him
to come back to me although I knew that it was not possible. He was 
dead. And I had accepted it for a long time. It was the dream that had 
thrown me off the track of recovery. The dream that resurfaced the 
emotions that I felt for him. The emotions that I felt when he was 
away. The emotions that I felt when I found out that he had died. The 
same emotions that led me to being strapped onto the hospital bed as I 
was destructive to my own self. That I lost my sanity. I took hold of 
the shower head and washed the shampoo away, at the same time, wishing 
that I was draining away the thoughts that were swirling around my 
head. I shook my head hard and dismissed all these musings about him. 
No one ever forgets their first love, right? It was just that. Nothing 
else. 

*** 

Shane's car beeped and I took quick steps down the stairs, careful of
not tripping over. Like every morning when school began this year, his 
black Jeep was parked at the street that was in front of the mansion 
that I called home. I broke into a small run as I got out of the door, 
not wanting to keep him waiting any second longer than he already had. 
My promise that I would be ready by eight thirty was overdue by ten 
minutes and our classes would begin at nine. “Hello,” he greeted, 
brushing his lips against mine. “You're late.” I grinned. “I made you 
breakfast,” I said, holding a bag in front of his. “Right,” he replied. 
“The appropriate words to use are, I stuff breakfast into this bag for 
you, Shane.” He was right though, the maid was the one that made 
breakfast. He knew it as well as I do that I did not need to lift a 
finger around the mansion. “Hey, it's the thought that counts, right?” 
I said. “Do you want it or not?” He gave me a sideways glance. “You're 
still not forgiven,” he stated but he could not help the smile that was 
tugging the sides of his mouth. Since he was driving, I fed him pieces 
of the chocolate muffin that I tore. In two minutes flat, Shane was a 
chocolate mess. “I think it's sinful to walk into class like that,” I 
teased him. “Why? You afraid that the other girls couldn't fight the 
urge to kiss them off?” he played along, his gray eyes sparkling. I 
narrowed my eyes and grabbed him by the roots of his hair, kissing off 
the chocolate that smeared around his lips. By doing so, he couldn't 
concentrate on the road and we earned a honk from the car behind us. 
“Okay, okay,” he surrendered before we were caught in a serious 
accident. “Can I get another muffin?” he disturbed and I rolled my 
eyes. “Yeah, but you have to eat it yourself,” I replied. “I don't want 
to die today.” 

He gave a warm chuckle and I loved the sound of it as his chuckle sent
tingles through my body. I linked my fingers with his, grateful that he 
was with me throughout everything. He was well aware about my feelings 
for Trey but yet, we managed to get pass it and ended up together. I 
watched from the corner of my eyes as he maneuvered down the streets of 
Blu Creek, towards Blu Creek High where both of us were seniors. School 
would be closing this coming Friday for the winter vacation and the air 
was extremely chilly. I might wake up the next morning to the ground 
covered with snow, who would knew? Things changed around here, and they 
changed fast. 

*** 

Trey 

If there ever was the most stupidest human being in the world, the
person would be me. I was discharged from the hospital as a new man; 
with nothing to my name. A nurse delivered fresh new clothes to me and 
I had no choice but to put them on. And that was it, I had nothing 
else. Not a single penny, not an extra change of clothes. If someone 
else was in my shoes, they would be panicking right now. But not me. I 
was used to a life like this; it had become a second skin, living from 
day to day with no future in sight. And that was the way I survived. 

I tried to prolong my stay at the hospital, just because I had no where
to go and no reason to live. And somehow, I managed to make the 
hospital my home for almost three months before they told me that they 
had no choice but to kick my ass out of there. Those weren't their 
exact words, but what different did it make? I even considered jumping 
out of the window of the ward that I stayed in as I had no freaking 
idea how I could afford to pay for the hospital bills; there wasn't an 
installment payment for that kind of place, wasn't there? But they told 
me that it was all being covered. By who? I didn't ask. I had grown up 
that way; never to question something fortunate that ever happened to 
me. 

The bastard that I called Dad was a drunkard and growing up, I was his
favorite object to trash whenever he was swaying around and not aware 
of himself. Mom was his second favorite. But sometimes, he would come 
home, sober for once and treated us like he actually respected us. And 
I followed what Mom did. We just revel in it and we did not ask 
questions. 

The air outside was cold and I never realized it after staying so toasty
within the hospital walls. I had gathered facts that I was in Rhode 
Island. And I had no clue how I ended up here. I was admitted to a 
hospital that was freaking far from New York City by some unknown idiot 
who had paid all the bills for me. Who could be that thoughtful in a 
world like this? I rubbed the back of my head; my hair was longer than 
I last remembered. And the last time I was aware of my hair was when 
she ran her fingers through it. I closed my eyes, picturing the last 
image that I saw of her and shuddered. It was one with the look of 
terror on her face. It etched so deep in my mind that my blood began 
boiling in the howling wind. 

It was my fault that she had gotten killed by those bloody drug dealers.
My whole, damn entire fault. If we had not gotten involved with that 
kind of group, we could have avoided the whole mess. The mess that 
caused her to be killed. Letting out a frustrated groan, I couldn't 
stop myself from punching the brick wall that happened to be lining my 
path. People walking by gave me a look and I eyed them dangerously. I 
did not stop until I saw traces of blood dripping and they were from my 
torn knuckles. Was that how it happened to her? Did any blood seep out 
of her body when she died? How was her funeral like? 

“God damn it!” I yelled in frustration, pulling at the roots of my hair.
I had to go back to New York. I had to find her father. I had to talk 
to someone. Someone who actually knew what happened during the past 
year. And it hit me. The answer was right in front of my face. 

The person that came to see me two days after I got out of coma. The
person who broke the news to me. She had to know something; she was 
Rhian Sanders' sister after all. Who was Rhian Sanders? She was my 
girlfriend. She was the reason of my existence. She was the love that I 
had found. And she was dead. 

*** 

I stuffed my swollen fist into the pocket of the leather jacket that was
in the pile of clothes that the nurse handed me. The clothes were all 
black; black jeans, black T-shirt and black leather jacket. The color 
that I always wore. I did not think much of it. My hand searched around 
the pocket, a little glad for the tiny warmth that it provided but it 
was a piece of paper that got me intrigued. I pulled it out and saw a 
number written on it, with a name attached. A familiar name belonging 
to someone who could provide me with the explanation I needed. 

I had no idea how to call her. I did not even have a quarter to make
that call. It was no use trying to ask people for change. I learned 
that beggars never made it in life. And also, I learned that growing up 
on the streets taught me the valuable skills that I needed in survival. 
As quick as lightning, my hand slipped into the pocket of the coat of 
the man that stood in line in front of me and I found twenty dollars. 
He did not even realize that he was robbed; instead, he rubbed his fat 
belly and said to his companion about how delicious the restaurant was. 
He would have big trouble to find the change to tip that waiter. 

I broke the money and jogged to the nearest pay phone that I could find.
The rest of it would go to my food expenditure for the next few days. 
She picked up the phone after just two rings. She was waiting for me. 

“Calista, we need to talk,” I said in a gruff tone and we made plans to
meet up. 

*** 

Calista Sanders came in a Volkswagen Beetle that I knew she received
from her father when she aced her SATs. Rhian told me all about it; 
about the three of them going shopping for it. I was sitting on the 
pavement at the corner of the sit and rose when I saw the car 
approaching. She opened the passenger side of the door and motioned for 
me to come in. 

“Hey,” she greeted me uncertainly. 

“Why did you do all this?” I got straight to the point. There were so
many questions that I had for her and she looked ready to answer them 
for me. 

“Do you want to go somewhere first? To eat or something?” It was eight
in the evening; almost ten hours after I left the hospital. I shook my 
head. “I want to know what happened,” I insisted. She ignored my demand 
and drove away. I leaned back against the seat and stared ahead. If I 
asked, would she bring me to Rhian's grave? Would it be back in New 
York? And what would my reaction be if I saw the proof that was 
presented in front of my very eyes? 

Without noticing it, I was grabbing too tightly the leather seat that
was beneath my thigh. The material slipped against my fingernails, 
causing an unpleasant sound. Calista made a face. “Please, I'll like to 
maintain the interior of this car when I decide to sell it,” she 
muttered and I placed my hand on my lap, the other one holding on to 
the handle that was on top of the window. She couldn't care less about 
this minor flaw; her father would buy her a new car. All she had to do 
was ask. 

She parked the Beetle in the parking lot of a small diner and we slipped
into a booth that was at the far back. “What do you want to order?” she 
asked. I shook my head. I was not here to eat. I had important things 
to ask her. This was not a social call. She ordered anyway and while we 
waited for her food to arrive, she didn't say anything but annoyingly 
checking out the diner and its other patrons. “Look,” I began. “I asked 
you before, why are you doing all this?” 

“Because of Rhian,” she replied, her lower lip quivering. There was no
resemblance, not at all. I could detect no trace of Rhian in her face 
although the colors of their eyes were similar. How could two sisters 
be so different? I was a male, so I wouldn't deny that Calista was a 
pretty girl but she was nowhere compared to my Rhian. Maybe all the 
times that Rhian talked about her father being unfair and siding 
Calista was making me judge the princess that was sitting across the 
table from me. There, I did it again. “Dad, I mean my father, he wanted 
to help. You are very close to her and I know that she wouldn't want us 
not to help you. So we did. In her memory, you could say that,” she 
talked. 

“How did she...” I couldn't say it. I could not fucking say it out
aloud. 

“She died?” Calista asked, a little too easily in my opinion. “After
they shot you, they threw her out of the speeding car. She hit her head 
pretty badly and she died on the way to the hospital.” The story was 
coming out smoothly from her lips, like she had been rehearsing it a 
million times in front of her mirror. “It was such a tragedy,” she 
added, hiding her face behind her blond hair. 

“Why here? Why this hospital?” I asked further. Her food had already
arrived and she pushed around the fries on the plate with her index 
finger. She didn't answer me, yet she kept playing with the food on her 
plate instead of stuffing it into her mouth. I grabbed her wrist, 
commanding her attention and I swore that smile flickered her face. But 
if it did, it was gone and replaced by recoil of squirming. “Don't ask 
me,” she struggled lightly. She could have pulled her hand back if she 
wanted to but she was content with my fingers touching her skin. “Look, 
you are the only person I know here,” I pointed out. “Just tell me 
what's going on?!?” We received glares from the people within hearing 
distant. I dropped her hand as well as my tone. “Why am I here?” I 
hissed. 

“Are you blaming me for the reason that you are safe here?” she
screeched. “You should be thankful that we saved your life.” This time, 
she picked a fry and ate it. “If it's not because of Rhian, you'll be 
dead, lying in the streets of NYC.” She wasn't the sweet little angel 
that Rhian used to describe her as. In front of me was a spiteful 
person. “So just be grateful that you're alive,” she added and took a 
bite out of her burger. I slumped back and stared at her face. I was 
pissed, that was undeniable. But why? Was it because she was so 
acceptable of her sister's death? That she didn't feel the bitterness 
mouth when she talked about Rhian? She was handling it real well and 
three months was too short of a time to recover from the grief of 
losing a person, especially that person was her own sister. Her only 
sister. “So why am I here?” I repeated, this time a little gentler in 
my opinion. She was after all my only connection in Rhode Island. 

She softened up and stared straight into my eyes with her deep blues';
reminding me so much of Rhian's that my heart ached. “It's much safer 
for you here, Trey,” she spoke. “They don't know that you are alive.” 
They. Those that were after me. Those fools that killed my Rhian. I 
crushed a napkin that was under my hand, wishing that it was something 
harder so I could feel the pain. Maybe, just maybe, my mind would be 
concentrated on the physical pain rather than the one that was in me. 
“It's much safer here,” she said again. “You can start a whole new life 
here. There's nothing else for you there.” She reached across the table 
for my hand, her food all forgotten, and released the napkin that was 
in my clutch, at the same time, freeing my fingers that were clenched 
so hard. 

“But she's dead,” I said, hearing my voice wavering out loud. God, this
was damn embarrassing. I was breaking down in front of a girl that I 
knew only from words. I could not do it. I would not do it. I braced 
myself and took a deep breath. “Where is she buried?” I controlled my 
tone. 

“In New York,” Calista replied, her hand still holding mine. I had no
energy to pull it away. In fact, it was a little comforting. 

“Manhattan?” 

She shook her head. “Nope. A little town upstate. It's a quiet place.” 

“I need to see it,” I muttered. “I need to see her.” That was when she
took her hand away and gathered her long hair to over to her right 
shoulder. “That's not possible,” she revealed. 

“Why not?” I demanded. 

“It's dangerous for you to go back there. You just can't,” Calista
insisted. “I don't care. Take me there,” I growled. 

“But if any one of them spotted you....” she trailed. 

“I don't give a fuck care about my safety!” I raised my voice. “I'm
going there and you'll take me there.” 

She shook her head stubbornly. “I won't do that.” 

“Oh, you will,” I promised. “I swear you will.” 

*** 

Rhian 

I was lying on my belly on the floor of my bedroom, watching Shane
concentrating hard on his Trigonometry homework. He was sitting in 
front of my desk, his face tensed as he scribbled the solutions for 
questions that I could probably never even understand. There was one 
nuisance of having a boyfriend that was on the honor roll, a study date 
was a must. I was supposed to work on my English essay after I had 
given up on my own Trigonometry homework and for the past hour, I had 
only written one sentence which didn't make sense at all. So, I turned 
my attention on his handsome face and incredibly yummy body but I was 
done admiring him and I was bored. 

I yawned loudly and I saw his eyes dart towards me. I grinned and he
smiled weakly, immediately focusing back on his homework. I frowned and 
drew doodles on what supposed to be my English essay. It was Friday 
afternoon and all we were doing was homework! Where was the fun? I 
still had the whole weekend to complete those assignments, so why rush? 
Shane apparently did not think that way. To him, the faster we 
completed our homework, the more time there would be for us to enjoy 
ourselves. At first, I was agreeable with his idea but that was before 
I found out what a perfectionist he was with his work. Weren't guys as 
cute as him supposed to hate doing homework? 

Finally, he put his pencil down and slammed his textbook shut. Mr.
Straight-As had already completed his English essay the very day we 
were assigned to do it even though it was supposed to be handed in a 
week later. Swiveling on my white chair to face me, he produced a grin 
that made him look really adorable. “I'm done!” he announced. “How 
about you?” 

I slammed shut an opened book in front of me. “Yeah, me too!” I lied and
straight away, he raised an eyebrow curiously, cocking his head to one 
side. I narrowed my eyes. “I'm telling the truth!” I protested and he 
was up on his feet, ready to check on me. I grabbed hold of all the 
papers or books that were strewn in front of me and hugged them close 
to my chest, not caring that the papers were wrinkled in this process. 
He lunged towards me and I shrieked running away but he managed to pin 
me down. I gazed into his eyes, waiting for him to kiss me but my idiot 
homework was what he was after. He flipped through my Trigonometry 
notebook and frowned when all he saw were loopy hearts and flowers 
rather than the notes that I was supposed to take down in class. 

“Rhian, you didn't do a single thing,” he stated the obvious. 

“It was too hard to concentrate with you around?” I tried. 

He gave me an exasperated look. I swear he would make a perfect teacher
one day as I have been receiving those looks from every one of my 
teachers since the first day I began my education life. “Come on,” he 
groaned, pushing his hair back with a swipe of his fingers. “It's our 
last year,” he reminded me enough. 

I snatched the notebook away from his hand and threw it aside. “I know!
That's why we should enjoy instead of making such a big deal over 
irrelevant things like homework.” 

He shook his head, his patience wearing off. Homework was not a joking
matter to him. He could be such a nerd at times. I wondered why he 
wasn't into chess or astronomy and wore thick spectacles with thick 
frames. “No, it means that it's time to start taking your work 
seriously to ensure a place for college,” Shane corrected me. I rolled 
my eyes and scowled. I would never have this kind of talk with Trey. We 
always had loads of fun together, not doing stupid homework. Instantly, 
I pushed that betrayal thought to the back of my head. This was not the 
best time to be comparing the two of them. There never was a best time 
to do that. “Okay, okay,” I gave up. I opened my notebook and propped 
it on my lap, trying to make sense of the questions that were on the 
worksheet that was handed to us. Five minutes passed and I still 
couldn't understand a single thing. I could feel his eyes scrutinizing 
my expression and I refused to look up, to ask for help. I squeezed the 
pencil harder and harder, transferring my frustration towards him and 
Trigonometry to the pencil until it snapped into half. I was amazed. I 
had no idea how I did that but it made him crawled over to where I was 
sitting. “Look, I'm sorry,” he apologized. “I just think that it's 
important for you to try.” 

Easy for him to say. It was hard enough for me to maintain my C average.
I kept silent. Why couldn't he understand that I could not be bothered 
about studying as much as he was? “Come, let me help,” he offered, 
reaching for my worksheet but I kept it away from him. 

“I can do it myself, thank you very much,” I muttered sarcastically
although I couldn't. I would end up copying it off somebody during 
homeroom on Monday morning anyway. 

“Rhian, I said I'm sorry,” he repeated. “I really am.” He held my hand
and shook it a little but I remained rigid. So he took hold of my chin 
and kissed me on my lips. “Okay, let's stop talking about homework,” he 
promised and his lips brushed mine again. “Please?” he begged, his eyes 
wide and his face showing remorse that I couldn't help smiling. Once he 
caught the smile, he grinned. “Am I forgiven?” he asked. 

“Only if never have this kind of date ever again,” I made an exception
and he scowled in disagreement. “Your grades are important for....” 

“I know, for college,” I interrupted him. “But I don't care about that.
Not like you do. I can handle my homework myself.” He gave in; he had 
to give in. 

“Okay, okay,” he surrendered and embraced me tight. “Never again,” he
promised and I bit his lower lip softly. He chuckled and his mouth 
covered mine. “This is something we'll never argue about,” he said into 
me and I just nodded, my mind too dizzy to think straight. But he would 
find out that he was wrong. Dead wrong. 

We were hot and heavy on the floor on my room and proceeded onto my bed
to continue our make out session. His right hand slipped into my top, 
making contact with the bare skin of my stomach and goosebumps ran up 
my arms. He played with the clasp that was at the front and my brains 
sent out shouting signals. It took a lot of force to push him off me 
and I straightened my top that was creased by his roaming hands. 

“What?” he asked, sitting on the edge of my bed. I was breathing heavily
and hugged my knees to my chest. “I thought we both wanted it,” he 
said, surprised by my rejection. 

“I'm not ready, Shane,” I told him. And I might never be, I wanted to
add but I kept it to myself. This was the first time in our 
relationship that we ever broached on the subject of having sex and 
thinking of doing it with him made me shuddered. In fact, doing it with 
anybody else except for Trey made me feel like wanting to claw at my 
skin until they bleed. 

“Oh, okay,” he murmured and I knew he wanted to hug him but my body
language was telling him to stay away. I did not want him touching me 
at the moment. “Are you alright?” he inquired. 

“I'm fine,” I lied for his benefit. “Have you....have you....” The words
were stuck at my throat. 

“Are you a....?” 

“Am I a virgin?” he completed the sentence for me. “No, I'm not. Are
you?” 

“What do you think?” I was still hugging my knees very close to myself. 

“If I'm basing this on your relationship with Trey, I don't think so,”
he answered honestly. “I'm right, aren't I?” 

“Yeah, you are,” I sighed. “Shane, I'm not ready. Not ready, for it to
happen with you.” 

“Okay, I get it,” he sighed too. “I'm not forcing you.” His face was
grimed and I had no idea what he was thinking about. “Maybe I should 
go,” he suggested. 

“No,” I argued. “Stay. Let's just...talk.” 

He looked at me. “About what?” 

I shrugged and this time round, I crawled to the edge of the bed,
snuggling into his arms. “I'm sorry,” I whispered. 

“Don't be. Take your time,” he assured me and I knew that he wasn't
thinking that way. He wanted it to happen and whether or not I wanted 
it to, it was already on the minds of both of us. That he was expecting 
it. And he was a teenage boy after all. 

*** 

Shane left about an hour later and I was left alone in my room,
wondering. He would be back at eight to pick me up so we could go out 
for dinner and maybe catch a late movie after that. The event that 
happened earlier kept my mind preoccupied even though we talked as 
though it had never happened. 

I recalled of my first time with Trey. It was my first time ever and I
was sure that he knew it. It happened about six months after we started 
dating and it was the first time that every girl could ever dreamt of. 
Before that, we never discussed it at all, it never came up. But it 
went naturally and I did not stop to hesitate for a second. There 
wasn't any complication and it just happened beautifully. 

Just like everything else was with him. It was smooth sailing. I might
be biased but my relationship with Trey was just perfect to me. 

Was this how my relationship with Shane would be like? Me comparing
everything Shane did to Trey? It was clear from the beginning that 
Shane could never be Trey but why was I hoping that it would be 
otherwise? Why couldn't I be free from thoughts of Trey? Would the 
memories of him haunt me forever? Was there only one person for 
everybody? And if I have lost mine, was it fair for me to give false 
hope to someone else, giving him the feeling that it was getting better 
for us, that what we had might be able to match up to what I previously 
had? 

I walked into the deepest end of my closet and pulled open a drawer that
I have not touched since I placed something in there the night before 
school began. It had been about three months. In the drawer was a 
specially crafted box that was made of glass. I bought the box the day 
before school opened. It was from a souvenir store situated on the 
boardwalk at the beach. Shane and I went there and spent the last day 
of summer there and that was the first time I decided that Shane was 
someone I wanted to be with. To help me get over Trey. The night I went 
home, I placed something inside that glass box. Something that was 
really significant. 

Sitting in the box was the ring that he had given to me. Somehow the
ring still sparkled in the darkness of the closet and it seemed to 
signify how I still was in love with him although I hid it. It had been 
easy the past months so why was I starting all over again? 

I bit my lower lip and restrained myself from slipping the ring into my
finger. It would only make me feel closer to him. To feel his soul 
hovering behind me and I was sure that I wouldn't be able to stop 
myself from crying. 

He's dead, Rhian. I had to remind myself over and over again. 

But even after a long time hearing it; after a thousand million times
convincing myself; after the proof of his grave in front of my eyes, 
deep , deep, deep, deep down, my heart still doubted it. I might 
pretend that I had deal with it but I couldn't stop the nagging feeling 
that I had that he was well and alive out there. I was just waiting for 
him to appear to prove myself that I wasn't just in denial. That 
somehow he and I were so connected that the world might be against us 
but we still believe what we felt. 

The chiming of my cell phone that was on my vanity table startled me and
I dropped the glass box that it came crashing onto the floor, 
shattering into a thousand pieces. The ring that was in it disappeared 
in the mess and I dropped to my knees, scrambling to find it. My hands 
ran through a thousand splinters of glass and I felt some pressing into 
my skin but I did not care. I had nothing else of him with me and I 
could not bear losing the ring. There was a huge possibility that I 
bounced onto the piles of clothing that I had and it would take a very, 
very long time for me to find one small ring in the closet as big as 
mine. My cell phone was ignored as I pulled out one piece of clothing 
after another, mixing up the fabrics with the glass pieces on the floor 
and staining designer clothes with the blood that was seeping out from 
the cuts caused by the splinters. 

I had no idea how long I was searching but I couldn't find it. I was
sitting in a pile of clothes and I was still pulling and pulling, the 
lighting in the closet not sufficient enough for me to find my precious 
ring. I did not notice the shadow that fell upon me and I had no clue 
as to how long the person had been standing there until he called out 
my name. 

“Rhian?” Dad's voice boomed as he stood before me. I stared up at him,
my tears falling like a waterfall. And I could not even wipe it as my 
hands were stinging. “What's wrong?” In any other day, I wouldn't even 
be bothered to talk to him but I was mission and two pairs of hands and 
eyes were always better than one. 

“Help me find. A ring,” I gasped out and he reached for me. 

“Rhian,” he repeated. “You're bleeding.” 

“There's no time!” I shouted. “Find my ring.” I was now taking down
dresses and flimsy fabrics from the hangers. The ring might be 
underneath the long row of those clothes! Dad took hold of me by the 
sides of my arms and shook me. “You have to stop!” he insisted. “Your 
hand!” 

“But...” I cried. 

Something caught his eye and he bent down to pick it up. He was holding
the ring between his two fingers. He dropped it onto my opened palm and 
I hissed when the metal made contact. It hurt. Real bad. And I was not 
too elated to find that ring. I had gone all crazy. Again. 

I stared at him with wide eyes, begging him silently. To take me to the
hospital as my hands were throbbing. To take me away from the house as 
Shane would be here any minute and he would see me in this state and 
would figure out how it happened. And he would be disappointed. He 
would leave me. And that right now, that was the last thing that I 
wanted. 

I would be losing somebody that I cared about. Again. 

I saw the look that was on Dad's face. I had screwed up. Again. 

*** 

Trey 

I was not sleeping on a street bench as I have guessed this morning.
Instead, I was lying down on a comfortable oversized couch with a 
pillow on my head in Calista's living room. She had disappeared into 
her room about half an hour before and I was still wide awake. I 
couldn't sleep. There was no way I could. I had to find a way so that I 
could go and visit Rhian's grave in New York. I had no money to travel 
there and even if I did, upstate New York was a huge land area. I could 
never find the small remote town where she was buried. 

Why the hell couldn't Calista make this any easier? Why couldn't she
just tell me where Rhian was? Why was she making such a big issue about 
my safety? Didn't she know that I was already dead inside? Who cares 
even if I died now? It was a better alternative. It would mean being in 
a place where Rhian was. 

I gripped the sides of the pillow where my head rested. My eyes had
adjusted to the darkness of the apartment and as I stared up at the 
ceiling, images kept floating back. I could see her face clearly; I 
could see her gazing adorably at me. I was settled to dreaming of her 
constantly even though I seldom slept. Each day, snippets of my time 
with her came into my mind...It was like watching a movie. 

I had never been a person that was good with words. But I was aware that
what I had with Rhian, there was not a single word that could sum up 
our relationship. And the closest word that I had found was magical. 
Even so, that seemed miles and miles away from what we really were. 

*** 

Rhian 

It was the first time in my life I found out that how easy it was to
rely on Dad. I could be standing in the middle of a land mine and he 
would manage to pull me out of it, without a single scratch on my body. 


After he found me in my closet, he led me to his car and he drove me
over to the hospital to get my wounds treated. It had been a month 
since I last stepped into the hospital. I was convinced that I did not 
need to see my shrink anymore as I was progressing really well. But 
like every single time in my life, I was proven that my judgment was 
wrong. 

I had to deal with the fact that there never might be a recovery for me
for this heart ache. The grief for his loss had broken me down really 
badly that I could never find the missing pieces to assemble my heart 
back to how it used to be. I winced and hissed when the doctor pulled 
the splinters out of my hands and after what seemed like a never ending 
torture, he finally bandaged my hands and I was stuck with hands that 
looked like two mittens. At least they would keep me warm but the 
stinging was scorching. Dad was waiting for me and I was amazed to see 
that he was. To say that he and I were not close was an understatement. 
Asides from the fact that he provided me with my allowance and lodging, 
I had no other connection with him. I was not his wonder kid, that spot 
belonged to Calista Sanders, my older sister who was away for college. 

Dad stood up when he caught sight of me and dropped the Business session
of a paper on the seat where he just vacated. “How is it?” he asked. 

“I'll manage,” I replied unenthusiastically. Shit, I did not bring along
my cell phone. How the hell was I supposed to call Shane to pick me up 
here? One car ride with Dad per month was strenuous enough for me and I 
was not about to stretch my limits. Dad seemed to read my mind as he 
placed a hand on my right shoulder. “I called Shane and told him you 
hurt yourself,” Dad explained. “He'll come by tomorrow.” I breathed a 
sigh of relief upon hearing him. I had the whole night to explain to 
Shane how I got into this mess and I was scared that if he looked into 
my eyes, the truth would reveal itself. Would it hurt him as badly as I 
expected? Would he know that Trey had crept his way back into my mind, 
reopening the tear that Shane struggled to sew? Would he leave me then? 


The doctor must have given me something for the pain as I was woozy and
needed the support of the wall to stand up. He did mumble something to 
me after he bandaged my hand but I was too preoccupied with my own 
thoughts to actually listen. I wished now I have as Dad scooped me into 
his arms, he was amazingly strong for a man his age. Anyway, how old 
was Dad? I was not sure. I did not even know when his birthday was. 
When was the last time I ever celebrated his birthday? Did he have a 
cake? Alright, clearly I was rambling on and on. I saw Dad looked at me 
confusingly through my hazy eyes. I better closed them. It would stop 
the world from spinning. 

*** 

If I had never seen him sleep before, I swore that Shane never slept at
all. He was already over at my house at the crack of dawn, eager to see 
how I was doing. I had just woken up from sleep and I was in a total 
mess when he bolted into my room, his face couldn't mask his worry for 
me. I had not brushed my teeth, and the last time I looked at myself in 
the mirror was more than twenty hours ago. I was feeling too self 
conscious so I rushed to the toilet to try and clean myself up. As I 
brushed my teeth, Shane knocked on the door, protesting that he did not 
care how terrible I look like. Thanks, boyfriend. Some water dripped 
onto my bandages, making it damp. I scowled and tried my best to dry it 
and nothing worked. Not even my hair dryer that I turned up to the 
hottest temperature that it could manage. 

When I finally emerged, a grin was playing on his gorgeous face. “I
swear that Freddie Kruger looked better in the movie than you did,” he 
teased, his face loosening up. 

I groaned and flopped onto my bed, too lazy to retort with any sarcasm.
“Go away,” I muttered. “It's seven in the morning!” 

He put his arms around me and I couldn't help but snuggled into his
broad and muscular chest. “What happened?” he wanted to know. 

I still had not come up with an explanation. “Glasses,” I said and
offered no further explanation. I was not surprised to see that my 
closet had already been clean but from the view at the bed, a lot of 
clothing articles were missing. “It hurt,” I whined. 

“Poor baby,” he murmured. “You should have been more careful.” 

“Don't you think I know that?” I snapped. He stroked my hair softly and
I inhaled his delightful scent of cologne. “Sorry about the date,” I 
apologized and blinked up at him. 

“Hey, you hurt yourself,” he said. “It's not as though you did it on
purpose.” Actually I did, although I wasn't aware of it. The ring was 
still tucked into the pocket of my jeans. I had to find a new place for 
my ring to rest in now. And I could see the outline of the ring. My 
heart swelled. “There goes our whole weekend, huh?” I asked dryly and 
he chuckled. “There are a lot of things that we could do indoor,” he 
assured me. 

“Like what?” I probed. 

He leaned his head down to cover his lips with mine. “Like this,” he
whispered but instead of opening up to him, I was detached inside. For 
all I knew, I could be kissing him but I was sure as hell that I did 
not want to. 

*** 

Chapter Two: What Is It That You Do That Makes My World Spins? 

Trey 

There was no chance that I could get away by sleeping on Calista's couch
each night. But I have done that for almost two whole weeks. And she 
was in no hurry to kick me out, instead she was playing the part of a 
gracious host, providing me with food and all the necessities that I 
needed. I kept postponing, one day after another, promising myself that 
tomorrow would be the day that I would get out and earn money to get me 
back to New York but I never did that. I spent day after day watching 
television shows on her flat screen plasma television, catching up with 
world news that I had missed when I was almost dead on the hospital 
bed. 

There were lots of shows that I had never watched and I had all the time
in the world to watch it but hours flew by quickly that before I knew 
it, night time had sneaked up on me and Calista would be home from her 
college with dinner. I had stopped refusing her help, and I took 
advantage of it instead. 

I was a jerk. Without Rhian around, I had reverted to my old ways of
depending on girls to provide for me. 

