Mercy Sakes Alive.. (standard:humor, 2163 words)
Author: stanley mcqueen kentucky backwoods writer	Added: May 03 2007	Views/Reads: 3336/2160	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
backwood times of the old day of mountain folks

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in various places and willard told his soon to be wife to take a seat 
on one of the stumps and thats what she did and we all done likewise. 
well i knew one thing for sure Uncle willard would have to do some 
major fixing up on his shack before this gal moved in. they were quite 
a site willard being a slim and tall man with not a ouch of fat on his 
body , but he and her was love struck, and like Grandma always said 
that love was as blind as a bat. after a good spell of talking in the 
yard willard and her boarded  on the  corn wagon and left off toward 
Willard shack... we three stand and watch him drive away and maw said' 
don,t that beat all sore eyes ever saw she said” paw said she is a 
whopper of a gal for sure and i can,t wait till they jump the broom , 
how on earth are the woman folks of these parts ever going to get that 
gal in a tub to dump her in the creek thats”its  going to be  chore pa 
chucked at the very thought of such a thing.. I,ll borrow the black 
smiths horse troff that might be big enought to fit her in pa said “ 
but its” going to take a lot of strong woman to pack that gal pa 
declared” me being young and all i could not figure why mountain folks 
like us had such customs of riding a man on a greased pine pole and 
toteing him about the country side had anything to do with a happy life 
and happy marriage , but Mammy and pappy was set on carrying this 
custom our to the letter... I was about three week and the the day come 
for the wedding all the ridges neigbors all assemble in the little 
Goose Chapel church to see them be hicked.... it was a grand day for 
sure everone dressed in there best rags and all and willard hair was 
greased down and looked like the skin of a black shake, Wilma had on a 
big dress with ruffles all over it and it made her not look so big 
..after everone was in the church Rev smallwood done the honors and the 
were married right proper like , and then everone shaked both their 
hands and wished them a good life together, and then as everyone was 
standing in the yard of the church , here come a mob of woman carrying 
a large tub it was the horse watering troff just like pa promised he 
borrow, Big Wilma seen the cheerful group of lady folk and she begged 
for mercy and told them please spare this for me , and the woman said 
no spareing this we want you and willard to be happy and have a good 
life together and this must be done.. and Big wilma said it want be 
done without a fight on my part, and then our neigbor woman rushed 
wilma and rolled her down on the grown and dust was flying everywhere, 
the crowd of on looker watch in pure delight and laughter as big Wilma 
was putting up a fight not to be put in that large tub with carrying 
handles on the side ...this must be done shouted one of the struggling 
woman who was among the ladies to carry out this custom.. Big Wilma was 
no lier she gave fight and it took every ouch of all those woman to put 
her in that large tub. after much rolling and tumbling in the dusty 
church yard the good ladies of Muddy Fork got her in the Tub and she 
was so dusty and all it was a site i would,t have missed for a hundred 
dollar bill . then old willard come and said let my baby out that tub 
look what you dont to my  wife she is dusty and all thats clean is her 
eyeball .. the crown laughed at his words and his pleading ,  then here 
come pappy and about eight men with a twenty foot greased pine pole and 
it greased in the middle part and poor old willard was captured and was 
set astradle of that greased pole and he was trying to hold on and the 
grease was causeing his to tangle to the bottom and each time he would 
get atop of it the grease caused his to fall from upright to be fallen 
to the bottom, then it took ten of the strongest woman of muddy fork 
county to lift the tub with wilma setting in it  and they done it with 
red faces from her weight and then the on lookers followed as they 
carryed her toward the near by creek old willard was carried right 
behind his darling wife and it was quite a site and laughter was 
ringing out like the little goose rock chapel church bell,, even Rev 
smallwood got into the spirit of this all and  the woman had to rest 
two time before getting to the creek .. and finely that got there 
before the creek and stopped for moment before taking the final ..lunge 
to dump the big brawny gal of willards in the creek they counted to the 
beat of five and on five them woman give a heave toward the creek and 
sucessfully dump her from the tub into the cool creek water, and i 
sware seen every crawfish in the bottom as big wilma parted the 
water...that big woman come out of that creek as mad as a hornet and  
tryed to hit some of the woman but they run and laughed at her efforts. 
then poor old willard who was as greasy as a pork chop was throwed pine 
pole and all into the water. poor willard climed out of the water and 
the crowd laughed and laughed and then ever willard cheered up knowing 
it was over now and Wilma she don,t  cheer up as soon as willard , but 
at last she broke a grin and calmed down,, folks shook  hands with each 
other and laughed and huged necks it was now a most grand day here in 
Muddy Fork country because knott had been tied and another lonely man 
has followed the command of the lord for his word said” it is not good 
that man should be alone..pa looked at Mammy as we he  drove our wagon 
and mule team toward home Mercy sakes alive i cannot believe that we 
pull it off that wilma is a site of a woman .. and she is a good soul 
she has that mountain fighting spirit... and i do think willard has got 
his a big heap of a woman there,, so once again grandpa old saying has 
come true all is well that ends well..........THE END


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