Angelita (standard:fantasy, 5673 words)
Author: Izzy	Added: Oct 14 2003	Views/Reads: 3238/2262	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
wel, its all about an angel really - and my view on what happens next. i fink dats all i need 2 say!

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

the latest ‘gadget.' We don't need people.  We don't need anyone.  We 
don't want anyone.  I guess that's how we're different you're always 
wanting.  Wanting this or wanting that and once you've got it you're 
never happy because someone else has something better.  I wonder how 
you live like that, in that vicious circle just going round and round 
and round.  Don't you have anything better to do? 

~*~ Today began normally, that's the strange part.  I got up, got
dressed, had breakfast and headed off to school.  I met up with Daniel 
and we walked together.  He watched the game last night, I missed it.  
Mum banned the TV on account of my GCSEs, she just doesn't understand a 
teenage boy's need for it.  I mean, it's my life right?  So I can do 
what I want, including fail my exams.  Not that I want to but if it 
comes to it I don't mind.  I can take them again, right?  We arrived at 
school late as usual and that's when it began.  About 11.30 there was a 
fight.  A big one, worse than usual.  The whole school was outside 
watching these gangs just go crazy.  I don't even know who did what.  
We were all yelling and screaming and shouting.  I mean, everyone loves 
a fight. But then this one turned nasty.  I could see Joe in the crowd, 
this loser from our year.  He's a freak, likes to be on his own so no 
one talks to him.  He's just ignored.  He hardly counts as a human most 
days.  He seemed fidgety; he kept feeling in his pockets.  I kept 
looking but he kept flickering out of view.  He had something in his 
hands, if he would just keep still!  I couldn't make it out; by the 
time I had it was too late.  We all heard it go off and everything 
stopped.  It was like a movie or something.  Everyone looking, everyone 
confused until we saw Alex's body just drop, like a doll or something 
and Jo's face all twisted and angry.  I think I heard someone scream, 
but everything seemed so unreal, so fake.  I wanted to just laugh and 
pretend it'd never even happened but I guess that it wouldn't have been 
appropriate. Not now. 

The rest is a blur, an ambulance, teachers, girls crying even guys
crying, everyone wanting to ask questions but too scared of the 
answers.  But beneath it all I could see this girl, I'd never seen her 
before bent over Alex's body.  She didn't come to this school, not last 
time I checked.  She stood out.  She looked clean for a start, unlike 
most of the girls in this school.  And even if she didn't come here how 
did she know Alex?  He was one of the gang, one of the in-crowd.  He 
didn't communicate with anyone else.  To him no one else was worth it.  
I nudged Daniel ‘who's that?' I whispered.  ‘Who's who?'  He muttered 
and walked away.  He always was down when there was a fight, especially 
one like this. He's way too sensitive he is.  I sometimes wonder if 
he's gay.  After a while she got up and walked away.  No one looked at 
her; it was as if she wasn't even there. Didn't anyone else think it 
was weird?  How she just turned up and then walked off like nothing had 
happened.  Everyone was ignoring her so she couldn't have been 
recognised.  I ran after her and grabbed her arm. 

‘How do you know Alex?' I demanded. 

‘Who?' she said.  I mean, she looked genuinely surprised! 

‘Alex' I indicated outside to the chaos and the ambulance and his body
still lying on the floor now surrounded by men in uniforms with 
machines. 

‘Oh, I don't' she looked agitated and annoyed at the fact I was even
there. 

‘Well, why are you here? And what the Hell where you doing anywhere near
him?'  I was pretty angry now this girl was acting like she didn't even 
care. 

‘That's none of your business' she muttered.  She had this annoying
girl-attitude thing going on. And she began to walk away. 

‘He could be dead and you're just nosing around just because you feel
like it!' 

‘Yeah, well he isn't dead.  Not today anyway' 

‘How can you be so sure?' 

‘I just know, now leave me alone.' 

‘You're a freak, you know that?' 

‘Oh and I really care what you think.' She walked away and when I
started to talk again she made this pathetic ‘talk to the hand' gesture 
behind her.  I mean, some people.  I bet she just wanted to take a look 
at what a dead guy looked like.  I bet she did it for a pathetic dare 
or something and didn't even care that he could die.   Stupid cow. 