“Hi, I'm home!” Calista called as soon as I heard the front door clicked
open. I merely nodded in acknowledgement. I seldom spoke to her; I just 
took whatever she gave me. Her coffee table was filled with wrappers 
from food that I raided from her fridge and although I was home the 
whole day, I did not bother to even lift a finger. Home? I had even 
begin considering living here? 

“Your dinner,” she said, handing me the take-out food. I dug into it as
though I had not eaten for days and she cleaned up the mess that I had 
made. And I figured that when she stepped on a potato chip and it 
crumbled onto her expensive Turkish carpet, her bubble was popped. 
“Look at this mess,” she sighed, not accusing me but more frustrated 
with herself. 

“Yeah,” I agreed, my eyes glued onto the television screen. 

“What did you do today?” she tried to make conversation but I just
grunted. One thing that was clear was she did not have a current 
boyfriend. I had not seen her bring home anybody since I stayed here. 
This was surprising as she was a really good looking girl. If my mind 
hadn't been filled with Rhian, I might give her a second lingering 
glance. But nothing could distract me from Rhian. Her face was the only 
thing that made me wake up each morning. Calista must have bee really 
exhausted as she left her purse and school bag on the easy chair that 
was next to my sleeping area instead of keeping it in her room where it 
was supposed to be. 

“I'm going to shower,” she announced to me and frankly, I couldn't give
a damn care. Not one bit. All I wanted from her now was the location of 
Rhian's grave and if she couldn't give me that, I'll be stuck to her 
until she did. I heard the shower being turned on and I slouched back 
on the couch, my focus on the television until a beeping noise 
distracted me. 

“Beep,” it shrilled. 

“Beep.” It went again and again and it was coming from Calista's purse.
I ignored it until it stopped but twenty seconds later, it began again. 
Groaning to myself, I grabbed her purse and zipped it open to find her 
cell phone beeping and buzzing at the same time. 

It was not the cell phone that made my heart stopped beating for a
moment. 

It was not the vibration from the phone that sent chills down my spine. 

It was not the beeping that deafened me. 

It was the name displayed on the screen on the phone. 

Over and over again the name blinked in front of my disbelief eyes. I
held my breath. The name so familiar that with every syllable, it 
tasted sweet. The girl that had claimed my heart. The girl that made me 
wants to revolve my entire life around her. I flipped the cell phone 
opened and brought it close to my ear. 

“Hello?” her beautiful voice chimed over the line. “Cal?” she sang
further. No, it's me. I wanted to tell her but something held me from 
saying it to her. “Hello,” I answered and I got a giggle over the other 
side. And a male voice protesting about something. She shushed the guy 
whose pants I would beat the crap off and said, “Oops! I guess I called 
at the wrong time, Derryck.” Derryck? Who the hell was Derryck? “Tell 
Calista that her sister called, okay? Tell her not to bother calling me 
back. I'll call her on Monday. Thanks!” she chirped and already hung up 
the phone before I could utter any other word. 

Somehow, I thought the whole situation would release the clutch of the
invisible hand that was squeezing my heart but it only got tighter. 
There, in evidence I heard her talking to me. There was no other 
possibility. Calista and Rhian only were the two children. They had no 
other siblings. 

She talked to me. She. Rhian. The girl that I loved. And also the girl
whom her own sister claimed that she was dead. I stared down at the 
cell phone that was in my hand. The logical thing to do was to quickly 
grab a piece of paper and copy down her number before Calista stepped 
out of the bathroom. But I didn't move. I was frozen on the couch. I 
remembered how to breathe and calmly, I deleted the records of Rhian 
missed call and incoming call from Calista's cell phone. I slipped in 
the phone into the purse and arranged it back to where it was supposed 
to be. By the time I had calmed myself down and diverted my attention 
back to what I was previously watching, I heard the water stopped 
dripping. Seconds later, Calista emerged out of the bathroom wearing a 
bath robe. 

“God, that was refreshing,” she said to no one in particular. 

“Goody,” I muttered under my breath. 

“Had your dinner?” she asked me, sitting on the chair where her bags
were. I nodded and sneaked a glance at her. At that lying weasel who 
caused me almost three months of misery. I had to get it out of her. I 
had to make her confess. That this was all a lie. To ensure myself that 
the past ten minutes of my life was not just an overactive imagination. 
“So,” I began as she was drying her hair with a towel. “Your father 
still in NYC?” I asked. 

She stopped short and an expression passed momentarily on her face.
“Umm, not really. He travels now than just stick to one place.” 

“But he still need to stick his base somewhere,” I went on. “The
penthouse.” It was not a question. 

“No, no,” she shook her head hard that little droplets of water landed
on my arm. “He bought a place upstate.” 

“Near to where Rhian's buried?” I inquired. 

“Uh, yeah,” she answered weakly and stood up. “I'll just be in my room.”
I smirked at her back as she gathered her school bag and her purse. Why 
would she lie about Rhian? Was there something I was missing? 

I was alone for the rest of the night and my head went on from one
possibility to another yet I returned to the freaking conclusion that I 
first thought of. It was the one that scared the ass out of me. 

The male voice that I heard still echoed in my head. They sounded like
they were having fun, Rhian and the mother fuc.... My hand that was 
resting on my lap tightened into a fist, grabbing along the sweatpants 
that I was wearing. I stared as my knuckles turned white while the ones 
from the other hand were bruised due to the punching. 

Was it possible? That she had moved on? That there was someone new in
her life? 

It was possible that the two of them thought of this whole ridiculous
plan up so that Rhian wouldn't have to stab me in the front by breaking 
up with me. Maybe she waited for the first couple of months but she had 
given up about me waking from the coma. This plan that they had devised 
would put the blame off them. 

But Rhian wouldn't do that. She wasn't the malicious type. God damn it,
she was an angel! 

That led me to another theory. That Calista had talked her into it.
Calista was really an expert at the charming game. She showed Rhian the 
other paths she could take to move on with a life that was without me. 
And I could not blame Rhian for doing so. A coma that lasted a year was 
not a long one compared to the other cases. And say if I hadn't woken 
up, I wouldn't want Rhian to waste her youth attending to my 
unconscious self. 

I clenched my fist even harder, watching the veins popping and
throbbing. I had to find out the whole truth. But I was too much of a 
coward to copy the number and call her up. It would be even harder to 
hear it coming from her own lips, her pronouncing that she did not want 
to be with me any longer. I might get a heart attack. At the back of my 
head, I could hear my friends hooting at me for being such a lame guy. 
They for once, would never be caught in this kind of situation. ‘Love 
the person whom you are with' was one of the sayings that they lived 
by. Why trouble myself by actually getting involved? 

My brain was wrecking havoc. I could not sit still and just wait. I
wanted to find out what was going on. I wanted to see Rhian. And if I 
could, I want to take her in my arms and inhale the exotic fruity scent 
that floated around her. I wanted to run my fingers through her brown 
hair. 

The pain that I figured that was subduing, intensified this time round
with rage. My life was a whole big mess already, why not I continue to 
jump in the mud? I might find answers that I was searching for. 

*** 

It was Sunday morning. The frustration that I was feeling had left me
exhausted that for once, I slept peacefully throughout the night. There 
was no dreams, no images of her face, I slept still. But when I opened 
my eyes, Calista was humming to a tune as she cleaned her apartment. I 
sat up and reached for the remote to turn on the television but after 
jabbing the button several times, the screen was still blank. What the 
hell. 

“I had to turn off the main switch,” Calista sang to me. “I was
vacuuming just now.” I ignored her and dropped my head back to the 
pillow that I had claimed as mine. 

“You should go out and get some fresh air, you know?” she continued and
I twitched. Who was she to tell me what to do? Yeah, her father settled 
my hospital bills but that did not mean she had reign over me. “It's 
almost lunch time. Want to go out for lunch?” she invited. 

“Whatever,” I mumbled, not caring if she could hear me or not. 

“I know this little place just a short walk away,” she said cheerfully.
“It's got great burgers and sandwiches. How long will it take for you 
to freshen up?” 

I got my butt off the couch and dragged myself to the bathroom. I looked
like crap. The image that was staring back at me was ghastly. My hair 
was messed up and I had dark circles under my eyes. Normally, I wasn't 
such a vain creature but if I was going to meet Rhian soon, I had to 
clean up for her. I wouldn't want her to be thinking that she wasn't 
missing out on anything. I splashed water on my face and brushed my 
teeth, aware that Calista was fluffing the pillow that was mine. I 
wondered what her intentions were, letting me stay at her apartment. 
How could one stand to clean up after another person like a maid? 

I took a quick shower and dressed in the clothes that she had left on
the toilet covers. Like all other clothes that I had worn, this set 
fitted me like a second skin. The leather jacket was hung on the coat 
rack and I shrugged into it as she shimmied into her high heels. Even 
going to lunch, she was dressed to the nine with an expensive looking 
white coat with big buttons. “Ready?” she asked, flashing me a dazzling 
smile. 

I scowled and looked away. I could read girls easily and I was not
trying to flatter myself but the way she was constantly gazing at me, 
it seemed she wanted something more. She wasn't satisfied with me just 
being her sister's boyfriend. Or her dead sister, she might claim. How 
much sicker could she get? “Where's the place?” I questioned as we 
stepped outside into the cold air. 

“Just up the street,” she informed, tilting her chin towards the
direction. I followed her sight and saw an Italian restaurant that was 
buzzing with business. Without hesitation, she looped her arm through 
mine and I grimaced. I was not wrong, although I had hoped to be. She 
was putting her moves on me and frankly, it was not working. I was too 
much in love with her sister to even be appreciating what a beauty she 
was. She was pretty, no doubt about that but Rhian was more. Rhian 
changed me. God, I was sounding like a broken record. I hated it. 
Carefully, I pulled my arm away, not missing the expression that passed 
on her face. She was disappointed but not discouraged. 

We sat at the back of the restaurant and after we ordered, she took my
hand in hers. “What do you usually do back in New York?” she asked, 
tracing circles at the back of my hand. I shifted in my seat and drew 
my hand away. “Doing things with Rhian,” I said, reminding her who I 
was. I was her sister's boyfriend. 

“Asides from that,” she hissed, tucking a strand of her hair behind her
ear. 

“Nothing,” I muttered. “I meet her almost every day and after I sent
Rhian home, I got pretty bushed so I went straight home. Sometimes I 
called to talk to her and after that I went straight to sleep.” That 
was the most that I have ever spoken to her. 

“That's all?” I nodded as the food had arrived and I tucked into the
portion that was sitting in front of me, contented with the lack of 
conversation. “Where's she buried?” I asked, even though I knew she 
won't have the answer for me. 

“I won't tell you,” she managed to flirt. I scowled and said, “Just let
me know, damn it.” 

“I might if you ask nicely,” she said coyly. She flipped her hair the
way girls loved to do it and I suppressed a groan of impatience. 
“Please?” I tried, staring earnestly at her. 

Calista giggled and shook her head. “It'll take a lot more than that,”
she replied and ate her food. “Why do you need to know? She's already 
gone.” 

“And you seemed to handle it really well,” I snarled. 

She lifted an eyebrow coolly. “It had been over a year. I have to move
on,” she countered. “I did not just wake up three months ago and hear 
the bomb that fell.” “Where's your conscious?” I spat under my breath 
and even though she might hear it, she pretended that she didn't. 
“What's the deal with you and Rhian? You didn't even want to try to 
accept that she's gone,” she accused. 

I gulped down the icy water. “It's something you won't understand.” 

“Try me,” she challenged. 

I did not even have to think about the answer. But the only problem was
I could not express it into words. “She's part of me,” I said simply. 

“Well, she's part of me too,” Calista said dully. “I handled it and move
on with my life.” 

“It's more than that,” I insisted harshly. “She's my life. It's useless
to be able to breathe when she's no longer around.” I wondered if she 
would gag. Other guys would. But she didn't. Instead, she dropped her 
eyes and moved the fork she was holding round and round her plate. She 
was a girl, after all. There was something that might be able to waver 
her to spill the truth about Rhian being alive. “Is it fair? That I 
have to continue to live without her? To have her being robbed away 
from me?” I added on. 

She was silent now. Her eyes never left her plate and she seemed to
forget why we had come to the restaurant at the first place. She played 
with the tiny strands of spaghetti. I reached for her hand and was 
almost begging to her. “You'll tell me. Tell me where she is.” 

“I can't,” she said shakily and reclaimed her hand, dropping it to her
lap. “I just can't.” 

“Why not?” I whispered. 

“I promised,” she choked out. 

“Who?” 

At that moment, Calista took a deep breath and straightened herself. I
knew that the spell was broken. Her walls were back up and she was 
aware that I was trying as hell to break her down. She glared at me 
hotly and her lips turned downwards into a frown. “I nearly fell for 
your trap, Trey Sanders,” she laughed darkly. “Why don't you get a grip 
at yourself? Rhian is only one girl. Be a man and move on.” 

“What do you know?” I demanded. “What do you know about having your
loved one being taken away from you? Don't think you can compare what I 
had with Rhian to what you ever had with any other guy.” 

“That's why. I never knew how it's like,” she told me, leaving me
confused with her reply. 

*** 

Rhian 

It was Sunday morning. I was lying on my bed with Shane next to me,
sleeping soundly. No, we did not do it. He just stayed over. I watched 
his chest moved up and down, my fingers itching to trace the straight 
bridge of his nose. If I did that, he would wake up since he was a 
light sleeper. I tried to keep still but it was hard to fight the 
impulse to lean over and cover his lips with mine. Despite the 
confusions that I had felt and the detachment I felt, the physical 
attraction was still there towards him. I mean, how could I not be 
attracted to him? He was cute and he was lovable. Plus, he was right 
next to me, and I could pounce on him anytime I wanted to. 

Shane wasn't wearing any shirt so his chest muscles and six packs were
visible for me to see. I was never the kind of person to be able to 
control my urges so I climbed on top of him and placed myself on his 
stomach softly. Leaning down, I ran my tongue over his bottom lip and 
his eyes flew open. When he saw that it was me, he smiled and wrapped 
his arms around my waist, pulling me down to kiss me even harder than I 
expected. “Good morning,” I whispered into his ears and bit his 
earlobe. 

“Morning,” he replied, his face buried in my hair. 

“Nice sleep?” I asked and he moaned in agreement. I entangled myself
from Shane's embrace and got off to sit next to him. “Where do you want 
to go for breakfast?” I inquired. 

“I want you for breakfast,” he murmured and I rolled my eyes at the
cheesiness. 

“I'm starving,” I complained. He sat up and he slipped his arm around me
shoulders, pulling me closer to him. “Me too,” he joined although he 
ate almost the entire pizza last night. “Let's call Billy and ask him 
to join us for breakfast,” he suggested. Billy Schiffer was a close 
friend of Shane's and also a football player. “Yeah, and he can bring 
along Sarah,” I agreed. Sarah Parker was a friend of mine and the two 
of them had recently started dating, which was a good thing as I got 
along well with them and we double dated twice. And during both times, 
it was absolute fun. 

But I couldn't drag myself out of bed. I waited for him first but he
stayed still, as though he was waiting for me to make the first move. I 
peeked at him from the corner of my eyes and he was doing the same. “Or 
maybe...” 

“Maybe we can just stay here,” he read off my mind. I grinned and threw
my arms around his neck, bringing his head down so I could kiss him in 
delight. It was a week ago when I had hurt myself after overacting to 
finding my lost ring and my hands were totally healed, except for one 
odd scar. The past week had been weird for us as I was glad to be rid 
of his company. I only saw Shane in school and cancelled dates during 
the school days. Yesterday, he came over and as soon as I saw his face, 
I realized how much I missed him. There were a few reasons as to why I 
was miserable. First, because of how stupid I was by hurting myself 
again. And one more was because of how much I tried pushing him away. 
It felt right, to ask Shane to go away. I was so guilty of being caught 
up by memories about Trey that I did not want him to be around as he 
might read it off my face. 

“Who's your first time?” I asked suddenly and he slapped his forehead. 

“I was sure that this question might come up,” he groaned and I made a
face. “Come on, just tell me,” I persuaded him. I was sure that after 
he told me, I might look at the girl differently. That she had done it 
with my boyfriend. Ugh. 

“Someone I know?” I tried. 

“What do I get for telling you?” he inquired and I stuck my tongue out
at him. 

“I just want to know,” I argued. 

“You don't know her,” he finally gave in. “She's at college now.” 

“She's older than you?” Damn, I shouldn't have asked. Now I was all
insecure. I pouted to myself and he caught me. “Are you jealous?” he 
teased. I crossed my arms across my chest. “No, I'm not,” I snapped. 

“You're really cute,” he joked and I narrowed my eyes at him. “Yes, you
are. And I like it.” I punched him on his arm and he did not even 
flinch. That idiot. He was really strong. And if I didn't know him so 
well, his size would have intimidated me. Like he could overpower me 
anytime he wanted. But Shane was a gentleman and he was the sweetest 
person that I ever knew. “You like it that I'm crazy with envy?” 

“Yeah,” he answered. “Makes me know that you cared.” 

“I care about you!” I protested. “So, is she like really pretty?” He
better said no. He better, if he knew what was good for him. “Not as 
pretty as you,” he dodged the landmine. 

“How did you meet?” I went on. At least I could know how he was like
before we were together. The progression we had from friends to being a 
couple took just about one summer and before summer, I never spoke to 
him before. There was much I needed to know. “She was a cheerleader,” 
he supplied. Oh, she had to be beautiful. “We got to talking during a 
party. That's all.” 

“That's all?” 

Shane nodded. “Yeah, that's all,” he repeated, pushing my hair back from
my face and kissing me on my forehead. 

“That's not fair,” I argued. 

He pulled away to examine me. “Why?” 

I sighed. “You know so much about me and Trey. And I don't know a single
thing about you!” He grinned and I wanted to smack him in his head. 
“They say not to air out your dirty laundry,” he quoted. His face 
turned serious and I needed no guesses to know that it was his turn to 
grill me. “There's no reason for you to be jealous,” he assured. “All 
of it doesn't sum up to what you had with Trey.” 

“Shane,” I protested and he placed a finger to my lips. “Don't need to
deny it, Rhian. I was there; I saw how losing him affected you. I'm the 
one who has to worry. I may never match up.” I gawked at him, feeling 
the bitterness in his words. How could he do this to himself? Settling 
for just the half of my heart. I was weak; I couldn't push him as I 
really needed him. But he could walk away from this situation. So why 
was he still around? “Shane,” I said his name, staring up tenderly at 
him. “I'm so sorry,” I apologized. 

“Hey, don't be,” he answered softly. “I'll settle with what you will
offer me.” 

“Don't do this to yourself,” I begged. “You can leave.” 

“No, Rhian. You don't do this to yourself,” he countered. “Just don't.”
I nodded sadly, pressing myself deeper into his sturdy chest. Here I 
was, with one of the nicest guy in the universe and I was being 
foolish. I was calling for someone who would never come back. Why 
couldn't I be contented with what I have? I liked Shane a lot. And he 
liked me. I could see it in his eyes every time he gazed at me. I drew 
circles on his chest as he ran his fingers up and down my back, giving 
me thrills that elevated me. I tilted my chin and our lips met. 

Yeah, I might never be able to get over Trey. Yeah, he was that made my
heart soared with just one smile. But he was not around. He might never 
come back. And someone else was sliding into the seat he vacated, to 
mend my broken heart. 

*** 

Trey 

There was once a point in recent time when I would do anything to have
Rhian alive. I spent each waking moment begging to no one in particular 
to bring her back to me. To revive her from the dead so that I could be 
with her again. And I promised that as soon as she was up, I would hold 
her tight in my arms and bury my face into her sweet smelling hair. I 
would whisper over and over again to her how much I loved her. How she 
meant to me. And how horrible life was when she wasn't around even for 
one second. I would then pull back a little just so I could gaze into 
her deep beautiful blue eyes, and see all the answers I needed to know. 
My fears would disappear as soon as she blinked and she would trace her 
fingers up and down my arm like she usually did. I would give her a 
minute or so for her to scrutinize the intricate design of my tattoo. 
She loved doing that. After that, I would make her turn, her back 
facing me. I would lift her shirt up slightly from behind, to see hers. 
Hers was of my name. I had seen it a million times but I never got sick 
of it. It showed me her love. Her love for me, etched into her skin. I 
wondered if she cried when she got it done, cause I knew it wasn't as 
easy like a walk in the park. I was glad that I wasn't there when she 
did it. If she had shed even a single tear during the process, I didn't 
think I would be able to restrict myself from punching the guy that was 
holding the needle. 

My fingers would run across the letters and I would see goosebumps
riding up her back as it tickled her. My hands would then slip around 
her small waist, swirling her around, pulling her back to me. She was a 
head shorter than me and I would bend down to cover her lips with mine, 
feeling her open her mouth to take me deeper. My tongue would run over 
her lower lips and she would sigh, a sound that drove me wild. 

Every time I pictured her, I could see her smile at me, her mouth
curving into my name. She would pull her auburn hair from the ponytail 
and it would cascade down her back, touching her ribs. My fingers would 
itch; I could not fight the urge to lose them in her hair. 

I would do all those if she ever was back in my arms. I would. I so
would. But now, I was twitching in my seat. I clenched and unclenched 
my fist until it became a rhythm. My eyes flashed with wrath. 

I loved her too much. I wanted her to be with me. But she wasn't. I was
selfish. I was human. Now, I rather than she was not alive, then to 
have another guy doing all those things to her. 

*** 

I wanted to hear her voice. I needed to hear her voice. Her light
chuckle every time made me feel as though I was sitting right next to 
her, watching her throw her head back in amusement. I was positively 
sure that Rhian was alive now. But I was hesitating. It was terrifying 
to find out that she rather live her life without me. That she had 
moved on. I wanted to be happy for her. But I couldn't. I didn't want 
her to be happy, not without me being the one who made her smile. I did 
not want her to belong to someone else. She should be with me. We 
fitted each other perfectly. We were carved from heavens to be 
together. So how could she feel that it was fine for her to be with 
somebody other than me? 

Calista was in her room, getting ready for bed as she would have to
attend class tomorrow. I had gotten the gist that she was a medical 
student from Brown University. And that was when I stopped listening as 
she blabbered on and on. I never thought I could feel so much hostility 
towards someone. Even towards the guys that tried to kill me and 
kidnapped Rhian. But each time I saw her, I aimed hate bullets towards 
her direction and the only thing that stopped me from firing those 
shots were the thought of Rhian. Rhian would never tolerate anyone 
hurting her sister. 

I had to sneak into that room after Calista fell asleep. I had to go and
get Rhian's number so I could place the call. So that I could hear her 
voice answer it and then hung up like the coward I was. If I could find 
the courage, I would say hello and it was up to her to recognize my 
voice. If she did, I would tell her everything. I would ask her what 
was going on. She would then have to tell me to my face if she did not 
want to be with me anymore. And I would have to handle it like a man. I 
would leave; I would go far, far away. To somewhere where no one had 
ever heard of my name, no one knew who I was. I would be invisible. I 
would walk down the streets and I would be like a ghost. No one would 
see me, and I would pass through them. Because I didn't think that 
anywhere on this earth would be far enough from her. I might be able to 
run away from her. But her face would haunt me day and night until I 
broke down and finally, my soul would jump out the shell that I was in. 
I knew I would never make it to heaven although I wanted so much to go 
there. There would be angels there. After I saw Rhian three years ago, 
other girls were just human to me. 

*** 

I had no idea if Calista was a light sleeper but I had been roaming
around in her room for almost a minute but she still had not stirred 
from her slumber. I could not turn on the light; it would be too bright 
so I was walking blind, depending on the little light that crept in 
from the bottom of her door. In situation like this, each noise made 
would be amplified. The sound of a footstep would be like an elephant 
trumping. The sound of closing the door was like beating drums in an 
incredible pace. Each sound was amplified. But I felt nothing as I 
stumbled into her room. Because the sounds that were amplified were 
caused by guilt. And I had none in me. 

My hands searched the surfaces in her room, waiting to knock into her
cell phone but I couldn't find it. I cursed under my breath only to 
hear her sighing in her sleep and shifted her position. I rolled my 
eyes and continued with my search. Her purse came up empty and her 
drawers were filled with girlie stuffs that I rather not see. Her damn 
cell phone was missing. I stubbed my toe at the edge of the bed post 
and almost yelled out but I managed to stop myself before I said 
something that I would regret. She would obviously hear that and my 
plan would be foiled. 

Like I had said before, growing up on the streets taught me to think
like no one could. The cordless phone that I had stuck at the back of 
my sweatpants would come in handy. I dialed the number that I memorized 
just minutes ago and waited. 

“Bzzzz...bzzzz,” I heard the vibrations. I tried to trace that damn
noise and found that it came from under her pillow. I turned off the 
cordless phone and slipped my hand under her pillow, praying that she 
would be still. I figured it would be hard, that she would wake up with 
the slightest stir but she didn't. Easily, I took the cell phone from 
beneath her pillow and slipped out of her room where there would be 
proper lighting to copy Rhian's number down. 

I had no idea that it would happen but as I took down each number one by
one, my hand trembled with every figure I wrote. When did I reach to 
the point where I have to steal the phone number of my very own 
girlfriend? The same girl whose face I knew better than my own. I had 
to resort to obtain her number? What had happened to us? I ran my eyes 
through the numbers, etching it into my mind within a few seconds. I 
had her number now, but where could I steal the courage to dial the 
number? 

*** 

I dropped out in high school during my sophomore year, after I was
sentenced to a month of detention because of fighting within school 
compound. It wasn't such a big deal to leave that hell hole anyway as I 
had no heart to study anymore. Every single day of having information 
pumped into my head was torture. After the end of my education road, I 
was stuck in a tunnel with no light at the end. There was nothing much 
I could do to fill my time and I was bored. I guessed that was when I 
started attending parties held by unknown faces. I crashed the first 
one for a reason, to find a friend that was in the same ordeal as me. 
But after countless parties, I found company to hang out with, not a 
single friend. It dawned on me that others there were in the same boat 
as me, trying to search for answers in the wrong places. 

I took care of myself, I worked odd jobs to get by and sometimes, I
managed to find a girl who was more than willing to look after me for 
about a month or two. That was my life, one day after another. I heard 
a quote once before that really explained my days, “What is today but 
yesterday's tomorrow?” I was bored out of my mind, at least in school, 
there were certain subjects that appealed to me. I had no challenge. 
Nothing. I felt like a worthless piece of crap. 

I had been living that way for about a year or two when I met Rhian. At
first, I thought she would be like any other girl. The rich, spoiled 
girls whose trust fund was even bigger than any amount of money I had 
ever seen in my entire life. I was attracted to her, no doubt about it. 
Why wouldn't I? She was beautiful with brown hair and extremely deep 
blue eyes that reminded me of oceans in those tropical beach resorts. 
She was stunning, the most gorgeous girl I have ever met. 

The first time I saw her was in Central Park. I was doodling figures
under my favorite tree, waiting for someone and she was sitting at a 
bench a few feet away with her sister. With Rhian and Calista sitting 
together, it looked as though the scene was copied out from a big shot 
fashion magazine. Every few moments, I saw her dart a glance at me and 
I was trying real hard to not let her know that I was observing her 
too. The climax of the day was when the girl I was currently dating at 
that moment finally arrived and the girl, whose name I couldn't 
remember now, leaned over, waiting for a kiss from me. I placed a peck 
on the girl's forehead but one eye was kept on Rhian who was watching 
the whole event, her fourteen year old heart crumbling. The funny thing 
was, when I saw her face fell, something inside me sparked and I 
frowned. What had she done to me? 

My perception about Rhian was dead wrong and in fact, if I had bet my
life on it that she was just another typical airhead, I would have been 
struck by lightning the first time I talked to her. Her walls were high 
up, protecting herself from getting hurt. I couldn't exactly remember 
what we had talked about as we sat under the tree but I knew that at 
the end of it, I was counting the moments until we met the next time 
round. I guessed I must have not bored her as she kept coming and I 
didn't exactly push her away. And frankly speaking, she was the first 
girl I never took any cash from. Even though she was loaded, well 
technically her father was loaded, she never waved her wads of cash in 
front of my face. She loved the feeling of adrenaline and I was able to 
provide that for her. I was in desperate need of a company, a friend, 
and she was around. We fitted each other. 

I had no idea when I first knew that I was in love with her but it was
hard when she was not around. It hurt to even think of her getting 
hurt. I was willing to jump in front of a speeding car just to save 
her. And I guessed that was what love is. I revolved my life around 
her, very sure of myself that in ten years time, I would still be with 
her. How much sappier could I get? 

We were two people that were lost in a crowd. But when we had each
other, the rest of the world didn't matter anymore. We built a place of 
our own, away from the staring eyes and we were contented with it. 

But with what was going on now, Calista faking Rhian's death, I doubted
myself. Was it only me who was so sure about our relationship? Was I 
only clapping with one hand? 

*** 

I calculated the time and I was so sure that if I called her now, she
would be already out of school. Rhian would be a senior this year. I 
wondered if she was still at the girls' private school she attended 
while we were together. If she was, I could easily head back to 
Manhattan. But if she wasn't there? If she have moved to a totally 
different city? USA was not a small country to be searching for one 
soul. 

I picked up the receiver of the public phone and dropped in a coin at
the slot. I dialed the number, holding my breath as I heard the ringing 
sound. I dared not breathe, I stood still. Rings after rings, no one 
answered. I waited and waited but all I got was disappointment. Until I 
reached her voicemail to hear the voice that turned me hard and soft at 
the same time. “If you received this message, means I'm not taking your 
calls,” I heard her chirp and smiled to myself. But the next voice 
froze me. “Because she's busy making out with her boyfriend,” the damn 
voice growled and I heard her squirmed at the guy. My fingers tightened 
around the receiver and I had to lean against the telephone booth to 
stop myself from tumbling over. Then she was back at the line. “This 
message was so not my idea,” she claimed. “Just leave me whatever you 
want to say and I'll call you back if I feel like it.” “Beep.” 

“Rhian,” I growled before I could stop myself from doing it.
Immediately, I slammed the phone and got snotty comments from a 
passerby. “Take care of public property,” the woman snarled and I 
glared at her. “Do I look like I give a fuck?” I shot back at her and 
she quickened her pace, clutching her purse tight. Where was she? I 
just needed to know that. After that, I could go and see her. To see 
where she had built her new life. And I would leave without a word. I 
stepped out of the phone booth, searching for the nearest library where 
I could have access to the internet. Rhian's father was a prominent 
figure. He could never hide from the media. 

An hour later, I had all the information I needed. I knew where they
lived; on which town, which state, which street and which house. It was 
all there at the back issues of a business magazine. How Dylan Sanders 
moved from big city Manhattan to an unknown town of Blu Creek in New 
Jersey. Reasons for leaving? He wanted to settle down at a community 
town. 

I had to get there. I would have to see her for myself. This would be
the last time I would speak. 

*** 

Chapter Three: What Is That Mirage I'm Seeing? 

Rhian 

There was a flashing icon on my cell phone, indicating that there was a
voice message I have yet to listen to. Wondering which one of my 
friends it would be, I punched in the key and waited. It couldn't be 
from Shane, he had just left a few minutes before, after we spent an 
entire day with him coaching me in some classes that I had been lagging 
behind. It was boring, yet it was necessary, he claimed. Why was my 
boyfriend such a genius? I felt so stupid sitting next to him. 

“You have one message,” the automatic voice spoke and I stopped day
dreaming for a while to listen. “Rhian...” the voice breathed and I 
frowned. There was a sudden click and that was all. The whole message 
lasted for only two seconds yet it intrigued me more than the 
Trigonometry problems that I was stuck with. I replayed the message, 
the voice sounding oddly familiar yet I couldn't place it to someone. 
Maybe it was just a crank call; I was about to dismiss it but I punched 
a number to hear the message for the third time. Anyone else would be 
suspicious of a weird male voice breathing their name and would be 
deleting the message as fast as they could but I played it over and 
over again. The voice soothed me in a way that I had never felt in a 
long time. “Last time,” I promised myself. “One last time.” 

