Diary of a Killer Kat (standard:humor, 1293 words)
Author: kathyg	Added: Dec 04 2003	Views/Reads: 3906/2332	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Remember this story I wrote a while back. I forgot I had it. Let's give it another whirl shall we? Thanks :)

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

friends gather around and we take turns jumping over the fence while 
the ‘juice' is on. No one got zapped yet. We like to laugh at Carl, the 


butthead. 

Ah, I smell rabbit! It's down the street a way, so I'll take a flying
leap over this ‘electric fence'. Weeeeeeeee.... that was fun! Eat kitty 
litter, Carl. There is a quarter moon tonight and I see a pair of 
headlights just ahead of me. I'll hurry and hide under this new red 
Mercedes. 

Swooosh...I am running down Miller Lane and the scent of rabbit fills my
nostrils. The rabbit sees me now, stands up straight, and freezes. I 
pounce but miss. Rabbit and I race round and round the block. She gives 
me a run for my money, but when she runs into the recycling bin, she is 
mine. 

Munch! Stupid critters. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

FRIDAY 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

ELLIE IS A SPOILED BRAT. I am sitting on the window seat and I am not
moving. Carl loves to spoil his little daughter. He is reaching in the 
closet and bringing out yet another present for this little girl. Can't 
buy love? Carl does. Candy and presents. Why doesn't he just go out and 
get laid? What a loser! 

Ellie is jumping up and down, clapping her hands. Surprise! Surprise!
How many gifts is this brat going to get? Let's see, what is it this 
time? Malibu Barbie and Ken in their Malibu Mansion. How original. 
Barbie and Ken are now swimming in their Malibu pool, wearing their 
Malibu clothes, and jumping out of their Malibu windows. How Carl of 
you to think of such a gift! Let's teach Ellie the value of elitism. I 
know. Let's play Godzilla. I'll be Godzilla and this is Tokyo. 

I'll pounce on the Malibu Mansion and kidnap Malibu Barbie. 

I call Malibu Ken and ask for a Malibu ransom. 

Gee, Sorry Ken. 

Not enough money. 

Munch. Munch. 

Goodbye Tokyo. 

Want fries with that? 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ 

SATURDAY 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

OOPS! IT'S THE CAT POLICE! Can't a cat have any freedom. Carl has had to
pay big bucks to keep me here. And that joke of an ‘electric fence' 
wont fence me in. Haha.. Wait, there's a knock on the door, quick, hide 
under the couch while I watch Carl sweat it out with the boys in blue. 

“Mr. Fritchman,” says the Cat Police Officer, “I have received several
complaints about your cat roaming the streets at night and tearing up 
flower gardens and killing small animals. This is your third warning. 
We are going to have to take you cat.” 

“You ain't takin' nothin' from me! I paid over three grand for my brand
spankin' new electric fence and it's working, I tell you, its working!" 


“No, Mr. Fritchman. It isn't working. Just look at this petition all of
your neighbors have signed. They want your cat hung out to dry.” 

Carl scratches his head. “Do something, you stumphead!”, says the Cat.
“Save my hide! I don't want to be a witness at my own lynching!” 

“I still say it's a case of mistaken identity.” Replies Carl to the Cat
police. 

“Mistaken identity?” answers the Cat police officer. Let's take a walk,
Mr. Fritchman to take a look at your back yard." 

Carl and the Cat Police Officer walk out of the back door and into the
yard. I follow closely but hide behind the kitchen curtains to watch. 
Mr Cat Police has found the evidence! He is in the middle of the yard 
where I have freshly dug up earth. He digs up Mr. Roma's hampsters, 
rabbit remains, birds, mice, and Sandy the puppy's favorite toy. 

I hang my head in shame. I'm going up the river for sure. 

my last meow....... 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 

SUNDAY 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU could have a cat lynching on a holy day. Sunday
is a holy day. The whole neighborhood is out. Carl is crying. I have 
never seen Carl cry before. 

“Say something, Carl, you stupid fat man! I don't want to die! Hey, I'm
a Cat! Carl didn't feed me. Look at him. Why don't you lynch him? He is 
the one that led me to this life of crime." 

Nobody hears me though. I'm a cat. 

As I walk the last block of my short cat life to the noose on the Dutch
Elm tree, suddenly I see a tasty rat running down the street. I spring 
into action and chase after it. The whole neighborhood is chasing me. 
They want me dead. I want the rat. I chase the rat blocks and blocks. 

The neighbors can't catch me, I have nine lives. 

I love being a Cat. 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* 


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