~*~ Today was just another normal day.  To be honest it was pretty dull.
 I visited a few people but no one needed taking.  By the end I was 
pretty bored.  Most were in the hospital  (I checked up one woman with 
cancer.  It's been weeks now, I feel sorry for her.  All that 
suffering.  And she has no idea how much better it'll be after she 
goes, so she's hanging on.)  But one case was at a school.  A shooting, 
it was pretty nasty but he was fine.  See, how can people, kids like 
that shoot each other and fight like that?  Why can't you just all get 
along like you were supposed to?  I don't get why people want to live 
here – with all this violence and crime.  They're too stupid to realise 
that they should just kill themselves and get taken by us.  They don't 
understand how much better it'll be. 

Anyway, he was OK for the moment but this stupid boy started mouthing
off to me.  I didn't even know anyone could see me.  But he seemed 
really upset over this boy and didn't believe me when I said he'd be 
fine for now.  He called me a freak too.  I guess some people don't 
realise that everyone has feelings.  It hurt, despite what it looked 
like.  I tried to make it seem like I don't care what people think.  
But he was so rude!  I can't help what I do!  I can't help the fact I 
had to be there.  I've been sitting up here for hours.  Looking down on 
the world.  Wondering about that boy in a hospital bed.  Despite the 
fact he looked like an idiot and was the type of guy to get into a 
fight, people still cared.  That boy cared.  I guess he was just 
defending him and said it all in the heat of the moment.  I hope. 

~*~ I went to the hospital today with Dan.  You know, to see Alex.  He's
getting worse, there are complications and stuff.  I didn't really 
understand.  The hospital was packed out with people wanting to give 
him flowers and presents and stuff, one guy even offered him a joint to 
make him feel better.  You'll never believe who else was there.  That 
stupid girl from school.  It's like she likes seeing people suffer so 
she came nosing in to take another look.  No one took any notice of her 
but this is just sick now.  She should just leave people alone, the 
rest of us manage, what's wrong with her?  She was wondering around for 
ages just looking at the people in all the wards and talking to them.  
Can't anyone else see what she's doing?  I was watching her for ages.  
Not much else to do round here and the weirdest thing happened.  This 
guy opposite Alex, a punk with piercings and long black hair came in.  
The nurses were all rushing round him, and all those stupid machines 
like off the telly were bleeping and she was just standing in there 
like it was the most normal thing in the world.  Everyone was just 
ignoring her.  I was beginning to think I was going insane.  People 
don't just stand around in the middle of operations just watching.  
Surely she'd be in the way?  Right?  And right that second where the 
machines just stopped she reached into him.  I'm not kidding you, she 
like put her hands into his chest and pulled with her eyes tight shut 
and when she stopped it was like he rose out of his body and was 
standing with her watching the Doctors go crazy over his body.  He was 
standing there holding her hand!  This is central London for God's 
sake!  Punks like him have knives and guns they don't hold hands with 
strange girls.  Well, not just in a friendly way.  Then in front of 
everyone she opened the door of the room and walked away still holding 
onto him.  She didn't even look back. 

I looked for Daniel.  He was staring down the corridor I figured he
must've noticed too but it was like he was staring into nothing, like 
he couldn't even see them.  ‘What you staring at?' demanded Steve.  He 
was standing next to me peering down the corridor at the two most 
unlikely people ever, like they weren't even there.  ‘You're going a 
bit loopy mate, there ain't nothing there.'  He muttered before 
wandering off, no doubt to see if you could get free alcohol in 
hospitals, for medicinal reasons of course.  So without a word I began 
to follow them.  If I was going mental I might as well see what 
happened next.  I could sell it.   It would probably make a good story, 
I could make millions.  What was in that Coke I drank earlier?  Had 
someone spiked it?  It happens you know.  Just not to people like me.  
I just went along with the flow, I never got into fights, I never 
insulted anyone.  I just kept going plodding through life with my head 
down, never speaking up, never standing up for anyone or anything.  I 
was just another one of the clones who went to our hum-drum school.  I 
was no different to anyone else.  So why me? 

~*~ I went back to the hospital today and took an unhappy guy.  He took
an overdose and said he'd just wanted his life on Earth to end.  I 
smiled and told him it only got better from now on.  He seemed really 
nice and it made my day worthwhile seeing his face as he walked through 
those gates with the biggest grin on his face, like he couldn't be 
happier.  On my way home I walked down the streets staring in the shop 
windows and wondering what it would be like to buy clothes.  Peoples' 
lives seem to rotate around what someone wears and how they dress.  
Funny really, isn't it?  I was turning a corner when I saw that boy 
again, the one who called me a freak.  I started to run.  I didn't want 
to be insulted again, it hurt enough the first time.  No person's ever 
even spoken to me before.  Not a real one, an alive one. 

‘No, wait!' he yelled ‘Please, wait.  I just want to talk to you. 
Please.' 

