The Orangeman's Visit (standard:fairy tales, 4387 words)
Author: J.A. Aarntzen	Added: Oct 18 2005	Views/Reads: 4414/2683	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Jack O'Lantern visits four young elves at the North Pole.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

“Have a piece of pie, Jack?” Hum offered.  “It is pumpkin.” 

I shunned Hum for his rudeness.  I said, “Hum, Master O'Lantern has not
had supper yet.  We can't offer him dessert until he has had supper.” 

Then to our guest I said “Would you like supper, Master O'Lantern?  May
I call you Jack?” 

“Yes, you may and yes, please!  Without being rude may I ask you what
supper may be?” 

“It is Irish stew, Jack.” 

“Irish stew and pumpkin pie.  Two of the most divine dishes to grace the
palates of mortals.  It seems that you knew that I was coming!” 

Hum retrieved a stone bowl from the cupboard.  Kiddo fetched a wooden
spoon.  I dished out a hearty helping of the good stew that Diddo had 
cooked. 

Jack O'Lantern seated himself at our table.  He chose Kiddo's chair.  I
don't think that Kiddo cared for this because the big ear-to-ear grin 
shrank to borders less broad than his nose. 

Jack slurped the Irish stew noisily in a fashion that would have
irritated little old ladies who always fuss about table manners.  I 
know that it bothered me a little but who could complain when you saw 
the great satisfaction upon Master O'Lantern's face.  It seemed that 
with every gulp of Diddo's goulash, the redness in the boy's cheek 
would lighten.  The viands were washing the cold out of him.  Anybody 
who has ever cooked a meal for another person would know the 
satisfaction you feel when you see somebody enjoying the food that you 
prepared.  Not that I prepared it, it was Diddo who did the slaving 
over the stove.  But it was a meal that was created in my house and I 
could not help but take a pride in knowing that my home produced such a 
sublime dinner. 

At any rate, in no time at all, young Jack had finished his first bowl
of stew.  His chubby cheeks were no longer red.  They had now become as 
orange as his hair and as orange as his suit.  These were as orange as 
an orange. 

Then, I had no doubt what kind of person we had as a guest.  Jack
O'Lantern was a veritable, genuine Orangeman.  I heard about Orangemen 
before but I had never believed that they existed.  But as you know, 
many would say the same about me.  Many would say that elves do not 
exist.  They would say that they are not real. Yet an elf I be and I do 
not doubt that I do exist.  And Jack O'Lantern, an Orangeman he be and 
by the way that he consumed the broth, there could not be any doubt 
that he be as real as me. 

I said onto Master O'Lantern, “Jack, would you care for more stew?” 

“Oh, I do!  I do!” the Orangeman said onto me. 

Another bowl we did give to him.  And then another.  And then another
again. 

He undid the big, bronze buckle to his black belt and undid his trouser
button.  His tummy swelled out like a bullfrog ready to ribbet.  Young 
Jack O'Lantern was not only an Orangeman but he too was a fat boy as 
plump as any jolly elf.  To us, he said, “There!  Now I have room for 
the luscious dessert that waits for me!” 

Kiddo and Diddo, Hum and I all regaled with laughter as we gladly carved
our guest a huge wedge of pumpkin pie.  Jack O'Lantern devoured this 
slice in no time flat.  With his orange glowing eyes, he told us that 
he could eat more if we would be so kind as to oblige him.  We were 
happy to serve him since it is so rare for us to have guests at this 
time of the year. 

It wasn't until he had finished the entire pie and most of the next when
Jack O'Lantern said onto us, “Food must be hard to come by when you 
live so far north.” 

Our shoulders went up in shrugs.  Jack O'Lantern was right but we did
not want him to feel that he and his epic appetite had slighted us. 

“You are a kind lot, Hum, Ho, Diddo and Kiddo.  You have done me a
goodly deed.  I have not eaten so well nor so heartily in many days.  
Burp!  Excuse me!  I must learn to mind my manners.  Is there any more 
of that delicious and delightful pumpkin pie?” 

For an elf, Kiddo can be very impolite.  In the past we have scolded him
for his brashness and bravado but it never seemed to do any good.  He 
will always remain rude for an elf.  When Master O'Lantern asked for 
more pie, Kiddo blurted, “”Oh, come now Jack!  How much pie can you 
eat?” 

I admonished Kiddo for his ill manners.  Hum placed the last piece of
pumpkin pie on the Orangeman's plate while Diddo refilled his stone mug 
with warmed goat's milk. 

Jack O'Lantern did not deign an answer to Kiddo's rude remark and I was
thanked.  The Orangeman smacked his lips with each bite and there was a 
sunny glow coming from his eyes.  Jackie O' appreciated a square meal. 

“That was a divine dessert, dear elves!” he said while his fingers
rappatapped against his hard, swollen orange belly. 

