Sick Sad Girl (standard:drama, 5472 words)
Author: Freya Love	Added: Oct 23 2004	Views/Reads: 3836/2489	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A journey of a giril named Peta. That changed her life and opened her eyes forever.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

relationship, starts making me feel sad and unappreciated. When we 
sleep in the bed together, he sleeps with his back towards me. He 
stopped holding my hand, and he kisses me like someone kisses there 
mother. They may seem like little things to some people. But to me, 
Eric not doing these things makes me feel unloved. So I start to ask 
for advice. I go to nurses, assistants, therapists, and friends. They 
all say I should leave him. I decide to move in with Renee or Stacey. 
They are understanding and caring. All I will have to do is get a job 
to help with the bills and help keep the house clean. I made up my 
mind. I start to think if I left Eric, I won't have the anxiety or 
depression anymore. He calls me, and I tell him bits of how I feel. It 
will be better if we split up. Eric is upset and crying. I feel so bad 
I start to cry. But I feel unappreciated, and it seems like he talks 
down to me, treats me like I'm stupid, and acts like I'm a kid. 

September 24, 2004 

About 5 days before I'm getting out. A new patient, Kevin is brought to
Spring Hill. He does not talk at first. He is pissed off at first. 
Later he tells me he died, and it's a nice and dark peaceful place with 
no pain. The doctors brought him back to life. He kept on saying that 
he just wanted to die. That's when he was brought to the Spring Hill. 
Kevin was Baker Acted. His daughters, Kristin and Tairrie were so 
scared he would try to kill himself, and succeed. So Kevin is put in 
the Spring Hill for about a week, to get his mind and meds straight. 

The next day he hears me talking to Renee, Stacey, and Maxx about snakes
and lizards. He sits down next to me, and starts talking about lizards 
and snakes. Kevin tells me he once owned a pet store in Tampa. We start 
to talk about different things. It's very cool. Kevin is a very smart 
and interesting guy. We get to talk more when we go out for smoke 
break. I notice when he talks he has an accent. It kind of sounds 
British. But I do not want to assume he is from England. Plus Kevin is 
too tan to be from there. The British live in the cold and rain, so 
they're pretty pale. Unlike Kevin,who is very tan. He looks like an 
Native American, with his pretty brown long hair with blond streaks. 
Anyway he tells me he was born in South Africa. Very Cool. I go to bed 
the happiest I felt in along time, because I have met someone 
interesting and a person I can relate to. 

Kevin, My Soul Mate 

The next 2 or 3 days Kevin starts hanging out with Renee, Stacey, Maxx
and I. He hangs out mostly with me. When we eat meals he sits by me, 
when we have our smoke breaks he is right by my my side. As we speak, 
it's amazing. I get to know how smart he is and how much we have in 
common. I start thinking what a sincere, caring, nice, and intelligent 
person he is. I start to have feelings for him. He's 48, but I do not 
give a fuck. I think Kevin and I are brought there for a reason, so we 
can meet and be together. 

One night when Kevin was not around Renee pulls me to the side, and
tells me Kevin told her he has feelings for me. That makes me so happy 
to hear. 

The next day, my back is killing me. It hurts so bad I actually cry.
Kevin sees that, and when we go on smoke break he massages my back. It 
feels very nice. It starts raining and gets cold. He moves to the side 
and lets me snuggle up next to him. It feels so nice. I have not 
snuggled with a man in a long time. 

Later on, Kevin sneaks into my room. I'm laying down, because I'm in
pain. My back is hurting again. He sits on my bed and gives me another 
back massage. Then Kevin leans over and holds me in his arms. I can 
tell, he really has feelings for me. It feels so right. He tells me he 
will be leaving soon. So I spend all the time I can with Kevin. It is 
so sweet. We play footsies, brush up against each other when we pass in 
the hallway, we are always touching each other. But in a way the nurses 
can not not see it. They will yell at us if they see it. Stacey gets to 
go home the next day. Renee, Theo, Kevin, and I get her phone number so 
we can keep in touch. Kevin will be also leaving later that day. I 
start to feel sad. I think I will not see him or talk to him again. 
Before he leaves he gives me his phone number and address. He promises 
he will call and visit Renee and I when we get into the Release unit. 
It's a 30 day program. Where we get more therapy and coping skills to 
help us with our mental illness. 

