WONDER WHY WE CALLED YOU (standard:humor, 2080 words)
Author: EUGENE	Added: Oct 24 2001	Views/Reads: 3850/2538	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
This is three short stories about the differences between women and men, and how nasty men can be, and how nasty women can be.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

coming from the 

Chi I never had a chance to go anywhere, because my pops would kick my
ass, you 

know. Anyway, I met this beautiful bitch named Taknocka Glenn, she was
fine as hell." 

You notice the look on your girl's face. She's getting all red faced and
shit. But 

you continue, because you already know you ain't getting any tonight,
and you have 

a nice sofa in the living room, in front of the television waiting for
you. 

"Well this bitch, Tanocka, had some nice plump breast for a fifteen year
old. 

That's right, she was fifteen......." You're interrupted. 

"How the did this fifteen year old even have breasts, and why do you
keep 

saying bitch." 

You know your woman mad now, but you're on a roll, so you continue,
trying to 

get rough and tough. 

"Hold up, do you really want to know why we called her bitch? 

Just shut-up and listen, you wanted to know, damn. Anyway, I met her at 

football practice. You know, me being the captain of the football team,
and 

her being captain of the cheerleading squad, you know that we were gonna
hook up. 

I said, look; you're fine and I'm fine, we need to hook up. She was
surprised that 

I had the balls to even talk to her, because I was the youngest freshman
in the school. 

But she liked that about me. To get to the point, she was my woman.
Well, one day we 

decided to chill in the basement of the duplex. This is in Wiesbaden,
Germany. I was 

slow to start, because you know it was my first time. She was an
advanced young bitch. 

She started rubbing lotion on my shit and licking my stuff and..." She
interrupts. 

"Stop, Stop!!!!! How the hell could you do this to me? She asks. 

"Do what? I'm telling you a story that you wanted to hear." 

"I don't want to hear this shit! You were a HO. A damn gigolo." 

"That’s right, baby. Now you got me." 

"Kind of makes me wonder how you were. You had problems in your life
that 

you need to fix. You know, I've done some stuff in my life, but at least
I 

waited you know." 

Well this story goes on and on, and I don't have enough paper to finish
it. The point 

is, by the end of your wonderful conversation about sex, you know that
Da Trip is 

going to walk you to the bathroom, make you do your thing with your
thing, and then 

walk you to the linen closet, make you get yourself a blanket, walk you
downstairs 

and tuck you in on your sofa. 

Da trip is serious business guys, I know. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------- The Ex 


"OOOH, Mufasa!! Say it again." 

"The ex." 

"OOOOH." 

This is a scary thing. The ex will never be that, because she will
always be a part 

of your life. When you're walking down the street and you see her across
the way, and 

she waves her hand to say hi, she's talking shit about you. But do you
know what? 

She's thinking about you, and sex and things like that. 

These are the types that will haunt you. You've finally settled down
with a wife 

and three kids, been married for 8 years, and that bitch will call you
up to try 

and make things right. The phone rings. 

"Hello?" 

"Hi, I'm looking for a Dante Rivers?" 

"This is he." 

"This is Tamika. Do you remember me?" 

"No! I think you might have a wrong number." You say, wondering if you
maybe got a 

little bit too drunk last night. 

"Did you use to live in North Carolina? Fayetteville area?" 

"Yea, but that was almost 7 years ago." 

"Well, your sons 6 and a half, and I think you need to start paying. His
birthdays 

coming up and.... Blah, blah, blab, bobble..." 

She continues, but you stopped listening at "son", and hopefully hung up
the damn phone. 

This is something that happens, for real, for real. 

Another instance, is when you're with your new girl friend. An ex can
ruin your life, 

even if you treated her with the utmost respect. They don't know your
new girl, yet, 

but when she meets her, you might as well have another ex. This is what
will happen: 

"Hello, how are you?" Your ex states. 

"Um, I'm fine." Your girl says while being a little perturbed. 

"I know this seems strange to you, but I'm Tamika, Dante's ex, and from
one woman to 

the another woman, drop his ass." 

Now don't believe that your girl is going to stop this woman from
talking to her. 

She may tell you this later, but it will come up in your conversation
about two 

weeks down the road. 

"So why do you think I should drop him." Your girls rolling her head and
shit. 

