Looking In The Mirror (standard:drama, 1277 words)
Author: Lori	Added: May 12 2004	Views/Reads: 3599/2246	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Re-worked it to the best of my ability. I've done everything I know to do with it. If you see something else, please send me some feeback. Tell me what you think needs to be changed. Thanks Kel for believing in me! You're an amazing teacher!

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

for trusting him not to hurt me again. He took the things I lived for, 
loved the most, the best part of me. He wanted to destroy me, knew he 
could do it through my children. 

Everyone in my life deserted me at this time in my life. No one wanted
to look at me, talk to me, they couldn't deal with who I had become. I 
lost my soul during that time, lived for the next high. I looked for a 
person who would tell me I was special, who would make me feel good. 
Someone who would make me forgot, someone that didn't care if I was 
dead or alive inside. 

My current husband, I met in a strip club, he was the bartender. I knew
that I would be “safe” from the demons inside; he didn't want anything 
from me. He only wanted to love; I didn‘t understand that. 

I could be someone new, change into someone he could like. I could make
him believe I was perfect, someone who could love him back. He was my 
saving grace, my angel from heaven, I could forget the past with him. I 
didn't have to be my true self; he wouldn't like that me. He wouldn't 
love that person. 

We've been together for six and a half years. I broke my record. I'm the
person he wants, I stay at home and raise my children, which is 
wonderful! I don't drink anymore, or go looking for a good time. I'm 
the perfect wife; it's not ME! It's not what I want! I want to be 
happy! It's not “life” it's something ugly, turning me ugly. As much as 
I want to love my husband, I can‘t do it. I love him as friend, not a 
husband. I've tried my dangest to change this. 

I want to look in the mirror, see happiness staring back at me. I want
to look at myself, not just an empty shell or see demons lurking in the 
shadows. I want to see someone sexy and alive. I want to be with 
someone that doesn't take me for granted. I want to be with someone I 
don't take for granted. I want to be with someone I could love, who 
would love me in return. I want to look into the mirror and know who is 
looking back at me. I want to say, “Hey, I know that person, and I like 
her. I trust that person, I am that person.” 

Instead I will do what I've always done; I will hide from the mirror. I
will hide the inner beauty inside of myself, hide from the world. This 
way I'm “safe“, I know no other way to live. 

Being safe is important to me. It means I don't have to worry about the
monsters in the mirror. I don't have to worry about feeling lost, or 
being dead inside. It means that no one can hurt me. I won't, I CAN'T 
let love happen again! My heart couldn't take. If I trusted myself to 
love again, I don't know if I could recover if it went sour. 

I'm in a strange mood I'm not myself. I'm going to look in the mirror,
see if some of the demons are dead. I want to see if I'm coming alive.


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