Ritalin (standard:Satire, 3175 words)
Author: freerangemike	Added: Mar 24 2005	Views/Reads: 4399/2832	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
I started writing a book 7 years ago. 200+ pages, but not done yet. One of the characters is a Ritalin addict. This is his story.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story


"Don't be so naïve. If parents really wanted to change the system, they
would have a long time ago. Public schools are underfunded. Classrooms 
are overpopulated. Teachers are underpaid and overworked. I'd say the 
parents are getting their desires through loud and clear." 

Always eager to hide her husband's political naivety, Chadd's mom cut
in. "Let's get back to Chadd. If special education is not the answer, 
than what is?" 

"There's a drug, I mean medicine called nilatiR for kids with behavioral
disorder like Chadd." 

"Disorder? I know he acts up sometimes, but he's a boy. How is his
behavior a disorder?" 

"We administered a test. Chadd scored in the 50th percentile, which
means he has about a 70% chance of having attention disorder, depending 
on which doctor you ask. See, the hard part about diagnosing attention 
disorders is that there is no objective way of telling if a boy has it 
or not. We feel its better to err on the side of him having it if his 
schoolwork is below average." 

"So, nilatiR is for kids whose schoolwork is below average?" 

"No, it actually helps everyone, but it's meant for kids with attention
disorder. Our education system is about making everyone the same; we 
can't allow some kids to become smarter, for that would undermine our 
system. So, even if Chadd doesn't have attention disorder, it certainly 
won't hurt anything to give him this behavior-altering drug, I mean 
medicine. And because it's such a subjective determination, we can 
always find a doctor who will diagnose Chadd as having an attention 
disorder." 

"How does it work?" asked Chadd's mom. 

"It allows boys to concentrate. Besides that, no one really knows how it
works or what it does. Basically, it makes a hyperactive kid somewhat 
catatonic, so that he can concentrate on studies." 

"Are there any side effects?" 

"A few, but they aren't any big deal. In fact, they are actually
beneficial. See, when children begin taking these drugs, I mean 
medicine, they can't sleep as much at night, which lets them stay up 
and do more homework. The drug, I mean medicine, also reveals latent 
tics within the boy's personality. These are little spasms. You know, 
things like excessive blinking or head turning. Without this drug, I 
mean medicine we would never know the tic existed. No signs of it would 
ever surface, and the child might live a long normal life, never 
realizing that he had a problem with incessant sniffling or throat 
clearing. It seems many boys are able to keep these tics from popping 
up. But with the help of this drug, I mean medicine, the tics actually 
develop, so we can prescribe other drugs, I mean medicine, to help 
suppress the tic. So, instead of the boy suppressing a tic for his 
entire life, the drugs, I mean, medicine will allow him to suppress the 
tic for his entire life." 

"That sounds reasonable. I didn't even realize Chadd wasn't clearing his
throat too much. But if this drug, I mean medicine, shows that he 
hasn't been clearing his throat too much, it is comforting as a parent 
that we find other drugs, I mean medicine, that will help him to no 
longer not clear his throat too much and also help him to not clear his 
throat too much at the same time. It would be just like before he 
started taking the drugs, I mean medicine, except now he would be doing 
the same things with the drugs, I mean medicine." Chadd's dad was 
becoming more convinced. 

Chadd's mom still had some questions though. "What about long term? Are
there long term effects of nilatiR?" "They really haven't done any 
studies on that yet. But don't worry. There are about 5 million other 
boys already taking this drug, I mean medicine. Surely the government 
wouldn't allow us to systematically poison our young males." 

"'Males', why did you say 'males'?" asked Chadd's mom. 

"It turns out that an inability to pay attention is, scientifically
speaking, a disease that only targets males. About 80% of kids with 
this disease are male, and we suspect the others are just faking it, 
are really boys, or are just statistical outliers." 

"Well that makes sense," said Chadd's father. "And if the government
approves it, then it must not be addictive, like that Cocaine stuff we 
read about." 

