Herth Goes to Heaven (standard:humor, 897 words)
Author: timster	Added: Jul 31 2004	Views/Reads: 3569/2345	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Another road trip...

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

a tuxedo like the rest of us.  Anyway very few humans make it here.  
Mother Teresa in her nun costume, which kind of looks like a tuxedo or 
Jimi Hendrix in his psychedelic tuxedo, because I really groove on his 
music, but not you.”  Man. he has a firm voice. 

“Where exactly am I?” 

“You are an idiot, aren't you.  Why you're in Heaven.”  He doesn't have
to call me names. 

“And sir, who are you?” I ask politely. 

“You moron, I'm God.  I know all and see all.” 

“Ha, you don't know why I'm here.”  Maybe I shouldn't have said that. 

“How dare you!  You are here because the Devil doesn't want you.  You do
remember Hell, don't you Mr. Gilmore”.  I guess he is God. 

Yes, I remember Hell, umm sir.” 

“I would never let a fan of penguin porn into Heaven.” 

“But sir, I'm just helping my wife Helga.  You see she works for the
museum and studies the penguin mating habits in hopes of saving them.” 

“Don't you ever lie to me again.  I know all and see all.  I should just
banish you into purgatory.”  He is to smart for me, didn't buy the 
line. 

“Well sir, they are cute in those tuxedo's.” 

“Silence, no more from you.  Think I'll make it worse than Purgatory,
back to The Falklands with you.” 

“Purgatory must be a nice place.” 

“Damn it Gilmore, shut up.”  Within seconds a bolt of lightning strikes
me. 

“Ouch, that hurt.” 

“There's more were that came from, now shut up.” 

“Yes Mr. God, sir.”  I better keep my mouth shut now; this penguin has
no sense of humor. 

“Herth, Herth, the doctor says you're going to be O.K.” 

“Helga, I saw God, I'm not going to die for a long time, and you should
quit your job.” 

“Anything you say Herth.” 

This has been Herth Gilmore reporting... 


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