"Well first of all, while he was with me, he would tell me how much he
loved me, 

but he was still fucking other bitches." 

You know there is no truth to what she's saying. She continues. 

"Do you know Tyrena?" His ex asks. 

"Um, no, not that I recall. Why?" 

"Well, I don't know if I should tell you this, but watch your back,
because, 

they are together, every time you're not with you. Yes, I do watch you
guys, 

because, I don't want this motherfucker to be around trying to be a
woman killer, 

you know? Do you know that this motherfucker calls me. If he thinks I'm
coming over 

for a booty-call, he's wrong." 

Well she finally finishes her story, and ruins your life. So the next
time you 

see your girl it's just not the same; it goes something like this: 

"Hey baby." You're nonchalant about seeing her; you see her everyday. 

"Where are you coming from?" She asks in a quick soft voice. 

"The same place I come from everyday." You say wondering what is really
going on. 

"Oh yea, where do you come from everyday?" One second passes; she
continues. 

"Are you afraid to answer me? Do you have something to tell me?" 

"Why you tripping, you know I was just at the damn gym?" 

"Oh, is that where you go? Who's Tyrena?" 

"I don't know any damn Tyrena!!" 

"That's not what Tamika says, and why you calling that bitch, how do I
know that you 

won't cheat on me like you cheated on her, blah, blah, blab, bobble.." 

"its over, baby." 

Dante got lucky; he didn't have to wait two weeks to listen to it, but
some of 

you guys just won't get as lucky, be careful of you ex bitch. If you
have been 

paying attention ladies, this is another reason why we call you bitch. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------
-------- I'm going To the Gym Baby 


The number one excuse for a man about to get a booty call. It's pretty
simple, 

your wife or girlfriends wants a strong, tough, and not too muscular,
but enough 

to have a little bit of rock in their life, type of man. They want you
to go to the 

gym, no matter how much they try to convince you that they love your
jellyroll. So you 

tell them, you're going to work out. 

You get the call: 

You - Hello! 

Hoochie - What's up baby, what you doing tonight! 

You - Nothing right now, why, do you want to play ball? 

Hoochie - Baby, you know me, I'm always down to play ball. 

Wife - Who is that baby? 

You - Its Tyrone, he say what up? 

Wife - Tell that nigga to quit calling here. 

You - He want's me to go to the gym. 

Wife - Go then nigga, you need to fuckin work out anyway. 

Hoochie - So, are you gonna cum with me. (sexy voice) 

You - Yea dawg, I'll be there in about ten minutes. 

End Of Conversation. 

It's that easy. You ain't even lying. To make it safer, stop by the gym,
or pick 

your hoochie up at the gym. Work out a little. Take some extra clothes
and take a 

shower after you're done working out. It's simple common sense. You
can't be a player, 

if you ain't good enough. 

If you don't do it right you will get caught, because it's a matter of
Felicia, telling 

Tyrena, who will definitely tell, Cheryl and Tamika, who's going to tell
Dante, who's gay, 

and works at the beauty parlor that Tammy goes to all of the time, who
works with your wife, 

that they see you with this bitch all of the time. That could end in
tragedy, so be smart. 

You can't hit the shit everyday unless you're a master player. I don't
even do that. 

You need to space it out a little. Go someplace else to, don't hit it in
your own damn 

town. Matter of a fact, don't fuck with a hoochie from your town. Go
elsewhere, unless 

you just can't resist, that's the only exception. 

When you take your shower after working out, don't take a really good
shower. Wash the 

shit that you need to wash. It can bring too much suspicion. Don't stay
at the gym 

too long, or too short. I say 2 hours max. If you end up hitting the
hoochie twice 

in a row, or she invites a girlfriend that you hit it with, 3 hours. You
have to make 

an excuse though, if anything is asked. Something like, damn, we all
decided to have a 

little tournament or we just wouldn't lose. 

But fellas, please listen; if you have a good wife, don't do her like
this. If she's 

giving you your necessities, don't do her wrong. If she's cooking dinner
and giving you 

sex, she's a good woman. If you're in love with her, don't cheat on her
that's on the 

real. This advice is for them men with those cheap whores they bought on
the corner of 

5th and Robins Ave. 

Take my advice and you can have the time of your life. Remember "Don't
be a playa-hater, 

play the hater." 


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