The Real Story of St. Patrick. Adult A little different than expected. (standard:humor, 1006 words)
Author: Oscar A Rat	Added: Jul 09 2020	Views/Reads: 1229/917	Story vote: 0.00 (0 votes)
A lonely sheep herder brings Christianity to Ireland.

Click here to read the first 75 lines of the story

“Just tell him a wolf got them, that's all you gotta do. He trusts you,”
Raticus explained. 

“I gotta see her first.” 

A deal made, Raticus disappeared into the rocks -- where else? 

Late that afternoon, Patrick herded the sheep back to his little camp in
the wild and put them in a corral for the night. Going into a tent, he 
found a human girl about his age. She was naked under a sheepskin 
blanket, just lying there, smiling and wiggling ten pink little toes. 

“Come on in, boy.” She flipped back the sheepskin, motioning him in with
her. It took all of ten seconds for Patrick to comply. He didn't know 
what to do or how to do it, but was willing and able. Hands busy, 
Patrick didn't notice her pick up a book. It was a Bible. 

“Hey, that tickles.” she said with a giggle. “Cut it out. I've been sent
here by God and Raticus to teach you many things, including thhaaaat, 
ha, ha.” It did tickle. “Now pay attention. First you have to learn 
what the Bible says.” 

The girl stayed with Patrick all summer, teaching him many things and
making him memorize the Bible in order to earn his rewards. By the end 
of summer, Raticus had taken the entire herd of sheep -- two at a time. 
With the Bible finished and no more sheep to pay her, the girl left for 
home, taking half a herd with her. 

Not having any sheep left, Patrick didn't know what to do. How to tell
his boss. 

“Guess I better go back to England before the Irish hang me?” he told
himself. It was his only way out. So Patrick started out on a 
two-hundred-mile journey to the coast. Having many adventures, he made 
his way back to freedom in his native land. 

Being really, really versed in the words of the Lord, Patrick soon
earned the rank of Bishop in the Catholic Church. 

He couldn't forget that girl though, and finally went back to Ireland.
That time it was to look for his lover and, incidentally, convert the 
Irish to Christianity. 

He never did find the girl, but did find Raticus again. The Druid rat
taught Patrick a simple incantation to help him in his converting. 

“Just use this, Pat, and you can chase all the snakes and aardvarks out
of Eire,” helpful Raticus told the future Saint and accepted his 
payment in gold -- Patrick being wealthy by then. 

Patrick used the magic Druid incantation to impress his converts. Which
is why you never see snakes or aardvarks in Ireland anymore, but plenty 
of Christians. The few remaining Druids would rather it were the other 
way around.


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