I turned and looked at him straight in the eyes.  He looked nervous and
scared of me.  I've never had that effect on people before, it was 
strange.  I stopped walking and waited for him to catch up with me.  
I'm an angel.  I can take anything a person lands on me. 

‘I just want to ask you something?' he muttered. He completely avoided
my gaze, like if he looked at me he'd burst into flames or something.  
I shrugged 

‘What do you want to know?' 

‘Well, um your name?' I smiled, he was a bit stupid I guess but he
looked genuinely scared.  I felt sorry for him. 

‘Natascha.'  Then there was this long awkward pause. 

‘I saw you at the hospital.' 

‘Oh.' God no, I was thinking.  Tell me didn't see me take someone.  I
was holding that man's hand.  If he was connected to me, that boy could 
see him too.  It's how it works.  I didn't want him asking awkward 
questions.  Questions I didn't even know I could answer.  I'd never 
even been asked before. 

‘I was looking and um, I mean, I saw you, like reach into him and um was
I just making it up?  What did you do?  Who are you?  Have I gone 
insane...I don't understand.'  He flopped onto a bench by the bus stop 
with his head in his hands like he didn't really want to hear the 
answers.  Either that or he was convinced he'd made it up and now 
thought I was going to hit him or call the police.  So I sat down next 
to him.  I never really understood human emotion, I didn't know what to 
do. 

‘Well I could tell you.  But you won't believe me.'  He looked up and
surprised. 

‘You mean, I'm not just making it up?' 

‘No.' 

‘So, what did you do to the guy?  The one with the...' he signalled to
his nose where the man had had a small ring between each nostril.  It 
was like he found it too disgusting to say it. 

‘I took him.' 

‘You what?'   On seeing my expression he stopped yelling ‘I mean, where
did you take him?'  he said, only calmer this time. 

‘Where do you think?  He died so I took him to where people go next.' 

‘What do you mean, where they go next.   People die and then that's it
right?  Ok, no one believes in all that Heaven and Hell rubbish 
anymore.  It's just a myth – surely you know that?  Are you mucking me 
about?' 

‘Look I told you, you wouldn't believe me' I snapped ‘So why did you
ask?'  I got up and began to walk away. 

‘No wait!' He yelled ‘Well, what are you then? 

I looked behind me at him, in his designer clothes that meant the world
to him and his hair that he was no doubt so proud of, neatly gelled up 
into tiny spikes. ‘I'm an angel' I said, turned my back on him and 
walked away. 

~*~ Ok, I've been going over it again and again in my head.  There is no
possible way that angels exist.  They never really did, did they?  I've 
been looking in books and on the Net and all I can find is pictures or 
babies on clouds with halos and wings.  But she just looked like a 
normal teenage girl.  And all the pictures I can find are of men.  
Gabriel, Michael, Lucifer - all men.  I mean, I know what I saw.  I'm 
not imagining it, I swear I'm not.  All I can think is that I have to 
find Natascha again.  She can't just leave me hanging like this.  I'm 
uncovering secrets no one's supposed to know, maybe I'm the only one 
and she's just left me.  As much as I don't want to admit it, I need 
her.  I have to find her. But how am I supposed to find an angel?  Easy 
– one thing I do know, the hospital of course! 

I've spent everyday in the hospital now for over 3 days but no one seems
to be in a critical state.  No one's died.  I mean, I've seen some 
angels well, I think I have but they're all older.  I'd rather talk to 
her I don't know what kind of temperament angels have, at least she 
knows who I am. 

Finally after 5 days of waiting.  She came; it was almost like she was
expecting me.  God knows how much she knows about me or if she saw me 
coming.  She came over and sat down on the hospital bench next to me. 

‘If you've calmed down from last time, I'll answer your questions if you
liked.'  She smiled like this whole prospect was new to her. You'd 
think she'd never spoken to anyone before. ‘Um, can we get out of here 
first, it kind of creeps me out.' 

‘Sure' she got up and started walking down the corridor.  I figured I
had to follow so I caught up with her and we began to walk down the 
high-street.  No one looked at her like she was any different to any of 
us.  No one even noticed her.  If only they knew. 

‘So, what do you want to know?' she asked.  I didn't really know where
to start 

‘Ok, um well can anyone else see you?' 

‘I don't know.  Sometimes people see us, sometimes they don't.  It all
depends on Him.'    After seeing the puzzled look on my face she 
pointed upwards and pulled a face. 

‘You mean there really is a God?' 

‘Course there is.  Who did you think controlled all this?'  I just stood
there with this dumbfounded look upon my face. 