I pressed the numbers and listened intently to the voice once more.
“Rhian,” I listened to the voice saying my name and I settled into bed, 
hugging a pillow to my chest. Who was it? Was it Shane? I doubted so. I 
snapped my phone shut and set in by my side, staring up at the shadows 
that were playing on the ceiling. It was dark in my room, and whenever 
I was alone, my mind began to think the unthinkable. When it started to 
get worst, I dialed Shane's number and he picked it up in two rings. 
“Hello,” he sang. 

“Hey,” I whispered. 

“Miss me too much?” he joked and I rolled my eyes even though he
couldn't see it. “You can say that,” I murmured. “What are you doing?” 

“Checking football scores online,” he replied, his voice sounding
distracted. One thing that could grab his attention away from me was 
his football. “Oh, okay,” I sighed. “See you tomorrow then.” 

“Hey, are you alright?” he asked. 

“No, I'm fine,” I lied. “Just missing you.” 

He chuckled over the line and I smiled at the sound that I adored. “Miss
you too, babe. I'll pick you up tomorrow like usual, kay?” 

“Yeah, sure,” I replied. 

“Night, Rhian,” he cooed. 

“Night, Shane,” I said and waited for him to hang up. The silence
although expected really depressed me. Could this be it? Was I having a 
mid-life crisis was ahead of time? Or was I plunging back to 
depression? Why was I so afraid of loneliness? I clamped a pillow over 
my head and forced my eyes to shut. I had been lying in that position 
for a while until I dozed off a little, only to be woken up by stones 
hitting against my window pane. Who the hell was that? No one had ever 
done that before. I walked towards the window and pushed the curtains 
aside and the glum on my face transformed into a glowing beam. 

Shane was underneath my window, looking up at me. “What are you doing
here?” I said, trying to keep my voice down. 

He rubbed the back of his hand and grinned like a little boy. “I kind of
miss you too,” he replied and I blushed. Without asking, he climbed up 
easily and dropped his way into my room. He was really athletic. “I'm 
not supposed to have guys in my room after ten, you know,” I joked and 
he winked at me. “I know that, that's why I'm creeping in,” he 
answered, his hands slipping around my waist, pulling me into him. I 
curved my body into his, his thumb tracing up and down my spine. “I 
thought you were busy with your football,” I muttered. 

“Like I would choose football over you,” he said. “You're the best thing
that ever happened to me. So what if I miss some scores?” 

“Really?” I asked, a little taken aback. 

He grinned in the dark. “Or I'll just check it before school tomorrow.”
I punched him in his chest and he scoffed at my half-hearted attempt to 
inflict pain on him. I planted a kiss on his lips and said, “Okay, you 
are free to leave now. Get some sleep for tomorrow.” He had football 
practice tomorrow although it was freezing outdoors. “What if I don't 
want to?” he asked coyly and I narrowed my eyes at him. 

“Shane,” I began and he lifted his hands in surrender. “I know, I know.
What I mean was, why don't I stay here, just for a while.” 

“But you must be tired,” I argued. We literally had studied throughout
the entire day and both of us were physically and mentally exhausted. 
He guided me to my bed and we laid side by side, just with our hands 
intertwined, sharing thoughts that passed by. 

“What if you have to choose between playing for the NFL or finishing
college? Which one would you choose?” It was my turn to ask. After 
being with him, I tried to brush up my knowledge about football but 
that did not mean I liked it. Watching sports game was still one of the 
most boring things to do in the world. “Hmmm,” he thought and I smiled 
to myself. “That's a tough one.” 

“You've got to choose,” I insisted. 

Shane sighed. “I think I'll go with the college,” he finally answered. 

“Why not the NFL?” 

“Football's one of the most important thing in my life but education is
a whole lot more important. I don't want to go college halfway and 
sacrifice graduation just for something else. I have to be realistic,” 
he said. 

“But it's NFL,” I pointed out, not agreeing much with his answer. 

“I know, but it's my degree too,” he retorted and I shrugged. “I guess
it's your choice,” I said and waited for his turn to ask. “What if you 
have a choice to go back to New York. Where will you stay?” 

“Definitely here,” I answered confidently. “That is such a no brainer.” 

“I'm not done yet,” he growled. “Back to your old life there or your new
one here.” My old life...The one with Trey? I squeezed his hand tight 
and turned away from his face. “I'm taking the fifth,” I declared and 
sat up. 

“That's not fair,” he argued. “You have to answer.” 

“Do you think you really want to know?” I questioned him. “I'm not
sure,” he doubted, staring at the ceiling. 

“Then why ask?” I leaned down so that my face was directly on top of
his. “I'm happy, with you now,” I told him and ran my tongue over his 
lips teasingly. He pulled my head down and kissed me forcefully, 
pouring his soul into me. “Rhian,” he called my name and I slipped my 
hand up his sweater, feeling the ripples of his muscle. He rolled over 
so that he was on top of me and his hand reached into my cotton shirt. 
This time round, I didn't stop him. It felt right and I felt ready. 

What came next was simply natural. 

My body was exhausted and it was four in the morning. I shook Shane and
he groaned in his sleep, rolling on his sides. “Shane,” I hissed. “Wake 
up.” His eyes flew open and the corners of his mouth tugged upwards 
when he recalled what he just did. “You're incredible,” he told me and 
I sniggered. “You have to get back home. We have to be in school in a 
few hours,” I reminded him and he was already pulling his sweater over 
his head. I wrapped my comforter to shield myself from the cold and 
after he was dressed, he bent down to brush his lips on my forehead. 
“Good morning,” he greeted and I smiled softly. “I'll see you later,” 
he went on and I nodded. 

As soon as he disappeared from my view, I collapsed back into bed,
falling asleep even before my head hit the pillow. 

*** 

Silence enveloped me like a warm blanket. I was strolling along the
beach, my sandals dangling along as the wind caressed my hair and 
cheeks. I was wearing a white willowy dress that came down to my knees 
and around my shoulders was a white shawl which I was holding on tight 
to prevent the wind from taking the shawl with it. Across the horizon, 
the sun was setting, searing reddish streaks on the face of the ocean. 
I was calm, it was peaceful. It was not right. I dug my toes deeper 
into the sand, taking in the delightful sensation of sand seeping 
through the gaps. 

Miles ahead of me was a figure, striding towards my direction, also
dressed in white. White linen shirt and white pants, making his tan 
stood out. I strained my eyes to see who it was but it was too vague. 
The figure came closer and closer and I reared back when I saw who it 
was. 

“Trey?” His name tasted so familiar in my mouth. He still lingered
around. This was not him. It couldn't be him. Trey would never wear 
white. He hated bright colors although I told him umpteen times that he 
looked really dashing in them. But here he was, standing barely a few 
feet away from me, looking like he stepped out of a Ralph Lauren 
advertisement. He flashed me a big smile and instead of coming closer 
to me, he turned to face the horizon, where the sun had already set, 
plunging the world into total darkness. 

All of a sudden, the beach was an ugly place. The waves calling out to
me to drown myself in them, the sand felt cold under my feet. Too cold; 
I felt like I was stepping on snow instead. The casual wind had turned 
into a howling tune that could easily bleed my ears. 

But Trey, my darling Trey, was still standing over at his side, in
serenity with all the horrid settings that were presented amongst us. 
When I looked more closely, I realized why he was looking so at ease. 
It was as if there was an unseen line dividing the beach into half; him 
on one side and me on the other. His side was majestic while mine was 
an absolute mess. Was it all true? That the grass was always greener on 
the other side. He held out his hand, beckoning me to join him. 
“Where?” I wanted to ask but I refrained myself from doing so as the 
answer might frighten me. 

He knew what was on my mind but he did not answer. Instead, he pleaded
me with his eyes, asking me to trust him. To just take his hand and 
allow him to guide me onto the other side. I was hesitant. Although 
where I was seemed really terrible, it wasn't all that bad. It didn't 
hurt me one bit, it just scared me a whole lot. His was just a whole 
lot better. 

Wasn't that what I wanted? To be with him and leave the whole world
behind. So why wasn't I edging forward to where he was? Why was I 
slowly taking one step back each time, shaking my head in denial? His 
expression changed and he let his hand drop. “Why?” he asked me 
silently. 

I couldn't answer him; the answer would frighten him this time round. I
had poured my soul into another person and I was not about to leave my 
soul behind. I couldn't tell him that. He wouldn't understand at all. I 
wouldn't want him to. “Go,” I told him. “I'm fine here.” He couldn't 
believe what I just said. I was telling him to leave without me. I was 
unwilling to go with him although it was possible. A pair of hands 
slipped around my waist and I leaned my head back against the sturdy 
chest. I knew who the person was. He had come, finally. He always did. 
Shane, being the savior he was, had come to bring me home. And for 
once, I really felt that I belong in his arms. That I was his. 

Not Trey's anymore. 

Trey shrugged sadly and drifted away. Suddenly, it was my side that was
glowing with sunshine that appeared from nowhere. The sand was warm 
again and although the air was cool, I felt snuggly with Shane hugging 
me protectively. I turned so I could face him and stood on my tiptoes 
where my lips barely met his. “I love you,” I told him for the first 
time and I meant each and every word. 

*** 

Unlike any other dreams with Trey included, this time round, I did not
wake up bawling my head off. The morning started out with a smile and 
my heart bursting with joy. I couldn't wait to see Shane. I couldn't 
wait to tell him all about my dream. I couldn't wait to profess my love 
to him. 

The Christmas vacation had begun and there would be no school until the
second day of the New Year. I sang in the shower, I sang as I got 
dressed and I sang even while eating breakfast, nearly choking on a 
strip of bacon. This led me to stop singing until after breakfast was 
over. Dad was home and as he saw my cheerful self, he raised an eyebrow 
questioningly which I ignored. We were acting civilized around each 
other but nothing he did now could fill the seventeen years gap where 
he pretended like I didn't exist. 

“You sound cheerful,” he noted and I beamed as best as I could to him,
which turned out to be a half-hearted smile. “I am cheerful,” I 
corrected him and that was it. There was no need for us to fill the 
silence with a conversation. That would be really weird. Shane would be 
picking me up in fifteen minutes so that we could drive up to another 
town for sightseeing. And fifteen minutes was a long, long time for me 
to wait. I bounced around the house eagerly, counting down each second 
until he would finally arrive. There was a honk and I flew out of the 
house and pulled the door open just so I could leap into his Jeep and 
plant a huge kiss on his lips. “Wow,” he breathed after we came up for 
air. “Wow.” 

“I have something to tell you,” I announced and he cocked his head to
one side, his expression bemused. 

“What is it?” 

I was about to blurt it out when something stopped me. What if he didn't
feel that way about me? I would be embarrassed. I would be crushed. 
Sensing my hesitation, he threw right arm around my ribs, pulling me 
closer to him. “See this?” he asked, his other hand fiddling at an 
ornament that was hung behind the rearview mirror. On a second glance, 
it was not an ornament. It was mistletoe. And hey, rules should be 
followed. He bowed his head to rest his forehead against mine, our 
noses brushing. His lips met mine and into me, he said, “I love you, 
Rhian.” A smile formed on my lips and I was in bliss. “I love you too,” 
I confessed and he pulled away, a little surprised. 

“Are you sure?” he asked, bewildered. 

“Would I say it if I wasn't sure about it?” I threw it back at him. 

He pushed his hair back and took a deep breath. “Oh, wow,” he repeated.
“This is totally great.” I nodded and he cradled the side of my face 
with his hand, kissing me again. “I really love you,” I told him over 
and over again, thrilled at the fact that I was saying those words to 
another person. I thought I never would but I did. “I love you too,” he 
cooed. “And I never thought it might be possible but I love you even 
more now.” I bit my lower lip and blushed. “You're just saying that,” I 
giggled but I was reveling in it. 

Like he said, it was great. So very great. 

*** 

There was an abundance of Christmas parties that hit Blu Creek during
the holiday season until it was impossible for me to stay home each 
night. Even before attending the first party that was hosted by Shania 
Hollyfield, the now senior class president, I was hearing buzz about 
where the next biggest Christmas party would be held. It was amazing, 
the festive mood, the smell of ham and the log cakes. The staggering 
amount of food drove me crazy with just their sight. 

As I crossed over the threshold with Shane holding my hand tight, my
eyes widened with excitement. I squeezed him harder and pointed out to 
the decorated fireplace. Shania had gone all out to make her house into 
a winter wonderland; there was even a fake snow machine that spewed out 
snow at regular intervals. 

“This is something,” I expressed and Shane nodded in agreement.
“Wonderful, isn't it?” he asked me. The setting was straight out of a 
television scene. I greeted Shania, air kissing her and at the same 
time, handing her a little gift from me and Shane. I giggled at the 
sound of me and Shane being linked. We were already a permanent fixture 
at the senior parties as a couple and we had been dating only for like 
three months. 

“Thanks for coming, thanks for coming!” Shania chirped in merriment and
had to move on quickly to greet the overwhelming amount of guests. I 
moved aside so that she could slide around me and I found myself in 
Shane's embrace. “Hey,” he murmured, burying his face in my hair in the 
middle of the crowded room. There was some loud music blasting from the 
speakers that were set at the corner of the room but the two of us 
swayed slowly to some soft rhythm that only we could hear. I sniffed 
the air around me which was clouded with a mixture of cologne, perfume 
and delicious smelling food and I found myself ravenous. “Let's hit the 
table,” I suggested, breaking our tempo and I caught him rolling his 
eyes. “What a way to ruin the mood,” he groaned. “You're hugging a 
great fellow and all you can think about is your stomach.” I stuck my 
tongue out at him. 

“Don't tell me all this exotic smell isn't driving you crazy,” I pointed
out to him and the growling of his stomach answered the question for 
me. Shane patted it and grinned. “You're right,” he agreed. Tugging my 
hand along, he led me through the crowd to the long table set in the 
dining area, piling with food. I picked up a paper plate and took a 
slice of ham, adding more food as I moved down the table. Shane was 
doing the same but he lifted an eyebrow at the food that I have taken. 
“Sure you can finish that?” he asked although he knew the answer 
already. 

“You can finish it for me if I can't,” I said and smiled sweetly at him.


“Yeah, I'm a growing boy. I need all the food,” he replied and we found
places to sit while we eat. Gina Davis came up and sat next to me as 
she discussed about organizing a trip with some of our friends to a ski 
resort in Vermont. I listened to her describe the place which she 
claimed as heaven on earth and couldn't help from giggling as Shane 
made faces without Gina noticing. 

Finally, before she left to spread her news, she looked straight at me,
“You know Rhian, Caitlin owe me twenty bucks,” she declared. I 
shrugged, not understanding how it would affect me. Gina sighed 
dramatically. “I told her that you'll end up dating Shane and she said 
you guys were just friends. And also the way you kept insisting you 
both were just friends and nothing more. And look who's right!?!” Gina 
was smiling triumphantly at this point of time and I scowled. 

“Hey,” I protested but Shane came in to save the situation. “Only
someone as blind as Caitlin won't be able to notice how perfect we are 
for each other,” he teased and I elbowed him lightly. Gina was 
pretending to force herself to gag at the corny comment and I was 
rolling my eyes. “Okay, I better go before I really puke,” she said and 
scooted away, leaving me alone with Shane. 

“You never thought it would happen this way with us?” he asked, sounding
a little hurt. 

I shrugged again. “Honestly, no,” I answered although it would be a
stupid thing to say. 

“Why not?” His brows were furrowed. 

“Because that time my mind was all about Trey,” I reminded him of my
depression episode after finding out about Trey's death. “But now, it's 
all about you,” I assured, kissing him, “And you only.” 

Shane forced a smile, completely unsatisfied with my answer. “Shane,
what's wrong?” I inquired, putting my plate aside, reaching for his 
hand. 

“Nothing,” he brushed me aside and was silent while we ate the remaining
food. Although I couldn't finish mine, I never offered him as his body 
bent down as we sat and he was poking food around his plate, taking a 
small bite each time. I silently cursed Gina for ruining the fun 
atmosphere for us, raising the small bet that she had with Caitlin 
Walker. Wasn't it better if I had not known? Was it necessary to tell 
me, especially with him around? I walked across the room to throw the 
unfinished food away, glad of the excuse to escape from the uneasiness 
between us. Was he insecure about Trey? I told him that I loved him, 
and he still doubted me? I did not want to return to Shane immediately 
as I knew he would still be all angry and silent, which frankly scared 
me a little,  so I took a little detour, talking to friends from 
school. Hailey Calhum was standing in front of the Christmas tree with 
Richard Dunwood's hand lightly around the waist as I was approaching 
them. 

“Merry upcoming Christmas,” I greeted and Hailey whirled around in
delight upon hearing my voice. 

“Rhian!” she squealed and hugged me tight. Richard winked at me in
greeting and scooted off so that we two girls could gab. “How's the 
cabin?” I inquired. Hailey and Richard had gone to an early ski trip at 
Richard's family cabin. 

“Great as usual,” she chimed. “I finally mastered the steepest slope,
after years of practicing. And Richard's father just installed this new 
hot tub and it's so great! I can see the mountains while in the tub!” 
Hailey continued describing what she did there and I listened intently 
until Hailey asked, “What's with Shane tonight?” At the sound of 
Shane's name, I winced automatically. Hailey caught my expression and 
she wagged a finger at me. “Trouble in paradise?” 

“I don't know,” I admitted. Although I was closest to Hailey than the
rest of the girls in school, it was uncomfortable sharing details about 
me and Shane to her. Likewise, she never shared her problems about 
Richard to me, but I doubted that they even had any. Thus our 
friendship was an equal sided one. Hailey's best friend was Richard 
anyway and mine now was Shane. Hailey wouldn't understand anyway. If I 
told her how Shane and I started, I would have to explain to her all 
about Trey and the therapy that I went through. It was a long, long 
story and plus, it was too personal to tell anyone. I didn't even tell 
Shane. He kind of stumbled into the big mess of my life after Trey 
died. “Just some silly stuff,” I lied as I bit my lower lip, sneaking a 
glance at Shane. He was sitting with a group of his football friends 
but he was all quiet. 

“He'll get over it,” Hailey assured me as she nodded towards Shane's
direction. Richard emerged from the crowd and instinctively held 
Hailey's hand, gazing at her adoringly. Being around the two of them 
was like being in a sweet scene from a romantic movie. “Shane's gonna 
be fine,” Richard said. He must have read Hailey's mind. I narrowed my 
eyes and left them alone to enjoy the moment, trying to find someone 
else I could have a conversation with. 

“Rhian, over here!” Kyla Henning, a cheerleader whom I wasn't that close
with, called, beckoning me to the couch where she and the rest of the 
cheerleaders were crowding around. 

“Hey,” I greeted them as they shifted so that I could have a space on
the couch to sit. As I squeezed in Kyla straight away told me the 
gossip that had been buzzing. “Did you see who Sheila walked in with?” 
Kyla asked me and I shook my head. I had not seen Sheila Bailey, 
another cheerleader, ever since I arrived. 

“Where is she, by the way?” I inquired. 

“Somewhere,” Sydney Bisson answered. “But it's who she's with that's
important.” The other girls muttered in agreement. 

I was curios. Why would a big group of pretty cheerleaders be so
interested in one person? “Who?” 

“A god,” Kyla breathed, falling back into the couch as she fanned her
blushing cheeks. “I swear he's the most gorgeous guy that ever stepped 
into Blu Creek.” I wanted to remind her that she was currently dating 
Drew Burke, a cute guy from the basketball team, but I held my tongue. 

“I am so willing to trade Billy for one minute with this guy,” Marissa
Barton claimed. She was casually dating Billy Schiffer, a friend of 
Shane's. 

“Sheila must be diverting him away from us,” Sydney pouted. “She's been
here for almost half an hour and she never even passed by us once!” 
Well, if they got off a couch, there might be a better chance for them 
to talk to this guy that they claimed was god. “And I bet you'll trade 
in Shane too for this guy, Rhian,” Marissa said, pulling me into the 
conversation. 

I jumped slightly at the sound of my name. “What? No, no. I'm not going
to do that,” I scowled. 

“Well, you haven't seen him yet,” Kyla warned me. “Wait till you do.
Then you can decide for yourself. Five of us now are willing to 
exchange our dates for him.” I peered around the crowded room for the 
sight of this guy that they were gushing about but all I saw were some 
familiar places from school. I waited and I would know who the guy was 
as I am confident that Sydney, who was sitting next to me, would poke 
me hard in the ribs to point the guy out. 

“Well, I'm not sitting here to wait for Sheila,” Marissa announced,
standing up. “I'm going to find Sheila and have her introduce me to 
him!” She waltzed off and the others were quiet for a while until 
Sydney stood up. “Well, two can play that game,” she decided and went 
in search for Sheila and the mysterious guy. After the two of them 
left, the others dispersed, and I was with Kyla. She smiled at me and 
scooted nearer. “Where's Shane?” she inquired. 

“With some of the guys,” I answered nonchalantly. 

“Well Rhian, you are really lucky that you are with him,” she said and I
wondered if it was a sincere compliment. Or was she implying something 
else? “Umm, thanks,” I replied. 

“Shane's really hot,” Kyla added. “Not that Drew isn't.” I smiled, not
knowing what else to say. “I think I'll go find Shane,” I guessed and 
walked away before she could say anymore. Shane was not alone, he was 
with his group of friends and I was too self conscious to just go up 
straight to him. He was still as quiet as I left him and I leaned 
against a wall at one corner, staring hard at him, until he sensed that 
someone was looking at him and glanced up. When his eyes met mine, I 
tilted my chin slightly to ask him what was wrong but he just shook his 
head, frowning. I motioned for him to come over and he did not respond. 


“Please,” I mouthed and he stood slowly, walking like a zombie towards
me. He tagged after me as I maneuvered around the crowded room towards 
a quiet corner of the house. Since Shania's parent was chaperoning the 
party, there wasn't a single sight of any alcoholic drink. That was 
weird enough. As soon as we were away from the rest, I wrapped my arms 
around his waist, pulling him closer to me. A strand of hair fell 
across my face and he could not fight the urge to tuck that strand 
behind my ear. I smiled when he did and breathed in the smell of his 
sexy cologne. “Tell me, what's the matter?” 

“Nothing,” he insisted. 

“Don't lie,” I said stubbornly. 

“I just thought about something that I shouldn't be thinking of,” he
finally relented. 

“What?” 

“About Trey, I guess. About the two of you,” he confessed, his head
lowered so that he wouldn't be looking at me. 

“Oh god,” I cried, releasing my grip of him and moved a step away.
“You're the only one that knew what I went through. I'm really trying 
my best Shane, I really am. And it makes it so much easier to forget 
all about Trey when you are around. And I love you.” I frowned in 
frustration, leaning against the wall, my head thumped against it too. 
I was fighting the urge to cry, no way was I going to cry especially if 
I have to walk across a room filled of my friends after it. “You're all 
I think about now, I promise,” I told him and I wouldn't know if he 
believed me. Quietly, he leaned against the same wall and we both 
stayed at the position without talking for quite some time. 

“There's no reason for you to worry,” I broke the ice. “It's only you
now.” That was a little bit of a lie. I had hid the incident about the 
broken glass to him and if he found out about that, the boat would 
capsize, sinking the two of us into freezing deep ocean along with it. 
I thanked god that only Dad and I knew about the trip to the medical 
center. I could not have it. If he decided to break up with me, I would 
really crumble and I might never find all the pieces to fit myself back 
together. That was how dependant I was on him right now. He was my 
therapy. 

“You knew how I was even before we started dating,” I reminded him. “But
I'm making great progress now, even Dr. Lindsey said that. I can't have 
you digging up the past and scaring me with it.” He still wasn't saying 
anything but I had to leave the party. I had to go before I started to 
cry. “I don't know what more I can do Shane to make you believe me,” I 
declared. “It's up to you now.” My house was about ten blocks away and 
there was no other choice but to walk in the freezing weather. Shane 
was not budging and I had too much pride to beg for a ride from someone 
else. Then it would go around the party that Shane and I fought and I 
had to ask for a ride home. He didn't say anything as I pushed myself 
off the wall but I felt his fingers brushed against my arm, although he 
wasn't actually insisting on me staying. So I said goodbye to Shania, 
claiming that I was feeling unwell and stepped into the cold night. 

Although the sky was dark, there were a couple of people hanging outside
at the lawn. I couldn't recognize who they were as I shrugged into my 
coat and slipped on my mittens. I hated winter. Everything was so 
chilly and my body could never adapt to this season. After I tied on my 
bonnet, I headed outside. Right in front of Shania's house was a lemon 
tree that grew juicy lemons but in the frosty weather, all I saw were 
little spikes stuck onto a huge tree trunk. Someone was standing under 
there, smoking a cigarette. 

I passed by the tree and caught a firm sight of who was smoking under
the tree. I took a double look, and then a triple one, so sure that my 
eyes were playing tricks on me. That what I was seeing was just 
something that I had concocted from my crazy mind. That it was 
impossible and was not going to happen in a thousand years. That it was 
just a mirage. 

My brain must have been too clouded because of the fight with Shane that
I couldn't think straight. I stopped dead in my tracks, my knees 
buckling beneath my weight. The person was still standing there, 
looking at me expectantly. I rubbed my eyes, willing the person to 
disappear but when I opened them, he was still standing there. 

He had not changed a bit with the exception of his longer hair. He was
wearing the same type of clothing in his favorite color, black. He had 
on the black kind of boots that he wore all the time. His face was as 
handsome as ever. The face that I had saved in my mind, the one that 
was evaporating with time began to come back to life. He was standing 
there. Trey Conner was just a few feet away from me. 

Trey Conner. 

Trey Jeremy Conner. 

Trey. 

My Trey. 

He had returned to me. Finally. 

There was a battle going on in my head. One part saying that it was all
a dream and the other insisting that it was reality. I felt myself 
floating and next thing I knew, my head hit the ground with a loud 
thud. And there was blood flowing smoothly. 

*** 

Chapter Four: What Is Wrong With Me? 

For the second time in merely months, I was staring up at the ceiling of
a hospital ward as soon as I regained conscious. As I stirred, Shane 
leapt up from the chair that he was on and his face immediately hovered 
over mine, blocking the view I had of the ceiling. He was saying words 
I couldn't comprehend. He was repeating something over and over again; 
his face was of expressions that my brains couldn't interpret. All 
these were happening because there was only one thought in my mind. 

I saw Trey. 

Trey Conner. 

Trey Jeremy Conner. 

My Trey. 

I wasn't sure of what I should do with that breaking news. But one voice
was screaming in my head, reminding me that Trey was dead. That it was 
not possible for him to be standing under the frozen tree in front of 
Shania's house. And that voice was telling me to try and forget that it 
ever happened, that it was just a hallucination. A mirage. It was 
shouting out real loud. 

I curled myself up into a ball, squeezing my eyes tight, and the tears
escaped from the corners. It flowed smoothly down my face, the 
streaming hot, wet tears, staining the white bedspread of the hospital 
with blotches. I was scared, I was terrified. I was frightened by what 
I saw. It was happening all over again. My eyes were seeing Trey and it 
meant that history was repeating it past. I thought I was making steady 
progress, that the visions of seeing him and talking to him had 
disappeared forever but I was proven wrong. Just couple of hours ago, I 
caught sight of him again and the cycle was starting again. 

I felt my head throbbing with pain and I winced as I touched the
bandaged wound on my forehead. I was still blocking out whatever Shane 
was trying to convey to me. The tears were still flowing and Shane had 
his arms tightened around me, squeezing me tight until I felt that he 
was sucking the life out of me. I wished he would do it, so that I 
could be out of this mind that was terrifying me. So that I would stop 
bumping into the ghost of my past every where I turned. I whimpered 
louder and somehow, the embrace was tighter without me realizing that 
it could. 

I was scared. I really was. I didn't want this to be happening to me
anymore. I wanted to return to the life I had created in Blu Creek, 
with me being perfectly contented with Shane. Where I had totally 
deleted the ghosts that were haunting me. I wanted to go to school, I 
wanted to get my diploma, damn it, I even wanted to go back home and 
finish my Trigonometry homework. Suddenly, all these small things that 
I found annoying were appealing to me like a triple chocolate fudge 
cake to a starving person. I wanted life to be free and easy again. 
Where I need not need to worry that my mind was going crazy, that I was 
going to plummet to the lowest form of depression, that I was eager to 
be out of my own skin. 

I had to see Dr. Lindsey. I had to tell her that it had begun. That
Trey's vision was back in places where it shouldn't be. That I saw him 
right after I left the party. If only I could close my eyes and the 
past twenty-four hours would disappear, I would do just that. And 
Shania's party was only the first one out of the fifty millions other 
parties that I had planned to go with Shane. 

He wiped the tears of my face, cradling me like a small child as I
rested my head on his chest. “I'm sorry,” he began. “I'm sorry.” I was 
finally hearing the words he was saying, they were all becoming to make 
sense. “I was being such a jerk,” he went on, stroking my hair 
tenderly. “I shouldn't let what Gina said get to my head. I don't care, 
really.” He was trying too hard to make it better for me and he didn't 
even know why I was crying. I couldn't tell him that. I couldn't let 
him know that the insanity was creeping up on me again. He handled it 
once before and I was not sure that he could handle it again. And if he 
walked away from me, I wouldn't be able to find the landing for this 
falling sensation. I would never hit rock bottom but it would hurt even 
more when I had no idea where I would be heading. “Stop crying, 
please,” he begged, his voice soothing and lulling me into a sense of 
security. 

I hiccupped as a result from all the crying and instantly, he reached
over at the night stand for a glass of water, urging me to drink it 
down. Also, my head had this stinging blocked pain that I usually got 
after I cried for a long time. I hit the side of my head and when I 
wanted to hit it a second time, Shane's hand prevented me from doing 
so. “I'm scared,” I whispered to him, wondering for a millionth time 
why a guy like him would want to be stuck with a nutcase like me. 

“Why?” he asked, his face tensing up. 

“I don't know,” I sobbed and grasped the side of his jacket firmly. I
couldn't tell him what really went on, what had made me faint. I 
couldn't. He wouldn't be able to understand what I saw. 

“Don't go,” I begged, holding him close to me. I felt him nod and he
stayed there with me for a long time, each of us preoccupied with our 
own thoughts. 

“I'm sorry, for treating you that way,” he finally said. 

“I know,” I replied. The shirt beneath his jacket was a little damp as
my tears kept seeping out of my eyes. “Let's not have a stupid fight 
like that, ever.” 

“Let's not,” he murmured, kissing my cheeks, one at a time. “I love you;
I can't lose you to something that insignificant.” 

“I love you too,” I said. And like promised, he stayed with me until the
morning broke and the first rays of the sun peeped through the blinds 
of the hospital windows. 

*** 

As soon as Shane went home to shower, I stuffed my feet into the
slippers that were by my bed and shifted my way out of the room. Dad 
had been informed about my admittance by the doctor and since he was 
away on yet another business trip, they had to fax a couple of forms 
for him to sign. And as confirmed by the nurses whom I pressured into 
telling me, I would only be released until the doctors were positively 
sure that I was not suffering from any concussion or until I was sane 
enough to leave. God, what had happened to Dad? He had been breathing 
down the medical center's neck to make very damn sure that I was fine 
and all. That was really weird since I had never been on his priority 
list. 