“We are glad that you liked it,” I said for me and the other three. 

It was Hum who asked how long it had been since Master Jack had last had
a meal.  “Three this afternoon.” Jack said to all of our dismay for it 
was now only a quarter of six. 

“How could you eat so much so soon?” Kiddo rudely cried with
astonishment. 

Jack did not give Kiddo an answer but he did say to me, “That's a fine
looking cot, Ho.”  He was referring to the dusty, old chesterfield that 
we kept along the wall under the picture window.  “Do you mind if I 
take a brief nap?  I can stand for a little sleep.” 

“If you can stand for a little sleep, why do you need the chesterfield?”
Hum asked and then added, “It is for sitting and lying.” 

“It is only an expression,” Diddo said to Hum. 

“So is a happy face and I want our guests to always have one. Go ahead,
young Jack, take yourself a nap.  You must be tired after your long 
walk.”  I bowed to our visitor. 

Jack O'Lantern thanked me for my courtesy and then proceeded to lie down
on the chesterfield in front of the picture window.  In the fewest of 
seconds, young Jack was sawing lumber in Dreamland. 

It wasn't until the next morning, after Kiddo and Diddo, Hum and I had
arisen from our own visits to Dreamland, that the Orangeman did wake 
up. 

“Good morning Jack!” we did say onto him and he said onto us, “Good
morning Ho.  Good morning Hum.  Good morning Diddo.  Kiddo.” 

“Would you like some breakfast Jack?” 

“Please!” he did say.  “I find it very hard to get started in the
morning if I do not put a little something under my belt.” 

“What would you be hankering for Jack?  We have everything that you may
desire except for fresh honey.  It seems that our bees have flown 
away!” 

“I'm sorry to hear that, Ho, for in the morning my tooth does run sweet.
 I did have a hankering for toasted oats drenched in goat's milk with 
lots and lots of honey.  But don't look so glum, Hum.  I am still easy 
to satisfy!  I'll be more than happy to take whatever you have got.” 

I said to Hum, who way on cooking detail that day, “Hum, fry up Master
O'Lantern some eggs and grill him up some French toast.” 

“Mais oui, mais oui!” young Jack said with enthusiastic zest.  “A
Frenchman's breakfast is the only way to start the day!  Vive Napoleon! 
 Vive la France!  And if you have some ham or bacon, don't be shy to 
offer it for I would certainly not decline!” 

By this time Kiddo was beside himself with pent-up anger.  “He's going
to eat us out of house and home!”  Kiddo did rant. 

“Then we will think of this as a picnic breakfast!” Diddo whispered
crossly to Kiddo. 

Kiddo grumbled some more but Hum, Diddo and I did not give him a listen.
 We were far too concerned about satisfying our guest rather than to be 
bothered by Kiddo's griping. 

Although Nicholas, I must say that I was secretly hoping that Jack would
tell us a little something about himself.  I did not know much about 
Orangemen other than they have orange hair, orange skin and liked 
orange clothes.  And as you know, Nicholas, that is not knowing much 
about a person. 

We did make Jack O'Lantern a breakfast unlike any breakfast any of us
have ever known before.  We fixed him French toast, brown toast, white 
toast, toasted muffins, toasted tarts, and toasted oats without honey.  
We gave him sunny side-up eggs, just-behind-the-clouds eggs, browned 
eggs, eggs'n'bacon, eggs'n'beans, scrambled eggs, boiled eggs, eggs 
Benedict, egg salad, egg sandwich, raw eggs and a dozen eggs.  He had 
pancakes.  He had quiche.  He had flapjacks.  He had thin-batter 
pastries.  He had fruit, he had vegetables.  And then he had his meat. 

You name it, Little Nicky, and the Orangeman ate it.  No, he did not eat
us out of house and home like Kiddo thought he might.  But Hum and 
Diddo had to leave our house and home and run to the house and home of 
Lucky the Fox so that we could borrow some of his food.  Luckily for 
us, Lucky was home and he gave us some of that stringy meat that foxes 
are crazy over.  We could not stand the smell of this meat.  It made 
our faces as green as our clothes but when we set the meat in front of 
Master Jack, he ate it with relish.  We had run out of mustard so 
relish had to suffice. 

I have never seen anybody eat as much as Jack O'Lantern.  His belly had
expanded to the size of a bursting balloon.  On several occasions we 
thought that he was going to be sick from the way that his orange eyes 
wallowed in his puffy face.  But he would not turn green, that Jackie 
O'.  He stayed as orange as a carrot. 

Diddo remarked that our guest was more orange than any carrot that we
head in our larder.  He was more orange than any orange that we had 
stored in our fruit cellar.  And Diddo was right.  Nothing was as 
orange as Jack O'Lantern.  Of course, by the time that Diddo had made 
this comment we had no carrots left in our larder, we had no oranges 
remaining in our fruit cellar.  Master Jack had eaten all of them. 

