Craving Control (standard:drama, 1660 words) [1/4] show all parts
Author: Melissa S. Barron	Updated: Oct 24 2004	Views/Reads: 3713/2481	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Cadhla is an 18 year old girl, just beginning to experience life. However, she feels that she is losing control of everything in her life... men sleeping with her, then leaving by morning, she evens get to the point where her looks and beauty become an ob

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Her first kiss, was the first memory that flashed before her very eyes.
She was only 12 and she was waiting for the bus at the corner of the 
street with a boy, who lived two houses down from her. His name was 
Ryan and he was the school trouble maker, Cadhla despised him, he 
always made fun of people that didn't deserve it, and always found some 
way to make her life a living nightmare! So they just stood there, not 
saying a word, not even one glance at one another. As the bright yellow 
bus pulled up, Ryan turned her around and kissed her on the lips really 
hard and when he was done, he pushed her back, he had made a big scene 
in front of all the kids on the bus. He was screaming,"Cadhla gave me 
my first kiss, thank God I got it finally and by the hottest girl in 
our class!" She didn't know just how to act, she was walking right 
behind him, and all she wanted to do was punch him in the face with all 
her mite. She didn't though and just sucked up all her anger and 
sadness, her face turning red as she got stares from all the kids on 
the bus . . . she just looked down at her feet as she walked to the 
back of the bus to an empty seat, not paying any attention to what Ryan 
was saying. She moved close to the window and hid her face behind a 
book, she didn't read a word of it . . . instead, it was a shield to 
hide the tears that she was crying. She thought her first kiss would be 
a happy moment, one that she would remember for the rest of her life . 
. . instead it was a memory and a sign of feelings to come. Feeling of 
confusion of what love is supposed to be, loneliness, and wishing for 
something more. Throughout school, she just let Ryan have his way, of 
being a jerk, never confronting him on how badly he hurt her and what 
he took away. That was the moment, when she looked to poetry to help 
sort her feelings out. That was what the notebook was for in her secret 
box it was full of poems that she wrote . . . they were all about hate, 
being alone, and heart ache. She got up from her stool, went over to 
the notebook that was lying on her bed . . . it had a tight piece of 
string tied around to keep it closed all the time. She untied the knot, 
her hands shaking, she then slowly opened the booklet. The booklet, 
which she feared would bring back those emotions all over again, little 
did she know, that those emotions were still stuck in her, buried in 
some dark chamber in her heart. She flipped through the pages, it was 
like staring right at her heart all the titles where sad and 
depressive. She wasn't quite sure what poem she was searching for, 
tears bursting from her, she kept crying. She didn't know exactly why 
she was still crying, it was like something inside her just exploded. 
Then suddenly, she froze, her crying stopped dead in its tracks and a 
tear fell on the blank piece of paper. She swept a hand over her wet 
eyes, got out a pen, and just let her heart do the talking. It was like 
her hand moved, with little effort, her emotional discomfort just took 
over her. 

Here I am crying, not quite sure why. Maybe it's because my life is one
big lie. At school. I always put on a show, At night, I feel, that I 
have sank too low. I want some control that I have lost over the years, 
I want to stop shedding these tears. Someone please tell me, not to 
cry!! Show me, that my life will turn, Turn in the opposite direction 
of where I feel it's going. 

Though Cadhla wrote poems that she wanted to keep a secret, all of her
poems were cries for help. Help, that no one felt she needed. She was 
starting to lose control of all the things in her life, and she wasn't 
the type of person to talk about her problems, so she kept them hidden. 
Thinking, that one day she would regain the person that was happy and 
found enjoyment out of life. Her depressiveness, was now the ruler of 
her life, she was trapped in a dark tunnel begging for her life to 
change. Little did she know, that she would just be digging a deeper 
tunnel, with no one to save her. Someone needed to shine a light her 
way, to find her, to stop her tears . . . No one could, and later she 
would find herself with more problems; problems that would eventually 
bury her alive, and no one to hear her screams.


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