The Soul of Me (Part 9) (standard:drama, 4051 words) [9/11] show all parts
Author: Maya	Added: May 27 2001	Views/Reads: 2601/2009	Part vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
Heidi feels something for David. Can she help him?

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

“Well, what?” 

“Jeez, Heidi.  Keep up.”  He laughed. “Do you want to watch practice. 
I’ll take you home after that, and we can talk?” 

“Sorry.  Sure, I guess.  If you want to.”  I was in unfamiliar
territory.  The guy I adored wanted to come to my house.  At this 
point, I didn’t care what he wanted to talk about.  I was too busy 
listening to my heart to pay much attention to my brain. 

“Okay, then.  I’d better let you go.  I have some stuff I need to do
before tomorrow.  I’ll see you later.” 

“Bye.”  I managed to say.  Then we both hung up. 

I wasn’t sure what I was feeling at that moment.  Confusion was the
closest I could come to naming what  I felt.  For years  I had been 
dreaming about Aaron.  He was a bright spot in my day.  I didn’t know 
him, I hardly spoke to him before this week, and yet he was always in 
my heart.  He was one of my favorite people.  Now he was apologizing to 
me.  ME.  Heidi the fat girl.  Heidi the outcast.  Heidi the ugly.  
Heidi the afraid.  Heidi the shy.  Aaron was apologizing for not 
getting to know me sooner.  Not only that, be he wants to come over to 
my house to talk. 

I could really let my imagination get the better of me if I let it.  I
didn’t think I wanted to, though.  I was sure I was in love with Aaron. 
 Deep in my heart I knew he was my true love, and yet  over the last 
few days he had become much more than that.  He was someone I wanted in 
my life.  If that meant only being his friend, I was prepared to let go 
of my romantic feelings for him, regardless of how difficult it would 
be, and become  his friend, his confidant, and his supporter. 

I decided to try and distance myself from the idea of a romantic
connection between the two of us.  If I started distancing myself 
emotionally now, maybe it would hurt less when he finally told me he 
just wanted to be friends.  I think I could deal with that.  I didn’t 
think I could deal with him never wanting to talk to me again.  I hoped 
that would never happen. 

Through all of this, I still had the question of ‘why’.  Why ask for my
help?  Why go out of his way to talk to me?  Why me?  Why now?  
Tomorrow maybe I would get my answers.  Tonight I would put it out of 
my head. 

I decided I’d read for awhile before I went to sleep.  I got ready for
bed, took my book, turned on my floor lamp and got comfortable in my 
big chair.  Before I knew what was happening, I was asleep.  Thoughts 
of duels, poison and promises lingered in my mind. 

Something had troubled my sleep.  Perhaps it was the book I was reading,
perhaps it was sleeping in my chair, perhaps it was my conversation 
with Aaron, perhaps it was all of these things.  In any event I woke 
with a start.  The clock on my bedside table read 1:19.  I crawled into 
my bed and once again drifted off to sleep.  This time I had no dreams. 
None that I could remember. 

BEEP...BEEP...BEEP...BEEP...I reached over and slammed my alarm clock. 
Another day, another chance to be teased.  Oh, good.  At least it was 
Friday.  I managed to drag myself out of bed and into the shower.  I 
let the water flow over me.  The shower has always been a good place to 
think.  It’s relaxing and quiet.  I can be alone with my thoughts. 

Today I thought about ...well...today.  Mostly I wondered what today
would bring.  I wondered what Aaron wanted to say to me?  Part of me 
was afraid maybe I had been showing my heart on my sleeve too much.  
Maybe he was going to tell me to back off. No, that can’t be, I 
thought.  I’ve been avoiding him, right.  He’s been trying to talk to 
me for almost three days and I’ve been making excuses.  How much more 
backing off could I do.  Maybe he wanted to talk about our report.  No, 
he said yesterday it wasn’t about the book.  Maybe he just wanted to 
tell me we could be friends and nothing more.  Well, that’s all we 
were.  Weren’t we?  Maybe we weren’t friends.  Being acquainted with 
someone didn’t make a person friends with them.  I knew what I hoped he 
wanted to say to me.  I wanted him to tell me I was beautiful - to tell 
me that my soul shone through and I was beautiful.  I wanted him to 
make my dream a reality.  Maybe I was just putting too much thought 
into this whole thing.  I decided to just let things happen as they 
would. 