When we are on smoke break, a doctor comes out and tells Kevin he can
leave. He does not leave until he gives me a hug and a kiss. Just that 
makes me know I will hear from him and see him again. 

The Great Escape 

Renee is accepted into the Release program. I'm so happy for her. She
wants to get better, and she knows that will help her. A day or so 
later, my doctor comes up to me and tells me my insurance will not 
cover it. So I'll be released the next day. Even though I told him and 
the nurses, if I go home right now. I would harm or even kill myself. I 
become friends with a very nice girl Bettie. She knows the whole story. 
Bettie is getting out the same day as me, and she says I could come 
stay with her. When I'm getting ready to be released the nurse finds 
out our plans and will not let me go home with her. I have to go to a 
shelter by bus or get my own ride to there. 

Kevin is outside waiting for me. We are going to spend the day together,
then he'll drop me off at Bettie's. So I make a plan. I tell the nurse 
I have my own ride, David a friend of the family. Kevin comes into the 
lobby to pick me up. He wears a hat, his hair is tucked up in his hat, 
and he has sunglasses on so no one will recognize him. The receptionist 
calls up to where I'm at and tells the head nurse my ride is here. The 
head nurse walks me to the lobby. She does not recognize Kevin. So me 
and him leave with no problem. I decide I do not want to go to Bettie's 
that will not be the be thing for me. I ask Kevin if I can spend the 
night with him, then call Stacey in the morning to stay with her. She 
said if I needed to I was welcome to stay with her. But that changes, 
he talks his daughter Tairrie and her boyfriend Chino into letting me 
stay. All they ask is for Kevin and I to get jobs. Which is reasonable. 
If you live with someone, you have to contribute money for food and 
bills. 

I'm going to fuck you all night long 

Later that night, about 11 pm. We go to lay down to go bed. I start
kissing Kevin. He starts rubbing on me, and playing with me. He gets 
horny and wants to fuck. I tell him if we're going to, he has to wear a 
condom. I tell him straight up I'm on no birth control. We go to the 
Shell gas station to pick up condoms. He says he's done with having 
kids, so that makes him willing to wear a condom. Even though he hates 
them. The last time I hade sex was along time ago. I'm like damn. I 
play with him for a while, even give him a blow job. But with a condom 
on, which feels weird. So I just play with him until he gets hard. 
Before we have sex, he plays with me some more, and goes down on me. I 
don't know how long we have sex. I think it's the best sex I had in a 
long time. Maybe because I have not had sex in 7 months. Well, anyway I 
have multiple orgasms that night. It is mind blowing. When Kevin and I 
are done, he says at night he can go all night long. But if he does not 
have any the night before, in the morning it only takes minutes for him 
to get off. The sex is amazing. We do it every day, between 2 or 3 
times a day. Sometimes more. His voice is sexy. Kevin talks to me when 
we have sex. He says "I'm going to fuck you all night long". Just that 
makes me orgasm. It is just amazing. After we have sex, I'm still 
breathing heavy for hours. 

A Witch is born 

He finds a job. He is working for a temp agency. Before he goes to work
the first day. Kevin and I sit on the porch and spend some time 
together. I wear a pentagram with a snake around it. I do not want 
anything bad to happen to him. So I let him wear it. It's been on me 
for a long time, I know it has all my strength and protective energy in 
it. I do a little spell to it also, before I give it to him. A 
protection spell. It works he comes home that night unharmed and safe. 
I thank the gods and goddesses. Another night he goes to get food from 
Wendy's. It was weird, I can see the police are near him. I use my 
energy to keep them away from him. 5 minutes later he is home. He tells 
me the cops were at the gas station and Wendy's. The exact places I 
seen them at in my mind. So the magick I did worked, because Kevin is 
back home, safe, and with me. Again ,another day I sit on his bed in 
the lotus position. I breathed in positive energy in, negative energy 
out. While I'm doing it I think about Kevin. I'm doing magick to get 
rid of all the negative energy inside of him. It works. All the 
negativity he has around him begins to lessen. 

Before I left him and went back to Eric, I say he can keep my pentagram
for protection and something to remember me by. I have something to 
remember Kevin by too. A jelly bracelet he let me have. Every time I 
look at it, I'll think of him and pray he's ok. 