‘Well if he was here, then why do bad things still happen.  If he's God
why can't he find a cure for cancer or stop wars?  He doesn't do a very 
good job.  Most people don't go to church anyway.' 

‘Typical – why do you people expect Him to solve all your problems for
you?  Take a look around you, it's people who start wars, shoot each 
other, take drugs, rape, murder, suicide.  It's people who cause all 
the problems here on Earth, why should you expect God to fix it all for 
you?  Most of you don't even believe in Him.  You can't be bothered to 
dedicate yourselves so just expect Him to be around when you feel like 
it.  If you've got a problem don't worry God'll fix it for you!  
Honestly!'  She threw her hands up in the air like she just couldn't 
stand anymore of me. 

‘I guess I never thought of it like that' I muttered. 

‘That's the problem with you people you never think.'  She wasn't even
looking at me now. 

‘Why're you telling me all this'   I enquired nervously. 

‘Because it's obvious I'm supposed to.  You can see me right?  Well
hardly anyone else here can.  You spoke to me.  No one has ever spoken 
to me before.  I've never had a conversation with a person before, so I 
knew you must be special. 

‘Hang on, if you'd never had a conversation before how did you know how
to speak?' 

‘Because I talk to other angels, I talk to God sometimes and I talk to
myself.'  I started to laugh but thought better of it.  ‘And besides 
there's thing I want to know too.' 

‘Like what?  What does an angel not already know?  I thought you knew
everything.' 

‘Well I know everything about God and Heaven and Hell but I don't know
anything about Earth.  What's a friend?  Why do people have them?  Why 
do you cry when you get upset and when you're happy?  Why do you hug 
people?  What does it do?  What's love?  No one's ever told me about 
love before?'  She said the words slowly and pronounced every syllable 
as if she might get it wrong, as if she'd never even said them before. 
So the questions just kept on coming and coming.  So the afternoon 
turned into evening and evening turned into night.  She answered my 
questions about miscarriages and abortions and angels and death and I 
answered hers.  I showed her round to the places I go, the people I 
meet, what I do everyday that seemed so perfectly normal to me but to 
her were amazing, unknown phenomenon.  It was like talking to an alien. 
 Only she wasn't green and little she looked just like a person, just 
like you or me.  She wasn't a freak; I guess she was just curious.  
She'd spent her whole life watching the world, just never being a part 
of it. 

~*~ ‘So, what you're saying is that God has to let us make our own
mistakes.' he asked scratching his head like he couldn't exactly work 
it out. 

‘Exactly.  If everything was good in the world then you wouldn't
understand bad things, you wouldn't be able to appreciate all the good 
things in life. You'd take everything for granted.'  Maybe it'd finally 
sunken in. ‘I don't understand why you want to live here anyway.  It's 
way better up there.'  I pointed, just in case he was in any doubt.  He 
wasn't in doubt just looked like I'd told him that his Mum was actually 
an axe murderer. 

‘What?'  I asked innocently. 

‘Life down here is perfect.'  Seeing the look on my face he launched
into a long speech in an attempt to change my mind. ‘Well, what about 
families and the people you love.  You miss them when they're gone.  
Sure a lot of bad things happen in the world but you grow up here.  
Nothing can ever be better than it.  Nothing.'  I sat there looking 
totally unimpressed while he was getting angrier and angrier and I just 
wished I'd never opened my mouth in the first place.  ‘What about 
friendship?' He continued ‘and love? Just because the times aren't 
always great doesn't mean that you don't ever want to see them again.  
It doesn't mean you ever want to leave.  How can you do that to people? 
 Make them leave the world they love.  How can you be so cruel?  What 
if they struggle what do you do then? Huh?' 

‘They don't.  They're always happy to die.'  I sniffed.  It was the
first time I'd lied.  It wasn't always true.  Too many times I've had 
to take someone who just wanted to go back to their families and forget 
about death.  I had to watch them be chucked through the gates.   It 
hurt.  But I was always so sure they were just traumatised before.  
Never that they actually wanted to stay. 

‘Well, do you ever ask?  What if they don't believe in God.  What if
they don't care bout him at all?  What if they think he's just a story? 
 What happens then?  What do you do with Satan-worshippers and those 
who hate God?  Where do they go?  Don't they get a chance just because 
they don't believe what you want them to?  Are they punished just 
because they have different views?  And you say that we're supposed to 
be individuals.  If God had his way we'd all be clones going to church 
everyday and praying at every great thing that happened.  You know it's 
not always God who does things for us – who invented the car?  We did.  
Who invented computers?  Who grew crops to feed the world?  Who thought 
up theories to help us through difficult times and who's stopped this 
world from going under so many times when there was no God around to 
help us.'  I winced, he was yelling now and so close to me his voice 
was ringing in my ears. 