The lone nurse at the counter smiled questioningly as I shuffled past
her. I rolled my eyes to convey the message of how bored I was and 
proceeded on to my destination. Crossing my fingers, I prayed that Dr. 
Fiona Lindsey wasn't with another one of her patients. I had to speak 
to her, to tell her that it was happening all over again. And mostly, I 
needed her ensure me that I was not going to fall into my state of 
craziness all over again. I pressed the up button, my eyes scrutinizing 
the quiet hospital as I waited for the elevator to beep. It finally 
arrived and the doors slipped open and unexpectedly, the lift was 
overwhelming with people. I wanted to squeeze in, to avoid the wait for 
another one but somebody in there made me stayed still. 

Trey was at the back of the elevator, his height making it easier for me
to spot him amongst the others that were about my height. He stood out, 
like usual and he caught my eye, making my knees weak. It was the same 
reaction that I had last night and my hands were thrashing about to 
grab something before my knees buckled. Unfortunately, I was standing 
in an open space and I lunged forward to lean against the metal side of 
the elevator wall where the buttons rested. The elevator had already 
moved on, carrying Trey along with it as I tried to catch my breath and 
soothe my warming face. There was no doubt. I saw him again for the 
second time in twenty-four hours. I was not dreaming. I couldn't be 
dreaming. I was wide awake and it only led to one conclusion. 

I was losing my mind again. 

With shivering hands, I pressed the up button again and waited,
breathing slowly like an athlete trying to breathe after running ten 
miles. The next elevator was empty and thankfully, I fell into it, 
sitting down as it rode up. I was unsure that my legs could handle my 
weight. Level six finally came and I walked slowly out of the elevator, 
still shaken up with my earlier occurrence. My hand was still trembling 
as I knocked the door of Dr. Lindsey's office. 

I heard her smooth voice telling me to come in and I literally crashed
into her office. She was surprised to see me as she immediately stood 
up from her chair. “Rhian, what are you doing here?” It had been a 
month since I attended therapy and she insisted that I continued but I 
stubbornly disagreed. 

My face was cramped in an anguished expression and Dr. Lindsey was
supporting me to sit as I staggered around. “It's happening,” I 
whispered bitterly. “It's happening again.” 

“What is it?” she guided me slowly. 

Dr. Lindsey noticed the attire I was wearing and frowned. “Are you
staying here?” she questioned, her eyes widened and filled with worry. 
It was obvious that the hospital had not yet notified her that one of 
her patients was admitted. I grimaced and nodded, leaning against the 
wall of her office, finally allowing myself to relax. Dr. Lindsey was 
already sitting cross-legged across the square table as she waited for 
me to speak. 

The words that I had conjured in my head were immediately gone and I was
not sure where to start. How was I supposed to tell someone that I was 
going crazy, again? That I was losing my marbles and there was no way I 
could get all of them back. Seeing Trey was so staggering that it 
brought back memories that I had banished to the back of my head. 
Twice? That was not possible. I thought I had been recovering well, 
pushing aside the recent incident where Dad had to rush me to the E.R. 
to treat the cuts that were on my hand. 

“Take your time,” she coaxed me, waiting patiently. 

“You don't have any appointment now?” I finally asked, thinking about
somebody else for a change. 

“Not until,” she read her watch, “thirty more minutes.” 

I grinned a little. “So I guess I should hurry up?” 

She smiled as my mood lifted a little. “That's probably the ideal thing
to do.” 

“I saw Trey,” I blurted, expecting to find her shocked but she merely
nodded. “Why aren't you shock?” I sort of accused. 

“Why should I be?” she asked nicely. “It's not unusual for someone to
fall back into their previous...” 

“State of madness?” I interrupted. 

She shook her head. “That's not what I was going to say.” 

“Don't worry. You don't have to sugar coat it for me. I know what's
happening. I'm becoming senile fifty years too early,” I muttered. 

She tapped her fingernails at the table top. “Where did you see him?” 

“At a party I went to yesterday,” I informed. “Standing under the tree,
smoking a cigarette.” 

“Did he usually smoke?” 

“Not when I'm around, but yeah, he sometimes did,” I said. 

“And what did you do before you saw him?” 

I hesitated to reply. She knew Shane personally after all. “You won't
tell Mrs. Bryant that I came to see you, right?” I would totally die if 
Shane found out that I began to see Dr. Lindsey again. Although I had 
been dating him for a while, I pushed aside his constant persuasion of 
meeting his parents. I wasn't sure I could face his mother because of 
the fact that she knew I was going through therapy. A crazy girl would 
never be a mother's top choice of girls that her son should date. 

“Patient confidentiality,” Dr. Lindsey swore and I sighed. Was that
really true? If two women get together, wouldn't some things bound to 
slip out. Just because they were doctors, weren't they still women? 

“I had a fight with Shane before that,” I admitted. “Then I was about to
go home when I saw him.” 

“Ahh,” was Dr. Lindsey's answer. “That explains everything.” 

“Explain what?” 

“You had a fight with Shane and because of how upset you were, your
brain conjures up Trey and that's the reason why you caught sight of 
him,” she explained and I just couldn't buy it. I wasn't upset the time 
when I moved here to Blu Creek from New York and I still saw him every 
time. How could she explain that? But the next thing I said stunned 
her. “I saw him today too, on my way to your office,” I confessed. “And 
things with Shane are already fine by then.” 

“Where?” 

“In the elevator, standing all the way back,” I said. 

“And how do you feel when you see him today?” 

“Surprised, shocked, terrified, afraid,” I counted. “And everything else
that's similar to those words. I'm really scared. This can't be 
happening, again. Shane's going to flip.” 

“Let's not think about how Shane is going to feel,” she consoled. “It's
all about you now. What are you going to do about it?” 

I bit my lower lip, my head pounding. “I don't know,” I mumbled. “A part
of me wants to drive around Blu Creek, searching for him, just to prove 
that it's not just an illusion that I saw. Another just wants him to 
disappear completely. Just so I can get on with my life.” 

“Are you saying that you are willing to put him completely behind you if
you are able to do it?” Dr. Lindsey asked. 

“Of course!” I answered way too quickly and forcefully, like I was
trying to convince myself. “I mean, it's much better to. I'm having 
such a great time at school and with Shane and seeing him has caused me 
only trouble.” 

“Trouble?” 

“I'm in the hospital, aren't I?” I stated and she chuckled lightly. “Is
there anything you can do? Hypnosis, maybe, to make me forget totally 
about him?” 

“Rhian, I don't think that's possible. The only way to get over him is
by you yourself willing to not think of him each time you run into a 
problem,” she said. “Isn't there any other way?” I urged. “Maybe a 
pill.” 

“Let's just say there is a pill or a method, are you sure that is really
what you wanted?” she stirred. “To forget him completely, to not 
remember or feel a single memory that you had with him.” 

I bowed my head shamefully, my face reddening. “No,” I admitted. “It's
the easier way but I don't think I can. He means too much to be 
discarded like an old shirt or something.” 

Dr. Lindsey placed a hand on my arm that was stretched across the table
top. “Don't stop your therapy. You need it,” she persuaded. “It'll 
really help.” 

“Is it time for your next patient?” I inquired. 

“Not for five more minutes,” she replied. 

I twirled a strand of my hair around my index finger, watching the
ripples and waves. “I will never get over him, even though how much I 
love Shane,” I declared, my heart feeling as heavy as a rock. “I'm 
being such a terrible girlfriend to him. Shane's too good to be stuck 
with a nutcase like me.” 

“Rhian,” Dr. Lindsey warned me from criticizing myself further. “If he's
still with you, it means that you have something that appeals to him 
enough.” 

“He deserves someone better,” I argued. “Someone who can give him her
whole heart. He shouldn't settle for just some part of mine.” 

“Are you going to tell him that?” 

“No,” I cried. “I can't. I need him too much to let him go. I'm being
selfish. I can't let go of Trey and at the same time, I want Shane 
too.” Hearing the words out loud shook me. I was a total mess; I had to 
tell myself that over and over again. 

The knocking on the door ended my therapy session for the day. Standing
up, Dr. Lindsey reminded me, “I have to see you again, Rhian. It's 
better for you.” I nodded, understanding her full intentions. I needed 
to see her again too, to ensure that my mind would be sane. “Yeah, I'll 
call your office to schedule my next visit,” I told her and walked out 
of her office quickly as her next patient was all jumpy and eager as I 
had delayed his appointment by a whopping forty seconds. 

I walked briskly towards the elevator and pushed the button, couldn't
wait to get back to my room and call Calista. I had been a really long 
time since I last spoken to her and she had not been returning my 
calls. Even rejecting it at one point. As the doors opened, I swore 
that it was no hallucination. There Trey was, standing in front of me, 
his eyes penetrating me like they usually did. 

“Rhian,” he spoke, his voice deep and low that made me spin and crash to
the ground. 

*** 

Strike one, strike two, strike three and I was out. Trey managed to
catch me in his arms before I hit the ground. I heard him yelling to 
the nurses and I was placed on a moving bed and wheeled to my room. It 
was all a blur but I knew he was standing there the whole time even 
though the doctors insisted on closing the curtains for the 
examination. A needle pricked my arm and I was really out. 

When I woke up, god knows hours later, Trey wasn't there anymore but my
boyfriend, Shane, was. I had to remind myself who I was with now 
although I was ready to tell the world that Trey was alive. That he 
carried me in his strong arms and the doctors and nurses heard him as 
he shouted for someone to attend to me. 

“Shane,” I called out his name. He stopped pacing up and down the length
of the room and ran to my side. “Thank god,” he muttered and pulled me 
close to him. As my head rested on his chest, I could hear the sound of 
his heartbeat which was really fast. That was where I knew how anxious 
and worried he was for me and my heart broke for the millionth time. 
“Your Dad said you should be sent for a CT scan,” he informed. “Because 
of the fainting spells.” 

“I'm fine,” I insisted. “There's no need for all that.” 

“Tell that to your Dad,” Shane said. “He's going all panicky and crazy
over the phone.” 

“You talked to him?” I murmured. 

“A little. How are you feeling?” 

“I don't know,” I admitted. “Just a little dazed.” 

“What's wrong, Rhian?” he finally asked. “What's the matter?” I stared
at him, wide-eyed, afraid of telling him the truth. The truth which 
might separate us. The truth that made me want to run away from this 
hospital and turn every stone in Blu Creek until I found Trey. “Shane,” 
I trembled, pulling him to me, breathing in the light scent of his CK 
One cologne. “I love you so much, you know that don't you?” 

He immediately stiffened and his voice wavered. “Are you breaking up
with me, Rhian?” 

I did not answer him. I had no idea what I wanted to do. Just before
when I was with Dr. Lindsey, I was so sure that Shane was all that I 
wanted and needed. But now, I was so sure that Trey was alive and the 
only thing I craved now was to be with him, to pick up where we had 
left off. “I love you,” I repeated, stroking his soft blond hair that 
glimmered in the sunlight and burying my face in his mess of hair. 

“Rhian, don't scare me,” he pleaded. “You know how much I love you.
Don't scare me this way. What's wrong?” I disentangled my fingers from 
his hair and I looked straight into his gray eyes, securing into memory 
every detail of him as much as I could, afraid that this would be the 
last time I was able to hold him this way. “I love you,” he said, his 
eyes shinning as our foreheads resting against each other. His lips 
laid down on mine and I shivered in delight as my lips parted, his 
tongue running over my lower lip. I gripped his hair as the kiss grew 
deeper and more emotional for me. I tasted salty tears and I did not 
realize that I was crying as we kissed naturally. His hands roamed 
everywhere and his coaxing lips ran up my jaw. I stroke his cheek 
tenderly and he rested his head onto my chest, hearing my heart 
pounding from the act that we just did. 

“I'm really sorry,” I apologized for whatever sins I would do to him
later on. 

“For what?” 

“I don't know.” 

“Rhian,” he called out my name and I sighed in despair. “Why?” 

“I'm not sure. I just feel...” 

He placed a finger on my lips to stop me from continuing. “Whatever you
want to say, I don't want to know,” Shane choked out. “I just want you 
to know how much I love you.” 

“I know that. And I love you too, so much, Shane. That's why it's going
to be hard,” I murmured. “So very hard.” 

“What is?” 

“Imagining life without you,” I blurted and he recoiled in shock. 

“What?” His tone was harsh, his eyes accusing me of things he couldn't
even comprehend. “Why would you want to say that?” 

“I don't know,” I repeated many times over although I exactly knew why.
Trey's unexpected and sudden return would change the way things were. 
Trey was shaking the ground beneath my feet and instead of trying to 
grab hold on something so I wouldn't topple over, I decided to sink 
with it. “Then why are you saying all this nonsense?” he demanded, 
shaking me. My teeth clattered and I became limp in his grip. “Why, 
Rhian?” He did not wait for me to answer. “Are you sick?” “Did the 
doctors tell you something that I don't know?” “Why?!?” His voice 
boomed throughout the room. 

I didn't do anything but just whimpered into his broad chest that was
sturdy as my head leaned against it. I was terrified, extremely 
terrified. I was terrified of how badly I couldn't let Trey out of my 
mind. I was terrified as I was particularly convinced that he was alive 
and somehow was searching for me. I was terrified as part of me made a 
decision to let Shane go so I could begin my pursuit of finding Trey. I 
was terrified as I had to break up with Shane. And lastly, I was 
terrified as I was not sure whether all these were true; seeing Trey 
three times in a row, him carrying me in his arms and hearing his voice 
ringing in my head as he shouted for help. 

I was terrified. 

Really, really terrified. 

Yet I knew that there was no way I could go on the search for Trey when
Shane was still my boyfriend. It wouldn't be unfair to him, it wouldn't 
be unfair to him. He had no right to be stuck in this quest that I 
wanted to embark on. He was too good to be my second alternative. He 
was too damn kind to be.....cheated on. I had no idea if I ever would 
find Trey but if I did, I was sure that I would not be able to keep my 
hands off him. I would hug him, kiss him, and proclaim to him how much 
life was miserable when he wasn't around. And a big part of my heart 
wanted him to reciprocate in the same way; to hold me tenderly and 
pressed his lips on mine, to feel his breath ticking against the nape 
of my neck. To be with him. I wanted that. 

I had to not to be with Shane. To be single. To make myself available
for Trey, no matter how sickeningly pathetic that sounded. 

With determination in my mind and Trey in my heart, I pushed myself away
from Shane, pleading him with my eyes to leave the hospital, to leave 
me. 

Shane stared with me in horror and disagreement. He wouldn't do it. Not
without knowing why. Oh, baby, but sometimes not knowing would hurt you 
even less, I wanted to say to him but I sealed it away. “No, I won't 
let you go,” Shane told me with fierce determination, matching mine 
equally. “You can't push me that far,” he went on. 

“But I am,” I fought helplessly. 

“I'm going to let you be for now,” he said. “But I'll come back, even
though you don't want me to.” He picked up his jacket that smelt so 
much like him and donned it on, our eyes locked throughout the entire 
thing. “You're not breaking up with me, Rhian. Not without a reason 
which I thought is valid.” As those words hung in the air, he stalked 
out of the room as I flung myself back into the bed and cried my heart 
out. 

*** 

One day passed. Then two. And on the third day, when not only me but the
doctors themselves were absolutely sure that there was nothing wrong 
with my internal workings, I was released from the hospital even though 
Dad protested about our the decision made by us. 

As I stepped out of the sliding doors of the medical centre, a sudden
blast of cold air hit my face, and I staggered a few steps backward. It 
had begun to snow in Blu Creek and I had no idea of how I would be 
getting home. Dad was stuck in Washington and couldn't be home until 
the blizzard let out there. The only person I was comfortable enough to 
call up for a ride was Shane and since he and I had sort of broken up, 
I had no one else to turn to. If this was New York, I would gladly hail 
a cab but in a small town like Blu Creek, there was no need for a cab 
when everything was within walking distance. During summer, I might 
add. When it was winter, there was a much higher chance of me surviving 
a shark attack. 

The only thing that was a lot more miserable than the weather was the
fact that I saw Trey no more. After the third sighting, I wandered 
around the hospital hoping to bump into him and I didn't see him at 
all. I was beginning to doubt the authenticity of the first three times 
as during the past year, I saw too much of him when I wasn't supposed 
to. I sighed depressingly and leaned against the railings that were 
right in front of the medical centre, staring upwards towards the 
heaven, waiting for the sky to open up and swallow me whole. I was 
wearing the clothes that I wore to Shania's party and it seemed too 
dressy to be fitted in the hospital context. 

I missed Shane horribly and it took up a lot of will power to not call
him and beg him to pick me up. And in this kind of temperature, 
snuggling into his body was a sure fire way to warm myself up. I bit my 
lower lip, shivering delightfully at the thought of cozying with him 
and I smacked myself lightly in the head. There was no way it could 
happen anymore. Not until I closed the chapter that I had left 
unfinished with Trey. I still needed to get to the bottom of the 
mysterious sightings of him. 

I waited for the day to get a little warmer before beginning on my
journey back home. Despite the little sunshine that managed to escape 
the clouds, I was chilled to my bones, my teeth clattering and my 
fingers were so frozen until it felt burnt. I could never tolerate the 
cold although I lived almost one-quarter of my life during winter 
times. The boots I had on were suitable to track across town, to my 
neighborhood. I dug my hands deep into my coat, all the time wishing 
for a hot cup of latte. With such a long journey ahead of me, there was 
nothing else my mind could do but think of the situation I was in. The 
logical step to take when I got home was to drive around town to find 
Trey, wasn't that the reason why I pulled back from my relationship 
with Shane? But that didn't appeal as much as it did three days ago. I 
was thinking Shane, Shane and Shane. How I wanted to hear his light 
chuckle. How I wanted to see the sunlight gleam from his blond hair. 
How I wanted him to cradle me in his arms. How I wanted him to drill it 
into me about the importance of my homework. I missed every single 
thing about him, even the ones that drove me insane! 

There weren't many people as I trudged up the streets. Honestly, who
wanted to be outside on a horrible day like this? But once or twice I 
would pass by a stranger and I would somehow hope that it was Shane 
that I was walking past. We would stop in our tracks and be amazed by 
the coincidence and he would envelop me in the breath-taking hug that I 
loved and then pressed his warm lips against mine. My blood would shoot 
right up as I kissed him back. Ah, bliss. 

I snapped out of the daydream and shook my head, laughing nervously at
myself. I came to an intersection; if I walked straight, I would 
continue on my journey back home but if I turned left, it would only be 
two blocks away to Shane's house. Although he had been to my house 
zillions of times until he knew the huge estate at the back of his 
hand, I had never stepped foot in his, too unqualified to meet his 
parents. He pressured me in doing so, claiming that his parents had 
been hinting around for him to bring me home but I refused and refused. 
His mother was close friends with Dr. Lindsey; what would she feel 
towards a girl who needed a whole lot of therapy and was dating her 
son? I stopped, breathing hard in the freezing weather. There was no 
doubt about him being home. He had to be home. He better not be out 
with some girl from school. I narrowed my eyes at the thought, an 
invisible hand piercing through my skin and grabbing for my heart, 
squeezing it until it hurts. 

Shane was right. I couldn't push him that far enough. Somehow, I would
always make a lunge back towards him, towards my safety zone. Against 
my better judgment, I made a turn and headed towards his house which I 
had driven past a couple of times since we started dating. I was 
wheezing by the time I reached the pathway leading up to his house and 
I couldn't tell if anyone was home. The garage was locked tightly but I 
managed the journey up the pathway without collapsing. I really needed 
something hot running down my throat at that moment. 

With my numb hands, I banged the front door loud enough and slid down to
relax while I waited for someone to answer the door. There were sounds 
of trudging down the stairs and just when I was about to close my eyes, 
it opened, revealing to me the figure whom I saw so much comfort in. 

“Rhian?” he asked, partly in surprise and partly in worry. His hands
slipped beneath my arms, pulling me up to my feet and guiding me into 
his house. By his tone when he asked what the hell I was doing walking 
around in the freezing snow, it showed no signs of him bearing grudge 
over me asking it was best for us to split ways. “Cold,” I whined as I 
dropped onto the warm couch that was in front of a toasty fire. When I 
saw the fire, I smiled despite the fact that the bones in my body were 
numb from the snow. Shane always loved starting fires and I remembered 
the one bonfire we had on the beach months ago. He was gone, muttering 
that he would get me something to drink but I couldn't process that 
information to my head. I was just so delirious to see him again and I 
couldn't even remember why I wanted to break up with him in the first 
place. “Here, drink this,” he instructed, wrapping my fingers around a 
mug of hot chocolate. I tipped the mug, allowing the liquid to flow 
down my throat. “Ahh,” I moaned in satisfaction and he was already 
organizing a throw around my shoulders. 

“You're still shivering,” he observed and I didn't realize that I was. I
thought I was okay, I was in a warm adorable house and I was with 
Shane, how bad could it be? Like handling a china plate, he cradled me 
softly, his body heat transferring to me. “Where are you from?” he 
inquired, still holding on to me and I wanted to stay that way forever. 


“The hospital. I got released today,” I muttered. 

“What?!?” “You walked all the way from there?!?” He didn't realize that
he was shouting so close to my ear. 

“Ouch,” I shrieked lightly but I was too tired to do anything else. 

“Sorry,” he immediately apologized. “Sorry.” He kissed my hair and I
sighed in pleasure. “You should have called me,” he said. 

“I couldn't,” I replied. “We broke up.” 

“Not yet,” Shane growled in return. “Not until you give me a reason that
is satisfactory at the very least.” And I nodded. “Do you have one?” 

“Not anymore,” I replied, snuggling further into his heating body. If I
wasn't too damn exhausted from all the walking, I would straight away 
kiss him on his inviting mouth, running my hand across his chest. His 
clothes would be in the way then. “Go to sleep,” he ordered. 

“Yeah,” I agreed and floated to dreamland. 

*** 

Both of us dozed on the couch that was suddenly too small to accommodate
mine and his frame. I had woken up before he did and like usual, I just 
stayed as still as possible, watching his beautiful face at ease. He 
was a light sleeper and any sudden movement could wake him up but I did 
not want to do that. It was enough, just looking at him. His one arm 
was still around me in a protective sling while his other was pillowing 
his head. I smiled softly and closed my eyes, hoped to be swayed away 
by his light breathing but the front door of his house burst open, 
startling me until a shriek escaped from my mouth. Before I knew it, he 
leapt up in shock, tumbling me over onto the floor, and my hair inches 
away from being burnt by the dying but still active flames. It was a 
huge commotion that led to both his parents rushing to the den, where 
he was trying to help me up as I rubbed the back of my head. 

“I though it was an earthquake,” Shane's father joked when he saw that
it was only the two of us. This was the first time that I saw his 
father and I swore that Shane would look exactly like Mr. Bryant in 
twenty years time, handsome and rugged like a movie star. His mother, 
Mrs. Bryant was small in size and she was as surprised as I was. I had 
thought of making my getaway before his parents arrived home but I 
guessed I overstayed. I grinned weakly at the two of time, while trying 
to soothe my sore head. Despite the fact that I was a regular patron of 
Blu Creek Medical Centre, this was the first time I came face to face 
with Mrs. Bryant. 

“Sorry about that, Mom,” Shane apologized. “You know how I get when I'm
startled from sleep.” 

“It's fine,” Mrs. Bryant assured the both of us. “Are you staying for
dinner, Rhian? Cos I hope you are, we are having pizza tonight.” 

“Great,” Shane answered on my behalf and I tried to be enthusiastic
about something that was as fun as execution. Both of his parents 
excused themselves to their room before starting dinner and as soon as 
they were gone, I put on a sour face. 

“What is that for?” he inquired as soon as his eyes fell onto my
expression. 

“For agreeing without even asking me,” I retorted, feeling a slightest
bit irritated towards him. With all the cold out of my head, I was able 
to think like me again. 

“Hey, what's wrong with having dinner with my parents?” he asked, a
slightest bit offended. 

“I'm just not ready,” I insisted, giving him the same old excuse over
and over again. 

“Oh yeah, we have only been dating for three months,” he answered
sarcastically and I shot daggers at him. “I never forced you to have 
dinner with mine,” I pointed out, over voices still hushed as we were 
aware that his parents could easily overhear our conversation. 

“That's because your father is not even around to visit you at the
hospital,” he spat and I gasped in horror. He had no right to say that. 
Although we had been dating, I had never mentioned to him about the 
problems that I had with Dad so he had no idea about how sensitive I 
was towards that issue. “He was busy,” I defended Dad. “I'm not going 
to argue with you.” I picked up my coat which was lying on the floor 
and whirled on my heel, ready to flee from his house. 

He grabbed my wrist from behind, spinning me around so that we were
facing each other. “I can't do this, Rhian. I can't have you running 
off when things start to get a little out of hand. You have to deal 
with this, now. If you care about me this much,” he used his thumb and 
index finger to illustrate, “you'll see how important this is to me and 
you'll stay. That's all.” 

“Or else what?” 

“There is no or else. I'm not giving you an ultimatum. I'm asking you
for a favor. As your boyfriend,” his tone softened and I turned into 
jelly right as I gazed into his shimmering gray eyes. I saw the only 
request he made of me, was for his parents to get to know the girl he 
was going out with, allowing his parents to understand what he saw in 
me. But what if I had been labeled as a psycho? A girl who needed 
therapy real bad from the couple's best friends? “I can't,” I trembled. 
“I just can't.” 

“Why not?” he demanded, his eyes filled with emotions that I couldn't
comprehend. “Rhian, don't you love me enough?” 

“No!” My respond was a knee-jerk reaction. “She knows, too much,” I
whispered really low that I was surprised that he could hear. He read 
my mind there. “Oh, god,” he let out. “That was what you were conscious 
about?” 

I nodded meekly, too ashamed to look directly at him. “Oh my god,” he
repeated himself. “You think my Mom is that shallow? That she will 
judge you just because you need a little more help than everybody 
else?” 

“It's not your Mom. It's me,” I admitted shamefully. “I'm too shallow to
admit that myself. I can't look at your Mom straight in the eye without 
being reminded of what a lunatic I am.” There, it was out in the open. 
I had born my soul out to him. “How could you be so silly, Rhian?” he 
asked, chuckling lightly. “Someone so clever like you be so aware of 
this minute detail.” It was as though he was rambling to himself now. 
“With a lot of potential but you chose to look at your flaw.” 

“Sweetie,” Shane cooed. He was looming over me now, cradling my face in
between his hands. “I know and I don't care,” he reminded me. “I love 
you more then. You're not crazy, you're passionate. You are not afraid 
to show that you care, so very much, although it bothers me sometimes 
that you care a lot about somebody else other than me.” I was staring 
wide-eyed at him, his every word sinking into me. “I still can't,” I 
repeated. “Not in this state.” 

He sighed softly in disappointment. “What will I tell them?” 

“The truth. How little confidence I had in myself,” I declared. “But
I'll make it up to you. Soon.” 

“How soon?” 

“Very soon. It'll be a lot better than this,” I vowed and he dropped his
hands and nodded, trying to understand my point. I grabbed on of it and 
held it to my face. “It's my first time. Meeting the parents,” I told 
him. “I've never done this before.” 

“Yeah?” 

“I swear,” I murmured. 

He shrugged and grinned weakly. “At least you saved something for me,”
he joked, although there was a trace of bitterness in his voice. “I'll 
make a better impression. Not in this state,” I emphasized by throwing 
my hand at the rumpled clothes I was in. 

“Sure,” Shane agreed, throwing himself onto the couch, pulling me down
with him. “That was a nice nap, wasn't it?” Like a moth to a flame, we 
snug fitly into each other, his hands hovering over me in a warm 
embrace. “The best,” I muttered. “I haven't slept that well in days.” 

“Maybe because you missed me,” he stated and I rolled my eyes. 

“Partly,” I replied. The other part was the one that kept me up all
night thinking about Trey. 

“I miss you so much,” he breathed, kissing me behind my ear. I giggled
as it tickled me and turned my face so that our lips could meet. The 
kiss was soft at his, his tongue coaxing me gently and I gave in. I did 
not care if his parents were just a few feet away, how could I resist 
him when he was doing things that made me wild? We broke apart as soon 
as we heard steps coming down the stairs, him being more alert than me. 
I pouted a little, and hearing his low chuckle made it all worthwhile, 
the separation I meant. 

“Alright, what pizza are we having?” Mr. Bryant inquired as he walked
into the den. I was about to speak up about my cancellation when Shane 
stepped in for me. I was grateful that he did as it was really hard to 
turn someone down when his eyes reminded me a lot of his son whom I was 
in love with. “Actually Dad, Rhian just got here from the hospital and 
she's a little crabby,” he said lightly. “Why not we make it another 
night?” 

Mrs. Bryant raised an eyebrow inquiringly and Shane provided the answer
for her. “Fainting spells,” he informed. “I think it's because of her 
always forgetting to eat on time.” 

“Rhian, that really isn't good for you body,” Mrs. Bryant sighed, making
me yearn for a mother that I never had. Weird, that was the first. “You 
should take good care of yourself.” 

I shrugged. “I'll try. I've also been seeing Dr. Lindsey again,” I added
and it hit me. I left that information out from Shane. 

“What?” Shane asked, astounded by the slip that I just made. 

“That's really good for you,” Mrs. Bryant interrupted. “Fiona can be of
great help. Since Rhian's not joining, why don't you kids go out for 
dinner? Your Dad and I can try out the new restaurant over at Forest 
Springs.” The abrupt change in subject threw me off. And by the way the 
two of them were dressed, it was clear that they could step out of the 
house at any minute but they waited for us to leave before making their 
move. Shane's face was tensed as we walked to his Jeep and I was sure 
that in the Jeep, I would be hearing riots. 

I braced myself for a long ride of questioning and I just wanted to go
home as I felt drained of energy and will to go to any other place. 

“You didn't tell me about Dr. Lindsey,” he stated smoothly, his voice
with an edge. 

“It didn't cross my mind,” I lied. 

“Why?” “I got scared when I woke up in the hospital,” I went on with the
deceit. “So when you left, I went to see her.” 

“Rhian, what happen to you at Shania's front yard? One moment I was in
the bathroom, being pissed off at you and the other, I heard yelling 
about how someone found you bleeding in the front yard,” he told the 
story. “What happened?” 

“I don't know. I fell, I guess.” Fell, collapsed; what was the
difference? 

“Well, you really freaked me out. I was ready to punch myself for being
such a jerk about something that insignificant,” he muttered. “You know 
how sorry I was about it, right?” 

“Yeah,” I answered absent-mindedly. He reached over and laced his
fingers through mine and for the entire drive home, he was holding me 
while the other stayed at the steering wheel. I was ready to jump out 
of his Jeep as soon as the vehicle stopped in front of my house, half 
forgetting that we were still holding hands. I opened the door and was 
about to fly out when he tugged me gently, reminding me that I was 
still connected to him. Slowly, he lifted our joined hands to his lips 
and kissed the back of my palm, warming me up immediately although on 
of my feet was on the snowy ground. 

“Are you forgetting something?” he asked, cocking his head to one side. 

I grinned at him and leaned back into the Jeep with intention to just
leave him a peck on his cheek but being in such close quarters with him 
made it impossible for me to just walk away. I lingered near his mouth, 
waiting for him to slightly turn his head so our lips could meet, 
teasing him by blowing a cold breath by his ear. He chuckled lightly 
and took me with his lips and I toppled into the Jeep, our lips not 
leaving each other. I sighed into him and was delighted when he took 
the initiative to drive me even further by slipping his hand up the 
back of my sweater. His hands raced up and down my back and I got 
goosebumps. Using my thumb, I stroke the length of his jaw as he 
nuzzled my neck. “I was just going to say good night,” I said, 
breathless and he shrugged, his body crushing into mine. 