Living like Sid And Nancy 

I care deeply about Kevin. But the lifestyle he lives is too fast for
me. Eric and I plan ahead and live day by day. Kevin lives minute to 
minute. Which got scary. I never know what is going to happen next, if 
I'm going to be alive or dead. 

One day he takes me to a drug dealers house to collect the money this
bitch owes him. If she does not have that he will make a deal instead 
of money. She can give him Xanax. He knows I was having withdraw, so he 
wants to get the Xanax. Because he sees I'm having seizures and liquid 
is coming out of my mouth. After while that goes away. But that day 
before he went to the drug dealers house. Kevin drives me around and 
trys to find a pay phone, so I can tell Eric I was ok. I'm shaking and 
crying the whole time. I call Eric but I get the answering machine. I 
leave a message saying I was ok, and I'll call him later or tomorrow. 
Then we go to the drug dealers house. He goes inside and I wait in the 
car. But the whole time I'm thinking what the fuck am I doing sitting 
in front of a drug dealer's house. This is not me. But maybe I'm doing 
it because I love Kevin. So it's true love is blind. 

The Gods and Goddesses work in mysterious ways. Kevin and I are sitting
on the porch. He says I can get a job being an exotic dancer. He tells 
me I can make $500 to $1,000 a week. I think it is a good idea. We 
really need the money. We can give his daughter money for living with 
her, pay his tickets off, and get our own place. I tell him he will not 
have to work if I get money like that. All he will have to do is give 
me a ride to and from work, and stay there and watch me to make sure 
I'm safe. We look in the newspaper, and there's an opening for a dancer 
at Class Act. So we drive there. We walk in, and the manager cards me 
right away. We tell him we'd get the ID and we'll be back. He is pretty 
cool with that. 

We go to his daughter Kristin's house so I could call Eric. Get him to
mail me my ID, So I can get the job at Class Act. But when I get on the 
phone with Eric, I can tell how sad he is without me. I can tell then 
how much he loves me. Especially when he tells me he'll pick me up 
right now. I tell Kevin, he is very understanding. Kevin is even cool 
to Eric and gives him directions. He knows the life we are living is 
too fast for me, and I need to be somewhere stable. So no matter what 
others say I know Kevin cares about me. To make a great sacrifice like 
that is hard, but it takes a person that cares about you. Someone that 
only wants the best for you, even if it means letting you go. 

Why does life have to be so fucked up? 

Eric said he'll be there in a hour and a half. So we go to Tairrie's
where Eric is picking me up. At first Kevin is ok with it. Then he gets 
really depressed. He says "Life's fucked up, why do I have to lose you, 
the best thing that has ever happened to me?" He cries the whole way to 
Tairrie's. When we get there we sit on the porch. The tears are pouring 
like crazy. It breaks my heart to see him so sad. Then he starts saying 
"I just want to die", over and over again. There is no way I can let 
him die, I care about him too much to let that happen. Kevin gets up 
out the chair, and says he wants to take a walk. He thinks that will 
make him feel better. So we walk to the pond behind the apartments. 
When we get to the pond, Kevin looks at it for a minute or so. Then he 
sits in front of a tree. All the sudden he lays down on the ground, 
like he does not care if dies right there. Kevin starts saying "I just 
want to die, It's nice, dark, peaceful, and there's no pain." Somehow I 
get him up and take him back to the apartment. He sits on the porch, 
and I get my stuff together. After I get my stuff together I go back on 
the porch. Kevin is still crying. He said he wants to go in and lay 
down. I want him to stay by me to make sure he will be safe. Then he 
says "I'll kick Eric's ass when he gets here". So I let him go lay 
down, maybe he'll have a clear mind, and feel better when he wakes up. 
He is pretty drunk, so I think resting will sober him up. 

Good Bye My Love, Kevin 

Eric is there in a hour and a half. I put my bags in his dad's trunk.
Pop drove him there to make sure he'll be ok. Before I leave I tell 
Eric I have to check on Kevin to make sure he is ok, and say goodbye to 
him. Eric does a really nice thing. He gives me $30 to give to Kevin. I 
give Kevin the money, give him a kiss, and tell him I love him. He 
wakes up in better shape. He gives me a hug and a kiss before I walk 
out the door. He says he wants to meet Eric. They are pretty cool to 
each other. Eric shakes Kevin's hand and thanks him for talking care of 
me. Kevin tells him "You have a really special girl here, take care of 
her. Peta's been a great friend to me." Before I leave I ask Kevin if 
he'll be ok. If he does not seem right, I'm going to take him to the 
hospital. There is no way I'm going to walk away and let him die. Kevin 
tells me he'll be ok. I can feel he is telling the truth. He will be 
ok. 