"Well actually it is," stated Miss Nosis. "Laboratory tests show in
equivalent doses and purity, nilatiR acts almost the same as Cocaine. 
Rats and monkeys become addicted to nilatiR and Cocaine at exactly the 
same rates. But that's irrelevant, because nilatiR is good. If someone 
were addicted to eating healthy foods or thinking, would you complain? 
No, the truth is, cocaine is like nilatiR, but instead of restricting 
all of your imaginative thoughts, it simply makes you feel good. In the 
schools, we are wary of anything that allows children to feel good. And 
you can't argue with the fact it works. Look, we wouldn't be giving our 
kids drugs, I mean medicine, unless they worked. The effectiveness of 
nilatiR lets us overlook all of the scary things it actually does." 

"But the DEA approves of it, right?" 

"Yes, well sort of. Like cocaine, it's actually a schedule II drug, I
mean medicine. But the manufacturer is trying to get it removed from 
that list. Congress is waiting for a bigger bribe, but that's just 
Congress." 

"I don't know," said Chadd's mom. "Kids are supposed to goof off. It's
part of being a kid. If we start drugging, I mean medicining our kids 
to change their behavior, are we interfering with their normal 
childhood development? Are we teaching kids that drugs, I mean 
medicine, is a quick fix? Are we making physiological changes within 
their body that will prevent them from being able to focus their mind 
without the drugs? Are we preventing them from learning the discipline 
to focus their brains themselves? Are we preventing them from learning 
the discopline to focus their brains themselves? Are we preventing them 
from learning the discipline to focus their brains themselves? Are we 
preventing them from learning the discipline to focus their brains 
themselves? I just don't like the idea of giving my child a 
personality-altering drug, I mean medicine, while that personality is 
in its most influential developing stages." 

"Then let's consider the alternative. Chadd's teachers cannot tolerate
his behavior in our classrooms. Behavior like his is grounds for 
suspension. The government requires Chadd to be enrolled in school 
until he is 18. So, if he is suspended from school, you can either quit 
your job and home school him or send him to an expensive private 
school, which will also not tolerate his behavior. But I don't want 
this to sound like a threat, just the normal coercive pressure that 
teachers place on parents. And to help you out, there is a special 
organization called STUPAD, STUdents and Parents with Attention 
Disorders. They have some interesting propaganda to explain why kids 
aren't smart enough to make decisions on their own. That's why they 
have parents in the first place. I'll give you their number, and you 
can speak with other parents who are helping their kids improve by 
giving them drugs, I mean medicine." 

"Okay, we'll talk to them. Anything if it will help Chadd assimilate
into our inadequate public education system." Chadd's parents spoke 
with STUPAD. It turns out STUPAD had chapters throughout the country, 
and had an extremely close association with teachers and the makers of 
nilatiR. That turned out to be extremely important to Chadd's parents. 
It was so nice to find an organization of parents that was so well 
informed about drugs, I mean medicine, and teachers. Of course, STUPAD 
never told Chadd's parents that they received $900,000 of financial 
support from the makers of nilatiR. The few teachers who opposed the 
use of this drug, I mean medicine obviously did not care about the 
education of children. These teachers were the glory hounds. They only 
taught school for the long summer vacations, the comfortable lifestyle, 
and the feeling of superiority that comes from working with small 
children. These rubble rousers were soon weeded out of the public 
education system by principals. (Although principals are the dictators 
in the regressive school political environment, they are the 
benefactor-type of dictator.) So, the next week, Chadd began taking 
nilatiR. After one week, Chadd asked if he had to take it. Evidently, 
the drug, I mean the medicine, made him feel like someone else. His 
parents told him that was a good thing, and that he probably didn't 
know how he was supposed to feel about himself anyway. 

After two weeks, there was no change in his behavior. Except that he
developed a latent tic of clenching his jaw together. Well, actually, 
he always had the latent tic of clenching his jaw together, he had just 
never done it before. See, deep down inside of Chadd was an impulse to 
continually clench his jaw together. Obviously, until he began taking 
nilatiR, he had simply suppressed that impulse. Once Chadd started on 
nilatiR, the tic was revealed. The doctors quickly prescribed another 
drug, I mean medicine. This one helped Chadd out immensely; it allowed 
Chadd to suppress his tic so that he would not continually clench his 
jaw together. Just so long as we give credit to nilatiR for exposing 
the tic, not the blame for causing it. But anyway, after two weeks, 
Chadd's school behavior had still not improved. 