I got out of the shower and dried off.  I remembered I needed to take my
Paxil.  I took it with a glass of water after brushing my teeth.  I 
sure hoped it would help.  Back in my room, I chose one of the new 
outfits my mom and I picked out yesterday.  It was a simple, straight 
cut tank dress.  Over this I wore a sheer duster the same length as the 
dress.  Both the dress and the sheer duster were a pale, pastel purple. 
 I thought it was very becoming on me, even if it did show my upper 
arms a bit more than I was comfortable with.  I looked at myself in my 
mirror and was pleased with what I saw.  Unfortunately,  what I saw in 
the mirror and what other people saw when they looked at me was not 
always the same thing.  I hoped I didn’t look ridiculous - like I was 
trying to pull of a look that just wasn’t me. 

I gathered my things and glanced in the mirror once more before heading
down stairs.    No smell of breakfast cooking this morning.  I was on 
my own.  I found a cereal bar in the cupboard and decided to eat it on 
the way to school.  It was a beautiful day.  The sun was shining, a 
gentle breeze was blowing, the birds were singing.  I almost felt 
happy.  No, more like content.  I felt good.  Suddenly I heard a horn 
honk and someone call out from behind me.  ‘Oh great.’ I thought.  ‘Why 
can’t these people find someone else to tease.’  I was used to honks 
and yells and taunts usually from a bunch on immature guys driving by.  
You’d think they’d have something better to do with their time. 

The car came up beside me.  I tried to ignore it.  Ignoring was my best
defense.  Once in a while it actually worked.  I continued walking.  
The horn honked again.  I jumped, but continued to walk. 

“Heidi!  Stop!”  I stopped and looked at the car for the first time.  It
was Jody.  “Do you want a ride.”  I could see Clark sitting behind the 
wheel. 

“Oh...uh...Sure.”  I climbed into the back seat.  “Thanks Clark.”  I
said. 

He turned around and smiled at me.  “No problem.  Why didn’t you stop
when we first honked?” 

“I didn’t know who was honking.”  I looked at Jody.  She would
understand. 

“Yeah,”  said Clark.  “I guess you didn’t know what my car looked like. 
Well,”  he said, still smiling.  “I guess it’s on to school.  Everyone 
ready for a great day!” 

Jody and I both groaned.  We all started laughing as Clark pulled away
from the curb.  Clark was a nice guy.  I liked him.  I hoped he would 
treat Jody well.  Somehow, I thought he would. 

We arrived at school.  Clark dropped Jody and I in front of the Student
Union Building where the lockers were located.  “I’ll see you later, 
Jody.  Bye Heidi.”  Jody waved has he sped away to find a parking spot 
in the over-crowded parking lot. 

As we were walking to our locker, Jody remarked.  Nice outfit.  Is that
one you picked out yesterday?” 

“Yeah.  Does it look okay?”  I wanted an honest answer.  “It doesn’t
make me look silly does it?” 

“It looks great.  Why are you worrying?”  We had arrived at our locker. 
I was trying to open the lock.  It always takes at least two tries to 
get the combination just right.  It must be a law. 

“I don’t know.  I feel like people will think I’m trying to be something
I’m not.”  I finally got the locker open and was gathering my books for 
my first classes. 

“What do you think you’re not?”  Okay, that didn’t make much sense, but
I knew what she meant. 

I thought for a moment.  “I guess I’m not pretty so I feel ridiculous if
I try to look pretty.  In a way, I feel like a pauper pretending to be 
a princess.” 

Jody just shook her head.  “Exactly what do you think you look like?” 

“What?” 

“You heard me.  What do you think you look like?” 

“You know what I look like.” 

“That’s not what I asked.  What do you think you look like?” 

“Jody, come on.”  This simple question was upsetting me.  Why couldn’t I
answer her? 

“I’ll tell you what.  You think about it for awhile.”  She took her
books from the locker.  “While your at it.  Why not be a princess today 
– or at least act like one.” 

“What do you mean?” 

“Hold your head up high.  Look at people in the eyes.  Be what you want
to be not what you think others expect you to be.”  She hugged me.  “I 
know what you look like.  You’re beautiful inside and out.” 

“Thanks.”  What else could I say.  I didn’t believe it, but it was still
nice to hear. 

“Hey!”  She said as she let me go.  “Did you talk to Aaron about the
prom last night.  He asked for your parents phone number, I hope it was 
okay that I gave it to him.” 