The Demons Inside Me 

The Aftermath 

The monster has been awaken. This is the tale of I, Peta. A drug addict.
I feel like the only way I can take away the emotional pain is through 
alcohol, snorting Oxycontin, Oxycodon, Xanax and any other pills I can 
get high off. 

Happy to be home 

Hi, It's me Peta. I'm here to tell you the aftermath of my experience.
On the way home Friday night, Eric, his Dad, and I stop at McDonald's 
to get dinner. It's so nice to eat a real meal for a change. I have not 
hade a real meal in a week, except for the dinner from Wendy's Kevin 
picked us up. Basically we lived off of soda, water, and peanut butter 
sandwiches. So the meal I'm eating now is a delight. After we finish 
our dinner, all of get back into the car. Eric snuggles with me. I feel 
so nice and safe. I fall asleep for awhile. Then I wake up, to see 
we're almost home. It will take a half a hour to get home. When we get 
home, I jump out of the car. I look at our house and yard as I enter 
the yard. My dogs Mary Kate and Ashley, jump on me and give me kisses. 
It makes me so happy they remember me. Eric walks up to the porch, and 
we both enter our house. Our cats Neo, Salem, and Midget great me. My 
babies are so glad to see me. It's so great to be home with Eric, and 
all my babies. I know you may think it's weird, but I always call my 
animals my babies. They're like children to me. 

Time to talk 

That night Eric and I just sit around in the living room, play with our
babies and watch tv. Eric tells me, he has taken the next 2 days off. 
So we can talk about what happened and figure out our problems. He 
tells me he is sorry for making me feel unloved and unappreciated. For 
now on he will do everything he can to make me happy. Eric truley loves 
me, and does not want to lose me again. 

Later that night, my back starts to hurt me. Eric can tell, and he gives
me an Oxycodon to relieve the pain. He asks me if I'd like a back 
massage, and I say yes. So we go into the bedroom and he gives me a 
nice massage. Eric puts some lotion on my back. My muscles start 
relaxing and I feel much better. After that we go back into the living 
room. I snuggle up to him and we watch tv for awhile. About 12 we go to 
bed and go to sleep. That night I slept the best I have in weeks. 
Because now I feel the safest I have felt in along time. 

Eric and I wake up to a beautiful Saturday morning. Sunny and nice and
warm. Since I started to get my medicines I needed back into my system, 
I feel 100% better. I'm shaking less, I feel less nervous, and I feel 
much happier that I did when I first got home last night. I feel like 
this is going to a great day. 

Eric and I head over to Pop and Carrie's house for lunch. Everyone is so
happy to see that I'm home and I'm safe and happy. Eric's little sister 
Krystal, runs up to me and hugs me and gives me a kiss. Eric grabs a 
seat at the kitchen table. I give hugs to Carrie, Pop, and Pop Pop. 
They said anytime I need to talk, they'll be here for me. It feels so 
nice to have people that support me and only want me to be healthy 
again. Then I also sit down to eat lunch. Lunch is delicious. We have 
friend chicken and fried potatoes from Winn-Dixie. After everyone 
finished lunch, Eric and I go over to our house. So we can start 
talking about my feelings, his feelings, and what happened to me. I 
told him the things he did and how the way they made me feel. He 
thought for awhile, and realized he did those things. For things to 
work we have to work on these issues, and communication. My big flaw is 
lack of communication. All though my life I kept things in. I need to 
stop that and become more open with Eric. Just by doing that, things 
became allot better. 

Over the next week things were great, I start to hang out with Krystal,
Cairrie, Pop, and Pop, Cathy and I become friends, go out to lunch, 
walk around the mall, and talk on the phone, I play with my babies, I 
start writing stories, and keeping the house clean. Taking my meds 
right, and keeping my ming busy. Things like that keep me happy and 
have a clear mind. I'm so happy that Eric's learning to appeciate me, 
and it feels great that I'm starting to feel much better. 