‘Yes, the same people who caused a Holocaust to happen and killed
6,000,000 innocent people.  The same people who've started hundreds of 
wars, who've spread diseases, who've kept slaves to do their dirty 
work, who murder, who rape, who rob and steal, who hurt people just 
because it's ‘fun'.  Look at that boy in your school, the one with the 
gun, you can't pretend he's not part of the human race but he is.  For 
every good person in the world there's always someone evil behind him 
waiting to cut him down.  The human race isn't perfect ok? Get that 
into your brain and shut up!' 

We both just stood there for what seemed like hours just staring at each
other.  It was the first time I'd yelled at anyone.  I didn't know 
where to look or go.  Am I supposed to leave?  Should I sit down?  Tell 
him I'm sorry?  Why can't people be easy to understand?  Why can't they 
just say how they feel?  Why can't everyone behave the same way? 

Eventually I came to a conclusion.  I craved angel Company and something
I recognised and was used to.  I wanted to sit on my hill looking down 
on the world and forget this had ever happened.  I wanted to forget I'd 
ever met him and spoke to him and discovered a world I never even knew 
about.  So I went to my hill.  Without saying a word. 

~*~ Well I found her.  Let's just say that things didn't go great.  I
don't understand.  She's so convinced that God is the best thing ever 
and the only way to live.  Did I get it wrong?  Is there something out 
there?  That's bigger than us.  She could be some lunatic escaped from 
an asylum.  It happens all the time.  Ok, ok maybe not all the time.  
But still she could be making it all up, couldn't she?  All right, I 
admit she'd have to have a pretty good imagination her story was so 
real.  I really believed her.  She seemed so genuine.  I supposed I 
should go and find her.  She left because we argued.  I can't help it 
that we're so different, this is all so much at once!  How am I 
supposed to take in that there's a God and angels and Heaven in one 
week.  Am I dreaming?  I could sit here on my own for ages, waiting for 
all the answers.  Or says the reasonable part of my brain go, find her, 
tell her you're sorry and start again.  It's easy.'  It doesn't feel 
it.  But for the first time in my life.  I'm going to do the right 
thing.  Even if it does mean admitting I'm wrong to a girl.  A weird 
one at that.  Yuck. 

~*~ Ok, well I'm prepared to admit that I was wrong.  I never thought I
would be but I am.  I'm sitting here on this hill, watching people get 
on with their lives.  I've been here all night.  I guess before I never 
really realised what I was missing.  I've never had a friend before.  
Not a real one.  I've known angels, I've seen people but I've never 
been with them long enough to form something special – not like what 
they have.  For the first time in my life I feel left out I feel like I 
haven't got everything.  That everything I've ever wanted isn't right 
here with me.  I do need other people. I want other people.  I want to 
go to school, I want to go to parties and buy the pretty clothes I see 
the other girls wearing.  And before I know what's happened I can feel 
tears streaming down my face.  It feels so strange but in the weirdest 
way I feel better, I'm letting out emotion.  I don't even know if 
that's the right word, it sounds funny coming out of my mouth.  I hear 
someone behind me and I spin round. 

‘I figured you'd be up here.'  It's the sound of his voice.  I don't
reply ‘Hey, I thought you said angels didn't cry.' He said. 

‘Yeah, well, I didn't know they could.'  I say sniffing and not looking
at him.  I'm angry with myself for letting go for not keeping track of 
my one aim in life. I'll never be like one of those girls down there. I 
can't.  I'm different.  I always will be.  I mean look at how my life 
started on this Earth I can guess the ending wouldn't be pretty either. 
 So I'm just sitting on this hill with him, looking down at everyone 
running around.  No one says anything.  No one has to.  Who knows how 
long we'll stay here?  Maybe forever.  He's changed me and I think I've 
changed him.  I caught him outside a church once looking at 
service-times.  I grin thinking about it.   He's seen me looking in 
shop windows.  He took me in once and showed me the racks upon racks of 
different clothes.  And now I'm up here with my friend.  My very first 
friend.  Maybe we'll be friends forever and maybe we won't.  Maybe when 
he dies I'll be the one taking him.  Maybe I'll go before he does.  
Maybe he'll be the only person ever to see me but maybe one day 
everyone will.  Maybe I'll never be accepted.  Maybe I will.  But up 
here nothing seemed to matter and we don't care.  We've shown each 
other a new side of life we never even knew existed and we can share it 
for the rest of our lives. 


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