When Jack brought the last forkful of Lucky's stringy meat to his mouth,
his orange eyes were searching the table and vicinity for more food.  
With a heavy heart, I had to say onto him, “Sorry, Jack, but that is 
all that we have for breakfast.” 

Master O'Lantern responded with a big, lusty belch that was as loud of a
noise as ever there was heard on a long, long northern night.  After 
politely excusing himself, the portly Orangeman said, “That was as fine 
a breakfast as I have had in the past week, Ho.  My compliments to the 
chef!  Everything was superb.  I especially enjoyed that last course.  
You must oblige me and let me know from what beast that tender, tasty 
flesh was stripped away from.” 

We had to admit to Jack that we did not know but we promised him that we
would glean the information from Lucky and that we would pass it on to 
him.  It wasn't until many weeks after Jack had left that we learned 
from Lucky the Fox the true nature of that stringy meat.  I shall not 
tell you, Nicholas, what it came from because I am a decent sort.  But 
I swear if Jack O'Lantern knew what he had eaten on that morning, he 
would have gone on a diet to purge his body from that horrible venom.  
Yet we must not be cross with Lucky because he offered the meat to us 
out of kindness and to him that slimy flesh constituted good food. 

“At what time is lunch?” Jack did ask us as he tried to stifle a yawn. 

I replied that we usually ate a light lunch after we completed all of
our morning chores. 

“It seems that work and chores are not afraid of the northern cold.”
Jack said as his eyes started to lose their intriguing glow. 

“Work chases the cold away!” Diddo said with relish.  He placed the
half-empty jar back into the icebox.  “For whenever you do a lot of 
work, you will feel many things but you will never feel cold.” 

“Is that why most iceboxes do not work?” Hum asked.  My little brother
was trying to be funny. 

“You think that you are funny?” Kiddo answered Hum's question with a
question. 

“No, but I am working on it!” 

“Well, your humor is not hot so I don't think that you are working at
it!” Kiddo observed through his nasty eyes and mouth. 

“All this talk of work suggests to me that there are chores to be done,”
Master O'Lantern cut into Hum and Diddo's prattle.  “Is there anything 
you would like me to do?” Jackie O' asked. 

Nicholas, you know as well as I that by the way a person asks a question
you can sometimes tell what kind of answer that person wants to hear 
back.  I knew what Master Jack wanted to hear and because I wanted to 
be a good host I had to oblige him with that answer.  I said, “Don't be 
silly Jack O'Lantern.  No guest in our humble house is expected to help 
out with the chores.  I want you to think that when you come here to 
our place that you are on holiday.  So just sit back Jack and relax!” 

A smile of utter mirth graced Jack's orange face.  “Indeed, you are
masterful hosts, my dear Ho, Hum, Diddo and ...” Before he could say 
Kiddo, our Master O'Lantern had fallen fast asleep.  I guess a heavy 
breakfast can sometimes make you forget all the sleep that you had just 
hours before.  We gingerly carried the snoring fat boy back to the cot 
underneath the big, picture window. 

Now, by nature Kiddo is as lazy as an elf can get.  It usually takes a
fair amount of nudging to get him started at the things he has to do.  
But all of a sudden on this morning of all mornings, Kiddo decided to 
become a dynamo and do all of his chores and the chores that were 
Diddo's, Hum's, and mine.  Kiddo had become like our missing honeybees, 
busy. 

He grabbed all the dirty dishes and carted them as noisily as possible
to the kitchen where he clanged them about in the sink.  As he did this 
he was whistling like a dumb dwarf at labor. 

Diddo and I looked at each other with bewildered and angry faces.  Both
of us began to scold Kiddo for being so rude.  Didn't he know that we 
had a sleeping guest in our home? I suggested that if Kiddo was so 
eager to do something he should go to the market to restock our larder. 


So off to market Kiddo went.  Along with him went Hum and Diddo.  All
three had to go because we needed oodles and oodles of foodles to 
replenish our supplies. 

While they were gone, I sat by myself listening to the steady snore of
Jack O'Lantern.  He was a mystery to me.  The only thing that I knew 
about him was that he liked to eat and to sleep a lot.  And that he was 
as orange as an orange.  I felt that my brothers and I had been good to 
him.  I sincerely hoped that Master Jack was not taking advantage of 
our hospitality.  It is one thing to be kind to someone who deserves it 
but it is being a fool to cater to someone who is just taking our 
niceness for granted.  I didn't think Jack O'Lantern was the kind who 
would take advantage of others.  I only hoped that we would soon give 
Kiddo proof that our young Jack was not a malingerer. 

He slept all morning long, did Jack O', and a few hours into the
afternoon did the eyes of Jack O'Lantern remain shut.  But as soon as 
Kiddo, Diddo and Hum returned from the market with the oodles and 
oodles of foodles, did his glowing orange eyes come open and I knew for 
what they searched. 