Eric and I fool around one night. I give him a blow job, that is very
enjoyable for him. He plays with me like no one has ever. I'm having so 
many orgasms. I've lost count. My pussy is so wet. It's out of this 
world. When we are both pleased, we go have a cigarette and watch tv. 

Take away the pain 

The past week and 2 days went by great. Then I begin to slip. I love
Eric with all my heart and appreciate everything he's doing for me. But 
I start to think about Kevin, missing him, wondering how he's doing, 
and why I haven't heard from him. I just want the feelings to go away. 
So I start to drink heavy. Then I start to snort Oxycontin, Oxycodone, 
and Xanax. I hate having these feelings, so maybe if I get high. I'll 
stop having these feelings and just be numb. 

Eric becomes suspicious first about the drinking, because I never drank
the way I am in along time. But I told him I just want to have fun. So 
he chills out. One day he sees his bottle of Oxycontin was empty. He 
does not say anything to me. Eric just thinks he took the last 3. But 
in reality I take the 3 to the bathroom, crush them up, and snort them. 
When I no longer have the Oxycontin. I see Eric has a bottle of 
Oxicodon, so I start to sneak them and snort them. Days go by and he 
notices that his pills are almost gone. So he approches me and asks me 
about the Oxycodon. I admit that I was talking them. Eric doesn't get 
angry. But he still needs the pills, so he hides them. He puts them in 
a place where I can't find them, and a spot he only knows about. That 
doesn't keep me from getting high. Eric is getting my refills of 
Ativan, Trileptal, Effexor XR, and Trazadone. Untill I can get a script 
for Xanax XR. 

We both go to the Winn-Dixie to pick up my scrips and some stuff for the
house. When we get home I come up with a plan. I told Eric I could take 
the Ativan untill I can get my Xanax XR. It still has a couple refills. 
I go into the bathroom with the bottle of Xanax. I dump them into my 
purse, and act like I flush them down the toliet. Before I go back into 
the kitchen, I grab the empty Xanax bottle. When I go to the kitchen, I 
trashed the empty bottle. Eric sees what that, and asks me why. I tell 
him so I won't have the temptation of getting high off the Xanax. He 
asks about my other meds, and I tell him I fell like I can't get high 
off them. Eric trust me and allows me to continue to take the meds on 
my own. 

Later that nite I ask him for one more Oxycodon. At first he says no. I
plea, and plea untill he gives in. Eric gives me one Oxycodone. The he 
threws the bottle of empty Oxycodone bottle at me, and says "This is 
how much I care about your health." 

A brand new addiction 

It's Thurday morning, I awake at about 11 am. I take my last 3 Xanax, to
make me feel high and numb because I start feeling sad, and missing 
Kevin again. I wish he was by my side. He would make me feel much 
better. Pop, Cairrie and I went to Winn- Dixie to get my Effexor XR 
that the pharmarcit owes me. I hade to wait till the pharmacist 
finished filling my script untill I could pick it up. So I went and 
pick up the juices that Eric wanted me to pick up. After I go to the 
counter and payed for them, the script was ready. After I pick up my 
script up, I go back and jump into Pop and Cairrie's car. They are 
ready to go, and they drop me off at mine and Eric's house. Where I 
take the rest of the meds I have to take, my Effexor XR, my Trileptal, 
and my Ativan. I'm feeling good right now, but kind of tired. So I'll 
stay up for a bit, then take a little nap. Later on I'll clean the 
house a little more and fix dinner to make Eric happy and proud that I 
got up and did something. 

I'm going to try to stop taking drugs to relieve the emotional pain and
make myself numb. Instead I will use my artistic talents. Writing 
poetry lets me express myself, and gets all my anger and sadness out. 
I'm starting to write short stories that relieves the pain. I'm 
starting to sing to A Perfect Circle, Hole, and other bands. I might 
not be able to sing all that great, but it relieves all the stress. As 
they say practice makes perfect. Once I feel like I'm good, I'll set my 
poetry to songs. Get a band together, and that will be my release. Then 
I'll start to feel much better, drug free. 

Wish me luck 

I'm sure going to need it. I have a tough road in front of me. But I
know I can overcome it, because I'm a survivor.


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