“Your father's not at home, is he?” Shane inquired. I shook my head, a
smile forming on my face as I read the intention in his sparkling gray 
eyes. Reaching over me, he closed the door that I had left open and 
drove into the compound of the mansion without much thought, parking 
his Jeep next to my Mini Cooper. Our hands were all over each other 
even though I had to open the door. As soon as we were in, I wrapped my 
legs around his waist and he carried me up to my room, after pinning me 
against the wall to kiss the hollow of my neck. 

And all the time, I thought only about Shane. Shane and me. 

*** 

It was Christmas Eve and I found myself at another party that was hosted
by a friend of Shane's. Unlike Shania's party, this had a slightly 
different theme. The whole thing revolved around booze and more booze. 
And instead of finger-licking food, Shane's friend seemed to think that 
beer could qualify for food. I never liked the tasted of beer slugging 
down my throat so after the first bottle, I pushed the rest away. 

I couldn't recognize most of the faces that I saw in this party, mostly
kids that didn't even attend Blu Creek and I had no idea that Shane 
even knew this guy who hosted the party. I made a face, thinking that 
this way the most pathetic way one could spend Christmas Eve. My other 
friends would probably be having a family gathering at home, which got 
me to wondering why the hell Shane would drag me to this sickening 
party. I gazed across the room where he was talking to some people I 
had never seen before in my life as my finger absent-mindedly traced 
circles around the rim of the beer bottle. I was bored out of my mind 
and I wanted to get away from this stinking place but by Shane's 
expression, we would be staying for at least one more hour. Pushing 
aside the bottle, furiously until it tipped over the coffee table and 
onto the carpet, I headed outside to the night that had been relatively 
beautiful. 

The party had taken place on a beach house and despite the lack of taste
in the culinary area; the setting for the party had been quite fine. I 
buttoned my coat and trailed the path to walk alongside the cold sea, a 
slight breeze blowing through my hair. Before Shane picked me up, I had 
a small dinner with Dad which I figured was one of his plans to begin 
the stage of father-daughter bonding with me. The whole thing was a 
disaster as he tried to make conversation while I tried dodging them 
from him. I almost wished that he was back to his usual self, the one 
that pretended I didn't exist. That would at least spare me from 
sitting at the dining table for forty-five minutes, hearing him chatter 
on about his business and asking me questions that made my stomach 
cringe. He kept firing them, one after another and I swore that he 
could be a military leader if he was not a successful business man. 

A topic that we did not touch on was about Calista. I had no idea how
things were going on with the two of them but now, her name never left 
Dad's mouth. It did not help that I hadn't been in contact with Calista 
in weeks. After she stopped returning my calls or even picking them up, 
I just stopped trying altogether. I was confused as to why she was 
doing so but I guessed she would come to in time. We were sisters after 
all. Sighing, I took out my cell phone from the pocket of my jeans and 
dialed her number. It was Christmas Eve after all and I had to greet 
her. Days ago, I had bought her present and since she had no intentions 
of returning to Blu Creek this year, I slipped the wrapped parcel to 
the back of my closet and would pass it to her the next time I see her. 
I heard ringing and waited patiently for her to pick up. 

“Hello,” Calista answered dully, finally willing to talk to me. 

“Hey, Cal!” I greeted excitedly. I missed her  a lot and there were
quite a number of things to talk about. 

“Hey,” she said in the same tone. 

“Merry Christmas?” I ventured and was relieved when I heard her laugh
lightly. 

“Same to you. What's up?” she asked. 

“Nothing, actually. It's just been a while since we last talked,” I
stated, letting the sentence hang in the air to make her feel a little 
guilty. 

“I know that,” she replied. “I just got loads of things on my mind.” 

“School?” 

“Sure,” she said. 

There was an uncomfortable pause that I never knew existed between us. I
was ransacking my brains to find topics to talk about. We had been 
talking for only thirty seconds and we had run out of things to talk 
about. How was that possible? She and I used to gab over the phone for 
hours at a time! 

“So, what are you doing?” 

“Nothing,” she informed. “You?” 

“I'm at the beach. With Shane.” 

“Oh,” she muttered. “Look, Rhian, I got to go. Talk to you soon.”
“Right,” I said, feeling extremely dejected by her brashness. “Bye.” 
She had already hung up without waiting for me to say anything. I 
snapped the phone shut and molded it into my palm as I walked further 
down the beach. What had I done wrong until it repulsed her to even 
talk to me? I tried to remember the last time when we had our long 
conversations and she was fine throughout the entire one hour. And 
then, bam! One day she just began to hate me. It was miserable to feel 
her detest towards me even though it was just over a call. She had 
never been this bad to me especially because she was the rock that I 
leaned on ever since I was young. 

Sighing loudly, I glanced back to see how far I was from my initial
point. The house was still visible thus I couldn't have been walking 
that far. I wondered if Shane had noticed that I was gone. I didn't 
like the fact that he actually attended this kind of party. It was 
rather sleazy to me compared to the parties that our friends from 
school usually had. This made me see how little I knew of Shane. 
Judging from the way he was acting tonight, he was miles away from my 
oh-so-perfect All American boyfriend. I rolled my eyes, feeling stupid 
that I was judging him. How many times have I attended parties far 
worst than this? And really enjoyed myself being there? I couldn't 
remember the exact number. 

The temperature was dropping and little flakes of snow fell from the
sky, the first one hitting me on my cheek. That was where I decided to 
turn around and return to find Shane before he found me frozen by the 
beach. Maybe I could fake a headache and request that we ditched the 
party to spend time alone; although he might be stinking of beer so I 
had to hold my breath while being close to him. How many bottles had he 
had? Seven? Ten? 

Across the Atlantic Ocean, the horizon was clear. Suddenly I was
transported back to Christmas in New York. There was no one around, 
except for thousands other New Yorkers pounding their feet on the 
streets, enjoying the sights and sounds of beautifully decorated store 
windows, last minute shopping at Saks for Christmas presents, large 
tinkling trees, skaters at the rink.....It was a whole other place. It 
was a whole other scenery. It was a whole other life which I missed 
terribly. It got choked up until the vision started to blur. I had no 
clue why I was being nostalgic about Manhattan. I missed being able to 
see Calista every day. I missed the Starbucks down the street. I missed 
the departmental stores that never ran out of supply. I missed my old 
school. Shit, I even missed the traffic jam that clogged the roads. At 
least over there, I won't be alone during a celebration like this. I 
would be surrounded by tons of people whose festive mood would somehow 
rubbed on me and I would then go walking round my neighborhood with a 
huge grin on my face, really feeling the Christmas spirit. 

This party wasn't even merry, for god's sake. And in a few days time, it
would be New Year's. And then what? Was there any other teenager out 
there who felt as bleak as I was? Swiveling round, I headed back to the 
beach house. There was a figure walking towards my direction and my 
reflexes froze. What if it was a drunk from the party? Would anybody 
hear me if I shout? Could I outrun him? My head was producing thoughts 
that were nonsensical as the person could be harmless. I was the one 
over reacting. 

Okay, I was not overreacting. It was Trey. 

*** Chapter Five: What Are You Doing Here? 

Trey was looking at me, a hint of a smile glistening on his face. I
blinked once and then twice, not believing what I saw. I groaned to 
myself. How naïve was I to think that the sightings I saw of him was 
over? 

He took a step closer towards me, the corners of his mouth tugging into
a full smile; it was as though he was glad to see me but at the same 
time, he was depressed about something else altogether. Just like 
before. Just like the months I spent with him in Blu Creek. I began to 
sway, my head spinning and immediately, he was by my side, his hands 
slipping around my waist like a perfect fit. I leaned my head and it 
reached perfectly on his shoulder. I breathed in the smell of him, 
perfect as it used to be. It was simply perfect. And at the same time, 
I wasn't sure if it was at all true. The voice was shouting again in my 
head, announcing to me that he was dead. His gravestone flashed before 
my very eyes. 

I heard his warm chuckle as I closed my eyes, taking a very short rest.
“Oh no you don't,” he warned, his voice smooth just like I remembered 
it was. “You're not fainting on me again, for the third time.” 

“Trey?” I called out his name and I felt him take a huge breath and
releasing it slowly. His arms that were tensed at first began to relax 
and I turned around in his embrace to face him. I did not care if it 
was a dream. I did not care if anybody else would think that I was mad. 
I did not care at all. I had to make full use of this opportunity. His 
brown chocolate eyes bore into me, trying to read whatever was going on 
in my head. I stared at his handsome face, the face that had been 
missing from my dreams for a while now. The face I swore to myself 
about two years ago that I could never forget. It was the same yet, 
there was something new about it. Like the scar that existed just above 
his right eyebrow. I never saw that before. 

Without thinking, I reach up to caress it with the tip of my fingers and
he closed his eyes, enjoying my touch to his skin. “Trey?” I murmured. 
He opened his eyes slowly and our faces were only an inch away from 
each other. If I tilt my head just a little, our lips would meet and I 
would soar to the sky. 

“Rhian,” he said my name and I let a sigh of relief. It was good,
hearing him call me, it felt endearing when it came out of his mouth. I 
felt like I was back, in New York. “It's really you,” he went on, 
amazed to see me as I was seeing him. 

“What are you doing here?” I asked. “Why come back?” 

His eyebrows furrowed, the scar twitching along. “What?” His voice, his
sweet sounding voice, it was like listening to a melody that I would 
never get tired of. It was haunting yet soothing at once. “You're not 
supposed to be here,” I pointed out although it was probably the 
idiotic thing  I should have done at that moment. 

“What?” he repeated. His hands fell from my waist and a part of me went
away with it. His body was radiating heat that I was thankful of and I 
moved closer into him. He was wearing the same kind of clothes that I 
always imagined him to be in; all black with that trademark leather 
jacket. He stroked my cheek with his thumb and I placed my palm on top 
of it so that his hand would never leave me. “Trey, don't do this,” I 
begged even though it was what I wanted to. 

“Do what?” His face was all confused and it was obvious that he didn't
comprehend what I was saying. “Rhian, do you want me to go?” 

“No!” I exclaimed. “Yes,” I changed my mind. “I don't know.” 

“Rhian, I came a long, long way to find you. You don't know the hell
I've been through,” he whispered, his eyes dropping to the ground 
beneath my feet and in an instant, he was gazing at me again. 

“It wasn't easy for me too,” I answered. “But it's not right. This is
not right.” 

“Why not?” He was furious at my decision. He clenched his other hand
into a fist, his jaws clenched. 

“Cos, you're dead,” I blurted out, afraid of hearing his reply. His
previous reply that being dead or alive didn't matter, as long as we 
were able to be together. The reaction that I was waiting for failed to 
be seen. Instead, he laughed, really loud until it sounded menacing to 
my ears. 

“Look at me, do I look a least dead to you? Trey inquired, cupping my
face. His skin being in contact with mine was really making me feel at 
hot and dizzy. I shook my head, not saying anything else. 

“Then why would you think that I am?” 

“You are dead,” I insisted, moving further from him. “I want to be with
you, so very much. But not this way. Not when you are dead.” 

“Rhian, I am not dead!” he insisted. “What are you rambling about?” I
had been so sure just six months ago that he was as alive as I was. I 
talked to him, I hugged him, and I felt his skin on me. And people 
proved me otherwise. They insisted that I was imagining being with him. 
That it was just a delusion. That he was dead. Dad and Calista even 
went with me to see his grave. 

“Trey,” I began. “I saw your grave. You are dead. Please, stop doing
this to me I'm too tired to go through it all over again.” 

“What the hell are you talking about?!?” He was really furious now. I
had seen him been this angry but it was never aimed towards me. He 
gripped me by the sides of my arms and shook me, forcing me to look at 
him carefully. “Why do you keep saying that I'm dead?!?” “Why?!?” His 
shouting boomed into my ears and I jumped in fright. I was trembling in 
his hold and when he noticed how scared I was, he calmed himself down. 
“Rhian, believe me, please. I am not dead.” He said it slowly, waiting 
for it to sink into my head. But history that I thought was real had 
hurt me and I had set myself up not to be pulled down again. 

“Dad and Calista showed me your grave,” I told him. “I saw your name,
carved into the stone.” 

“Calista?” he snarled. Trey reeled as though he had been slapped.
“Calista said what?” 

“That you are dead. You died, back in New York when the drug dealers
took me and ran you over with their car.” 

He snorted. “Call her, call her now.” 

“Why?” 

“Ask her where am I?” 

“What?” Now he was the one that wasn't making any sense at all. His hand
slipped into the pocket of my coat and he took out my cell phone, 
flipping it open. With no hesitation, he dialed a number and waited for 
the answer. “Hello Calista,” he greeted smoothly and handed the phone 
over to me. 

I was shell-shocked as I muttered the words to Calista. “Tell me I'm
dreaming,” I begged as soon as the cool phone touched my ear. 

“Rhian,” her voice wavered. “Trey is with you?” 

“Yes,” I answered, trying to steady my voice. “I'm dreaming right?” 

“I'm really sorry!!” Calista burst out crying. “I'm sorry.” She repeated
her apologies towards me over and over again. “What's going on?” I 
demanded. “What is all this?” 

“Trey's not dead,” she sobbed. “I lied. We lied. Dad and I.” 

“You lied,” I echoed, the information sinking in until the truth was
heavy that I couldn't carry it. The phone crashed to the ground and 
Trey kneeled on one knee to pick it up. He closed my cell phone and 
dropped it back into my pocket. The phone rang and I did not need to be 
a genius to guess that it was Calista. She lied? About Trey being dead? 
Why? Dad was in on it too? Why would they do that? Why lie? Why would 
they rather make me think that I was crazy than to tell me that he was 
still alive? I was shaking, because of the cold and the news that hit 
me. 

Softly, he held me to support my weight as fat tears trickled down my
face. It was confusing. It was terrifying. It reminded me how much fear 
I had lived in for the past week. I cried and cried. I cried when I 
recalled of the time I fell onto his grave. I cried for my broken 
heart. As I cried, I remembered the faces of Dad and Calista when they 
kept on drilling into me that Trey was dead. And that made me cry even 
harder. How could they do that to me? How could they lie to me so 
brazenly? How could they? Especially Calista. I trusted her, so much. 

I leaned into Shane as he murmured into my ear, telling me that it was
going to be fine. It was never going to be fine, I wanted to shout to 
him. How could I live with them after this? Trey seemed to read my 
mind. “Don't,” he declared. “Be with me. Let's leave this place. Leave 
Blu Creek.” Leave Blu Creek. I could do that. I could be with Trey. The 
one who would never hurt me this way. 

“Where were you?” I asked. “When I needed you?” 

“Rhode Island.” Rhode Island? The very same state that Calista was in?
That was too convenient. She and Dad had been planning this very, very 
carefully. “Why didn't you come, sooner?” I wanted to know. 

“I was in a coma,” he informed and I gasped. My poor darling in a coma? 

“For how long?” 

“About a year and a half. After the accident. God, I'm so glad that you
are safe.” He had just woken up. That meant that I was still 
hallucinating when I saw him when I first moved to Blu Creek. About one 
whole year I had been with ghost Trey. But why? Why did it happen? Trey 
himself had no idea that it happened. 

“Did Calista tell you to find me here?” 

“No,” he replied, shaking his head sadly. “She told me you died. That
they killed you.” I gasped one more time. My mouth fell open. Calista 
planned it the both way. And she almost succeeded. I rested my head on 
his shoulder, too exhausted to ask the one million different questions 
that I had in my head. 

“I miss you, Rhian. A lot,” he told me. “It feels great, to be able to
hold you.” “I miss you too,” I cried. “It's crazy not having you 
around.” I felt him tensing up all of a sudden, like something clicked 
in his head. He knew. I felt awful. He had known. We reared away from 
each other and it only two seconds had passed and I already missed 
having him hold me. It took a lot of self control for me not to just 
kiss him. And I had a feeling that he was waiting for me to initiate 
it. 

“He's waiting for you,” Trey stated, glancing over his shoulders at the
direction of the beach house. 

I nodded, unable to speak. “Go then,” he urged, his face filled with
betrayal, similar to the ones that had been clouding my mind since I 
began dating Shane. “Go, Rhian.” He shoved me away from him and yet, I 
couldn't walk away from him. I never could, not without regretting it. 

“He makes you happy?” Trey asked but his tone wanted me to say
otherwise. I nodded again. 

“Don't let me stop you,” he taunted, sneering. I did not want this
reaction out of him. I wanted him to shout, to tell me that he wouldn't 
let me go. That I belonged to him and him only. I wanted him to crush 
me with his arms and kissed me with such ferocity that it melted away 
the months that I was alone without him. I wanted him to make me feel 
that the past few months were just a dream. I wanted him to want to be 
with him. But at the same time, I knew it was not right. 

That it was not right for him to just be able to step into my life and
sweep me off my feet, like I was sitting around, wasting my days and 
waiting for this to happen. I felt like a pathetic fool. But I was a 
pathetic fool that was deeply in love with this guy whom I could never 
erase from my past, no matter how much I tried. And maybe, maybe, I 
would never be able to stop loving him. 

“What are you doing here?” he echoed the words that I said to him just
minutes ago. “Why are you still here?” 

“Cos I love you,” I said as though it was reason enough. “And I never
stopped!” The words bounced back to me and hit me in the face. I could 
never stop. Not if I lived a hundred years. He was the one, the only 
one. No matter how many times I tried to deny it, I would come round 
the full circle and find myself only to be with him. With Trey Jeremy 
Conner. 

His eyes, his deep brown eyes, drowned me. I couldn't stray away from
his face; I didn't want to look at anywhere else. Slowly, he ran his 
fingers down the length of my hair, swallowing the change he might have 
seen. He came closer, closing the gap between us and inhaled, the scent 
of me calming him. “I never stopped too,” he breathed, one of his 
fingers playing with a strand of my hair. “I never will.” 

The blushed that formed on my face couldn't be helped. I waited for a
long, long time to hear the words from him. To finally be at ease that 
it was not just my imagination. To know that it was reality. He found 
his way back to me. I had my doubts that he would. He tilted my chin 
towards his face and leaned his head to kiss me on the forehead. His 
lips teasingly moved down the bridge of my nose, and finally, landing 
on my mouth. I couldn't help the sigh the left me. It was sweet, so 
very sweet. It was what I had been waiting for. 

I parted my lips to feel his tongue slipping into me. I shivered in
delight as his hands curved round my ribs, protectively holding me 
closer and shielding me from the breeze that froze the night. I was 
soaring, I felt like I was flying as my feet weren't touching the 
ground. I was on my tiptoes, trying to kiss him deeper, to move on to 
another level but Trey was satisfied with what we were doing. His mouth 
moved down the hollow of my throat, his cool breath causing goosebumps 
on my skin. And softly, he bit me on my neck. 

“I love you,” he said at last and I closed my eyes, the words touching
my heart and warmed me up. I felt his hair rubbing against my face and 
it delighted me to feel the silkiness of it. When we mustered up enough 
self-resistant to keep our hands to ourselves, I took a good hard look 
at him, soaking his figure with my eyes and etching it to my brain 
although I got an assurance that there was no need for it anymore. We 
would be together, forever. 

Trey's dark brown hair was longer than I ever seen it, almost touching
the back collar of his leather jacket. I wanted him to take off the 
jacket so that I could see the intricate designs of his tattoo but it 
was too cold. I did not want him to freeze. He was my personal 
fireplace. The scar that was new was so foreign to me. I wondered if it 
would hurt if I touched it. I placed my palm on his jaw, stroking his 
face and moved it down to his arms that were as firm as ever and I 
reached his knuckles with were blistered. I raised an eyebrow, afraid 
to ask what caused these wounds and rubbed my thumb over it, feeling 
the bumps prickling my skin. 

His sturdy chest didn't move as I rested my head on it, smelling his
lovely scent that I had been searching for. 

“You look so different,” he observed, shattering the silence. I glanced
up at him to see Trey with a bittersweet smile on his face. 

“How?” I asked. 

“Your hair, it's longer,” he began. 

“Yours too,” I pointed out defensively. 

He chuckled lightly, shaking his head. “Still as hot-headed as ever,” he
teased and I rolled my eyes. I had forgotten how he could annoy the 
hell out of me at the same time. “Very funny, Shane,” I muttered and 
once the words left my mouth, I hissed in regret. 

Trey reeled as though I had slapped him right across the face. What
could I do? Shane's name was the one that I had been saying for the 
past few months. It was not surprising that I would make that mistake. 
But at the same time, the damaged that it caused made the reason sound 
simply pathetic. 

“That his name?” Trey sneered. “Pretty.” 

I bit my lower lip, hanging my head in shame. It wasn't supposed to be
this way. We weren't supposed to be fighting barely minutes after we 
found each other. “I'm sorry,” I apologized. 

“Do you love him?” Trey wanted to know. 

“Trey,” I trailed. 

“Did he replace me?” he fired again. “Is he what you want now?!?” He was
snarling at the top of his voice and I never saw this expression in him 
before. And honestly, it was haunting and terrifying. 

“I... I got to go,” I hesitated and instantly, I sprinted towards the
direction of the beach house. I ran as fast as I could in these heavy 
boots, fighting the urge to turn around to see if he was chasing after 
me. I did not need to do so. I could hear his footsteps imprinting into 
the snowy beach as he pursued me. 

My heart was burning and it was hard to breathe especially in the cold
weather but I kept running the last few yards. Right before I reached 
the small flight of stairs that led to the house, Trey grabbed my hand 
from behind, yanking me towards him. I did what I thought was right. 
Bracing my ears, I let out a piercing scream, trying to catch the 
attention of the person whom I was expecting to save me. To save me 
from Trey, who was frightening me with the intensity in his eyes as he 
pleaded with me to just stop yelling and listen to him. 

I was still howling like a mad woman when someone shoved Trey and he
stumbled down the steps, almost losing his balance. My scream had 
turned into shocked tears as Shane seized Trey by his leather jacket 
with one hand and his other hand clenched into a fist, pulling back 
before landing a punch in Trey's jaw. I shrieked in protest as Trey 
fell into the sand and Shane was on top of him, kicking and cussing him 
with words I never wanted to hear. 

Trey was not the kind who would just give in and with all his might,
Trey pushed Shane and before Shane could regain his balance, Trey 
elbowed and at the same time punched Shane in his gut. I gasped, 
squeezing my eyes, wanting the two of them to stop hurting each other. 
“Stop!” I screeched as the two of them were rolling on the sand, 
pounding and thumping at each other. I ran towards the commotion that 
was attracting the attention from the rest of the party and pulled 
Shane back. “Stop,” I pleaded, crying at the same time. “Please.” 

Shane shoved Trey with his leg one last time before turning towards my
trembling form. Instantly, his hands were around me, soothing and 
comforting me. Trey got onto his feet, wiping the blood from the corner 
of his lip and he spat into the sand. 

“You better stay away from her!” Shane threatened, edging a foot closer
in menace. 

Trey said nothing but he stared at me in hostile. Shane's face was
bruised but it was obvious that Trey was injured more. He coughed 
violently and blood spilled out of him. Blood trickled down his chin 
and I wanted to wipe it away, to rush him to the hospital for them to 
make sure that he was fine but Shane's grip was tight that I hardly had 
any room to breathe. I was still sobbing, wetting and staining the 
front of Shane's white sweater. “You hear me?!?” Shane added loudly. 

I couldn't say anything. I was too frozen to think. And I felt guilty
and dirty for letting Shane beat Trey up. It killed me to see him hurt. 
Without a word, Trey walked away from the scene, without forgetting to 
throw me a betrayed and disappointed look. I shivered at the scowl on 
his face and I cried even harder. As soon as Trey walked off, Shane 
cupped my face with his hands and shushed me tenderly to stop the 
crying. “There, there,” he comforted. “The bastard's gone now.” He did 
not know my real reason for crying. He couldn't know. He couldn't know 
who the guy was. It would be too earth-shattering. 

“I'm sorry,” he apologized all of a sudden. I looked up to him with
tear-filled eyes. “I shouldn't have left you alone,” he said, raising 
his tone. “I'm such an idiot!!” He slapped his forehead in anger and 
stopped when he saw me staring open-mouthed at his reaction. 

“I'm sorry,” Shane cooed. He wrapped me closer into his, my face against
his chest. Slowly, he buried his face into my hair, kissing them. I 
still have not said a word to him. I was exhausted and I wasn't sure 
what I wanted at that point. 

“Come, let me drive you home,” he suggested and he held my hand as we
walked towards his parked Jeep. Was he able to drive after all the 
beers he had? I myself was in no shape to drive. “Are you intoxicated?” 
I asked as he slipped me into the passenger seat. 

“What?” 

“Drunk,” I mumbled. 

“Not a bit,” he insisted, strapping the seat belt on for me. After he
closed the door, he walked over to the other side and through the 
windshield of the Jeep, I saw Shane winced as he touched his jaw. 

“Is it real bad?” I asked as soon as he started the engine. There was
warmth blasting through the heater. 

“What?” 

“Your jaw,” I said. 

“Not really,” he lied. I pressed hard on it to hear him yowled in
protest. 

“Don't,” he warned, maneuvering the Jeep on the highway. 

“I'm sorry,” I apologized. 

“For what? You've done nothing wrong, Rhian. That guy was being an ass,
taunting you. I'm the one who is sorry for leaving you all alone in 
that kind of party. I should have known some idiot would hit on you. 
Rat bastard,” Shane cursed. He was gripping the steering wheel so hard 
until his tendons were visible, even in the dark. “I can never forgive 
myself about this,” he swore. One of his hands left the steering wheel 
as he touched my face, his thumb stroking my cheek. His expression was 
unreadable as he gazed at me. 

“I got really terrified back there,” he admitted. “If he hurt even a
single strand of you hair back there, I don't think I have enough will 
power to stop myself from killing him.” What would he do if I told him 
that guy had hurt my heart? Breaking my hopeful heart into a million 
pieces and keeping the large bits for himself? “I can't lose you, 
Rhian,” Shane murmured and the guilt that I felt increased when I 
thought it couldn't anymore. “I'm so sorry,” he repeated, his voice 
trembling a slightest bit. 

“Shane...” I had to tell him the truth. Who the guy was. Before I could
hurt him even further. “The guy back there,” I began, bracing myself 
for the shock that he would feel. “He's....” 

“You don't have to explain anything to me, Rhian,” he interrupted. “That
guy had no right to scare you in any way.” 

“Shane, listen to me,” I begged. 

“No, Rhian, you listen to me. I love you. I love you, a lot. I don't
think I ever felt this way before. And just know, seeing how vulnerable 
you are, it just makes me love you even more,” he blurted, his hand 
tracing down to meet mine. “I can't bear to see you this miserable and 
especially knowing that it was my entire fault. I don't think I can 
ever make it up to you but I will try. I can't lose you now.” Those 
words, it stung me real bad. The commitment he had made towards me, the 
way he placed those words, chaining himself with me. It was way too 
soon. We were only in high school. We weren't supposed to be this 
serious. Not when I was about to break up with him so I could be with 
Trey. 

“Shane, that guy.....” I tried, I really tried to tell him the truth but
somehow, it was lodged at my throat, choking me. 

His Jeep was parked in front of my house. “You want to come in? Put ice
over that bruise?” 

He shook his head, grinning. “Nah, I'll go home and ask my mother to
look into it.” 

“Okay, drive safe,” I said, opening the door when he called me. 

“Rhian,” he called my name. I turned to face him. He was holding
mistletoe between his fingers. He held it at the space in between us 
and he kissed me soft but tenderly on my lips. I knew he was grimacing 
in pain at the same time. “Merry Christmas,” he said into me, his cold 
breath resting on my lips. 

“Merry Christmas,” I said, kissing him one more time. 

“Some Christmas Eve, huh?” he laughed, moving back to his driver seat. 

“One I can never forget.” For many, many reasons. 

“See you tomorrow,” he reminded me of the Christmas dinner that we would
be having at his house. I mentally groaned and he caught the look on my 
face. “You promised,” he said, his lips pursed. 

“I know,” I surrendered. “Tomorrow.” He waved as I slammed the door
shut, waiting for him to zoom off before I walked into the compound of 
the mansion. Just when I thought that the night was about to end, it 
extended even further. 

*** 

Trey was waiting for me, sitting by the side of my red Mini Cooper, his
back pressed against the driver seat's door. He rose to his feet when 
he saw me, his face still wearing the same hostile expression that 
never left. “Is this what you want?” he demanded. 

I furrowed my eyebrows. There were no more tears to cry, they had dried
out. “What do you expect me to do Trey?” I asked wearily. “They said 
that you passed away. I went on with my life.” I dropped myself to the 
gravel ground, my feet feeling heavy as my heart. 

“Is it possible? To go back?” he asked, his voice softening as he stared
down at me through his dark lashes. 

I scrunched my hair in despair. “I don't know,” I admitted. 

“Do you want to?” he asked again, sliding down on his back. “Yes. So
much,” I whispered. 

He rubbed the sore spot on his face. “So why not?” 

“Shane,” I said. It was reason enough. 

“Do you love him?” 

“Yes,” I admitted. “I do.” 

“I won't pretend that that didn't hurt,” he said. “Cos it did. Much
worse than I expected.” 

“He helped me a lot. Getting over you. The therapy sessions,” I informed
him. “He built me up. After I found out that you were dead, I fell into 
a pit of destruction. I was crying all the time. I couldn't eat, I 
couldn't sleep. I couldn't do anything. All I thought of was you, how 
it was impossible for us to be together anymore. I locked myself up in 
my room. I kept fainting. I puked everything that I managed to swallow. 
I was dying on the inside.” I didn't expect that I would tell him that 
much but I had blurted everything out to him. Now he could feel how 
much I suffered when he wasn't around. It wasn't at all peachy. 

He was silent for a while, absorbing the information that I told him.
“How long have you been dating him?” Trey finally asked. 

“Ever since school began,” I said. “About three and a half months.” 

“And before that?” He was trying to keep up with what he missed for the
past one year and a half. Before that....It was a long story. How I saw 
him despite the fact that he was in a coma. The road trip, the nights 
spent in my room, the park, the beach....Where should I start? We had 
all the time in the world. We had so much to catch up on. I began 
telling him about what happened when he wasn't around. We were learning 
about each other all over again. Two strangers connected by one event. 
I told him of what I could remember of the big scene in New York, about 
me being kidnapped and seeing the thugs shooting and running over him. 
I told him of the sudden move to Blu Creek. I told him of how I managed 
to see him, more likely it was his spirit. How no one else saw him but 
me. How we spent the times when he was around. I told him about Dad and 
Calista. The fought they had over Calista's new boyfriend. Dad trying 
to get close to me. Me volunteering and getting to know Shane during 
the summer volunteering at the hospital. Then me quitting the 
volunteering project and going on the road trip with him. I told him of 
the guys that came up to me although he was with me the entire time. I 
told him about the event that went on after the trip ended. How Dad 
burst into my room and how he vanished right before my eyes. I told him 
about waking up to hear Dad telling me that he was dead. That Dad said 
it was my imagination; the whole one year that I was with him. That he 
died the night of the accident. I told him about seeing his grave in a 
small town. I told him about meeting him in my dreams. I told him about 
how ‘he' wanted us to stay together. I told him about my confusion and 
my unwillingness to go on that way. I told him about my depression of 
losing him. I told him about my long nights. I told him about nearly 
killing myself. I told him about the therapy and I told him about 
looking at Shane in a different way. 

And Trey listened. He listened like he did last time, not saying a word,
not needing me to clarify anything to him. He just listened. Halfway, 
one of his arms went around my waist and I rested my head on his 
shoulder as I continued with the story. 