“You be hungry again, Jack?” I inquired, amazed at his preposterous
appetite. 

“Aye, I be at that, Ho,” he said onto me. 

“Do you not fear that you shall grow tubby?” Hum asked with his elfin
charm aglow. 

“He is tubby!” our Kiddo cried.  “He's as fat as the whale blubber that
hangs over the Inuits' igloos!” 

Jack O'Lantern was not amused with Kiddo's joust.  He said coolly and
enigmatically as well, “Just like those igloos that you mention, my 
dear elf, my body shall all melt away when the time has come.” 

“Those are odd words that come from you Jackie my boy,” said I.  “If you
have a craving as you say, then I must ask of you what in particular is 
that tummy of yours desiring?” 

“Ho, I don't rightly know.  Name me what you have and from that I may
get an inkling what it is that I'd be wanting.” 

I proceeded to rhyme the items that my three brothers had brought home
from the market.  After each item, be it meat, vegetable or baked good, 
Master O'Lantern replied, “Yes, I'd like to try some of that, if it is 
not too much trouble.” 

Hum, Diddo and I set about the task of preparing our guest a delightful
lunch.  Kiddo did not help because, as you know Nicky, Kiddo doesn't 
have the knack to cook food.  For some odd reason, a fire that Kiddo 
lights never gets hot.  So while the three of us made Master O'Lantern 
his lunch, it was up to Kiddo to entertain our guest. 

As you can guess, this was a big mistake for Kiddo had it in his mind
that Jack O'Lantern was a loafer and Kiddo was the kind of elf that 
gives voice to that which he believes. 

Hum, Diddo and I, even with our elfin ears, could not hear above the
sounds of all the cooking pots that were whistling with a boil in our 
kitchen.  We were unable to hear the harsh words that Kiddo was likely 
to speak towards our good guest, Jack. 

What we did hear was the slam of our front door.  I knew all too well
who was going out into that chilly, breezy Northern autumn afternoon.  
I was outside in a jiffy and I set myself to a begging for Jack 
O'Lantern to come back into our cozy, little elfin abode.  I told him 
that there was a big meal waiting for him and that there was nothing, 
absolutely nothing, that would do my heart more good than to watch the 
Orangeman eat at our dinner table. 

Jack gave me a warm, orange smile.  His glowing eyes twinkled with
sadness but not bitterness.  He said unto me, “Do not be hard on Kiddo 
for he cares foremost for those that are near to him.” 

But at that moment, I was never so angry at Kiddo in all of my life. 
Jack O'Lantern was as fine a guest as has ever graced our northern 
home, yet my ungrateful brother had thrown this good guest out into the 
cold.  All that I wanted to do was to throw Kiddo out into the cold to 
show him what it was like to be on the other side of rudeness.  If it 
had not been for Jack O'Lantern's words I would have done so.  Jack 
O'Lantern had said that Kiddo cares foremost for those that are near to 
him. 

Hum, Diddo and I are the ones that are near to Kiddo.  It is we that
Kiddo cares for.  He did not want us starving over the winter just 
because we wanted to make a guest feel more at home in our home than we 
do ourselves.  I couldn't be angry at Kiddo for caring for us. 

I said onto Jack O'Lantern, “I promise that I will treat Kiddo properly
but he will not go unpunished for being so rude to you, my good friend 
Jack.” 

The Orangeman then said onto me, “The North is not a very cold place
after all Ho!  I came here with my summer garments and yet even though 
the wind may howl, I feel warmth.” 

“Why do you seek the cold Jack?”  I asked upon him, now understanding
something about the glow in his eyes. 

“I seek the cold so that I may warm it up,” he answered.  He tipped his
orange cap at me and winked his glowing eye. 

I suspect that no place remains cool for too long after Jack O'Lantern
has made an appearance.  Somehow he brings out the spirit of giving in 
you.  He makes you understand others. 

I waved goodbye to Jack O'Lantern and returned inside our quaint elfin
home.  I knew Jack was going to be all right and I also knew that there 
was somebody inside who was all right as well even though that somebody 
might need a lesson or two on how to treat a guest. 

There is no need for me to go further because I think that you know what
I mean.  It has already been a very long letter, little Nick, and your 
eyes must be very tired of my handwriting by now.  Oh my goodness, I 
mean my typing.  I forgot that I was typing.  I too must be very tired. 


Be good, Nicholas, although that I know that you cannot be anything
other.  Please think of your elfin friends in the North now and then.  
Don't be afraid to write.  We always enjoy your letters. 

Your good friend, 

Ho 

P.S.   If you come across our honeybees, could you tell them that we
wish that they would come back to us?  We all have sweet teeth and miss 
their honey very much.   H. 


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