“Yes, it was fine.”  Here was my opportunity to finally get Jody off
this prom idea.  “I did talk to him.  It was a misunderstanding, just 
like I thought it was.” 

“Ah, are you positive?  Clark was so sure it wasn’t a misunderstanding.”


“I’m sure.  Let’s just forget it.  It’s fine.”  I tried to reassure her
that my feelings weren’t hurt.  “We did talk for awhile, though.  He 
talked me into watching basketball practice tonight.  Are you going to 
be there?”  As if I didn’t know. 

“I am.  It’ll be more fun with you there, though.  I don’t actually go
to watch the practice.  I just go to watch Clark.” 

“No kidding.”  I said sarcastically.  She just laughed.  “Aaron’s going
to take me home.  He seems to want to talk to me about something.  I 
guess he’s tired of my avoiding him so he invited himself to my house.” 
Not exactly what happened, but close enough. 

“Yeah, and I’ll bet he had to twist your arm.” 

“Well, just a little.”  He both giggled and went off to our separate
classes. 

On my way to class I decided to do what Jody had suggested.  I held my
head up.  I looked people in the eyes.  I even smiled.  I was proud.  I 
walked like I had every right to be where I was.  This was my school 
just as it was Aaron’s or Jody’s or David’s or even Kyle’s.  I was 
surprised at the looks I got.  People would actually smile back at me.  
Some would even nod hello.  They weren’t avoiding me like being fat was 
catching.  They weren’t laughing or taunting.  They were acknowledging 
my existence.  My rightful existence.  At that moment I didn’t feel 
less than my classmates.  I felt equal to them.  I also felt a bit 
phony, but I suspected it would take some time for me to get used to 
walking with my head held high.  After all, I was only  used to looking 
down when I walked to avoid eye contact. 

I was turning a corner when I ran into David, again.  Literally.  We
bumped into each other.  At least this time we didn’t go crashing to 
the ground and our book weren’t knocked out of our hands. 

“I’m so sorry.”  He said. 

“It’s okay.  It’s my fault, too.”  I laughed.  “We’ve got to stop
running into each other like this.”  So what if I was borrowing an old 
line. 

“I know.  I’m sorry.”  He started to duck past me, but I put my hand on
his arm and stopped him. 

“David, you don’t have to be sorry.  Not everything that happens is your
fault.  Sometimes stuff just happens.”  I let go of his arm.  He was so 
nice.  My heart went out to him.  “Aren’t you going to class?” 

“Yes, I’ll be there.”  He smiled.  I had never seen him smile before. 
He was beautiful.  “You look very nice today, Heidi.” 

“Thanks.  It nice to hear.”  I thought I’d take a little chance.  “You
should smile more often.  The girls would be all over you.” 

His smile faded and he looked down.   I didn’t mean to embarrass him. 
“Thanks.  I have to go.”  With that he started walking toward the 
office. 

I continued on to my science class and waited five more minutes for the
bell to ring.  Class started.  David was not in class that day. 

I spent much of the morning thinking about David.  I wondered what
happened to him.  I hoped I hadn’t said something to upset him.  I 
didn’t think I had.  He was in a hurry when we ran into each other.  He 
obviously had somewhere he needed to be.  I assumed he just got held 
up, but I wondered. 

The rest of the morning I spent thinking about Jody’s question.  What
did I think I looked like?  I knew what I looked like.  I didn’t know 
why Jody wanted me to describe myself to her.  She had eyes.  Still, 
for whatever reason, her question haunted me. 

My morning was interrupted when I received a message from Mr. James
during my fourth period French class.  He wanted to see me as soon as 
possible.  I was allowed to leave right then.  I collected my books and 
left. 

On my way to the office I saw David.  I doubt that he saw me.  He was
running across the campus from the direction of the office.  Though he 
was several feet away, he appeared to be terribly upset.  I wanted to 
run after him.  I wanted to make him stop and tell me what was wrong.  
I wanted to fix whatever was wrong, but how could I?  I stopped myself 
in mid-thought.  Here I was, making more out of a situation than there 
probably was.  He might not have been upset.  Perhaps he was just in a 
hurry, again. 

The one thing I couldn’t understand was why was he affecting me this
way?  I could only guess that it was because I was sympathetic to his 
situation in this school.  I liked him very much.  I didn’t want him to 
hurt.  I wanted to be his friend.  He seemed to need one even more than 
I did.  He seemed like a lost soul.  I wanted to help, but I didn’t run 
after him.  I was hardly in a position to rescue someone’s soul.  My 
soul was having it’s own issues.  I couldn’t get him out of my mind, 
though.  I decided I would try and talk to him again.  At least I could 
let him know that I could be there for him if he needed a friend. 