When I finished pouring my heart out to him, I was sure that he would be
repelled by me. Because of the crazy period I went through after I 
found out about his death. Immediately, I tensed up, holding my breath, 
really, really scared of his reaction. I bit my lower lip and 
concentrated my gazed on the ground beneath us. I had been going on and 
on for quite some time and by time I finished, I knew it was late. Too 
late for someone to be hanging out with her ex-boyfriend. I wondered 
how Shane would react if he found out. He would be devastated. Who 
wouldn't? I wasn't shy to admit that I would be crushed if I found out 
Shane had a heart to heart talk with his old flame. 

At last, Trey let out a long sigh and pressed the bridge of his nose
with his free hand. “Too much, huh?” I chuckled nervously, edging away 
from him and hugged my knees to my chest. 

“Rhian, I didn't know it was that bad,” he said softly and at the same
time, I could hear the regret in his voice. Regret? Was it appropriate? 
“I'm sorry for flaring up like that. You know, just now,” he began. 

“It's alright,” I assured him although I didn't feel the least alright
with it. It made me saw another side of him that I rather stayed 
hidden. His extreme possessiveness pushed him over the bridge until he 
vented it out on me. In one shift, he was facing me, his fingers 
pushing back my hair which hid my face. “Rhian, I'm really sorry,” he 
apologized again. Three people, three people tonight had apologized to 
me. Calista, Shane and now, Trey. When would it be my turn? My turn to 
apologize to them; Calista, for reasons I wouldn't know of; Shane, for 
cheating on him after all he had done for me; and Trey; for being 
unsure of what my heart was feeling. 

When I was with Shane, I was positive that he was the only one that
could pull me out of the all the troubles I would fall into in time to 
come. He was my hero, my own Superman, willing to accept me despite of 
all my flaws. 

But now, being with Trey, it felt so simple to just go back in time,
when I was a bit younger, when he was the reason why the sun shone so 
bright each morning. He was never able to slip out of my mind. And he 
was here, right in front of me, claiming back what we had a year and a 
half ago. 

I had a choice to make. But who? Each time I turned, my mind changed its
direction. Each time when I told myself that that was it, I ended up 
breaking promises I made to myself. Each time I looked at the faces of 
the two of them, I couldn't imagine hurting either one. I couldn't even 
think of not being with Shane but at the same time, I couldn't bear not 
seeing Trey anymore. 

“Just days after I woke up, Calista visited me at the hospital,” Trey
recalled, his hand still in my hair. “I asked her about you and she 
told me that you died. What you felt, was what I felt that day. Like 
the life that I was bestowed upon when I woke up, was stolen away 
again. I rather I stayed in that state forever than to hear about you 
being gone. I can't lose you, Rhian. Not anymore. Not when I just found 
you.” He cradled the side of my face, his eyes glistening 
with....Tears? One trickled down his cheek and he fiercely brushed it 
away with the back of his hand. The last time I saw him cry was the 
night when we separated. Remembering that night, my stomach shrank. It 
wasn't possible for us not to be together. It would be breaking the 
laws of nature. The fear in his eyes for my safety, his reluctant to 
leave although it was crucial... 

It would be harder for both of us if we separated this time round. Even
more difficult that the last time in at the cemetery. Even more 
heart-wrenching as I would have to break his heart and faced the 
consequences for the years to come. There was no return. This was the 
final crutch. “Come with me,” he added. 

“Where?” 

“Anywhere,” he said. “Ditch this place. Be with me.” 

I stared at him and by the intensity from his brown eyes, he was
extremely serious about it. About wanting me to leave Blu Creek with 
him, leaving my entire life. My school, my diploma, my clothes, my 
family. What family? I had to remind myself that. I had no one here, 
not after the way those two sickening bastards lied to me. 

“Shane?” I asked, more to myself than to him. 

Trey couldn't answer it for me. For the first time, he didn't have the
answer to my question. I couldn't help smiling as I remised about the 
questions I always flooded him whenever we were together. What happened 
in the Bermuda Triangle? Why is it so beautiful during autumn? Which 
continent does New Zealand belong to? What does love feel like? 

I treasured and loved each answer he gave me, especially for the last
question. That was when I first knew that he truly cared about me. And 
that I felt the same. “Love's like the way I can't keep my eyes off you 
and you the same. Cos each time, it's like looking at God's 
masterpiece.” The words that he uttered two and a half years ago rang 
in my ears. 

“God's masterpiece,” Trey whispered, breaking into my thoughts. He knew
what I was thinking about. He read my mind. “It's not the same without 
you,” he murmured, his hand under my chin, tilting my face to him and 
kissing me firmly but the next second, he was coughing violently, blood 
dripping from the corner of his mouth. I gasped and my hand flew to my 
mouth in horror. I had done this unto him. It was because of me, he was 
injured. Horrible me. My stomach lurched as he wiped the blood at the 
back of his hand, grinning in the dark. 

“Damn bastard,” he cursed at Shane, his eyes searching for my reaction
to his comment. I stared at him, my head bowed in shame but I did 
nothing to defend Shane. I was in no position to judge who was right in 
this situation. The crimson liquid was smeared onto his teeth as he 
leaned his back against my car, shifting away from me. 

“Come, let's go to the hospital,” I begged. I could not bear to see him
wounded. 

“This is nothing to a tough bird like me,” he had the cheek to joke but
he winced as he coughed yet another violent one. 

“Trey,” I warned softly. I was in no mood for humor. This was serious.
This was a decision I need to make that would impact two individuals. 
“I can't just leave,” I decided. “What about school? I'm graduating 
soon.” And I had been doing quite well in my senior year, especially 
with all the help from Shane. “I want to go to college. I need to.” 

I heard him sigh and the sound echoed in the darkened night. “You really
have changed, Rhian,” he muttered. I really had. The Rhian he knew back 
then would run off with him without even thinking about it. It would be 
a natural reaction. Like how a moth always went to the flame. My 
stomach shrank again. What if he could never get use to it? He might be 
the one who would leave me. 

“And if it's possible, I love you even more,” he answered my unsaid
question. “Your new maturity. It's cool.” I couldn't think of any words 
to reply to him, I was floating although I wasn't on my feet. Only him, 
only he could make me feel this special. I was sure that my head was 
very much bloated that it might explode any second. “Don't get me 
wrong, I adore you the way you used to be,” he explained himself. “But 
who you are now, it's more amazing how passionate you are.” I giggled 
like a little girl as his arm curved round my waist, running it up and 
down the side of my body. 

I couldn't deny that it was great hearing him compliment me over and
over again. Who hated to hear someone adoring him or her? At the same 
time, it made me feel all wrong. It was not what I was supposed to be 
doing, especially with him, knowing how insecure Shane felt. 

But I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't kiss Trey; he wouldn't let me
especially with him being soiled with blood. Instead, softly I tucked a 
wave of hair behind his ear, drowning myself in the depth of his eyes 
in the shadows. His eyelashes laced his eyes and again, I found myself 
wondering how someone could be carved to perfection. He leaned his 
forehead against mine and I could feel his warm breath falling against 
my skin. Moments like these were what I treasured most about being with 
him. Just being near each other without a word, but at the same time, 
making me feel excited. 

I couldn't make the choice.  There was no way I could choose one over
another. I couldn't think straight. The course in front of me changed 
instantly with each passing minute. I cared too much about two guys at 
the same time and choosing one would mean hurting the other. I couldn't 
release the grip I had and I didn't want to. What choice did I have 
left? 

*** 

Chapter Six: What Is Right Thing To Do Here? 

I was wobbly as I studied my reflection in the mirror. Somehow, the
outfit that I purchased just for this special occasion was not at all 
appropriate. The white dress was too short; the cropped black jacket 
was too formal for a casual dinner at home. I sighed miserably as I 
smoothed down the dress as it reached just slightly above my knees. I 
knew it wasn't the outfit, it was my mood. I was in no form to go 
attend an intimate Christmas dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 
aunt and uncles would be there! What the hell was I thinking, agreeing 
to it in the first place? 

I sighed loudly one more time and it attracted the attention of Trey who
was lounging on my bed. Yeah, on my bed. His frame stretched out the 
diagonally the length of my bed. 

“Don't go,” he suggested, sitting up to lean against the headrest. I
rolled my eyes at his comment, shaking my head. “I can't,” I tried to 
explain. “I promised.” 

He furrowed his eyebrows, frowning as he crossed his arms defensively in
front of his chest. I caught a glimpse at his expression through the 
reflection and had to sigh for the third time. “Don't make it more 
difficult than it already is,” I moaned, throwing myself on the bed, my 
head nestling on his lap. “I promised him,” I repeated but he wouldn't 
understand. Why would he? I was asking him to share me with someone 
else. I wouldn't be human enough to do it if I was in his shoes. 

“I thought you have decided,” Trey accused, his eyes flaring slightly
with conflict. 

“I have. But I just can't leave him stranded,” I said. “I have to let it
down softly.” I had made up my decision last night as I cuddled in 
Trey's arms until dawn broke. But with me being indecisive and fickle 
for the past twenty four hours, I wouldn't be surprised if I let Trey 
down the moment I was alone with Shane. I was a horrible human being. I 
really was. I had never hated anyone as much as I was hating myself 
right now. “I know you, Rhian,” Trey stated the obvious. “He'll manage 
to sway you. I won't take any chances.” He clenched his teeth together, 
his jaws tight but softly he brushed my hair that was fanning around my 
head. “There's no need for you to go,” Trey went on. 

I knew that but I also knew that Shane did not deserved to be left just
like that. He was the one that mended my broken self. It wouldn't be 
fair to dump him without a word; actually, it wasn't fair to dump him 
in theory. But what fighting chance did a theory have when compared to 
what the heart was feeling? 

The roaring of his Jeep was prominent as it drove up the quiet Christmas
street, coming up to a stop in front of the mansion. “I have to go,” I 
said reluctantly and got up, straightening my dress and forcing a smile 
on my face. I had a dinner to attend and it was the least I could give 
to Shane before breaking up with him. 

“Don't,” Trey pleaded one last time but when he looked into my eyes, he
knew that there were no words he could say that would make me not do 
this. I gazed at him for the longest time before breaking apart from 
his fingers that were interlaced with mine, both of us unsure what 
would change in just a few hours. 

I took a step away from the bed before Trey pulled me back and crushed
his lips on mine, kissing me harder than he ever had before, offering 
his soul to me. I gasped as he landed on top of me, losing control of 
myself with every new kiss. 

An impatient honk startled me as I pushed Trey off me, trying to catch
my breath. He was grinning, obviously pleased with himself and there 
was no remorse. It made it clear to me. He would do anything to get me 
back. To be his and his only. I rushed down the steps, almost tripping 
at one point and flew out the front door, brushing away the feeling of 
Trey watching from the window of my bedroom. 

I opened the door and jumped into the Jeep in a hurry, glancing at my
window. His figure was unmistakable as he stood at the side of the 
curtains, his eyes steady and studying my every move. 

“Took you a long time,” Shane commented and I immediately flamed. 

“Err, I was getting ready,” I lied and as he leaned over to kiss me
casually on the lips, I dodged and Shane missed, kissing my cheek 
instead. “Umm, let's go!” I said with fake enthusiasm, reminding him of 
his waiting family back home. 

“You're going to have a great time,” Shane promised, strapping my seat
belt on. I nodded uncertainly. All I could think about was how Trey was 
waiting for me back in my bedroom. And how I couldn't shake off the 
feeling that he was watching my every step. 

*** 

“Are you ready for your gift?” Shane asked hours later. I had put on my
perfect girlfriend routine throughout the entire dinner party, asked 
appropriate questions to his relatives and answered inquiries that were 
thrown my way and now, I was worn out. Worn out by the merriness that 
enveloped Shane's house, worn out by the choice that I had to make. I 
was tired. Too exhausted that I had dozed off in his Jeep without him 
realizing up. His words woke me up and I stretched myself in the seat 
that had my frame printed on it. How many times had I ridden in this 
vehicle, feeling secured of being his girlfriend? 

“Now?” I questioned, yawning a big one. 

“Of course,” he replied. “And you can give mine later.” When I left the
house in the state of confusion, I had left along Shane's gift on my 
dressing table. Later? Was he implying that he would be in my room? I 
chewed on a strand of hair without noticing as Shane reached over at 
the back seat for a wrapped box. 

“What is it?” I asked, thumping on the box. He frowned, shaking his head
to tell me not to do it. “Fragile?” I guessed and he chuckled. 

“Can I open it?” The night was full of questions. 

“I was hoping you would,” he said as I pulled the end of the lace
ribbon. Carefully unwrapping the gift, I tried to guess what he got me. 
I had no idea. I was really terrible at selecting the perfect gift for 
anyone. I was holding my breath as I took the item out of the box. It 
was heavy and when I saw what it was, it was the most breathtaking gift 
that I ever received. 

It was a jewelry box made of delicate crystal, with the ability to
shatter at any minute. It was beautiful and it was amazing until it 
choked me up. “It's amazing,” I gasped, turning to face him. “It's 
great.” 

“I take it that you like it,” Shane lightly said. 

“Like it? I love it,” I claimed. “Thank you.” 

“Open it,” he urged. “There's more.” Obediently, I lifted the cover to
find a white gold chain with a pendant of two interlinked hearts. “Oh 
wow,” I breathed, slipping the chain in between the gaps of my fingers. 
“Wow.” 

As he parked his Jeep at the front of the mansion, he reached over his
driver seat to fasten the chain around my neck. “Mine and yours,” he 
whispered, his mouth very near the nape of my neck. He kissed me there 
and it gave me the shivers of delight. 

“Come on, it's time for my gift,” Shane urged, pushing the door on his
side open to slip out into the cool night. I stayed glued in the seat. 
He could not go into the mansion. He could not get his gift that was 
sitting on my dressing table. He could not go into my room. I had to 
break up with him. But how? After all the trouble he had gone through 
for my gift. After all the help and support that I received from him. I 
couldn't break his heart. I couldn't dangle him along anymore. I 
couldn't allow him to settle for only a part of my heart. 

But I still couldn't let him go. I did not want to let him go. I want
both of them at the same time. Trey, because he was the reason that I 
breathed and Shane, because he kept my sanity. Which was worst losing? 
Dying but being perfectly wise? Or living with a crazy mind? 

Shane was standing next to me, pulling me up from my place, leading me
towards the front door of the mansion. “Why the stoned silence?” he 
asked me but I was too far away to answer to him. I could see the 
catastrophe that was about to occur. I could taste the blood. I could 
feel the pain that would surround me in the next few minutes. 

And yet, I wasn't strong enough to do anything that could stop the
disaster. 

“Hey, what's wrong with you?” Shane asked, waving his hand before my
face, attempting to break me out of the daze that I was in. When I did 
not answer him for a long time, it freaked me out as I stood frozen in 
front of him. “Rhian?” he called my name. “Rhian?” 

My hand wavered as I fished the keys out of the pockets of my coat. 

“Are you okay?” There was panic in his voice now as I was wide eyed,
staring at something that was beyond the both of us. 

“Answer me,” he pleaded, holding me by the sides. 

“Can you do something for me?” I finally spoke. 

“What? Anything,” he promised as his grip tightened. 

Leave, it was what I should have said. The right thing I was supposed to
do. It would be over once and for all. 

“Let me be,” I choked out. 

“What?” He couldn't understand the words I uttered. It was alien. We
were brought back to the scene where I told him to leave me at the 
hospital. He couldn't comprehend the request I asked of him. He didn't 
want to. Whatever it was, he was sure we could work it out. But we 
couldn't. I wanted to tell him. We never could. Not with me being this 
way. 

“Let me go,” I begged. 

“Why?” 

“It's for the best,” I persuaded him and he was shaking his head, the
same action he did the last time. 

“Not again, Rhian. Don't do this,” he growled. “Don't be foolish. I've
said it before and I'll say it again. You've got to give me a reason. A 
legitimate one.” God, he made it sound as though we were in a court 
session. 

“When are you going to realize that I don't deserve you?” I all but
screamed. “That I'm not good enough. That I never will be!” 

“That's not a choice for you to make,” he hissed. “I know what I want
and I want you.” He was crushing me into him, his arms wrapped tight 
around my figure. “That's all,” he stated. 

I was raining tears. I had cried too much. 

“Shane,” I sobbed. “He's back.” He needed to know the truth. “He's
back.” 

“Who?” Shane asked. 

“Trey,” I choked out and at the sound of Trey's name, Shane reeled as
though he had been slapped across the face. 

“What?” he declared, releasing me and taking a step back. 

“Trey, he's here,” I hiccupped. 

“Rhian, Trey's dead,” Shane reminded me. “Don't be...” 

“Insane?” I ventured. “I'm not. He really is.” Shane was shaking me
hard, trying to knock some sense into me. Oh darling, you were the one 
that was in the dark. Trey was alive, so very alive and not only in my 
heart. 

“Rhian, what are you saying?” he asked. 

“I have to break up with you,” I finally bit the bullet. 

“Because of some fantasy play that you had?” he spat. I hissed at the
harshness of his words that were thrown towards my direction. It was 
cruel. Too cruel. “I'm not making this up, Shane. It is really true. 
Trey's not dead,” I reasoned with him, wanting him to believe me all 
the same. 

“What about the grave? I thought you had been making good progress with
Dr. Lindsey. What happened?” Shane demanded through gritted teeth. All 
I could do was stare at him, my eyes wet with tears. 

“If he's really alive, show me where he is, Rhian!” he yelled. 

“You've seen him,” I trembled. 

“Where?!? When?!?!” 

“He's the guy whom you fought with at the party,” I said and waited for
his reaction. 

Shane exhaled slowly. “That was why you were crying, right? Why you got
hysterical yesterday.” I nodded. “I got it. Get out,” Shane ordered. 
“Get out of my car.” 

“I'm sorry,” I apologized. “I really am.” He was glaring ahead when I
opened the door and as soon as I shut it, he sped off and I jumped back 
in surprise. 

There, I got what I wanted. I was free to be with Trey. Then why was my
heart breaking all over again? Why was I crying hard as I sat on the 
steps of the front porch? 

*** 

I was sure that Trey would read what was whirling in my mind as soon as
I walked into my bedroom but he was already asleep. Either that was he 
pretending to be asleep rather than to deal with my blubbering mess. I 
sat in front of my vanity mirror, pulling my earrings off and slipping 
out of my stilettos, my reflection a murky chaos. I was like a fly 
finally being able to entangle myself from the cobweb but once I was 
free to escape, I somehow managed to complicate the situation even 
further. 

Resting my head on the table, my shoulders heaved as I sobbed silently.
He could not see what was going on with me. Trey could not know how 
torn I was feeling, that he alone was not able to fulfill my needs. 
Whatever comfort he could provide me proved to be insignificant 
compared to the ones I was expecting to have. 

How could I be this way? How could I want both of them at the same time?
Both in the same way, the same feelings. And there was nothing I could 
do that could make my heart settled for just one. I had assumed all 
along that it was all about Trey. Trey could give me all. Trey, Trey, 
Trey. Now I was beating to a different tune. Trey, Shane, Trey, Shane. 

It was not possible. It was all ridiculous. It was cunning. Yet I
couldn't stop myself from feeling this way even as I rested my head on 
my pillow, forcing my eyes to shut. Even when hours later, Trey's arms 
found themselves around me, cuddling me into his frame. It just wasn't 
enough. 

*** 

The morning after was a terrible place to be in. When the memories were
so clearly etched in my mind it was as though I was reliving the entire 
scene altogether. I opened my eyes, afraid of what I was going to see; 
a future that was not within my grasp. But the sight that greeted me 
almost made things right. Almost. 

Trey was standing right in front of me, his hair still dripping wet. He
toweled it carelessly and disappeared into the bathroom. I sat up and 
rubbed the sleep from my eyes, waiting for him to emerge. “Morning,” he 
greeted, his voice husky and sexy as he leaned over to place a kiss on 
my forehead. 

“Morning,” I replied, smiling to myself. How could I be greedy? I had
the most wonderful guy in the world that was crazy for me and I wanted 
more than that. Trey sat on the side of the bed, his eyes inquiring and 
I did not need to ask him what he was thinking. I merely nodded and a 
lazy smile stretched across his face. “Thank god,” he muttered. Not the 
words I were expecting but I could deal with it. 

There was silence for a while. Had we lost the sparkle that used to
gleam so bright that it hurt our own eyes? 

“So...” both he and I said at the same time. I gazed into his eyes and
broke into fits of laughter. Trey chuckled a little. A nervous one. I 
bit my lower lip, trying to find a topic to talk about but my brain 
came up with nothing. 

“You hungry?” he began first. Thank god for that. 

“Not really but I can do with a muffin or something,” I replied and he
nodded. Then there was that silence again that clouded us. 

The words slipped out before I could help it. “What happened to us?” 

He looked at me, his forehead wrinkling in desperation. “Time happened,”
he simply answered. 

“What's going to happen now?” I asked not only him but myself too. 

He pushed his wet hair back with a careless movement. “I got no idea,”
he muttered. His breathing was relaxed against the tensed situation and 
I could see the movements of his chest. “Will it get better?” I asked 
further. 

“Will you get better?” he retorted instead and I clamed up. Would I
ever? We had been apart for almost one and a half years, pushing aside 
the fact when I was with the other part of him. Was that too long? What 
if we never could fall back into the synchronized tune that we used to 
have? Would that affect our relationship? Could we ever fit back 
together? I sighed out loud and rested my chin on my knees as I hugged 
them close to my chest. 

“I didn't expect this to happen,” I admitted. “I love you so much
but....” 

“Is that enough?” he completed my sentence for me. “I don't know,” he
breathed sadly. “I don't know,” he repeated. I sidled closer to him and 
rested my chin against the soft fabric of his T-shirt and breathed in 
his scent that couldn't change despite the long absence. “It has to be 
enough,” I pressed defiantly. “It has to be if my every beat calls out 
your name.” 

“It has to be,” Trey echoed. There was relief in his tone. We sat in
silence once again, this time round, the comfortable one that we had 
established. The one where I was as sure as my next blink that he could 
give me all the answers I needed, that he could provide me with 
everything. 

That it was just him that mattered. 

But the ease did not last that long. There was a firm knock on my door. 

“Rhian, I need to talk to you,” Dad's voice boomed from the hallway.
“Now.” I pulled myself away from Trey and walked up to the door. As I 
opened it, Dad caught a view of who was sitting on my bed. 

“In the den,” he ordered and marched down the stairs, leaving me no
choice but to follow after him. Dad sat authoritatively on the couch, 
his face grim. Sitting next to Dad was none other than Calista, her 
expression somber and the guilt prominently clear on her beautiful 
features. 

“I want you to let Trey out of here,” Dad instructed coldly. I narrowed
my eyes at his demand, wondering how I could be stuck in a family as 
dysfunctional as this. A father and a sister who made me believe that I 
was mad rather than to tell me the truth. What was going on in those 
brilliant minds of theirs? I took my place at a lone seat across the 
two of them and crossed my arms in front of my chest. “Over my dead 
body,” I spat, my eyes trained on Calista. I hated her. How could she 
do this to me? 

“This is my home,” Dad pointed out the obvious. 

“You call this a home, Dad? This is not a home, it's a house. A house
with no character, no warmth, no love. Only the deceit that you have 
filled it with!” I raged. 

Calista broke into a sob, her head shaking slightly. “I'm sorry,” she
apologized like she did over the phone. I aimed the next one at her. “I 
trusted you, Cal. I trusted you so much. I believed whatever you told 
me. Yet you lied. You lied to me. You made me think that I was crazy! 
Your actions caused me to almost kill myself!” 

Dad rested a steady hand on Calista's shoulders to stop her from
crumbling even further. “We did this all for your own good,” Dad 
maintained his calm exterior. That man had a heart of steel. 

“My own good?” I snorted. “Claiming to me that my boyfriend's dead, is
what you call ‘good'?” 

“You were going insane even before that,” Dad shot back and I hissed in
fury. I had enough of him. Enough of his reasoning. Enough of him 
trying to make everything my fault. Enough!!! 

“Trey was the best thing that ever happened to me and you took it away,”
I accused. “You faked his death. You even pretended all that in the 
church. Where's your conscience?” 

“I don't have any when it comes to choosing what's best for my
daughters,” he went on coolly that I just wanted to smack that head of 
his. How could he be so calm when both of us were a total mess? How 
could he sit there as though he was making a business deal with new 
clients? This was my life that was in session. My entire freaking 
existence! “Why?!? Why did you do it?” 

Dad took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a second. “You think I want
you to mess around with Trey after he put both yours and Calista's life 
in danger at the same time? What kind of father will I be like if I 
encourage your relationship after that incident?” He was trying to 
reason with me, trying to get me over to his side, probably like what 
he did with Calista but I refused to budge. I was through with his mind 
games, with his deceit, his smooth ways of making people agree with 
him. 

“Shit you,” I cursed. “Shit you. I hate you. I hate you. I have hated
you since I was born and if it is possible, I hate you even more now. 
You caused me all this suffering. It's all your fault.” 

Calista was hiccupping now, not letting down for a second as she buried
her face into her hands. Had she felt it? The remorse? Although that 
did not justify her lying to me the first time round. “They almost 
killed you, Rhian. You were unconscious for days. You lost a lot of 
blood. Is that what you want? Your boyfriend risking your life for 
profit gains?” Dad asked, his brows furrowing. I could spot the grey in 
his hair. I had not realized it when he was dressed in his business 
suits. Had Dad always looked that exhausted and old? 

“It was not his fault,” I defended Trey. 

“He lost the deal he made with the drugs pusher. It caused you to get
hurt. That was not his fault?” Dad questioned me forcefully. 

“No, no,” I trembled, shaking my head. 

“If it wasn't for that, we will still be living safely in New York. But
here I am, living in this unknown town, hiding you from those dealers,” 
Dad revealed his actions of moving here. Hiding me? Were they still 
chasing after us? Was I still in danger? That was ridiculous. As easy 
as Trey could find me, I think the drug dealers could do twice a better 
job with all the resources they had. “You're lying again. Did you have 
to oil your tongue so that the glib could slip off that easily?” It was 
an expression I have read from some book. 

“He can't stay here,” Dad sighed. 

“I want to be with him,” I insisted. 

“Not here,” Dad growled. 

“Then I'll leave,” I decided. Calista gasped at my determination and she
looked at me with red, teary eyes. “Rhian, don't be rash,” she pleaded. 


“Rash, Cal?” I asked. “This is not rash. Agreeing to be a partner in
this made up tale is rash. What makes you think that two genius brains 
like yours could separate me and Trey?” 

She didn't answer. She wouldn't know what to answer. I got up from my
place and was about to march off, my nose up in the air when Dad spoke 
up. “You won't be able to survive. You've been born with a silver spoon 
in your mouth, Rhian. You won't be able to bear any hardship,” Dad 
challenged. 

“You think threatening me with your cash will make me stay?” 

“Will it?” he tried. 

“Cassandra couldn't stand you even with all the luxury. What makes you
think I won't be able to walk away?” I threw it into his face. About a 
mother that I never knew. How with all his money, he couldn't make her 
stay. Couldn't make her conform to be a homemaker who could take care 
of him and his daughter. A mother that I had no idea was mine. A 
stranger yet she left bitterness in his mouth. 

“He'll leave you, eventually. When you don't have any money to support
him,” Dad played with my mind. 

I gritted my teeth in anger. “I never supported him before.” 

I collapsed back into the seat. Dad could come up with a million and one
ideas to portray Trey as a bad fellow and I was ready to bat off each 
ridiculous one. “You have no idea Dad how much I loved him,” I said 
softly. “He would never put me in risk. It wasn't his fault.” I was too 
exhausted to raise my voice. Shouting would never crack through him. 
Nothing could and I had eighteen years of experience already. “I can't 
talk to you, I can't. I don't respect you at all. I hate you,” I 
muttered in exhaustion. “I hate the both of you. I hate this family.” I 
massaged my temples as I leaned back against the soft padding. I was 
not going to cry. Not in front of him. 

“I didn't mean for you to find out,” Calista sobbed as though it was
reason enough. 

“And let me live for the rest of my life thinking that he's dead?” I
questioned tiredly. 

She shook her head, her blond hair in disarray. “I really am sorry. I
was selfish. I really am, Rhian. Believe me,” Calista begged. I wanted 
to, to believe whatever she said like when we were kids but the wound 
stung too much. She hurt me really bad. How could I be sure that this 
wasn't just another act? I had been deceived too many times. “Rhian, 
listen to me,” Dad began slowly. “I can't lose you, not when you have 
been making great progress. What about Shane? He's a good kid. He's the 
one whom you should be with. Look how drastically your grades improve 
this year.” 

“That was all denial,” I snapped. “That's all not true. That's not me.” 

“It can be you,” Dad insisted. 

“No, that's what you want me to be. But I'm not. I'm meant to be with
Trey. You can't stop me,” I argued. We were going in circles. No matter 
what either one of us said or did, we would return to point one. Dad 
was not going to compromise and I would never give Trey up. Not when we 
just got back together. It was useless; all this talk was a moot point. 
Even so, I wanted Dad to give in. To apologize for lying. To accept 
Trey. It was useless, he would never cave in but I kept hoping that he 
would. 

“The drug dealers....” Dad was about to add something more but I jumped
in. 

“It was my fault,” I confessed although I never thought I would. It was
something I regretted doing yet today, in front of two people who 
thought I would never be capable of doing it, I was spilling the whole 
truth. I was the one stupid enough to want to try the business deal. I 
was the one that went up to them and dragged Trey along with me. I was 
the one that caused all these. I was the culprit. 

They couldn't believe their ears when I told them that. Why would I do
that? Why was I reckless and immature? I had forgotten why I did it. 
Actually, I wanted to forget why I did all that. Why I was so crazy for 
the adrenaline. The adrenaline that was far more addictive than drugs 
itself. 

I was unaware that Trey had been standing at the entrance, listening to
each word we had uttered for the past emotional hour. Quietly, he 
stepped into the den, ignoring Dad's darting glance and silent protest 
that he was interrupting a private family heated discussion. He knelt 
next to me and I rested my head against his chest, glad for the only 
support that was available to me. 

My mind had blocked out the entire memory of my idiosyncrasy but now,
the dam had broken and all of it flooded back. The giddiness, the 
excitement, the thrill. The slight argument I had with Trey when it all 
began. He was persistent to put an end to it before it began. It was 
too dangerous. Worst than we had ever tried before. But I argued, I 
persuaded him . And like me, he was addicted to the friction. Think of 
the rush it would give us, I remembered saying.  He relented and we got 
screwed just for the sake of a few hours of excitement which led us to 
where we were standing now. 

Dad's jaws hung open in disbelief, Calista was shell shocked. I was
flaming with shame and disappointment with my own self. Could it be due 
to teenage hormones? “I'm sorry,” I whispered to him, only to feel Trey 
stroking my hair in reassurance. He had forgiven me. He had. I saw it 
in his eyes the night we had to split in New York. When the game we 
played got out of hand and implicating our own lives. 

“You did all this?” Dad asked bitterly. 

I nodded. 

“Why?” he whispered. “Why would you do that Rhian? You have a good
life.” 

“A good one, but not a satisfying one,” Trey stepped in for me. I shook
my head. No, no. He couldn't do it. He couldn't tell them why I did it. 
That was much more embarrassing than admitting all this. No!! 

“What do you mean?” Calista inquired. 

“Ever wondered Princess how desperately your sister had been crying out
for your Dad's attention?” Trey snarled, his words stung the raw wound. 
I bit my lower lip hard until I tasted blood. No crying, no crying. 

“What?!?” Calista snapped. “All that, just so Dad will notice her?” She
was shaking her head again. It couldn't make sense to her. It was 
ridiculous. Trey went on despite my half-hearted protest for him to 
stop. “Can you blame her? You are the main priority. There was no room 
in his heart to accept her achievement...” 

“So the only way to get his attention is by infuriating him,” she
finished his sentence. Her face was tensed, a line creased on her 
forehead. “Oh my god.” 

