Christmas Slipping Away (standard:romance, 2474 words)
Author: Bob Kain	Added: Nov 26 2000	Views/Reads: 4122/2485	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Christmas was her favorite time of the year. But if I didn't think of something fast, both Christmas and Maggie would be gone.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

disappointments. 

Over the years she built invisible walls around herself, becoming for
all practical purposes a social recluse.  My love pierced those 
barriers, slowly dismantling them, revealing an even more wonderful 
woman as each section peeled away.  Now, however, I found that taking 
down those walls also released great fears.  I needed to find a way to 
subdue those fears before they totally consumed her.  She did love me, 
I knew that; but I was losing her, I knew that, too. 

Maybe I would come up with a brainstorm during the drive to find the
tinsel.  After telling her that I would leave as soon as I took a 
shower, I headed upstairs while Maggie turned her attention back to the 
ornaments. 

Fifteen minutes later, showered and dressed, I grabbed my jacket and
keys and headed for the garage.  I stopped at the sunroom.  Maggie, 
absorbed in arranging the ornaments, hummed to herself as she worked.  
I walked up behind her, put my arms around her waist and gently kissed 
her neck.   She gave a little murmur, but her body stiffened; 
definitely not the response that I had grown accustomed to.  I kissed 
her cheek, then pulled away from her and started for the door. 

"Hurry back," she called after me.  Looking over my shoulder, I threw up
a hand in a wave.   She smiled, but her eyes betrayed her.  I saw that 
look again.  That sad, goodbye-forever look.  Christmas...and Maggie 
were slipping farther and farther away from me. 

It took visits to three convenience stores before I found one open with
tinsel still on the shelves.   The trip had taken even longer than I 
anticipated but that didn't matter.  I needed the time.  My mind 
couldn't come up with one lucid idea of how to keep Maggie from leaving 
me. 

As I drove back home, my mind raced, searching for the answer.  The more
I thought, the more muddled my thoughts became.  Finally, blowing out a 
sigh, I gave up.   I had already told her everything I could think of, 
promised her that I could never hurt her, that I would never leave her. 
  But her history held such pain that she just couldn't bring herself 
to believe that she wasn't heading straight into another disaster.  Her 
parents died in a car accident when she was four.  Six years later her 
best friend died before her eyes in a farm accident.   At fourteen her 
foster father began visiting each night in her bed, helping to lead to 
a marriage at sixteen that only brought her even greater abuse until 
she finally escaped with a divorce 10 years later. 

All that pain hardened her.  But our love slowly softened her again,
until now, in her mind our love created an opportunity for the worst 
hurt of them all because she loved even greater this time.  I had done 
everything I could think of to convince her that she would never lose 
me, but it looked like nothing I could do would stop her from running.  
 She was desperate to run before the love grew even stronger and her 
ability to protect herself became weaker. 

Well, if I couldn't convince her that I would never hurt her, then I'd
have to find another way to hold her.  I loved her, I needed her and 
I'd be damned if I were going to let her go.  For the rest of the ride 
home, my brain worked clearly as I plotted just how I would manage to 
keep her. 

Back home, I pulled the car into the garage, grabbed the tinsel off the
seat, and walked into the house.  I could hear the stereo as soon as I 
entered.  Christmas music was playing and my favorite song filled the 
downstairs of the house.   Karen Carpenter was singing... "Merry 
Christmas, Darling....We're apart ....that's true...but I can 
dream....and in my dreams....I'm Christmasing with you." 

When I got to the sunroom I could see that she had finished hanging the
ornaments.  The tree looked beautiful, all it needed was the tinsel.   
Even more beautiful than the tree, Maggie lay asleep on the sofa.  She 
looked fresh from a shower.  Her long, blonde hair was pinned up 
loosely, her face scrubbed clean of makeup and she wore my old, flannel 
robe.  That thing must have been fifteen years old, but on her it 
looked brand new. 

She looked so peaceful.  I didn't have the heart to wake her.  Quietly I
opened the packages of tinsel and went about hanging the shimmering 
strips on the tree.  Not wanting to make noise going up and down the 
ladder, I left the upper half of the tree for later. 