On I went to Mr. James’ office.  I knocked and heard the now familiar,
“come in.”  I opened the door and walked in. 

“Hello, Heidi!”  Mr. James greeted me.  “How are you doing?” 

“Fine, thanks.” 

“Good.”  He got up and walked around his desk and sat on the edge of it.
 “Have a seat.  I need to talk to you about Kyle.”   I sat down.  “I’ve 
spoken to the principal and Kyle’s teachers.  We can arranging his 
schedule so he’ll have first lunch period starting Monday.  That would 
certainly help you avoid him easier.” 

“I really appreciate that, Mr. James.  Thanks.” 

“We have one problem, though.”  It figures.  “We will have to tell Kyle
why his schedule is being changed.  I’m going to try to do it without 
involving you, but that won’t be easy.  Schedules are not changed for 
any reason.” 

“So what are you going to say?” 

“Well,”  He stood up and walked back around to his desk and sat down. 
“I’m just going to tell him that he is making one of the students 
unnecessarily uncomfortable.  In order to alleviate the distress of the 
other students, we are changing his lunch period.” 

“He’s going to know I am the other student.”  He would never leave me
alone after this. 

“Heidi, you are not the only student Kyle torments.  He has a history of
bullying that goes way back.  He may not know it’s you.” 

“He will.”  I simply said. 

“We have one other option.  We could change your lunch period instead. 
None of this was your fault, so I hate to disrupt your schedule, but if 
you agreed, it might easier.” 

“It would affect my fourth and fifth period classes?”  This would be
French and English. 

“Yes.” 

“No.  I won’t change my classes for Kyle.”  English class was the only
class I had with Aaron.  Besides, he was counting on me to help him 
with his report. 

“Are you sure?”  I think Mr. James was surprised that I didn’t agree to
change my classes. 

“I’m sure.  I have a project I’m working on in English with a partner. 
He’s counting on my help.  I’m not going to let him down be cause of 
Kyle.” 

“It’s your decision.  Do you still want us to change Kyle’s lunch
period?” 

I thought for a moment.  “I don’t know.  Maybe I can just deal with him
a little longer.  Is it possible to make sure I don’t have him in any 
classes or lunch next semester?” 

“Yes.  I’ll assign both your classes myself.  I’ll make sure you don’t
share any classes or the lunch period.” 

“I guess I’ll just try and avoid him for now then.  He might make it
worse for me if he thought I took him away from his lunch lackeys.” 

“This is your decision.”  He said again.  “I want you to be comfortable
with it.” 

“I wouldn’t say I was comfortable with it, but I’ll deal with it.”  I
was not happy, but what could I do?  I didn’t see any good options. 

“If you have any trouble, come to me.  We may not change his classes,
but we can certainly provide him with a private table in my office at 
lunch if he can’t behave civilly toward you or any of the other 
students.” 

“Okay.”  I started to get up to leave.  “Is that all you needed to talk
to me about?” 

“That’s it.  I’m sorry I wasn’t able to come up with a better option.” 

“It’s okay.  Thanks for trying.”   I started to leave.  Then I stopped. 
“Mr. James, I know this is not my business, but I saw David Reed as I 
was on my way over here.  He looked upset.  Is everything okay?” 

“Are you a friend of his?” 

“I’d like to be, but no, I guess you wouldn’t call us friends.” 

“I can’t really go into it with you.  It’s a private matter.  If he
wants to talk about it with you that will be his decision.  All I can 
tell you is that he could use some nonjudgmental friendship right about 
now.”  Mr. James looked sad. 

“Thanks.”  I walked to the door and opened it.  Before I left I turned
around and said.  “Mr. James, if you talk to David again, you can tell 
him I asked about him – that I was concerned.  I’m going to talk to him 
myself, too.” 

“That’s nice of you.  I will tell him.  You’d be good for each other.” 

As I left his office, I thought about what he said.  Mr. James was
probably right.  He could use a friend that understood what it was like 
to be labeled one of the lesser class.  I could, too.  Jody was great.  
I loved her, but she really couldn’t understand what it was like to be 
me.  French class was almost over so I just headed for my locker. 

******* 

Comments are welcome.  Thanks for reading.


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