I was hearing all these words about me. It was all true and it was all
pathetic. It reminded me of my sorry existence. How everything I did 
back there was to get Dad's attention. Although Trey was there to 
divert my attention from earning Dad's time, it still didn't help much 
as with each step I took, I was planning new ways to get to Dad. To let 
him see the small rock that was ignored in the majestic scenery of a 
waterfall. He needed to know that I was dying for his concern, his 
love. He bailed me out again and again but he didn't care. He couldn't 
be bothered to care. 

How sorry was I? 

“You have such a big mouth,” I muttered to him but smiled slightly to
show that I was kidding. His arms enveloped me, holding me closer to 
him. I had never felt this protected before. His words defending me 
warmed my heart. 

“Is it true, Rhian?” Dad finally asked. 

I stared into his eyes, well aware that I could never see the soul that
rested in his human shell. “What do you think?” I croaked. As I took a 
deep breath, I smelled Trey's delicious scent. God, I missed being with 
him this way. The troubles I used to pour to him. The way he listened 
to my every word. 

Calista stood up and knelt on my other side, her hand finding mine until
she had grasped me tight. She begged me silently with her eyes that 
were shimmering with overwhelming tears. I wanted to hug her too, to 
forgive her but I couldn't find it in my heart to. What she did was 
plain cruel and maybe someday I could finally excuse her for the lies 
but today was not the day. I fiddled until I was released from her 
clutch. “Someday,” I murmured to her and glanced away into Trey's warm 
brown eyes that were sparkling with slight delight. He pressed his lips 
on my forehead. I had no idea what would happen from here on. And I was 
terrified to find out. 

*** 

Chapter 7: What Will This Lead To? 

I never thought it would happen. I never guessed that I would be alive
to see the day Dad actually gave in to me for the first time. But he 
did and because of that, Trey was probably snoring peacefully in the 
room right across mine. After talking things through for a long, long 
time, Dad was all silent and he called for the servant to make the bed 
for Trey to spend the night since it was nearly dinner time when the 
conference ended. At one point, Trey got up and left the den to give 
the three of us some privacy which I was a little grateful for, but his 
absence only left me awkward as I faced Dad and Calista alone. 

My lids were heavy and I was about to nod off when there was a light
knock on my door. Thinking that it was Trey, I grinned hugely as I 
turned the doorknob. It wasn't Trey. It was Calista, standing in front 
of me, wearing her pajamas. “Hey,” she said softly and I nodded, my 
body blocking the entrance path to my room. My hostile body language 
was clearly prominent as she just stayed rooted, contented with where 
she was. 

“Can we talk?” 

I groaned exaggeratedly. “Didn't we do that enough today?” The session
earlier ended with a truce, that it was fine for me to keep seeing Trey 
just as long as I would not let it affect my studies. Which was really 
weird, Dad never seemed to care how I did in school. It was a fine 
ending but I still had not gotten the apology that I was waiting to 
hear from him. He still had not admitted what he did was wrong. God, 
what was I doing? I was lying to myself. The whole talk was just plain 
bullshit. It changed nothing. It just.... 

“Just the two of us,” she went on, her eyes begging me. 

“I'm kind of tired,” I said. “Maybe tomorrow.” I was going to close the
door when she wedged her foot to stop me. “No, Rhian. Tomorrow's not 
good,” she insisted forcefully. “I really need to speak to you now.” 
She pushed open the door with some mutant strength that she had and it 
threw me back. Easily, she slipped into my room and made her way to my 
bed, sitting down. “Will we ever get past this?” she questioned, 
surveying my room to see any changes. 

“Get past what?” I yawned, slipping underneath the covers, hoping that
she would just get the hell out of my room. 

“Rhian, I really regret what I did,” she whispered. “I really am. I'm
really sorry.” Those were the words that I had been hearing from her 
the whole day. And it had begun to bug me already. “Yeah, I get it,” I 
mumbled and turned my back to her. 

“What can I say to make this better?” she asked. “I'll say anything. I
swear.” 

“Why did you do it?” I whispered to myself. I thought she couldn't hear
it but apparently she did as I felt her body stiffened next to mine. I 
needed to know what possessed her to do something that cruel to me. 
What wrong I had done unto her. I tightened my grip on the bolster that 
I was hugging, waiting for her answer. 

“I was jealous,” Calista finally admitted, her confession shattering the
air around my room. Jealous? What did she have to be jealous? She had 
so much more than me. She had everything I wanted to have. Damn it, she 
had everything any girl could ever want. Great looks, intelligent 
brains, all the cash accessible, guys worshipping the ground she walked 
on..... The list could go on for pages. Why would she envy me then? 

“Trey adores you,” she claimed. “All he sees is you. And I don't have
that!” She actually stomped her feet like a little girl. 

“Because of that?” I whispered in disbelief. “Because of that you rather
see me torture myself?” I was staring at her in disgust as she buried 
her face in shame in her hands. I smacked her arm. “Because of that?” I 
repeated scornfully. “That?” 

“Did you realize what you've done?” I asked her. 

She began sobbing but I was in too much fury to console her. “I know I
was being selfish but I just couldn't see you having an edge over me. 
Your face shines whenever you talked about him. You get all giddy when 
you talk to him on the phone. I want that! But I never have gotten 
that. And you have it.....” her voice trailed. 

I was shaking. Through clenched teeth, I ordered her out of my room. 

“Please, try to understand,” she begged. 

“Try to understand? Calista, you have something that I was aching for.
Dad worships you. And I want that. But have I ever done anything to 
hurt you because Dad favors you more? No! Have I treated you any 
differently? No! I deal with it. I dealt with being in second place 
although it hurts me in a way I don't think you'll ever understand,” I 
said tearfully. “So, please, get out of my room. I had no wish to speak 
to you.” I pointed a finger at my door, my eyes unable to meet her 
deceitful ones. 

Calista reached forward to touch me but I snapped her fingers away
before it could come in contact with my skin. “Get out,” I hissed 
again. 

“Forgive me,” she pleaded in tears. 

“Not in this lifetime,” I swore and since she did not budge, I stood up
and dragged her out of my room with whatever energy I had left. It was 
much easier than I expected as her body was limp and when I dropped her 
in front of my door, instead of standing up, I saw her stayed in that 
position before I slammed my door shut. 

I knew I was being really stubborn. I was being cold and unforgiving but
what she did to me was inexcusable. Maybe someone else who was in my 
position might forgive her. Maybe someone would let it slide. But not 
me. I was a whole lot similar to Dad. Forgiveness seldom runs in our 
boiling blood. 

Maybe when a green moon occurred. 

Maybe when pigs learned how to fly. 

I flung myself onto my bed and the tiredness I felt minutes ago had
vanished. I was wide awake, staring up at the ceiling as I waited for 
it to crash down any moment now. There was another knock to my door and 
I ignored it, figuring that it was Calista again trying to buy pity out 
of me. I clamped a pillow over my ears to shut out the noise of her 
wailing and shut my eyes tight, willing myself to fall into a deep 
slumber. The house began to quiet down, lolling me into a fantasy where 
everything was alright. Of course it wasn't. Life could never be just 
fine. One moment I would think that I was contented with it and the 
next, a wave could crash, shaking the very foundation I was standing 
on. It was unpredictable, it was grueling. And I was sick of it. 

Dad relenting to my demand only made me suspicious instead of grateful,
which I should have been. I had lost my trust in him, if there ever was 
any to begin with. Dad was sneaky, he was conniving. He was the one 
that formulated the entire plan to make me believe that Trey was dead; 
he even used a fake grave for the love of god! Could anyone blame me if 
I apprehensive by his good gesture? I didn't think so! 

I sighed miserably and turned onto my sides. I wished there was someone
I could talk to, to pour my heart out. Someone I trusted in, someone 
who would just listen to my broken soul and filled it with some sort of 
hope that things would be better the next morning. Someone like..... 

“This is easy,” Trey muttered casually as he slipped into my bedroom
through the open windows that I had been meaning to but forgotten to 
shut. I froze for a second, his act uncanny to scenes that took place 
months before. No wonder it was chilly in my room, the harsh wind from 
outside had been blowing in all night. I just dismissed it as the cold 
shudder that I had given Calista. 

“Hey Rhian, how many guys have gone through here?” he joked as he
sprawled himself next to me on my bed. Only two, I wanted to say to him 
but I held my tongue. “What are you doing here?” I whispered bashfully 
even though I was glad he took the initiative to. I was finding ways to 
slip across into the room he was in. 

“I couldn't sleep,” he replied lazily as he stretched himself into a
comfortable position which placing one of his arm around me, closing 
the gap between us. Without hesitating, he rested his head on my chest 
and I closed my eyes, feeling the warmth of his skin pressed onto mine. 
There wasn't a need to say anything as a few passing moments later, he 
was snoring lightly, sleeping just like a little child. I smiled 
slightly as I tried to join him but failed. I was too keyed up to fall 
into slumber; instead I ran the day's events in my head as Trey curled 
around me. 

It was nice that he was with me but I wanted to talk to him. I didn't
expect that he would be falling asleep so soon. Running my fingers 
through his brown hair, I took in the delightful scent of his. 

It was times like these when my mind started wandering. Too many
scenarios were playing at one time, exhausting me. I managed to live 
through breaking up with Shane, feeling a hand squeezing my lungs until 
it was hard to breathe, I heard each words that Dad uttered in the den, 
I felt the sorrow in my heart as I recalled the betrayal of my own 
sister. 

My cell phone which was resting on my night table buzzed silently and I
had to lift Trey's hand so that I could twist in position to retrieve 
it. I wondered who would be calling me in the middle of the night. It 
was probable another friend from school, wanting to know why I didn't 
attend tonight's party with Shane. I sighed again, words would soon be 
spreading around school about our break up and I wasn't sure I was up 
to explaining why we split. 

The caller ID flashed Shane's name and my brows furrowed in confusion.
Was he calling to hurl more insulting words to me? I flipped the phone 
open and brought it to my ear, waiting for him to initiate the call. 

“Rhian?” he asked and I replied in a hoarse voice. 

“Are you asleep yet?” he asked again. 

“Not really,” I answered softly, afraid that Trey would wake up and hear
me talking to my ex-boyfriend of exactly twenty-four hours. 

“I missed you at Sarah's party just now,” he said casually although it
was prominent that the air between us was far from casual. 

“I didn't go. I had something to see to,” I informed him. It was good to
listen to his soothing voice. The voice that always affirmed to me that 
everything would turn out fine. 

“With Trey?” he questioned suddenly. 

“Not really,” I replied. It wasn't really a lie. The talk just now was
more about our family's unresolved issue. “How was the party?” 

“Crazy,” he answered immediately. “But not as fun as it would be. You
weren't there.” I didn't know what to say to make things better. There 
never would be any words that could ease the situation. “Yeah, but the 
others sure would have created chaos at the party.” He laughed lightly 
and I joined in, recalling the rowdiness of my friends at BCH. 

“You got that part right,” he agreed. “Sarah's parents would see how
messed up their living room is tomorrow.” 

“Any real damages?” 

“The couch,” he supplied. 

“Ouch,” I said. He made it all easy for me. He made it too easy. Why was
he so forgiving? How could we be talking this way when it was all 
messed up just last night? Shane Bryant was really a saint that had 
dropped from heaven. 

“It's Charlie's turn tomorrow,” Shane reminded me of a basketball player
friend of his, Charlie Bourke. 

“I'm sure it's going to be great,” I assured. “Especially with that pool
full of beer that he had promised.” That wasn't an exaggeration. 
Charlie did promised that he would keep the beer cold by throwing the 
cans into his frozen swimming pool. The challenge was for the guests to 
thinks of methods to retrieve the cans that were in the middle of the 
Olympic sized pool. 

“You can bet that I'll be reaching for the ones in the middle,” Shane
promised. The ones in the middle were of a higher class. I giggled at 
his determination and he defended himself in a light manner. “What? You 
don't believe I can get that?” 

“I will like to see you try,” I dared him playfully. 

“Then why don't you?” he invited and I sighed audibly for him to hear. 

“Shane,” I warned as we were crossing over the line that I was
comfortable with at this point of time. Remember, I was still sore over 
last night's break up although I was the one that initiated it. It 
didn't mean that I did not hurt over it. 

“You should get Trey to come too,” he added silently. 

He was so pure that there was no evil at all in his heart. That was one
of the reasons that it made it hard for me to leave him. “I'm not that 
sure,” I hedged. “It will really make things awkward.” 

“Then ditch him,” Shane teased. 

“Shane,” I repeated. 

“It's a joke, Rhian,” he said. “Don't be so sensitive.” 

I shouldn't be. He was the one who had to be taking offense yet he was
acting like everything was peachy between us which made me grateful and 
awful at the same time. We talked for a bit more and he managed to 
question me about my homework which was still undone and school would 
be opening on the second day of January. “Tsk tsk,” Shane said. “Only 
one week more before you have to hand it all up,” he had to remind me. 
The staggering amount of workload for seniors should not have taken 
more than a day for a genius like him to complete but for me.... One 
week was a short, short time. This reminded me that I still had not 
received a Christmas gift from Dad and Calista. In fact, I had not 
received anything from anyone this year. How pathetic. 

“And I still have your gift,” Shane added without me noticing. The
necklace he had picked out for me. I had taken it off and left it in 
his Jeep. “You should keep it,” I said hesitantly but I wanted to keep 
it. To have at least something that reminded me of his love for me. He 
must have traced the unwillingness in my tone as I could hear his 
slight relief chuckle over the line. “I bought it for you. I don't want 
to give it to anybody else,” he pushed although there was no need to. 

“Thanks,” I whispered. In the dark, I blushed crimson as I thought about
him in a way I shouldn't have. “Why are you making this easy for me?” I 
had to know. 

“It was all that I could have done. Hurting you would hurt me even
more,” he admitted after a long pause. 

“Thanks,” I repeated again. 

“I love you,” he murmured. 

“That's not right, Shane.” But what I wanted to say was I love you too.
“I'm with Trey.” 

“Then tell me something,” he said. 

“What?” 

“Why haven't you hung up on me then?” he questioned and there was no
need for an answer from me to let him know how I was thinking of him 
the same way he was of me. 

*** 

Trey first shifted in his sleep at twelve-twenty. The next one took
place twenty-seven minutes later. I was still awake and unable to get 
some rest, my cell phone resting at the side of me as soon as I clamped 
it shut after Shane's words hit a nerve. He did not call back and I was 
thankful that he didn't. I wouldn't be able to resist picking the phone 
up and that would have me settling to listen to the sorrow in his 
voice. The sorrow that chewed pieces of my heart all the same. 

At two-sixteen in the morning, Trey's eyes flew open and it went wide
when he saw me hovering over him like a deserted, mournful ghost. “Damn 
it,” he swore without realizing that he was shouting in my face. I was 
securing the lines on his face into my memory as there was nothing else 
that I could do that wouldn't remind me of Shane. I blinked and scooted 
away from him as he tried to sit up, propping his back against the head 
rest of my bed. “What the hell are you doing?” 

I shrugged. How could I explain to him that I was haunted of memories of
Shane? It was the same exact situation just weeks ago; I was haunted of 
memories of Trey when I was actually with Shane. I was starting to 
convince myself that there was a short circuit in my brain that frayed 
the grateful part. It had been a while since I felt contented. “Why 
aren't you asleep yet?” Trey asked even more and I hugged my knees to 
my chest, very sure that if I let go, I would break. Balancing my 
forehead on my knees, I took a deep breath, feeling him closing in on 
me to hold me. Trey's touch sent shivers down my spine but I masked it 
and leaned into him. 

“Sorry I was out,” he apologized. “I didn't mean to fall asleep that
quick.” 

“It's fine,” I assured him as I felt him burying his face in my hair.
“Shh...Go back to sleep,” I murmured as I traced circles on his tight 
chest. It had been one year and a half that I wasn't with him. Did he 
want to listen to what I had been up to until now? Like usual, he read 
my thoughts and he asked me about school. “Are you on the honor role 
now?” 

I scoffed at his assumption and he frowned slightly. “Why say that?” I
inquired. 

“Cos your Dad was pretty concerned about you graduating,” he commented.
“Are you?” 

I thought for a moment, about my actual feelings about school and I saw
that a portion of Shane's love for school had rubbed on me. “Graduating 
doesn't sound like a bad idea,” I spoke. “And college too, I guess.” 
Trey simply shrugged. He could never see why I would find that idea 
appealing. He himself did not graduate high school but being the ever 
supportive guy that he was, he did not put down my hopes of finishing 
school. “You'll do great,” he encouraged with a good squeeze of my 
shoulder. “Have you thought about which college?” 

Actually Shane and I had been talking about the different colleges and
we had listed out our top ten favorites, with nine of the colleges on 
our lists being the same. “A little,” I fibbed. It was better that he 
did not know. And it was just a stupid list. Shane would be heading off 
to one of the Ivy League colleges while I would be content if I could 
just get into one. “It might be kind of fun to head west and soak the 
entire time in the sun,” I said mildly. 

“Hmmmm,” Trey hummed thoughtfully. 

“What? You against that idea?” 

He shook his head, his hair gleaming in the shadows. “I was kind of
hoping you'll go to NYU,” he admitted and I understood his intention. 
It would mean going back to where we originally began. The wise choice. 
And it would mean we could do the things we loved back there but now, 
with more maturity and lesser risks taken. The way he spoke was exactly 
similar to when he was just in spirit during the year that I saw him 
but he was actually in come. ‘Trey' kept talking about wanting to pull 
me back to New York. I smiled to myself, he was still the same. 

“It's just that New York's home, you know,” he explained himself. 

“And here's not?” I asked. 

Trey shrugged again. “I've only been here for a week or so. I don't know
this place.” He shut his eyes to hide what he really wanted to say but 
I knew him well. I knew him like I knew my own heart. “And?” I hedged. 

“And what?” he sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“You have something else to add,” I pointed out, looking up at him. 

“I'm not sure I want to,” Trey said in a soft tone. I wished I was
hearing wrong but his words were clear as they rang in my ears. I'm not 
sure if I want to......know this place. “Are you talking about 
leaving?” I questioned, my voice raised. 

“I have not decided on anything,” he hung the words in midair. 

“But it's a possibility,” I gasped out and he nodded. My mouth dropped
in resentment as I pushed away from him. “You're asking me to leave 
everything to come with you!” I accused and Trey shook his head 
furiously. “I'm not,” he made it clear. 

“Then what is it?” I demanded, crossing my arms across my chest, furious
at him. We were back together now, why would he want to leave? Why 
couldn't he just stay here like I thought he would? 

“Stay here,” he told me. “Finish school and then come meet me in NYC.” I
suck in some air with a loud hiss and breathed them out in anger. “What 
is the difference between here and there?” I asked him. “It's still the 
same. We can see each other here!” Tell me this wasn't true. That it 
was not happening. I was going to crumble to my feet again, my entire 
world swirling as I stayed in place. 

Trey cupped my face and gazed deep into my eyes. In the dark, I could
still see the intensity of his brown pool and the golden sparks which I 
usually loved to catch. He wanted me to try and understand him but I 
was blocking out his reasons and his explanations. I did not want him 
to be far away from me. Who knew what would happen? I might just....... 


“Listen,” he pleaded, his hands warm on my cheeks. “I can't stay here. I
have nothing here.” 

“You can stay here, in this house,” I tried. 

“No I can't,” Trey insisted. “I can't stay, not with your Dad around.” 

“But...” He placed a finger to my lips to let him finish his
explanation. “I don't belong here, Rhian. There's nothing for me in 
this town.” 

“There's me,” I whimpered, my eyes shining with tears that kept on
spilling whenever a situation took off for the worse. “Isn't that 
reason enough for you to stay?” 

He enveloped me into him and my head rested on his shoulder, wetting his
shirt with my tears. “You being here made it impossible for me to 
leave,” he comforted me. “Of course I wanted to be with you but it 
can't be here. Not a chance. And I don't want to disrupt your entire 
life by asking you to come with me.” I could feel him frowning as he 
muttered those words to me. 

“It would be only five more months till graduation. Just five months I'm
asking of you,” I pleaded, dropping each ounce of integrity that I had. 
“Please?” He didn't say anything to answer my pleas. But I could hear 
him sigh as I clung on to him tighter and if I let him go, he would 
leave forever. And I couldn't trust myself enough that I would be able 
to sustain the lonely nights without him, that I wouldn't be running 
into someone else's embrace.... That someone who had a face and a place 
in my heart. The gears in his head were in motion, thinking of what he 
should do. I could hear his mind churning outcomes and possibilities of 
this situation, like he was drawing a mind map on a piece of paper. 

“I'll find a place for you to stay. A place a distant away from my
house,” I traded. “I don't fit in here,” he said, his tone filled with 
exhaustion of dealing with me. What if...What if he was tired of me? 
That this was his way of breaking up with me? This was the first time I 
ever held any doubt about his feelings for me. And it was an ugly one. 
I grimaced at the idea of us breaking up although just hours ago, I 
wasn't thinking much about Trey when I was talking to Shane. I was the 
most fickle person that ever roamed this planet. 

“Trey,” I called out to him. 

“Hmm?” 

“If you want to break up with me, just say it,” I swallowed. “Don't
sugar coat it.” Trey reeled as though I slapped him. “What?!?” His tone 
was incredulous. “I can't believe you will even think about that 
possibility.” 

“But....” 

Trey pressed his lips forcefully onto mine, pouring his soul into me,
overwhelming as it was, it made me feel secured. “Don't doubt my 
feelings for you,” he raged. “It hasn't changed since I loved you and I 
don't think it will.” There was fiery in his eyes and I realized that 
the flames were from the torch that was lit for me. I blushed scarlet. 
But it wasn't enough, was it? Like how his love wasn't enough for me to 
stop thinking about Shane. This time round, my love for him wasn't 
enough to persuade him to stay in Blu Creek until I graduate. So what 
now? I asked him just the same. 

“I don't know.” His voice was hoarse as he turned his face away from me.
I chewed my lower lip, trying to rake for new solutions for this 
problem that we created. “You'll find a job here,” I sulked. “Maybe at 
the next town. There are tons of jobs at seaside towns.” 

Trey lifted an eyebrow in amusement. “In winter?” he drawled. 

“Is there no other way?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper. “Not a
chance?” 

I was digging my fingernails into the skin of his arm without me
noticing. I had no idea how painful it was for him until Trey gently 
lifted my hand off his and as I jumped, I caught him wincing and I 
followed his gaze to deep nail marks that were torn and bleeding. “I'm 
really sorry,” I gushed as I scrambled to reach for a tissue to wipe 
away the blood but he stopped me. 

“It's alright,” Trey assured, fingers circling around my wrist. “I
deserve it.” 

I shook my head, my hair flying all over my face. “No you don't,” I
sobbed. “You don't at all. You should go, go back to New York. Get a 
job there.” I pushed him away when all I wanted to grip him tight and 
never let him out of my sight. “Go!” I shoved him. I was bawling like a 
little kid. My shoulders were heaving and I was sniffing until he 
handed me a tissue and I blew my nose. Clumps of my brown hair were 
sticking to my tear-stained face and I did not need a mirror to know 
how terrible I looked. I was crying on my bed, using up one tissue 
after another as he sat just inches from me, unable to soothe me in any 
way. 

I was being unreasonable beyond doubt but even knowing that couldn't
make me stop throwing my temper tantrum. I was unable to stop until I 
got what I wanted and Trey wasn't about to offer it to me. “What are 
you still doing here?” I demanded in a soapy voice, still in middle of 
sobs. 

“I'm staying,” he sighed, looking out at the window where his freedom
roamed around, waiting for him to catch up with it. 

“No you shouldn't,” I insisted. “I don't want you to force you into
staying.” 

“Then why are you crying?” 

“Because....” 

“Rhian, stop,” Trey begged. “It's fine with me.” 

“No it's not! I'm stifling you,” I argued. “I'm holding you back.” 

“You have every right to,” he said. “It'll be weirder if you don't.” 

I sobered up and wiped the last traces of tears off me. “Huh?” 

“It's okay to be selfish,” Trey explained. “Rhian, I was gone for one
and a half years and now, I'm expecting you to be with me but I want to 
be away.” Trey chuckled as he fumbled to find the right words. “You get 
what I mean?” I shrugged, not wanting to understand him in any way. I 
did not want him to be far from me. I almost died getting over it the 
first time round. Now I have to do it again? But to ease him, I nodded. 


“But I'll stay,” he continued without waiting for any retort from me.
“For you.” 

“No,” I said adamantly. “I want you to stay because you want to. Not
because I give you an ultimatum. If you want to go, you should. Go back 
to NYC, find what you need there.” Trey shot me grateful look and 
stroked my cheek with his thumb, thanking me without the need to 
express it out loud. 

What choice did I have if that was what he wanted? 

*** 

Although the beach was freezing, I was there early in the morning
waiting for someone to join me for the journey I was planning to embark 
on. After relenting last night, Trey covered my lips with his, 
silencing me of any arguments I was planning to throw at his direction. 
Our relationship had taken on a new turn but I wasn't sure that I was 
agreeable with the change of direction. I felt weighed down by all the 
commitments that I had made to him in the moment of passion. That was 
what I wanted then, when I was confirmed that he would stay but now, 
with the oncoming distance that managed to stretch each passing moment, 
I wouldn't be able to tell what I really desired. 

I hugged myself to brace myself from the cold wind of winter, the rising
sun blocked by dark, threatening clouds that seemed to suit my mood 
well. As soon as we were done making up, Trey slipped out of my room 
into his that was across the hall. 

My companion was late, or was it I arrived a good twenty minutes too
early? The sand seeped at the gaps of my toes as my flip flops, which 
by the way were unsuitable for the weather condition, dangled in my 
hand. 

“Morning,” Trey greeted, his breath against my skin tingling me. 

This was a date. The official first date that we had since we have
gotten back together. “Hey,” I replied warmly, my arms slipping around 
his neck as I pecked him on his cheek. “You got here fast enough,” I 
teased. We had driven to the beach, separately. 

“Not every day that I get mysterious note being slipped under the door,”
he commented and grinned down at me. Trey lowered his head to kiss me. 

“Seems like I have no other competitors,” I mentioned, tugging him to
walk alongside with me. 

“Seems like it,” he echoed. I shivered as a strong gust of wind blew in
our direction and sensing my discomfort, Trey offered me his leather 
jacket and for further warmth, he slung one arm around me as my hand 
found its way around his slim waist. We traveled in silence for a good 
distance, just enjoying being with each other as tomorrow would be a 
brand new day. A day filled with hundreds different possibilities. 
“It's beautiful,” Trey murmured, staring out at the horizon although 
the sun was blocked by the grey clouds. It was beautiful. The beach, 
the scenery, being with him.... 

“You don't get this kind of things back in New York,” he added and I
nodded. 

“It is one of the things that I love being here,” I told him. “You've
grown quite attached to this place, huh?” he asked, although I wasn't 
sure if he wanted to know the real answer thus I merely nodded in 
response. “I figured it out. The way you reacted when you thought I was 
asking you to run off with me,” Trey sighed. “I can see why though.” 

“I think I'm much better here,” I admitted. 

“No more wild adventures?” 

“Not much,” I joked lightly. I missed those too but I guessed I would be
too much of a coward now to carry out those pranks I used to do back 
there. Maybe it was because of how my last plan turned my whole life 
upside down. Losing him..... It was all my doing, my mistake. I wasn't 
sure I had recovered from the fall. 

“Do you miss it?” Trey inquired. 

“Of course,” I said. “I was craving for it when I first moved back
here.” 

“And now?” He let his voice trail. 

“I'm not that sure,” I confessed. “It's just so long ago.” 

“You've outgrown it,” Trey stated. Outgrown? Like how I outgrew my
frocks? My Barbie dolls? 

I shrugged and dipped my big toe deep into the soft sand, looking out
for any shells that I might come across. 

“You've really matured.” Coming from him, I wasn't sure if it was a good
thing. 

“Maybe I have,” I said softly. 

“That's cool, I guess.” 

“You think so?” I cocked my head to one side to see his face. 

He shrugged one shoulder carelessly. “I liked who you were, but who you
are now...It's really amazing.” I smiled at his...compliment? “Tell 
me,” Trey urged. “What is it that you kept saying that you see me 
although when I'm actually in a coma?” My eyes widened at his need for 
explanation. How could I explain that to him when I couldn't even 
understand what was going on with myself? My psychological state of 
mind was far from perfect. In fact, it stood at the borderline next to 
insanity. But he wanted to know and I had to try my best to tell him. 

And the beginning would be the best place to start. 

“I moved here at the beginning of summer last year,” I began. “I
couldn't remember much about the moving here process but one day, when 
I wake up, bam!, here I was. I was confused, of course but no one could 
explain to me what was going one. Dad obviously was no help at all and 
Calista was not around. The first night in Blu Creek, you slipped into 
my room.” 

“But that wasn't exactly me?” Trey tried to guess and I made a face for
to tell him that he should listen to the whole tale before 
interrupting. He zipped his mouth and waited for me to continue. “You 
explained to me that Dad had moved here to get away from the city and 
of course, I had no reason to doubt you. I was still in a blur but I 
figured, who cares about it? You were around and that was all that 
mattered.” Trey used our interlocked hands to bring it to his heart and 
smiled sadly. “From then, I saw you regularly. It was as though you 
stayed in New York but you kept making these trips to come see me in 
Blu Creek. That went on for almost a year until the summer began this 
year. You began acting all weird and I couldn't understand why.” I 
omitted the part about me and Shane volunteering at the medical centre. 
“We went for a small road trip where guys kept asking me for my numbers 
even though you were there with me. It was really strange and when I 
questioned you about it, you refused to talk.” 

I took a deep breath before going on. “This summer, Calista did
something to upset Dad and he started to pay attention to me. So, when 
Dad saw me coming home with a depressed expression after the road trip, 
he was concerned and wanted to speak to me. But at that time, I was 
speaking to you in my room. You told me you had something to tell me 
and that was when Dad burst into my room to demand why I was making 
such a ruckus. It was then when I realized that Dad couldn't see you. 
Nobody could. Not Dad, not the guys that asked for my number....Only I 
could. You disappeared right in front of my eyes and I guessed I 
fainted at that point.” It was a long story and it explained a lot to 
him. I knew he would have questions, questions that I might not be able 
to answer so I waited while he digested the facts that I have presented 
to him. 

“Are you saying that you saw my ghost?” Trey asked, his face dead
serious despite the ridiculousness of the situation. 

“I was thinking more of a spirit,” I said, couldn't stop the corners of
my mouth twitching. 

“Wow,” he expressed. “That must have really freaked you out.” 

“I wasn't that freaked. More upset about it,” I said. 

Trey's forehead broke into lines, confused. “Why?” 

“Cos they told me you were dead. I was grieving badly about it,” I burst
out. “It was like living a nightmare. To know that you are really gone. 
That I can't see you no more....” My mind snapped. “Wait, you don't 
think I'm weird right? Oh god, are you dumping me cos I'm crazy and 
all?” 

Trey rolled his eyes. “Rhian, don't be silly. I'm not breaking up with
you. I love you too much,” he murmured and my heart soared. 

“I was convinced that you weren't dead, that they were all lying to me,”
I pouted. “I was denying your death but at the same time, I kept crying 
for you. It was a terrible point in my life.” 

“Is this where Shane stepped in?” Trey inquired. 

Where could I begin with Shane? Should I just admit to Trey how Shane
became my savior? That he protected me from the rain by providing me 
shelter with his strong frame? “He helped me a lot,” I sighed. “He 
encouraged me to go see a shrink.  He waited for me to complete the 
initial visit. He told me that I wasn't crazy. I was just handling it 
differently from the rest of the world.” 