Chadd's parents called their doctor only to find out that the drug, I
mean medicine often takes up to six weeks to see results. After six 
weeks, there still had been no change in his behavior. Except that 
Chadd had stopped growing, lost his appetite and was unable to sleep 
well at night. These too were seen as positive effects. It is estimated 
that more than 50% of our country's children have developed lifestyles 
that will lead to obesity. NilatiR had helped fight that trend. Chadd's 
parents liked the fact that he was no longer growing too, because it 
meant his clothes would last longer. (The cost of all of the drugs, I 
mean medicine that Chadd was using these days was starting to become 
cumbersome.) And Chadd's lack of sleep at night was a result of Chadd's 
overactive mind. NilatiR had awoken a sleeping mental giant inside of 
Chadd. To help quiet that giant, Chadd's parents got a prescription for 
sleeping pills, I mean sleeping medicine, to help him get the rest his 
ungrowing body needed. But anyway, after six weeks, Chadd's school 
behavior had still not improved. Chadd's parents called their doctor 
again. This time, the doctor explained that dosage was very difficult 
to figure out with nilatiR. He recommended upping the dosage. 

Two months later, Chadd's eardrum had heeled. His performance in school
made a complete turnaround. His parents and teacher thought, "Boy, that 
nilatiR has finally kicked in." And, to his parents' relief, he didn't 
fight taking his drugs, I mean medicine anymore. In fact, he was taking 
more than he was supposed to. His parents thought that was because 
Chadd was showing more ambition to learn. And, to be honest, the 
nilatiR really did help Chadd focus more. Unfortunately, the thing he 
became so focused on was getting more nilatiR. Soon, Chadd was hitting 
up his friends for their nilatiR. Then summer vacation hit. In 
accordance with the manufacturer's recommendation, Chadd's parents 
stopped giving him drugs, I mean medicine over the summer. They call 
this a drug holiday, I mean medicine holiday. Chadd started going 
through serious withdrawal. 

One of his friends, who was also hooked on, I mean benefiting from,
nilatiR, gave him some methylphenidate to try. Methylphenidate is very 
similar to cocaine. It alters the same three neurotransmitters, and is 
just as addictive. And best of all, a lot of unknowing parents buy 
methylphenidate for their kids, not even realizing how dangerous it is, 
making it free and readily available to kids. Soon, Chadd and his 
friend were grinding up the methylphenidate tablets into powder and 
snorting it. One day, an older kid from the local high school 
substituted cocaine for methylphenidate. It satisfied Chadd's physical 
need for the drug, I mean medicine, and made him feel better than the 
nilatiR or methylphenidate. Soon, Chadd had quickly traded an addiction 
to his good drugs, I mean medicine for an addiction to cocaine. Now, 
before you get scared or upset, the only real change was in the public 
perception of the two drugs, I mean medicines, I mean medicine and 
drug. Of course, cocaine is a lot harder to get, especially for a child 
who has an attention disorder. Soon, Chadd had traded in all of his 
Playstation games for money to support his medicine habit. When he was 
completely out of money, Chadd decided to go down to Mexico, where 
drugs were a lot cheaper. After roaming aimlessly around Ciudad Acuna 
for a couple of days, Chadd realized that he didn't speak Spanish, and 
more importantly, cocaine wasn't free, even if it was cheaper than in 
the US. No, what Chadd needed was a free supply of the drugs, like he 
got back home. He went back into Texas and began hanging around the 
summer school in Del Rio. Chadd found that all he had to do was act 
hyper and the nurses would practically force him to take the drugs, I 
mean medicine. However, after a couple of days, the nurses realized 
that he wasn't a new student but just a junkie. Chadd had worn out his 
welcome. But it had worked for a couple of days here, so he figured he 
could try it again in another town. He would simply have to travel 
around, getting fixes, I mean treatments at elementary schools wherever 
he went. That's when he ran into the Way of the Susie. Using his nimble 
nilatiR-trained brain, Chadd reasoned that he could travel around with 
the Way of the Susie. He even figured that because this was a 
newly-formed religious group, he might even convince them that 
methylphenidate or even cocaine should be part of their communion 
sacrament. Chadd set about on his mission. Meanwhile, back in Dallas, 
Chadd's parents became very concerned for Chadd. The school year was 
approaching and if Chadd didn't get enrolled soon, his parents were 
facing fines and possible imprisonment.


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