After I finished with the tinsel I went around the room, turning off the
table lamps.  The room glowed softly in the many colors of the tree 
lights.  I sat down on the steps that led up to the family room, 
listening to the music, watching Maggie sleep.  I thought again of how 
much I loved her, how much joy and caring she had brought to my life.   
I thought too of how much turmoil it brought to her.  Her love for me 
and her fear of that love were causing such great conflict inside of 
her.  Like two bitter enemies they battled endlessly over her heart, 
threatening to leave it as scarred and barren as any battleground. 

As I continued sitting there in the dimly lit room, the songs of
Christmas drifting softly around me, another thought began to form in 
my mind.   An idea so simple, yet so terrible, that never before could 
I have even considered it.  Now, however, even before being fully 
developed in my mind I knew that there was only one action that I could 
take.  Finally I knew what I must do. 

I stood up and walked into my den where I gathered up the many presents
stashed there for Maggie.  After making several trips they were all 
carried to the sunroom, then I placed them neatly around the Christmas 
tree.   Finished, I went back to the den, turned on the computer and 
began to type. 

Maggie, 

For weeks I have been racking my brain, trying to find ways to make you
love me more, ways to keep from losing you.  Tonight I spent more hours 
planning ways to hold onto you, to play on your feelings, to make you 
feel too guilty to leave me. 

After returning home, I sat and watched as you slept.  I thought of the
many wonderful things you have given me, the love that I know you feel 
for me and the love that I feel for you.  Now I am ashamed of the 
things that I had been thinking.   Yes, I could probably hold you.  But 
while I held you, I would see you fade and wither as you slowly 
suffocated from both your fear of me and my need for you.   I would 
hold onto a beautiful shell, but "My Mags" would be gone forever. 

There are many presents under the tree, sweetheart.   Tomorrow is
Christmas and we will have a wonderful day opening our packages and 
watching those old holiday movies we've talked so much about.   When 
that time is over, I want you to use my real gift to you.   I want you 
to go, Maggie...leave your fears behind and go with my love.  With time 
and freedom, perhaps you can find the way to lose those fears forever, 
and find the way back to me.  I know that you love me, and I know that 
you will try.  If you are unable to find the way, then know that 
wherever you are, my love will always be with you.  But I'm betting 
that you will find it, and I'll be waiting here, still loving you, 
still saving your place beside me.  Merry Christmas, Maggie. 

All My Love, 

Bob 

Folding the note I walked to the sofa and slid it carefully into the
pocket of her robe.  I sat on the floor, my head leaning back against 
her leg.  For the first time in weeks I felt at peace with myself.   
Thoughts of Mags drifted lightly through my mind as my eyes closed and 
sleep overtook me. 

Light streamed through the skylights when I woke the next morning. 
Cupboard doors banged in the kitchen.  Maggie must be making breakfast, 
I thought.  When my brain began to function and my eyes focused, I saw 
that I was surrounded by a three-foot high pile of Christmas presents.  
As I stood up amid the packages, an envelope fell from my lap.  I sat 
down, prepared myself for what I knew would come, opened the envelope 
and began to read.  My eyes skimmed over it quickly.  Then, fighting 
back tears, I read it again, slowly. 

Dear Bob, 

With you I found a love that I never thought possible.  But, just as
that love grew beyond all bounds, grew until I felt that you were the 
very air that I breathe, my fear also grew until it too became larger 
than life and completely unbearable.  To love someone so much, to give 
someone so much power over my life, is something beyond my 
comprehension. 

This morning I read your note and realized that once again you read my
mind.  Today would be our last day together.  In a twisted attempt to 
make it up to you, I had gone on a lavish shopping spree, the results 
of which are now all around you. 

Those presents you can open later.  For now I give my true gift to you. 
 My heart and my body have always been yours.  You've known that.  
Along with them, I now add my soul.  I put my faith and my trust in 
your hands, for on this Christmas day your gift allows me to finally 
realize that you are the key to conquering my fears.  A man that would 
send me away rather than see me unhappy could never hurt me. 

It will take some time for those fears to fade completely.  But I know
that you will care for me and quiet them far better than I ever could 
do without you.  And so, Bob, I hope that you will change your mind and 
not send me away.  For if you will still have me, all I truly want for 
Christmas is to stay here with you and continue to be to you...My Mags. 
 Merry Christmas, Darling. 

Love You Always, 

Maggie 

P.S.  By the way, I finished the top of the tree for you, Shorty. 


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