Trey stopped walking and turned me to face him, his brown eyes brimming
with sadness of hearing my past. “How badly did you hurt?” he wanted to 
know. 

“I don't want to bore you with the details,” I pushed it aside and he
gripped me firmly at my sides. “No,” he protested. “Tell me.” 

“Dad and Calista brushed my crying as a phase. That I will get better.
But it was when I was hospitalized, that was when they feel that I 
couldn't handle the situation by myself. Dad paid for the psychiatrist. 
I saw her quite a while after that. Each time when I begun to lose 
control, I'll go see her and we'll talk about you.” It felt good, 
releasing to him. Connecting my past to my present. Filling in the gaps 
where he missed. 

“Why were you hospitalized?” 

I showed a prominent scar on my wrist to him and his eyes grew bigger,
drowning me in those chocolate swirls. “Why did you do that?' he roared 
with rage. “You could die!” 

“I would be with you then,” I defended myself as he crushed me with his
tight hold of my sides. “Don't,” Trey hissed. “Don't ever hurt 
yourself.” 

I widened my eyes and nodded. “I promise. Just don't go disappearing
anymore.” 

“Continue,” he demanded as we began the stroll again. 

“Shane helped me to the hospital and I saw a lot of him from then on.
And after one party, he told me he liked me,” I recalled of that night. 
That sweet night just before school opened for the new education year. 
“I pushed him away at first, but he was so nice that I thought, why not 
give him a chance. I liked him more than I ever liked any guy, except 
you. And so...” 

My story had ended and fair was fair. It was my turn to hear his. But I
suspected that it would be much shorter than mine. Less dramatic? I 
wasn't confirmed about that. I wished I was there, sitting by his 
bedside and waiting for him to return to life. I would devote each 
waking second of mine to him, only to hear his voice, flutter his 
eyelids and smiling once he saw my face. Alright, I was starting to 
imagine myself in a soap opera. O really got to stop these wild 
fantasies of mine. 

“I can't describe to coma part but it was as though I slept one day and
woke up a year later,” Trey recalled. “Two days after I woke up, 
Calista dropped in and she told me you were dead.” Although I had heard 
it before, I couldn't hold back the gasp that escaped from my throat. 

“Hey, relax,” Trey soothed me. “It's all fine now.” 

“So you say,” I grumbled but kept quiet all the same for him to
continue. 

“Okay, I'm going to skip how I reacted about that part,” he said with a
sly grin and I narrowed my eyes. “Uh-uh,” I disagreed. “No way. I told 
you everything.” 

“I didn't want to believe her at first. Then, after Calista ran out of
the room, I sank into the bed with denial. I kept saying that you 
weren't dead. That she was lying. Then I cried,” he admitted. I glanced 
up at him without lifting my lowered head. I never wanted to imagine 
Trey crying. It would shake my very foundation about how tough he was. 
“Finally, I pushed it to the back of my head until I was kicked out of 
the hospital. Calista gave me her contact number so I called her.” “I 
stayed with her for a couple of weeks. She left her cell unattended and 
I saw your name flashing. Then the lie unraveled,” Trey summarized and 
I made a face at him. I was talking way longer than that! 

“Not fair!” I protested and he laughed his beautiful tinkle. 

“I didn't promise you anything,” Trey retorted and I rolled my eyes. I
scooted closer to him, searching for some warmth radiating out of him. 
Trey wrapped his arms tighter as we took steps towards nowhere. I 
peeked at the time on my cell phone and saw that it had been two hours 
from where we started off. 

“Look at the time,” I pointed it out to him. 

He gave a tight smile and shrugged. “It passes real quick,” Trey
muttered. 

“Maybe it's because I'm with you,” I said coyly. “Time just flew by.” At
the thought of Trey leaving, I gave an audible sigh and he cupped me at 
my chin with one hand. “Hey,” he whispered. “Don't get sad.” 

I brushed aside my misery and tried to muster a grin but it fell flat. 

“It's about me leaving, isn't it?” he asked the obvious. 

“Partially,” I replied. I pushed his hand away from my face and walked a
little, leaving him behind. I had thought of something after he left my 
room so that I could be alone. But with him being right in front of me, 
I was afraid everything I planned would be left undone. He always had 
that effect on me. Allowing me to let loose around him, not caring a 
bit about what others thought, making me drop each and every ounce of 
self-control that I had spent years building. I had to tell him. I had 
to say it although it might be the hard for me to concentrate when he 
was in physical presence. 

I heard him strolled up and he rested his chin on my left shoulder, a
frown playing on his handsome face. “Then what?” he inquired, his 
breath falling on my cheek, goosebumps riding up my arms. Trey hugged 
me as I spun around to face him. 

“I've got to tell you something,” I told him. 

“What?” He tilted his head the way guys loved to do it. 

I closed my eyes and I felt him kissing over my eyelids, trailing kissed
down to my lips. Before I could stop it, I covered my mouth with his, 
him teasing me with his tongue. I broke away first to try and convey my 
message across to him. 

I fixed my eyes into his deep gaze. “When are you leaving?” 

Trey shook his head, his mouth in a tight line. He probably thought that
I was spoiling this beautiful moment but I had other reasons bringing 
him here. “New year's?” Trey guessed. “Maybe tomorrow. I don't know.” 

“I have something to tell you,” I repeated myself. 

“Shoot.” 

I took a deep, deep breath, willing the words to slip out but they were
lodged in my throat. “I....Let's....Let's break up.” It finally came 
out. 

His expression was dismayed, bearing no tolerance of my decision.
“Why?!?” Trey demanded. 

“I can't promise you, Trey. I can't. I can't promise that things will be
the same five months down the road like it is now,” I blurted. “It's 
too risky.” 

Trey was silent as his jaws tightened, forming his expression into a
stubborn one. His brows furrowed in anger as he faced away from me, his 
fists gripping themselves until I saw his veins drawing on the back of 
his hands. When he spoke, his voice stung like the venom from a snake. 
“You were never like this,” he accused me. 

“So were you,” I retorted, not surprised by his reaction. 

“I guess we were apart for too long,” he went on as I stared into the
back of his leather jacket, believing myself that I could smell his 
lovely scent. I had no other choice. I couldn't promise him much even 
when I wasn't sure what I wanted. What if I did not qualify for NYU? 
What if I wanted to head somewhere else, a place far away from Dad and 
Calista? He wouldn't want to follow. For god's sake, he didn't even 
want to stay here for a few months! 

“I don't think that's the reason,” I muttered. 

“Then what is it?” he demanded, turning around instantly that I stumbled
back a couple of paces in fright. 

My knees shook and I swayed a little but he caught me before I crumbled
into the sand. “What?” Trey repeated, his breath settling onto the 
bridge of my nose and he searched deep into my eyes to find out what 
else was missing. I tilted back a little and if he let me go, I know I 
would slip and fall. “I don't know,” I answered. 

“Then what's so hard about holding on?” Indeed, what was so hard about
it? Why was I rearing away from him? Why exactly?  “Why can't you?” 

“Can you?” I challenged. “How can you be sure what we are feeling now
will be same down the road?” Fiercely, I narrowed my eyes at him, 
hedging ahead in a threatening gesture. “What if there's someone else 
you like better when you go back there? I don't want anything to hold 
us back.” 

He released his grip of me, startled. His eyes wide in disbelief as he
shook his head, not accepting anything that I have spoken. “That's what 
it comes to is it? You want to be free. To go back to Shane.” 

I gasped and without my realization, my hand flew across his face. Trey
reeled at being slapped and he spat on the sand. I covered my mouth in 
shock at what I have done and immediately, I pressed my hand to his 
reddening cheek, begging for mercy. Radiating with hostility, he 
brushed my touch away and I heard him let out a snort. “I am such an 
idiot. What was I thinking? That you'll be the same as before? That 
you'll be as crazy about me as I still am about you? I am such an 
idiot,” he said to no one in particular and laughed softly to himself. 

Pushing his hair back from his forehead, he glared at me, his brown eyes
dancing in ferocity. “We are through,” he spat. “There! You have your 
freedom now.” 

My lips quivered as he began to walk away, each step away stabbing me
like a knife. I ran a little after him after I saw how far he already 
was. “No! That was not what I wanted,” I whimpered, my legs weighing me 
down. “Trey,” I panted. “Wait!” 

He did not stop walking, if anything else, his pace picked up speed. 

“Trey!!!!!!!!” I screamed his name. I couldn't let him leave. Not this
way. I had to clear everything up with him. This was not what I wanted 
it to be. I still love him. It's just.... 

I didn't even know what I wanted it to be like. All I wanted was for him
to stay with me as long as I could. Now that he didn't want to..... 

I had no idea. God, this was taking such a huge toll on me. Trey, I had
to catch up with Trey. He was far away by now! “No!! Don't go!!” I 
yelled after him, running as fast as I could. 

One moment, I was speeding with all my might and the next, the earth was
cartwheeling in front of my very eyes. I felt bruised all over me as 
sand dust filled around me. I shut my eyes, just for a second. Maybe it 
might bring everything back. It would turn time and things would be 
fine. Not tremendously horrible like this was. 

“Rhian,” Trey called out my name and hovering over me, his face although
concerned, his eyes were guarded. 

“Trey, I never thought about patching things up with Shane,” I tried to
explain even though I was seeing circles. 

“Don't move,” he warned me. “You hit your head pretty badly.” 

“I feel on sand,” I replied. “How bad could it be?” 

“For starters, you scraped your cheek.” I touched my cheek and felt
liquid settling on a wound. 

“Oh,” was all I could manage. Trey offered a hand to help me sit up and
he joined in next to me. 

“You have to let me explain it all,” I begged as I dusted sand from my
clothes and my arms. I could feel him nod and I busied myself, trying 
to buy time. Truth was, I didn't know what the right words to tell him 
were. If only I had rehearsed this all earlier.... 

“I don't have all day,” he mumbled although there was nothing else he
could do here in Blu Creek. I grinned weakly at him and he turned away 
from me. I was rejected. Strike one. 

“Let me repeat,” I began. “It never crossed my mind that after you left,
I would straight away pick things up with Shane. I swear.” I waited for 
a response from him and when it never came, I shrugged. “It's true, I 
did love him. But I love you a whole lot more. More than you think I 
did. I just can't.” I didn't know why I felt that way. The feeling that 
it was not possible to work it out between us if he was far away from 
me. That something might change any second now. 

“Go to New York, Trey. Get back your life there,” I encouraged him even
though it pained me that he would no longer be near. I had grown 
accustomed to him being around even though it had been just two days. 
Two days that had suck out all the stored energy inside of me. 

“My life there was with you when I left,” he finally voiced. 

“So was mine,” I said. I hugged my knees, resting my chin on my knees as
I gazed ahead at the horizon. It was still freezing cold at the beach. 
It was winter, after all. “I held on to it even when I came here,” I 
informed him. “How I wished we could just go back to where we first 
began but it's not possible. You know that, don't you?” I asked, 
tucking a curl of his hair behind his ear, smiling at him. He moved 
closer to me, his arm around me, touching my ribs. I leaned my head on 
his shoulder. 

“You changed,” he stated again. 

“So do you,” I noted. 

“How?” 

“You're a lot more temperamental now,” I said. “I'm not used to that.” 

Trey sighed. “Maybe I am. I'm just frustrated that things are not how I
wanted it to be.” 

“I am too. I just hide it better.” My fingers played with the edge of
his jacket, slipping underneath, feeling his warm skin on my tips. “I 
thought, if you ever come back, life will get so much easier. That 
you'll make everything right. Just like you always did.” 

“And I didn't?” 

“You made this beat faster again,” I said, guiding his hand to rest on
my heart. “But that just isn't all I needed now.” 

Trey's hand moved from my chest to my face, stroking it with his thumb
and he twirled a strand of stray hair around his finger. “What else, 
Rhian?” 

“School,” I answered instantly. “I never thought it would be a priority
but it is recently. Safety. I can't afford to take any more risks. You. 
I can never forget you.” I rested my lips on his and kissed him softly, 
waiting for him to respond. He did, bitterly. As I rested my forehead 
against his, “I love you. I never stopped. I'll never will. Even when 
we are apart.” 

“I love you too,” he replied. I could taste him, so near to me. 

“But I can't make any promise when I don't even know the future,” I
said. 

“Then what do you propose?” Trey inquired, his lips covering mine once
more. 

“I don't know. You go where your heart leads you and I'll go with mine.
After high school, if it's NYU, maybe we'll meet each other again. And 
if you are single and we still feel what we feel now, maybe we'll pick 
up where we left off here.” 

“And if we don't?” he inquired, gazing down at me in stoned silence. I
bit my lower lip and pulled myself away from his enthralling sight. I 
was trying my best to fight tears that had been threatening to pour. 
Sniffing, I tugged the corners of my mouth outward, trying to mask 
whatever I was really feeling inside. 

I closed my eyes as his lips left a print on my cheek. “I'll be happy
for you. With whoever you're with then,” I had to lie. 

Trey studied me long and hard, his eyelashes framing his beautiful
chocolate swirls that kept singing to my heart. I could see the slight 
scar on his forehead, his hands that warmed me during the longest 
winters. I saw the flicker of our past relationship and finally, I saw 
the hope for an oncoming one like a beacon shining through the night. 

“I will,” I repeated for the benefit of myself. “I really will.” I was
trying too hard now. It was difficult letting him go the first time, 
what made me think this wouldn't end with heartbreak? I ran my fingers 
through his silky brown waves, enjoying the sensation it brought as he 
breathed in the scent of me as his nose pressed against my shoulder 
blade. It still amazed me how easily I could remember when his hair was 
carefully styled each time we met, his clothes although of the same 
color, brought out the best in him. I must have seemed Jane plain next 
to this stunning god next to me. 

“I don't want to leave you,” he told me sincerely as he kissed me at the
nape of my neck, tingling me from the bottom of my feet to the ends of 
my hair. “I wish there's another way,” Trey continued. 

I nodded in agreement. “Me too, but I have to do this.” 

He face lifted up to mine. “Giving your future a different turn?” he
asked. 

“No,” I answered. “Letting nature take its course.” 

“You don't know if nature's gonna give you what you want,” he replied
quickly. 

“I guess I'll let the flow take me where they want to. Just this once,”
I said. 

“And if you find out that is not what you want?” He was questioning my
each move, just like he used to. Analyzing each detail until we came 
into sync together, perfecting a simple plan. “Then I'll return to 
where I come from,” I sighed. I didn't want that to happen. I wanted 
out of this routine that I had created. I wanted something else 
altogether. I wanted to be doing something that made my head pound in 
good frustration, producing a result so self-satisfying that nothing 
else mattered. 

“Come find me then,” Trey allowed. 

“I don't want you to halt your life,” I said. 

He blinked once and smiled a crooked one. “I'm not planning to. There's
no reason we couldn't meet as friends, right?” I smiled along with him, 
my heart warming, shielding me from the sudden gust of wind. 

“Right,” I agreed. 

“I love you, Rhian Alyssa Sanders,” he murmured into my ear. 

“I love you too, Trey Jeremy Conner,” I said with all my might. “I'll
always will.” I had no idea how long we sat at the beach but when the 
timing was right, we picked ourselves up and walked towards the empty 
parking lots where the vehicles were waiting to be driven back home. He 
had used my Mini Cooper while I drove Calista's BMW without her 
permission. 

“That is one shiny car,” Trey commented. 

“It really is,” I whispered. “She's one striking person. Her car
reflects that of her.” I had no idea how my relationship with Calista 
would be but I couldn't be bothered to work on it. I was too tired at 
the moment to be taking in consideration of other people's feelings 
except for mine and Trey's. Even though we were heading towards the 
same destination, we slipped into our individual car. As I started the 
engine of the luxury car, I peeped into the rearview mirror where he 
was sliding his frame into my beloved vehicle. He did it with ease that 
I couldn't help smiling to myself as a blush crept up my cheeks. 

He allowed me to maneuver out of the parking lot first as he followed
behind at a comfortable street. Flashbacks passed through my head as I 
kept my hand onto the steering wheel. 

*** 

“When is it going to start?” I pouted as Trey and I waited for the
unknown band to make their appearance at the stage in front of us. Our 
bodies were jammed with a million other screaming fans but he was 
gripping my hand tight, afraid we would be separated. 

“Have a little patience,” he muttered, rolling his eyes. 

“I've been waiting for so long!” I complained. 

“Rhian, it's only been ten minutes,” he chuckled. I couldn't help but to
laugh along with him. The deafening music began and the crowd around us 
began bopping to the tune but he was wrinkling his nose in distaste. 

“What a load of garbage,” he complained this time round. 

“It's your choice,” I retorted, grinning. “What a terrible date,” I
teased, sticking my tongue out at him. 

*** 

“What if the earth is going to explode in one day's time? What would you
do?” I asked my question. Trey considered it for a while, his brows 
furrowed in concentration although it was just a silly game that we 
were playing. 

“I'll find you and we'll go get all the food that I like and a movie.
Then we'll lock ourselves up in a room, eat, watch our last movie 
and....” His voice trailed as he grinned. I knew what he was implying 
and I shoved him. “That's all?” I asked. “That's not creative!” 

He narrowed his eyes in mock resentment. “What will you do then, Miss
Clever?” 

“I'll take out my spaceship out of the garage and launch it to space,” I
toyed, giggling. 

“When did you buy the spaceship?” He was trying to keep a straight face.


“Oh, last week when I went shopping with Cal at NASA,” I dismissed it. 

“Can I hop in?” 

“I'll consider it,” I yawned as he lunged at me, tickling me until I was
laughing uncontrollably begging for mercy. 

“Will you take me?” he growled as his fingers prodded my sides. 

“Yes! Yes!” I surrendered and suddenly, he was on top of me, his lips
edging towards mine. 

*** 

“I'll look terribly fat in it,” Calista exclaimed as she examined her
gorgeous self in the mirror at one of the dressing rooms at the Calvin 
Klein boutique. 

“No,” I gave my automatic reply. “You look great.” 

“Really?” she inquired, holding her hair up from her face. 

“Yes,” I insisted. 

“Okay, I'll get it,” she said after a moment of hesitation, throwing the
jeans into a pile of clothes that she had already tried on before it. 
The rejected pile was like an anthill compared to the mountain of 
designer labels next to it. 

I was bored out of my mind. I was in no mood to buy anything and Calista
was buying the entire shop. Out of the corner of my eyes, I caught a 
good looking guy entering the shop. He was awfully familiar and when he 
winked at me against the contrasting sun shining from his back, my face 
flamed. 

What was Trey doing in this kind of shop? I saw the salesgirls eyeing
him in delight as I rolled my eyes. Could he be any cuter? One of them 
approached him, offering her assistance but he waved her off politely, 
studying me over the racks that were in the middle of the room. 

I smiled forcefully at him as he caught my eye. “What are you doing
here?” I mouthed as I made actions with my head. 

“For you,” he mouthed back and stuck his tongue out like a little kid. I
stuck my tongue out back. “Idiot,” I muttered under my breath and 
Calista heard me. “What?” she inquired. 

“Nothing,” I replied immediately, tearing my eyes away from him. I heard
his chuckle echo and I tapped my feet impatiently against the wooden 
floors. 

*** 

“Whee! Rhian!” Calista chirped as she hopped into my room. “Daddy's
gonna bring me to France!” I glanced up from the book I was reading for 
school. Calista, twelve , was two years older than me. 

“When?” I asked excitedly, missing her emphasis on the word ‘me'. I
pushed myself up from my bed as she sat on the edge. 

“For summer!” she claimed. “That's two days away!” 

“Fun! Fun!” I chirped along and we danced around my room. Dad was
towering at the doorway, watching the both of us, his arms crossed in 
front of his chest. “Calista, you should start packing,” his voice 
boomed, interrupting our little dance of celebration. I stopped 
halfway, dropping her hands. 

“Can we stop by Florida after that, Daddy?” Calista pleaded, her eyes
big and shiny. “Disneyland?” 

“Sure, sweetheart,” he said as he patted her head while she skipped out
to pack her Louis Vuitton luggage bag. 

“What should I bring?” I asked him as we both waited for her to be out
of hearing range. I braced myself for the answer I would receive. It 
had been the same since the past few summers. There was no originality. 


“You don't want to come with us,” he persuaded me. “Summer camp will be
fun, right Rhian?” he asked. 

“Yes,” I replied, hanging my head low. He marched away as I rushed to
close the door and buried my face into my pillow, sobbing. I only had a 
minute before Calista burst the door open. “You're not following?!?!?” 
she shrieked. 

“No,” I answered dully. 

“You rather go summer camp?” she inquired. 

“Yes,” I replied. “I can meet my old friends there.” I had to sugar-coat
it for her. She did not know how like shit Dad treated me. 

“I'll miss you,” she pouted. 

Oh, she had no idea. 

*** 

“Are you ready?” he asked, eyeing my pale face that was lined with cold
sweat. 

I gave a determined nod, pushing away all the anxiety. 

“On the count of three, alright?” Trey whispered back. 

I gripped his arm tight, tugging him back. “No, wait,” I breathed. “One
second.” 

Trey groaned and rested his hands on his slim hips in impatience. “Come
on,” he urged. “If you don't do this now, you'll never will.” 

I bit my lower lip and took a deep, deep breath. “What if it bites?” I
asked, more frightened about the dog that was sleeping quietly at the 
corner of the room. Even in its sleep, I could see a glint of sharp 
blood-sucking teeth. 

“If you run fast, it won't,” he pointed out, his excitement radiating.
He was jumping from one foot to another in merriment. I wondered for a 
million times that night how silly he could be from time to time. Even 
though I loved the thrill it would give me in return, I was too much of 
a coward to take the first step. 

“No, no, no,” I moaned as I buried my face in my hands, my voice louder
than I expected as we stood in the small landing of a fire escape. Trey 
peeped into the opened window. “It's just a short distance,” he said as 
though it was a consolation. 

“Easy for you to say,” I muttered. 

“Do you want to do this?” he asked me for like the twentieth time that
night. 

“Yes,” I said but still I glued myself to the edge of the ladder, the
ground calling out to me to get the hell out of the place. 

“Then why are you hugging that ladder?” he questioned, grinning at my
hesitation. 

“Cos I'm afraid I'll fall,” I bluffed lamely. 

“No, you're chickening out,” he accused. 

“No way,” I spat and edged forward to the opened window. Peering in, my
eyes focused on the door as well as the menacing looking dog at the 
corner, I prayed to whomever to spare my life. “I'm going in,” I told 
him and placed a feet into the apartment. When my whole body was wedged 
in through the opening, I stood in the dark, waiting for him to follow 
suit. 

“Ready?” he asked, a bicycle horn in one hand. 

“Yes,” I replied and a blaring honk followed. Although I expected it, I
jumped and shrieked. The dog began barking at the top of it's lungs as 
we made a run towards the door. The damn dog was right behind us as we 
adjusted our eyes and tried to open the lock at the same time. 

“Who the hell is that?!?!” the owner of the apartment demanded
cautiously. 

“Come on!” I screamed at Trey as he fumbled. 

“Shut up!” he yelled back. I could feel the dog biting at my ankle and I
gave an ear-splitting shriek. The owner turned on the lights and I saw 
him approaching us with a gun. I shook my leg, trying to get the dog 
off me but its jaws clenched harder. Suddenly, a shot rang over us, 
deafening my ears and I could feel the bullet zooming right by my 
shoulders, crashing into the door. I kicked the dog as I screamed all 
the way and Trey finally got the front door opened as he dragged me 
along the flight of stairs. Why couldn't we have picked an apartment 
with an elevator? 

The dog was still stuck to my leg as I limped, enduring the pain that
seared my right ankle. With one mighty kick, Trey managed to pry the 
dog off me as we both tumbled down the stairs, adrenaline rushing high. 


The stupid dog gave a chase after us and the owner fired more bullets at
out direction but we kept running and running and didn't look back. 

“We did it,” Trey gushed as we both rested our back against a wall. I
had no idea how long we had been running but it was safe enough to 
stop. 

“It hurts,” I cried, clutching the open wound on my ankle tight. 

“Let me see,” he said and bent down. When he touched it, blood soiled
his palm. “You have to go to the hospital,” he exclaimed. 

“No!” I disagreed. “They'll know it's us!” 

“Don't be silly.” Pulling me across his back, he carried me to the
nearest hospital. 

*** 

My eyes clouded with tears. Roughly, I wiped them with the sleeve of my
jacket, looking into the rearview mirror to see if he was following. 
Trey wasn't there. I gave a second glance and I couldn't see my red 
Mini Cooper. 

A honk made me jump. He was right next to Calista's car, motioning with
his hands some incomprehensible message. What was he trying to convey? 
Finally, the window of the driver's seat of the Mini Cooper rolled down 
and I followed suit with the BMW's passenger seat window. 

“Slow down!” he instructed me. “Why?!?” 

I was going strong at ninety miles per hour. The needle increased. It
was a hundred now. How could I not know I was driving at this speed? 

“Rhian! Stop the car!” Trey yelled more. 

It was all too soon. I saw a car that had broken down and was stuck in
the middle of the lane. I saw a woman, her face filled with terror at 
the oncoming vehicle that was aiming right at her. I couldn't brake in 
time. Not without running over the woman. She waved her arms. I gripped 
the steering wheel tight and tried my best to swerve the car that had 
an engine I never could handle. It was all too soon. 

I didn't see the tree that I would hit. My head banged against something
and I was out. 

*** 

Epilogue: Do You Have To Go? 

Trey 

It was wrong. Way too wrong. I couldn't be standing on this dirt,
wearing a jacket that didn't even belong to me. I couldn't. My fingers 
tightened into a fist as I sat on one of the plastic chairs that were 
available. 

An old fart in a robe was standing at the front, giving a speech and all
I wanted to do was to punch that stinking ass in his face even though 
he did nothing wrong. Would his words make me any better? Would it 
bring her back? 

Calista was sitting in front of me, dressed in black as she sobbed
openly for the world to see. Once in a while, she would stop and then 
the whole saga would begin again. I wondered if those tears were true. 
Or were they like the ones that she shed when she informed me the first 
time round? Her father was next to me, an arm around her shoulders, 
trying to ease the pain she was displaying. Or was it the other way 
round? Was his grip on her was like a slipping man holding on to a 
pillar? Was he too afraid that he would fall too if he let go? 

I eyed the two of them. The two cruelest creatures that could walk the
planet. What were they feeling now? If they had the power to turn back 
time, would they do the right thing? Would they not let her go through 
the suffering that she did? 

Why was I concerning myself about them anyway? I couldn't. I couldn't
accept the fact even though this time round I saw her slipped away 
right in front of my eyes. She was really gone now. This was no ploy. 
They were not trying to keep her away from me. Instead now, she was 
grabbed from all of us. If I was right, the guy sitting next to Calista 
was Shane Bryant. I couldn't see his face but often, his shoulders 
would shudder in uncontrollable grief. 

Why wasn't I crying? Today, I had too many questions to ask. But today,
she wouldn't be there to answer them for me. She always did. 

Why, Rhian? Why did you have to leave this way? What were you so
absorbed in that fateful day until you couldn't realize how fast you 
were going? Why did you have to die and leave me like this? 

“She will be remembered always, Rhian Alyssa Sanders,” the man in robe
concluded and everybody stood up. What was he waiting for? An applause? 
Slowly, the crowd dispersed after they placed lilies on top of her 
coffin. Lilies, they were her favorite. I was hiding one in my jacket. 
It was meant for her. 

“Come on, Rhian. Wake up,” I said to myself. “Wake up and I'll give you
this.” I ignored the fact that she had thousand others gathered on top 
of her resting place. “Please.” I closed my eyes and played a game we 
used to. If I stayed still for twenty whole seconds, will you come 
back? If I held my breath for one minute, will you come back? Will 
you?!?!?! 

When I opened my eyes, the only people left were Calista, Shane and
Rhian's father, standing where she rested. I got out of my seat as I 
walked to the coffin. Any minute now it would be lowered to the ground 
and dirt would fall upon her. Any minute now. As I took reluctant steps 
towards the small company, I couldn't fight the tears that were 
slipping out. 

Damn it. I couldn't be crying. No! 

“Trey,” Calista said my name as I approached them. 

“Shut up,” I spat at her as she nodded, understanding my resentment. I
gave a good look at the other guy that she loved and thanked him 
silently for taking care of her while I was away for a long, long time. 
Damn it! I was still jealous at the thought of Rhian with him. What had 
they done together? I was not the man I wanted to be. Inside this 
exterior was still the childish little boy that wanted Rhian all to 
himself. 

I wanted them to leave before I spent my last final moment with her
physical self that was resting under all the wood. But they stayed so I 
said what I wanted to her in my heart, hoping somewhere, her soul could 
hear the love I felt for her. I couldn't even care that I was sounding 
like a sappy Hallmark card. 

Giving in to her, I got to my knees and knelt in front of her coffin,
gently putting the lily in my hand on the top of it. “I love you,” I 
whispered, aware that the three of them could hear each syllable I was 
saying. 

*** 

Calista 

I couldn't stop the tears from flowing. Now I knew how Rhian felt when
we lied to her about Trey being dead. Rhian's dead now and my heart was 
breaking. I had done many cruel things towards her without her 
realizing and she didn't even have the time to forgive me. If I died, I 
would be cast in hell. But not Rhian, she would be sent straight to 
heaven with angels and god looking after her. 

I missed her. I couldn't recall her smiling face, the exotic beauty that
I sometimes wished I had. The only expression I could get from her was 
of her disappointment in me when I lied to her. Everywhere I turned 
this morning, I could see that face shattering me. I could feel her 
sadness running in my blood. I could feel how upset she was. 

I had ruined her life for almost five whole months and now, I had to pay
the price of not being able to see her anymore. I couldn't speak to my 
best friend, I lost my sister. I couldn't do anything anymore. 

I cried harder, even harder when I saw her face, her head shaking in
denial. Her face falling, her blood splattered all over her shirt. I 
screamed loudly, trying to get her out of my mind. The same expression 
was portrayed on Trey's face as he harshly acknowledged me at the 
cemetery just hours ago. He was taking in badly and the worst thing was 
I made him go through this twice. He looked horrible, his eyes red and 
spooky, his face filled with anger and suffering. If he could, I think 
I would be the first person he would stab. He would stab me over and 
over again, crying out Rhian's name. Crying in anguish over her not 
being with us anymore. 

The funny thing was, I wouldn't mind him stabbing me, allowing me to
die. Cos death might be a better alternative than the guilt, pain, 
agony and fear I was feeling. 

*** 

Shane 

They all thought I would be able to handle it better than them. That I
wouldn't hurt that much. That I didn't love her as much as the two of 
them did. Well, they were clearly wrong. I loved her too much, too much 
more than she felt she deserved it. But she was wrong too. She deserved 
everything that I had done for her. 

The first time I felt my love for her when she was standing in front of
me, her eyes filled with tears of passion and her flowing wound 
portraying it. I knew then that I was supposed to be the one to help 
her heal. She needed my help and she recovered along with it. 

We had a wonderful time. We had great times. We were in love until the
one person that brought us together came back into her life. She had to 
make a choice and like the person whom I came to fall in love to, she 
chose her first love. The guy she would never be able to forget even 
though I thought she was making good progress. Of course it 
disappointed me. I thought I had a fighting chance. But it seemed I 
didn't. 

But did she have to leave this way? Couldn't she just be around even
though we weren't together anymore? 

I had no idea how many times I had dialed my own number just to hear her
recorded laughter at my voicemail message. Yet, my fingers kept sliding 
over my own numbers as I placed the phone to my ear, reminiscing each 
and every part of her. She sounded so alive. I could feel her right 
next to me. 

Now I knew what she had been going through whenever she kept talking
about Trey being right with her although they claimed that he was dead. 


*** 

178 


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